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Anon quenches his thirst | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)17:51:26 No.781496673 >Be me >Taking to friend >Says he f----- a Gatorade bottle and it felt really good >Decide to try it out later that day >D--- doesn't fit 154 KB PNG >idea.jpeg >Stick soft c--- in bottle and watch p--- until it's hard >When I achieved about a half chub I realized I f----- up >Try to pull out c--- but it was too late >Bottle squeezing my d--- with the force of 10 Ben Shapiros >On the ground writhing in pain >Bottle acting like a super c--- ring and keeping my d--- hard for over 10 minutes >Bust a fat nut in the gatorade bottle >Finally get my d--- out about a minute later Overall l'd rate the experience a 7/10 would do again.
: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)17:51:26 No.781496673 >Be me >Taking to friend >Says he f----- a Gatorade bottle and it felt really good >Decide to try it out later that day >D--- doesn't fit 154 KB PNG >idea.jpeg >Stick soft c--- in bottle and watch p--- until it's hard >When I achieved about a half chub I realized I f----- up >Try to pull out c--- but it was too late >Bottle squeezing my d--- with the force of 10 Ben Shapiros >On the ground writhing in pain >Bottle acting like a super c--- ring and keeping my d--- hard for over 10 minutes >Bust a fat nut in the gatorade bottle >Finally get my d--- out about a minute later Overall l'd rate the experience a 7/10 would do again.

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Me when the when | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster
: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster

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You've come to me with a new face. | /r/Greentext

e: beub jpg (138 KB, 1080x720) O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:10:58 No.33711472 >>33711584 >>33711619 Can I seduce scandinavian girls ? I wll go for holydays. Pic is me Thanks. O Anonymous File: foldert.png (670 KB, 1312x876) 11/24/14(Mon)19:19:34 No.33711808 33711842 33711891 Doesn't matter. You're in my folder now. Agerare Aa:ln: zert wi Ara er! Astadsn- Hsland : or! Arsa Aetde eilen8 At lor Cal Eruh Hur! el 1.da L E LA an e Caad n caradar s ir id s Che:14 Colk- na aracar Clk 2 Euntle eronda abt 2 al i LEIT raree er> r Gr lin u. lan arl n-in kvall ali 2.i ia il n in In Képab keDab French 7 French 8 French French Tunisian Irish Israel 2 Israel Italian 2 O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:21:50 No.33711902 > Anonymous EE 11/24/14(Mon)19:20:22 No.33711842 >>33711808 >>33711808 thats normal This is very unsettling. ifunny.co 圖 国 、園
e: beub jpg (138 KB, 1080x720) O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:10:58 No.33711472 >>33711584 >>33711619 Can I seduce scandinavian girls ? I wll go for holydays. Pic is me Thanks. O Anonymous File: foldert.png (670 KB, 1312x876) 11/24/14(Mon)19:19:34 No.33711808 33711842 33711891 Doesn't matter. You're in my folder now. Agerare Aa:ln: zert wi Ara er! Astadsn- Hsland : or! Arsa Aetde eilen8 At lor Cal Eruh Hur! el 1.da L E LA an e Caad n caradar s ir id s Che:14 Colk- na aracar Clk 2 Euntle eronda abt 2 al i LEIT raree er> r Gr lin u. lan arl n-in kvall ali 2.i ia il n in In Képab keDab French 7 French 8 French French Tunisian Irish Israel 2 Israel Italian 2 O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:21:50 No.33711902 > Anonymous EE 11/24/14(Mon)19:20:22 No.33711842 >>33711808 >>33711808 thats normal This is very unsettling. ifunny.co 圖 国 、園

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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Anon gets his revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)03:22:57 No.66580159 >be me >hold a grudge against the loser who stole my crush >f----- goes to another college so never had the chance to get revenge >follow him on insta with a fake 7 KB JPG account to keep tabs on him >be today >loser posts a story saying he's staying away from social media to avoid spiderman spoilers as much as possible and is looking to buy tickets from someone who got them earlier even if they are expensive >he also posts a s-- story about how his dead father took him to see all three original movies so this is his way of reconnecting with him >realize this is very likely a reddit f----- who gets emotional with children movies >idea.jpg >read all the spider man spoilers >message him saying I have tickets for sale >dude instantly replies >proceed to spam him spoilers so he can't avoid them >f----- starts calling me an a------ p------------ and all that >can't even see him but pretty sure he's crying With great power comes great responsibility, anons
: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)03:22:57 No.66580159 >be me >hold a grudge against the loser who stole my crush >f----- goes to another college so never had the chance to get revenge >follow him on insta with a fake 7 KB JPG account to keep tabs on him >be today >loser posts a story saying he's staying away from social media to avoid spiderman spoilers as much as possible and is looking to buy tickets from someone who got them earlier even if they are expensive >he also posts a s-- story about how his dead father took him to see all three original movies so this is his way of reconnecting with him >realize this is very likely a reddit f----- who gets emotional with children movies >idea.jpg >read all the spider man spoilers >message him saying I have tickets for sale >dude instantly replies >proceed to spam him spoilers so he can't avoid them >f----- starts calling me an a------ p------------ and all that >can't even see him but pretty sure he's crying With great power comes great responsibility, anons

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Anon Sneezes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)02:30:46 No.2237410 >live alone >random afternoon >about to sneeze >nuclearblast.mp3 >that felt good ngl >phone rings >pick it up >"bless you" >mysterio hangs up the phone >tfw
Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)02:30:46 No.2237410 >live alone >random afternoon >about to sneeze >nuclearblast.mp3 >that felt good ngl >phone rings >pick it up >"bless you" >mysterio hangs up the phone >tfw

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Anon designs a Saw trap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 ITT:We design Saw traps >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb 10 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 ITT:We design Saw traps >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb 10 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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this one is wild | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.627025189 16 minutes ago Got a story for ya. I'm not good at writing so bear with me. Ceci nest pas une pen >A girl I knew in school was a total attention w----. >Never arrived to class on time and always made sure to make a huge fuss about it. >Didn't talk to her all that much but I did have a few conversations with her >Her wrists had cuts and burns all over them, she wore t shirts so she never hid them >l asked her why she was hurting herself like that >She said "No one loves me and my life is painful" etc etc >"No one loves you?" What about your parents or your boyfriend? >Answer she gave me was something like "They don't really love me" or some s--- >Made a point not to interact with her too much after that, because she's an attention w---- >End of the school year she came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere with her that Sunday >I'm not good with these situations so l couldn't say no even though I didn't like her >Sunday came and we went to the top of one of those tower car parks >Just as we got to the top she told me that she wanted me to be here as a witness to her suicide >Oh s---, I thought, she was going to jump and she was going to force me to watch >Had I known she was going to do this s--- i would never have gone with her >Not watching uniess you do a flip, I said that to try and shock her into realizing this was stupid >Complete shock was written all over her face. She had thought l'd try to stop her >Ehh?! A-aren't you going to try to stop me? >Nah, go ahead. If you really wanted to live you'd stop yourself. >After a while she got down off the edge She walked up to me afterwards and tried to hug me with tears in her eyes but I told her I loved someone else. She asked me who and I told her to read the first letter of every line. 3 replies
Anonymous No.627025189 16 minutes ago Got a story for ya. I'm not good at writing so bear with me. Ceci nest pas une pen >A girl I knew in school was a total attention w----. >Never arrived to class on time and always made sure to make a huge fuss about it. >Didn't talk to her all that much but I did have a few conversations with her >Her wrists had cuts and burns all over them, she wore t shirts so she never hid them >l asked her why she was hurting herself like that >She said "No one loves me and my life is painful" etc etc >"No one loves you?" What about your parents or your boyfriend? >Answer she gave me was something like "They don't really love me" or some s--- >Made a point not to interact with her too much after that, because she's an attention w---- >End of the school year she came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go somewhere with her that Sunday >I'm not good with these situations so l couldn't say no even though I didn't like her >Sunday came and we went to the top of one of those tower car parks >Just as we got to the top she told me that she wanted me to be here as a witness to her suicide >Oh s---, I thought, she was going to jump and she was going to force me to watch >Had I known she was going to do this s--- i would never have gone with her >Not watching uniess you do a flip, I said that to try and shock her into realizing this was stupid >Complete shock was written all over her face. She had thought l'd try to stop her >Ehh?! A-aren't you going to try to stop me? >Nah, go ahead. If you really wanted to live you'd stop yourself. >After a while she got down off the edge She walked up to me afterwards and tried to hug me with tears in her eyes but I told her I loved someone else. She asked me who and I told her to read the first letter of every line. 3 replies

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Anon meets "that guy" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread

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Anon looks like a gay Neanderthal | /r/Greentext


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Anon is original | /r/Greentext


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Anon prefers the old fashion way | /r/Greentext

>had sex with my bf last night >sort of >he's very against "sluts" >thinks women should be virgins bla bla >so whatever i lied >anyway he was the worst lay i 8 KB JPG ever had in my life >d--- was small yes but i've had small guys who made up for it in other ways >he f----- me for about 20 minutes >on and off because he didn't have stamina and needed to rest a bunch >it became clear he wasn't going to come from intercourse >told him to just j------- >so he grabs his c--- ridiculously tight like he was trying to strangle it >shouts "mommy" as he comes >mfw
>had sex with my bf last night >sort of >he's very against "sluts" >thinks women should be virgins bla bla >so whatever i lied >anyway he was the worst lay i 8 KB JPG ever had in my life >d--- was small yes but i've had small guys who made up for it in other ways >he f----- me for about 20 minutes >on and off because he didn't have stamina and needed to rest a bunch >it became clear he wasn't going to come from intercourse >told him to just j------- >so he grabs his c--- ridiculously tight like he was trying to strangle it >shouts "mommy" as he comes >mfw

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Anon got famous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)23:28:08 No.66580231 >there are pictures of my cross dressing on imagefap from 8 years ago >people have captioned them Oh no no no people are literally editing and fapping to me when I was a barely legal trap bros and somehow I'm still a virgin 151 KB PNG 13 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)00:02:57 No.66580633 >>66580231 (OP) # Post them you virgin f--- >>66580698 # >>66580861 #
: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)23:28:08 No.66580231 >there are pictures of my cross dressing on imagefap from 8 years ago >people have captioned them Oh no no no people are literally editing and fapping to me when I was a barely legal trap bros and somehow I'm still a virgin 151 KB PNG 13 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)00:02:57 No.66580633 >>66580231 (OP) # Post them you virgin f--- >>66580698 # >>66580861 #

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Christians don’t like Anon | /r/Greentext

>go to 4chan >vile p----, degeneracy, and some randomness >post my disdain for christianity >get roasted >staunch defenders of christianity tell me to accept jesus 100 KB JPG I really didn't expect to find defenders of christianity amidst vile p---- /b/, explain yourselves.
>go to 4chan >vile p----, degeneracy, and some randomness >post my disdain for christianity >get roasted >staunch defenders of christianity tell me to accept jesus 100 KB JPG I really didn't expect to find defenders of christianity amidst vile p---- /b/, explain yourselves.

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Anon has a good sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)06:33:14 No.25485248 >dropped out of uni >lost my job >don't even have a driving license >parents literally had enough of my s--- and kicked me out >no money to pay rent or do anything >literally only person who took me in is my 6 KB JPG older sister >being forced to stay at her place without paying rent while she gives me driving lessons and helps me look for work and new uni courses to apply to I think I've officially hit rock bottom. But on the plus side, it can only go up from here? Like if I really try my best, I'm sure to lift myself up, right? Should I just KMS? 13 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)06:33:14 No.25485248 >dropped out of uni >lost my job >don't even have a driving license >parents literally had enough of my s--- and kicked me out >no money to pay rent or do anything >literally only person who took me in is my 6 KB JPG older sister >being forced to stay at her place without paying rent while she gives me driving lessons and helps me look for work and new uni courses to apply to I think I've officially hit rock bottom. But on the plus side, it can only go up from here? Like if I really try my best, I'm sure to lift myself up, right? Should I just KMS? 13 Replies View Thread

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Anon discovers masturbation! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)01:46:12 No.767319186 Aight f--- i got one for you >be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating Erection in progress >ask dad what he dreams about >"hot girls, anon" >suddenly get erection for some reason >dont know what an erection is 15 KB JPG >go to bathroom to pee >rub my d--- by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out d--- and start rubbing it >orgasm >no c-- cause 5 >mom notices and screams "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what m----------- and erection are >mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents So hows it going /b/
: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)01:46:12 No.767319186 Aight f--- i got one for you >be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating Erection in progress >ask dad what he dreams about >"hot girls, anon" >suddenly get erection for some reason >dont know what an erection is 15 KB JPG >go to bathroom to pee >rub my d--- by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out d--- and start rubbing it >orgasm >no c-- cause 5 >mom notices and screams "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what m----------- and erection are >mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents So hows it going /b/

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Anon destroys his coworker | /r/Greentext

File: file.png (21 KB, 251x201) Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)09:23:11 No.47829822 >>47829862 >>47829884 >>47829907 >>47829939 >>47829951 >>47829956 >>47829960 >>47830118 >>47830125 >>47830163 >>47830168 >>47830182 >>47830452 >>47830501 >>47830536 >>47830601 >>47830697 >>47830737 >>47830847 >>47830857 >>47831328 >>47832066 >>47832229 >>47832302 >>47832353 >>47832354 >>47832513 >>47832696 >>47833199 >>47833530>>47833818>>47833850 >>47834179 >>47834587 >>47834632 >female coworker makes a joke at my expense about something I can't control (being bald) >l make a joke back about something she can control (being fat) >she goes home early and everybody is mad at me How was I the bad guy here? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)09:56:06 No.47830163 ► >>47830238 >>47829822 (OP) # What was her joke? And what did you answer? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)10:06:34 No.47830238 >>47830163 # >broke up with gf a few weeks ago (I ended it) >coworkers were talking about their exes (working with women is Hell) >>Anon, why don't you ever talk s--- about your ex? Didn't she break up with you because you were bald ha ha? >Ha ha, good one. Didn't you have a miscarriage because you're so fat?
File: file.png (21 KB, 251x201) Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)09:23:11 No.47829822 >>47829862 >>47829884 >>47829907 >>47829939 >>47829951 >>47829956 >>47829960 >>47830118 >>47830125 >>47830163 >>47830168 >>47830182 >>47830452 >>47830501 >>47830536 >>47830601 >>47830697 >>47830737 >>47830847 >>47830857 >>47831328 >>47832066 >>47832229 >>47832302 >>47832353 >>47832354 >>47832513 >>47832696 >>47833199 >>47833530>>47833818>>47833850 >>47834179 >>47834587 >>47834632 >female coworker makes a joke at my expense about something I can't control (being bald) >l make a joke back about something she can control (being fat) >she goes home early and everybody is mad at me How was I the bad guy here? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)09:56:06 No.47830163 ► >>47830238 >>47829822 (OP) # What was her joke? And what did you answer? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)10:06:34 No.47830238 >>47830163 # >broke up with gf a few weeks ago (I ended it) >coworkers were talking about their exes (working with women is Hell) >>Anon, why don't you ever talk s--- about your ex? Didn't she break up with you because you were bald ha ha? >Ha ha, good one. Didn't you have a miscarriage because you're so fat?

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Anon pranks his brother | /r/Greentext

>got my brother's spare key because we live a walking distance away >we buy the same kind of bread because that's the same one we had at home 85 KB JPG >he's a man of schedule, goes shopping the same day every week, he goes on the same walk at the same time of day every day >always hated how irregular my habits are >decide to be a s------- for no reason >get a bag of bread on the same day he's gone shopping >toast the entire thing and put it back in the bag >wait until it's time for brother's walk >take my bag of toast and sneak in with my keys >know where he keeps his bread, switch the bag of bread with the bag of toast >toast two slices of bread to make the whole house smell like toast >escape once they're done >make sure l left no mark in the house, touch nothing >make it to home, start gaming >25 minutes later I get a text "I don't know how or why you've done this but I will f------ end you."
>got my brother's spare key because we live a walking distance away >we buy the same kind of bread because that's the same one we had at home 85 KB JPG >he's a man of schedule, goes shopping the same day every week, he goes on the same walk at the same time of day every day >always hated how irregular my habits are >decide to be a s------- for no reason >get a bag of bread on the same day he's gone shopping >toast the entire thing and put it back in the bag >wait until it's time for brother's walk >take my bag of toast and sneak in with my keys >know where he keeps his bread, switch the bag of bread with the bag of toast >toast two slices of bread to make the whole house smell like toast >escape once they're done >make sure l left no mark in the house, touch nothing >make it to home, start gaming >25 minutes later I get a text "I don't know how or why you've done this but I will f------ end you."

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Anon is jealous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)21:49:41 No.868672225 > the year is 2028 > scrolling on yt > Mark Rober released a new video > "Glitter Bomb trap 13.0 insane edition" > This time its just a bomb that explodes when the package is opened > "I spent the past 10 years designing 20 KB JPG this blah blah blah" > close up shots of a thief right before their body is pulverized > "Get lost trash! he deserved to die because he stole my package" > everyone cheers, house of thief is completely destroyed, family is crying > "Dont forget to like and subscribe for more" > 5434 billions view
: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)21:49:41 No.868672225 > the year is 2028 > scrolling on yt > Mark Rober released a new video > "Glitter Bomb trap 13.0 insane edition" > This time its just a bomb that explodes when the package is opened > "I spent the past 10 years designing 20 KB JPG this blah blah blah" > close up shots of a thief right before their body is pulverized > "Get lost trash! he deserved to die because he stole my package" > everyone cheers, house of thief is completely destroyed, family is crying > "Dont forget to like and subscribe for more" > 5434 billions view

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Anon is magic | /r/Greentext

>be autist >have nothing to do >decide to cast a magic spell because you gotta try every so often in case you DO have those secret anime powers >read 7 is magic number 13 KB PNG >make text document called 77777777777777777777777777777777777 777777777.txt >write a bunch of names while chanting b------- >next day neighbor is found dead AMA
>be autist >have nothing to do >decide to cast a magic spell because you gotta try every so often in case you DO have those secret anime powers >read 7 is magic number 13 KB PNG >make text document called 77777777777777777777777777777777777 777777777.txt >write a bunch of names while chanting b------- >next day neighbor is found dead AMA

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