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Anon is haram | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No. 49384163 (3 m) >be me >have one shot at life >born gay in iran mfw PNG
Anonymous No. 49384163 (3 m) >be me >have one shot at life >born gay in iran mfw PNG

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Anon is finally free | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)10:26:00 No.66518739 >go to sleep >night hot af but decide to not turn on the air conditioner >sleep horny >have a lucid dream that had nothing to do with sex I just woke up all numb in my joints and lost all urges to j------- or watch p---... 60 KB JPG It's been almost an entire day and had not a single dirty thought nor had the urge to j------- or watch p---. Am I finally cured?
: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)10:26:00 No.66518739 >go to sleep >night hot af but decide to not turn on the air conditioner >sleep horny >have a lucid dream that had nothing to do with sex I just woke up all numb in my joints and lost all urges to j------- or watch p---... 60 KB JPG It's been almost an entire day and had not a single dirty thought nor had the urge to j------- or watch p---. Am I finally cured?

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Chickens :) | /r/Greentext


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Anon offers a pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)06:45:27 No.86839844- >men have d---- so they know how to please them >men's asses are tighter then a womens AND IF YOUR DAD IS GIVING YOU PROBLEMS JUST R--- HIM p---- >men make more money S---, THAT'S WHAT AM GONNA DO >men are smarter >men often will put out more then women >men can stimulate your anus too >men look cuter then women when dressing like one 72 KB PNG Why tf havent you taken the gay pill yet anon?
: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)06:45:27 No.86839844- >men have d---- so they know how to please them >men's asses are tighter then a womens AND IF YOUR DAD IS GIVING YOU PROBLEMS JUST R--- HIM p---- >men make more money S---, THAT'S WHAT AM GONNA DO >men are smarter >men often will put out more then women >men can stimulate your anus too >men look cuter then women when dressing like one 72 KB PNG Why tf havent you taken the gay pill yet anon?

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Thought this was pretty funny when I found it. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/19(Sun)22:43:13 No.795843410 >Be me >Named chad >Hellyess.png > Don't lose virginity upon birth >mfw beta f-- for life 119 KB JPG imminent > mfw it was all a lie
: Anonymous 03/24/19(Sun)22:43:13 No.795843410 >Be me >Named chad >Hellyess.png > Don't lose virginity upon birth >mfw beta f-- for life 119 KB JPG imminent > mfw it was all a lie

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Anon is a psychopath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)10:39:24 No.66515522 >be me, 24 >on paper live good life >free country, w healthcare and opportunities >ok family, dad in jail for cp >wasnt abused tho 13 KB JPG >have good job, studying for better job >have beautiful long term GF with great family >struggled with some anxiety and depression in past but "no longer need to see psychologists" >however >constantly want to anally r--- gfs sister >walk past women and think "would r---" >fapped to pretty much every form of degeneracy you can think of >tried to quit p---, thoughts and feelings persist >hate govornment, anti establishment >cant talk to anyone about these feelings >struggle internally every day trying to control my intrusive, destructive thoughts >everyone around me thinks im "nice" and "kind" >everyone comes to me for help with fixing things, or life advice >people see me as "the dad" in friend groups We wont all make it. Once youre here youll never leave, only get better at the facade.
: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)10:39:24 No.66515522 >be me, 24 >on paper live good life >free country, w healthcare and opportunities >ok family, dad in jail for cp >wasnt abused tho 13 KB JPG >have good job, studying for better job >have beautiful long term GF with great family >struggled with some anxiety and depression in past but "no longer need to see psychologists" >however >constantly want to anally r--- gfs sister >walk past women and think "would r---" >fapped to pretty much every form of degeneracy you can think of >tried to quit p---, thoughts and feelings persist >hate govornment, anti establishment >cant talk to anyone about these feelings >struggle internally every day trying to control my intrusive, destructive thoughts >everyone around me thinks im "nice" and "kind" >everyone comes to me for help with fixing things, or life advice >people see me as "the dad" in friend groups We wont all make it. Once youre here youll never leave, only get better at the facade.

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Anon compares times | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)13:35:44 No.66516577 >Be 7th century autistic spaz >Always hang out with your father >Only enjoy smacking steel with a hammer and folding it for a 1000 times. >Invent katana 255 KB JPG >Local warlord gives you 4 wives, land, crib and a bag of gold so you can do you >All is well >Be 21st century autistic spaz >Father never around >Moma never around >Only enjoy smacking keyboard for 100k times >Get paid 60k and nothing else >Shooting happens I wonder why.
: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)13:35:44 No.66516577 >Be 7th century autistic spaz >Always hang out with your father >Only enjoy smacking steel with a hammer and folding it for a 1000 times. >Invent katana 255 KB JPG >Local warlord gives you 4 wives, land, crib and a bag of gold so you can do you >All is well >Be 21st century autistic spaz >Father never around >Moma never around >Only enjoy smacking keyboard for 100k times >Get paid 60k and nothing else >Shooting happens I wonder why.

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Suspension of disbelief | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)09:53:48 No.66517898 >Watching tv show called Mr Robot >About an anxious sperg Cyber Security consultant >Acts weird as f--- and can MR. ROBOT barely interact with others >Has sex in the first episode 245 KB JPG For f---- sake. Why does Hollywood do this s---? Any actual /r9k/ approved kinos?
: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)09:53:48 No.66517898 >Watching tv show called Mr Robot >About an anxious sperg Cyber Security consultant >Acts weird as f--- and can MR. ROBOT barely interact with others >Has sex in the first episode 245 KB JPG For f---- sake. Why does Hollywood do this s---? Any actual /r9k/ approved kinos?

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America in 2035 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)14:08:52 No.84697162 >America, 2035 >My brainchip awakes me as it releases my anti depressant smartmed™ into my bloodstream >My Amazon Alexa™ Homepod™ is broken per a failed update, I am late for breakfast TM 208 KB JPG >I dare not attempt fix the alarm as I could be accused of corporate espionage by the ethical- hacking© commission >As accrid dust from the sandstorms fill my lungs I croak "Cortana, what is the forecast for today?" >Cortana tells me that the drought will continue despite UN-BMG climate modification operations >Go to Starbuck™ feeding area, order some McDonalds maggot cubes from the vending machine, pay $¥1200 for 250ml of Nestlé™ springs nutriti water plus tip >Pay $¥12,000 to book my bed for tonight in the smartpod™ >As I finish my cubes, I hear dock Tesla bus docks to Mixed Building No. 2938 >Scan my vaccination tattoo, and rent my workspace for the day ($¥7550) to board the bus >rent my Zoom™ VR headset license for the day $¥4120 >Attend my mandatory company zoom meeting over VR, if I don't pay attention I can't get the code to leave clock out tonight >disembark the bus directly into my massive "open source workspace" full of people working for different employers >rent my Zoom™ VR workspace NFT, I am now working in virtual office TM TM | TM TM >An Ear-piercing alarm gets let me know it's lunch time, the UNM sustenance tube dispenses Amazon™ paste™ directly into my mouth >Finish shift, give mandatory blood samples >See a guy sitting outside of the office >must be a white supremacist, I rush back and call the Microsoft Protection Team who take him away for our safety >Scan my retina, blood samples, and take mandatory COVID-30 vaccination shot to unlock Airbnb™ living pod >friend lends a LaundryPass™ to Nikelean™ myself >Report her to the Airbnb™ DHS officer from PodLife™ for terrorism TM TM >Watch dozens of 5 second videos on tiktok™ >Its bedtime, the GoogleT™ neural implant puts me into the legal minimum definition of Nikesleep™ TM
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)14:08:52 No.84697162 >America, 2035 >My brainchip awakes me as it releases my anti depressant smartmed™ into my bloodstream >My Amazon Alexa™ Homepod™ is broken per a failed update, I am late for breakfast TM 208 KB JPG >I dare not attempt fix the alarm as I could be accused of corporate espionage by the ethical- hacking© commission >As accrid dust from the sandstorms fill my lungs I croak "Cortana, what is the forecast for today?" >Cortana tells me that the drought will continue despite UN-BMG climate modification operations >Go to Starbuck™ feeding area, order some McDonalds maggot cubes from the vending machine, pay $¥1200 for 250ml of Nestlé™ springs nutriti water plus tip >Pay $¥12,000 to book my bed for tonight in the smartpod™ >As I finish my cubes, I hear dock Tesla bus docks to Mixed Building No. 2938 >Scan my vaccination tattoo, and rent my workspace for the day ($¥7550) to board the bus >rent my Zoom™ VR headset license for the day $¥4120 >Attend my mandatory company zoom meeting over VR, if I don't pay attention I can't get the code to leave clock out tonight >disembark the bus directly into my massive "open source workspace" full of people working for different employers >rent my Zoom™ VR workspace NFT, I am now working in virtual office TM TM | TM TM >An Ear-piercing alarm gets let me know it's lunch time, the UNM sustenance tube dispenses Amazon™ paste™ directly into my mouth >Finish shift, give mandatory blood samples >See a guy sitting outside of the office >must be a white supremacist, I rush back and call the Microsoft Protection Team who take him away for our safety >Scan my retina, blood samples, and take mandatory COVID-30 vaccination shot to unlock Airbnb™ living pod >friend lends a LaundryPass™ to Nikelean™ myself >Report her to the Airbnb™ DHS officer from PodLife™ for terrorism TM TM >Watch dozens of 5 second videos on tiktok™ >Its bedtime, the GoogleT™ neural implant puts me into the legal minimum definition of Nikesleep™ TM

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Anon Observing a Lone Chicken Nugget in the Field | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/19/17(Tue)20:10:38 No.44010821 244010899 2244012365 2244014352 2244016525 2244016528 2244015646 2244018752 2244019941 File: 1513709705681.jpg (157 KB, 1200x800) RRA *O Anonymous 12/19/17(Tue)20:17:00 No.44010899 >44011045 >>44011410 >44011980 >44012365 >>44016957 >>44021026 >>44010821 > The lone chicken nugget stays perfectly still within the presence of two predators. Perhaps, it thinks, if it stays still long enough the hunters will forget about it >> Anonymous 12/19/17(Tue)22:37:18 No.44012365 >44012395 >>44015951 >>44010821 >>44010899 I legitimately wonder why a chicken nugget is left. >> O Anonymous 12/20/17(Wed)04:38:03 No.44015951 >>44017094 >>44012365 >go, tell your people what happened here
Anonymous 12/19/17(Tue)20:10:38 No.44010821 244010899 2244012365 2244014352 2244016525 2244016528 2244015646 2244018752 2244019941 File: 1513709705681.jpg (157 KB, 1200x800) RRA *O Anonymous 12/19/17(Tue)20:17:00 No.44010899 >44011045 >>44011410 >44011980 >44012365 >>44016957 >>44021026 >>44010821 > The lone chicken nugget stays perfectly still within the presence of two predators. Perhaps, it thinks, if it stays still long enough the hunters will forget about it >> Anonymous 12/19/17(Tue)22:37:18 No.44012365 >44012395 >>44015951 >>44010821 >>44010899 I legitimately wonder why a chicken nugget is left. >> O Anonymous 12/20/17(Wed)04:38:03 No.44015951 >>44017094 >>44012365 >go, tell your people what happened here

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Anon perseveres | /r/Greentext

>be me >be 17 >me and my mom were very close from a young age >my mom loved to cook and she taught me many of her recipies >while cooking one day, she collapses and starts coughing up 7 KB JPG blood >doctors say its lung cancer, as my mom was a huge smoker >still cook so i dont have to face the pain im going through as it was my way of escape >while doing homework, dad comes into my room >mom died >i break down at my table for a while and decide to become a cook for her as it was always her dream >my dad never liked me cooking, always thought of it as a f----- thing. even though i told him many times i was not gay >he was never happy with me becoming a chef >used to abuse me and insult me a lot, be came mentally unstable after my mom died >but i dont care about what he says and do hotel management and culinary courses >get my degree and dad doesnt look proud of me but i can tell he is on the inside >i work hard to start a restaurant >4 years later >i have an amazing bakery bar by the beach >look at the photo of my parents i have put up there >l-I-I-|-|-I keep on hopin' we'll eat cake by the ocean
>be me >be 17 >me and my mom were very close from a young age >my mom loved to cook and she taught me many of her recipies >while cooking one day, she collapses and starts coughing up 7 KB JPG blood >doctors say its lung cancer, as my mom was a huge smoker >still cook so i dont have to face the pain im going through as it was my way of escape >while doing homework, dad comes into my room >mom died >i break down at my table for a while and decide to become a cook for her as it was always her dream >my dad never liked me cooking, always thought of it as a f----- thing. even though i told him many times i was not gay >he was never happy with me becoming a chef >used to abuse me and insult me a lot, be came mentally unstable after my mom died >but i dont care about what he says and do hotel management and culinary courses >get my degree and dad doesnt look proud of me but i can tell he is on the inside >i work hard to start a restaurant >4 years later >i have an amazing bakery bar by the beach >look at the photo of my parents i have put up there >l-I-I-|-|-I keep on hopin' we'll eat cake by the ocean

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Anon hates women | /r/Greentext

IMG_20210908_161858.jpg| 108 KB JPG >be me >wake up >women still exists > day ruined
IMG_20210908_161858.jpg| 108 KB JPG >be me >wake up >women still exists > day ruined

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anon is fucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)11:31:25 No.66516264 >sister walked in on me in the bathroom while i was jerking it >shirtless >sitting the wrong way on the toilet >wearing headphone and watching p--- 25 KB JPG >using fleshlight >whole family is conservative
: Anonymous 12/11/21(Sat)11:31:25 No.66516264 >sister walked in on me in the bathroom while i was jerking it >shirtless >sitting the wrong way on the toilet >wearing headphone and watching p--- 25 KB JPG >using fleshlight >whole family is conservative

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Goddamn sweden | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/20(Sat)21:36:09 No.59475320 >on a Swedish cruise ship >l have to s--- really badly >take a nice huge dump and try to flush the toilet >toilet's broken >no matter how hard I try, the s--- won't flufh 360 KB PNG >go find a cleaning lady >l don't speak Swedish, she doesn't speak English >grab her hand and pull her to a man's toilet >point at the giant s--- you took >the only word I know in Swedish is "titta" ("look") >s--- flushes normally >mfw
: Anonymous 08/08/20(Sat)21:36:09 No.59475320 >on a Swedish cruise ship >l have to s--- really badly >take a nice huge dump and try to flush the toilet >toilet's broken >no matter how hard I try, the s--- won't flufh 360 KB PNG >go find a cleaning lady >l don't speak Swedish, she doesn't speak English >grab her hand and pull her to a man's toilet >point at the giant s--- you took >the only word I know in Swedish is "titta" ("look") >s--- flushes normally >mfw

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Anon is 15 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are
: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are

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old but gold. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)08:34:00 No.36887885 >be american BORN TO >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ FEEL 14 KB JPG >be european >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all
: Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)08:34:00 No.36887885 >be american BORN TO >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ FEEL 14 KB JPG >be european >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all

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Med School shenanigans | /r/Greentext

>Be me yesterday >3rd year in Med School >Working in Trauma Bay, 1am tired as s--- >Call comes in from EMS, 16 year old male, stroke symptoms >N---- w-- 16 year olds don't get strokes >Kid comes in, clearly stroking out, Radiology takes him away for scans and s--- >Meanwhile, I get sent to talk to parents to find out what happened >Stand awkwardly and pat backs to try and console them >Not f------ working >Eventually calm down and I ask them when they noticed the stroke to establish timeline >Tums out the mom was awoken at night by autistic moaning coming from son's room. She goes in, finds him having a stroke at his computer WITH HIS F------ D--- IN HIS HAND >Theydidntpreparemeforthisshit.exe >Take the rest of the history, hurry to operating room to tell the doctor >They're in the middle of the scan >They found an AVM in his brain (malformed, weak blood vessels present at birth) >Start seeing all the clues come together like a TV show >The kid was born with some weak vessels in his brain >Over the years, its been slowly getting weaker >Finally, when this kid was jacking off, the spike in blood pressure from c------ blew it the f--- up >Mfw he literally had a mind blowing orgasm >Mfw he died this evening I'll never forget you Stroke Stroker kid.
>Be me yesterday >3rd year in Med School >Working in Trauma Bay, 1am tired as s--- >Call comes in from EMS, 16 year old male, stroke symptoms >N---- w-- 16 year olds don't get strokes >Kid comes in, clearly stroking out, Radiology takes him away for scans and s--- >Meanwhile, I get sent to talk to parents to find out what happened >Stand awkwardly and pat backs to try and console them >Not f------ working >Eventually calm down and I ask them when they noticed the stroke to establish timeline >Tums out the mom was awoken at night by autistic moaning coming from son's room. She goes in, finds him having a stroke at his computer WITH HIS F------ D--- IN HIS HAND >Theydidntpreparemeforthisshit.exe >Take the rest of the history, hurry to operating room to tell the doctor >They're in the middle of the scan >They found an AVM in his brain (malformed, weak blood vessels present at birth) >Start seeing all the clues come together like a TV show >The kid was born with some weak vessels in his brain >Over the years, its been slowly getting weaker >Finally, when this kid was jacking off, the spike in blood pressure from c------ blew it the f--- up >Mfw he literally had a mind blowing orgasm >Mfw he died this evening I'll never forget you Stroke Stroker kid.

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Hornlets btfo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)21:11:09 No.66512461 >spoke to someone from Uganda today >They were telling me about all the nice places >get to mentioning safaris and the rhinos 21 KB JPG >tell me the ones they have to avoid most are the ones on their own >reason being that they lost a fight and have been outcasted from the group >literally been removed from their society and have no chance of mating Incel Rhinos take out their anger on others because their life has become hopeless purely because they lost a fight. Think about the times you lost a game and won in a rematch. They literally got made a loner because they lost one try.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)21:11:09 No.66512461 >spoke to someone from Uganda today >They were telling me about all the nice places >get to mentioning safaris and the rhinos 21 KB JPG >tell me the ones they have to avoid most are the ones on their own >reason being that they lost a fight and have been outcasted from the group >literally been removed from their society and have no chance of mating Incel Rhinos take out their anger on others because their life has become hopeless purely because they lost a fight. Think about the times you lost a game and won in a rematch. They literally got made a loner because they lost one try.

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Anon is a mess | /r/Greentext

File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >i'm sticking my noodle in her when notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw
File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >i'm sticking my noodle in her when notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones
x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones

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