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Anon investigates IKEA | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ISNLYTYS ) Ikea 09/12/21 (Sun)06:09:15 No.40716132 >Be Ikea >Charge $800 for s----- particle wood furniture that comes in 91 IKEA Home furnishings pieces >Buyer spends 2 hours putting it together themselves >Furniture will last 3 years tops if it doesn't collapse under its own 146 KB JPG weight. >Somehow convince the public that this is a better deal than buying a finished product made of real wood that will last them 2 lifetimes for the same price. >Be the reason this god awful furniture sales model seeps into mainstream American companies so everyone f------ does it now. F--- Ikea. How did they do it??
: Anonymous (ID: ISNLYTYS ) Ikea 09/12/21 (Sun)06:09:15 No.40716132 >Be Ikea >Charge $800 for s----- particle wood furniture that comes in 91 IKEA Home furnishings pieces >Buyer spends 2 hours putting it together themselves >Furniture will last 3 years tops if it doesn't collapse under its own 146 KB JPG weight. >Somehow convince the public that this is a better deal than buying a finished product made of real wood that will last them 2 lifetimes for the same price. >Be the reason this god awful furniture sales model seeps into mainstream American companies so everyone f------ does it now. F--- Ikea. How did they do it??

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Anon gives a sauce | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:36:46 No.852124792 >guy asks for sauce >l tell him the sauce >he replies "thanks gonna c-- buckets now" >tfw I helped a man c-- buckets Am I gay now? W-- was I thinking 161 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:49:23 No.852125580 >>852124792(OP) # Yes, you are gay now. Suck the c--- f-----.
:Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:36:46 No.852124792 >guy asks for sauce >l tell him the sauce >he replies "thanks gonna c-- buckets now" >tfw I helped a man c-- buckets Am I gay now? W-- was I thinking 161 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/15/21(Thu)13:49:23 No.852125580 >>852124792(OP) # Yes, you are gay now. Suck the c--- f-----.

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Anon encounters race dynamics in America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)10:08:36 No.868156612 >be me, new in America from a s------- country >learn in school about treating everyone equal and respecting everyone >very wholesome, never learned this before, I like it 75 KB JPG >there's a controversy in media and everyone's talking about it >white mom is big sad that popular music her kids are listening to promotes drugs, crime, foul language, mysogny >I completely agree with her >start listening to commentary on the whole scenario >everyone is angry at her for disrespecting black culture >wut??? Is that black culture??? >should we respect that music and teach our kids that's good? That was my first very confusing encounter of the weird dynamic America has with blacks where they just side with black over white no matter what.
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)10:08:36 No.868156612 >be me, new in America from a s------- country >learn in school about treating everyone equal and respecting everyone >very wholesome, never learned this before, I like it 75 KB JPG >there's a controversy in media and everyone's talking about it >white mom is big sad that popular music her kids are listening to promotes drugs, crime, foul language, mysogny >I completely agree with her >start listening to commentary on the whole scenario >everyone is angry at her for disrespecting black culture >wut??? Is that black culture??? >should we respect that music and teach our kids that's good? That was my first very confusing encounter of the weird dynamic America has with blacks where they just side with black over white no matter what.

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Oopsies, took the wrong truck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)15:03:03 No.864888372 Backfiring pranks thread >Be me >Walking to local cafe in the morning to grab a cup of coffee before I go to work > As I'm walking I notice a familiar truck with the ignition on and 31 KB JPG windows tinted > Recognise it as my friends truck >See him standing in front of the cafe >Decide to do a little trolling > Jump in his truck and start driving > Drive slowly near the cafe hoping he will notice me > Guy I've never seen before screams " HEY THATS MY TRUCK!!!!" > OH F--- > PANIC > Drive for about 5 minutes in stolen truck > Park it and leave keys in the glove compartment >Order an uber and when uber arrives i cancel the ride and offer to pay in cash so no evidence of ride > I called in sick to work It's been about a week and the guy found his truck but I think I'm gonna retire from pranks
: Anonymous 10/12/21(Tue)15:03:03 No.864888372 Backfiring pranks thread >Be me >Walking to local cafe in the morning to grab a cup of coffee before I go to work > As I'm walking I notice a familiar truck with the ignition on and 31 KB JPG windows tinted > Recognise it as my friends truck >See him standing in front of the cafe >Decide to do a little trolling > Jump in his truck and start driving > Drive slowly near the cafe hoping he will notice me > Guy I've never seen before screams " HEY THATS MY TRUCK!!!!" > OH F--- > PANIC > Drive for about 5 minutes in stolen truck > Park it and leave keys in the glove compartment >Order an uber and when uber arrives i cancel the ride and offer to pay in cash so no evidence of ride > I called in sick to work It's been about a week and the guy found his truck but I think I'm gonna retire from pranks

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Anon is pretty based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/27/20(Sun)10:30:29 No.144198802 >watching historical television and film >See a historical figure recast as a person of color >Immediately shut it off 7 KB PNG
: Anonymous 12/27/20(Sun)10:30:29 No.144198802 >watching historical television and film >See a historical figure recast as a person of color >Immediately shut it off 7 KB PNG

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Anon is a loser | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)07:31:41 No.868150800 >cope with lonely life by spending hours looking at memes every day >new meme drops >"me and the boys hurr durr" >can't relate because no friends >mfw even memes remind me I'm a 31 KB JPG loner
E Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)07:31:41 No.868150800 >cope with lonely life by spending hours looking at memes every day >new meme drops >"me and the boys hurr durr" >can't relate because no friends >mfw even memes remind me I'm a 31 KB JPG loner

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Better off Dead | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)09:13:51 No.66465219 >>66465118 (OP) # >be me >in uni >sit down to s--- >constipated >sit for a good 15 minutes >classes end >people come in >"hey man, what are you doing?" >"I'm waiting for a toilet but these guys are committing suicide or something!" >that's it, can't go out >wait another 15 minutes until classes have started >get out >never actually s---
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)09:13:51 No.66465219 >>66465118 (OP) # >be me >in uni >sit down to s--- >constipated >sit for a good 15 minutes >classes end >people come in >"hey man, what are you doing?" >"I'm waiting for a toilet but these guys are committing suicide or something!" >that's it, can't go out >wait another 15 minutes until classes have started >get out >never actually s---

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Anon is gonna be promoted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)20:22:52 No.66467571 >got drunk and accidentally texted a picture of my penis e---------- to my work WhatsApp group It's f------ over, I haven't even looked at the replies and people have been calling my phone 85 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)20:22:52 No.66467571 >got drunk and accidentally texted a picture of my penis e---------- to my work WhatsApp group It's f------ over, I haven't even looked at the replies and people have been calling my phone 85 KB JPG

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Anon has an weird uncle | /r/Greentext


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Anon returns to monke! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21 (Wed)19:35:16 No.62484247 >live alone and start to feel lonely >install vrchat and join some servers >all e-couples, whiney americans and furries >get really depressed cause it's all degen cliques 44 KB JPG >suddenly come across some other guys with monkey avatars >more people notice and start monkeying around >end up spending the night harassing e-couples with 4 other guys >leave not feeling so lonely 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/24/21 (Wed)19:35:16 No.62484247 >live alone and start to feel lonely >install vrchat and join some servers >all e-couples, whiney americans and furries >get really depressed cause it's all degen cliques 44 KB JPG >suddenly come across some other guys with monkey avatars >more people notice and start monkeying around >end up spending the night harassing e-couples with 4 other guys >leave not feeling so lonely 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon is thankful pt.1 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)14:43:25 No.787266055 alright /b/ros here's a story l've been meaning to share for a long time. I've only told this story to one person ever before >be me 18 KB PNG >21 years old >fresh uni grad, no plans for future >have a talent for learning languages >decide to enroll in a japanese language school in tokyo >manage to secure a placement, house, etc. with the money I had saved up from previous work >no friends in a new country >reading a book outside a konbini one summer night drinking cheap beer and smoking cigarettes >an older grandma starts chatting to me >asks what i was reading >end up talking to her about japanese literature and the authors i enjoy >see her outside that same 7/11 almost every evening after school and chat for +3 hours with each meeting for the next month >she always parts me with a homemade snack/ bento for the next day >slowly learn more about her >no kids, no husband, all relatives passed away >once married but after a miscarriage her husband left her >i open up about my own problems as well >she offers great advice each time >1 year passes >still see her on a weekly basis at our usual hangout >she goes to the library just take out easy to read japanese books (often kids books) which she will read to me and explain the different kanji >one night she tells me: "anon, you know i always wished i had a son, a son like you" >my grandparents from father's side were dead before i was born and my mother's parents were abusive alcoholics >tfw I never really knew what it was like to have a caring grandparent
: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)14:43:25 No.787266055 alright /b/ros here's a story l've been meaning to share for a long time. I've only told this story to one person ever before >be me 18 KB PNG >21 years old >fresh uni grad, no plans for future >have a talent for learning languages >decide to enroll in a japanese language school in tokyo >manage to secure a placement, house, etc. with the money I had saved up from previous work >no friends in a new country >reading a book outside a konbini one summer night drinking cheap beer and smoking cigarettes >an older grandma starts chatting to me >asks what i was reading >end up talking to her about japanese literature and the authors i enjoy >see her outside that same 7/11 almost every evening after school and chat for +3 hours with each meeting for the next month >she always parts me with a homemade snack/ bento for the next day >slowly learn more about her >no kids, no husband, all relatives passed away >once married but after a miscarriage her husband left her >i open up about my own problems as well >she offers great advice each time >1 year passes >still see her on a weekly basis at our usual hangout >she goes to the library just take out easy to read japanese books (often kids books) which she will read to me and explain the different kanji >one night she tells me: "anon, you know i always wished i had a son, a son like you" >my grandparents from father's side were dead before i was born and my mother's parents were abusive alcoholics >tfw I never really knew what it was like to have a caring grandparent

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Anon turned to his true self and want to go back. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Stupid s--- you said as a(...) 12/06/21(Mon)19:06:59 No.66456458 I'll start: >be me like 3 or 4 years ago >be like 15 or 16 at the time >my entire family was very leftist >started using discord, telegram and 4chan, I was really in the middle of my "National socialist" phase 8 KB JPG >be very secretive about all of this, tell literally no-on >occasionally my mom was suspicious of me because of this, she searched my devices a few times a year >i usually was able to tell when she was gonna search my stuff and I was able to delete any questionable stuff, this time she caught me off guard >she asked to see my phone and I refused, she asked why I seemwd so suspicious >i couldn't think of an excuse so I said I was gay and that I was nervous about being around her because of this, Im not gay though >she believed it Now, 3 years later everyone thinks I'm gay, what do I do /r9k/?
: Anonymous ITT: Stupid s--- you said as a(...) 12/06/21(Mon)19:06:59 No.66456458 I'll start: >be me like 3 or 4 years ago >be like 15 or 16 at the time >my entire family was very leftist >started using discord, telegram and 4chan, I was really in the middle of my "National socialist" phase 8 KB JPG >be very secretive about all of this, tell literally no-on >occasionally my mom was suspicious of me because of this, she searched my devices a few times a year >i usually was able to tell when she was gonna search my stuff and I was able to delete any questionable stuff, this time she caught me off guard >she asked to see my phone and I refused, she asked why I seemwd so suspicious >i couldn't think of an excuse so I said I was gay and that I was nervous about being around her because of this, Im not gay though >she believed it Now, 3 years later everyone thinks I'm gay, what do I do /r9k/?

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Anon is nostalgic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)09:40:00 No.868144832 >Be me >Decide to masturbate into a latex glove to minimize clean up >Feels good >Buy gloves in bulk and do this every time >5 years later >Out of gloves, masturbate 31 KB JPG anyways >Can't finish feels bad man
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)09:40:00 No.868144832 >Be me >Decide to masturbate into a latex glove to minimize clean up >Feels good >Buy gloves in bulk and do this every time >5 years later >Out of gloves, masturbate 31 KB JPG anyways >Can't finish feels bad man

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This one hits different, periodt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)17:59:59 No.64082919 >like girl at school >tell her she's bussin, bussin >smiles at me >says my drip is wet >ask her if she's fr 109 KB JPG >she breaks eye contact and says "yeah" >she wasnt fr at all it was f----- CAP honestly i hate women bros
: Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)17:59:59 No.64082919 >like girl at school >tell her she's bussin, bussin >smiles at me >says my drip is wet >ask her if she's fr 109 KB JPG >she breaks eye contact and says "yeah" >she wasnt fr at all it was f----- CAP honestly i hate women bros

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anon is forever horrified | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets an answer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)16:55:35 No.66463946 >christmas 2021 >pic related still isn't santa How? 371 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)16:56:52 No.66463953 >>66463946 (OP) # Santa supplies the goods, bean boy distributes the goods.
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)16:55:35 No.66463946 >christmas 2021 >pic related still isn't santa How? 371 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)16:56:52 No.66463953 >>66463946 (OP) # Santa supplies the goods, bean boy distributes the goods.

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anon's teacher is a pedo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/06/21(Mon)21:06:15 No.66459352 >be me, 6th grade >our class goes on week long field trip to canada >overall very fun time, bought a huge bag of gummy worms to share with my two friends I was rooming with >every room of kids had at least one adult chaperone, just to make sure we all went to bed at a decent time and do any stupid or inappropriate s--- >one of my other friends shared a room with these two 33 KB PNG guys, and the math teacher >everyone loved this teacher, except for me, I always felt there was something "off" about him >ff to 6th grade graduation, there's a picture slideshow of all the fun things we did as a class, from the 6th grade "camping trip" on school grounds to a bunch of us chasing after a toy plane on parlee beach >cue a set of pictures of my friend and his roommates all fast asleep, in their underwear >looked like their blankets were intentionally pulled off for these pictures >kids were all laughing because "haha underwear funny!!!!!!" >just remembered this a few hours ago, almost 10 years later
: Anonymous 12/06/21(Mon)21:06:15 No.66459352 >be me, 6th grade >our class goes on week long field trip to canada >overall very fun time, bought a huge bag of gummy worms to share with my two friends I was rooming with >every room of kids had at least one adult chaperone, just to make sure we all went to bed at a decent time and do any stupid or inappropriate s--- >one of my other friends shared a room with these two 33 KB PNG guys, and the math teacher >everyone loved this teacher, except for me, I always felt there was something "off" about him >ff to 6th grade graduation, there's a picture slideshow of all the fun things we did as a class, from the 6th grade "camping trip" on school grounds to a bunch of us chasing after a toy plane on parlee beach >cue a set of pictures of my friend and his roommates all fast asleep, in their underwear >looked like their blankets were intentionally pulled off for these pictures >kids were all laughing because "haha underwear funny!!!!!!" >just remembered this a few hours ago, almost 10 years later

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Karma strikes anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)19:15:44 No.66464982 >f--- around with girl, flirting with her on snapchat >she has a boyfriend but i'm too horny to care >send d--- pics, she says i'm a lot bigger than her bf, also hotter >get nudes from her 151 KB JPG >fap to her nudes >immediately feel a sense of regret and disgust >coindidentally, all the other girls i was talking to (around 5 of them) ghosted me >it's been weeks and none of them have responded to me this is bad karma striking me i understand i deserve this karma is very real don't f--- around with women in relationships, it's not worth it
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)19:15:44 No.66464982 >f--- around with girl, flirting with her on snapchat >she has a boyfriend but i'm too horny to care >send d--- pics, she says i'm a lot bigger than her bf, also hotter >get nudes from her 151 KB JPG >fap to her nudes >immediately feel a sense of regret and disgust >coindidentally, all the other girls i was talking to (around 5 of them) ghosted me >it's been weeks and none of them have responded to me this is bad karma striking me i understand i deserve this karma is very real don't f--- around with women in relationships, it's not worth it

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Anon confuses covid with stonks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: xdLqHNPL) E HAPPENING: OMICRON DEATHS EXPL(...) 12/07/21(Tue)04:09:59 No.351014745 Daily new confirmed COVID-19 deaths 7-day rolling average. Due to limited testing and challenges in the attribution of the cause of death, confirmed deaths can be lower than the true number of deaths. Our W in Da LINEAR LOG 14,000 12,000 10.000 8,000 World 6,000 4,000 2,000 Dec 13, 2020 Feb 24, 2021 Apr 15, 2021 Jun 4, 2021 Jul 24, 2021 Sep 12, 2021 Dec 5, 2021 1618738581854.png 81 KB PNG 2 BILLION NPC DEATHS INCOMING : Anonymous (ID: ZBA610GF I 12/07/21(Tue)04:12:04 No.351014979 >>351014745 (OP)_# >using stock market theory to predict deaths from a virus lol >>351015756 # >>351015913 # >>351017012 # >>351017883 # >>351019646 # >>351028800 # >>351030221 # >>351034281 # >>351036614 # >>351038898 #
: Anonymous (ID: xdLqHNPL) E HAPPENING: OMICRON DEATHS EXPL(...) 12/07/21(Tue)04:09:59 No.351014745 Daily new confirmed COVID-19 deaths 7-day rolling average. Due to limited testing and challenges in the attribution of the cause of death, confirmed deaths can be lower than the true number of deaths. Our W in Da LINEAR LOG 14,000 12,000 10.000 8,000 World 6,000 4,000 2,000 Dec 13, 2020 Feb 24, 2021 Apr 15, 2021 Jun 4, 2021 Jul 24, 2021 Sep 12, 2021 Dec 5, 2021 1618738581854.png 81 KB PNG 2 BILLION NPC DEATHS INCOMING : Anonymous (ID: ZBA610GF I 12/07/21(Tue)04:12:04 No.351014979 >>351014745 (OP)_# >using stock market theory to predict deaths from a virus lol >>351015756 # >>351015913 # >>351017012 # >>351017883 # >>351019646 # >>351028800 # >>351030221 # >>351034281 # >>351036614 # >>351038898 #

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Anon is gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/06/21(Mon)19:05:53 No.868128022 >Go on omegle, pretend to be F >Get guys to do s--- like put markers in their butt and c-- in their mouth >Enjoy it I'm just teasing ya Am I gay? 193 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/06/21(Mon)19:05:53 No.868128022 >Go on omegle, pretend to be F >Get guys to do s--- like put markers in their butt and c-- in their mouth >Enjoy it I'm just teasing ya Am I gay? 193 KB JPG

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