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Anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)08:48:47 No.66583387 >go on first dating app date >greet her with a hug she kind of half refuses and obviously didn't expect >date is actually quite fun regardless >don't get the feeling she's interested eventhough conversations flows really 75 KB JPG easy >tuch her occassionally when joking or guiding her away from incoming people behind us (we took a long walk in the park) >she doesn't reciprocate any touch >say goodbye and go for a hug since I figured she's not interested >she goes for a kiss instead >s--- turns kind of awkward >she texts me 30 minutes later >wants to meet up again >feel awkward ever since because of how the date ended Am I being autistic here?
: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)08:48:47 No.66583387 >go on first dating app date >greet her with a hug she kind of half refuses and obviously didn't expect >date is actually quite fun regardless >don't get the feeling she's interested eventhough conversations flows really 75 KB JPG easy >tuch her occassionally when joking or guiding her away from incoming people behind us (we took a long walk in the park) >she doesn't reciprocate any touch >say goodbye and go for a hug since I figured she's not interested >she goes for a kiss instead >s--- turns kind of awkward >she texts me 30 minutes later >wants to meet up again >feel awkward ever since because of how the date ended Am I being autistic here?

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Anon witnesses a girl getting obliterated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:01:37 No.853965943 >be me today >eating on the patio of a restaurant >waitress has another girl shadowing her with a name tag that says "Trainee" >2 middle age women get seated within earshot of me, blonde and brunette 12 KB JPG >same waitress and trainee take their order >hear them say something like "that's just not right" and "I can't believe that" after they order >trainee brings back the waters alone >blonde says "honey, I just wanna say, they should NOT be making you wear a name tag that says t-----" >brunette says "you look great honey that's no one else's business" >f------ burst out laughing so loud everyone turns and looks >trainee girl literally starts crying and runs off >mfw
: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:01:37 No.853965943 >be me today >eating on the patio of a restaurant >waitress has another girl shadowing her with a name tag that says "Trainee" >2 middle age women get seated within earshot of me, blonde and brunette 12 KB JPG >same waitress and trainee take their order >hear them say something like "that's just not right" and "I can't believe that" after they order >trainee brings back the waters alone >blonde says "honey, I just wanna say, they should NOT be making you wear a name tag that says t-----" >brunette says "you look great honey that's no one else's business" >f------ burst out laughing so loud everyone turns and looks >trainee girl literally starts crying and runs off >mfw

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Anon hooks up with a straight guy | /r/Greentext


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Anon reads me like a book | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)08:52:49 No.868718337 > be you > reddit n----- > come here looking for "GWEENTEXTUS" for that "SWEET SWEET WEDDIT КАНМА" 40 KB JPG > find this Go ahead. Post it, n-----. Let everyone know how worthless you are. This post will be what seal yourself in your own mind as a parasite of the internet. : Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)09:07:47 No.868718985 >>868719154 # : Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)09:08:46 No.868719029 >>868718337 (OP) # Epstein didn't kill himself add me in the screencap China is trash Xi is a homosexual Putin is a cowardly femboy 18 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)08:52:49 No.868718337 > be you > reddit n----- > come here looking for "GWEENTEXTUS" for that "SWEET SWEET WEDDIT КАНМА" 40 KB JPG > find this Go ahead. Post it, n-----. Let everyone know how worthless you are. This post will be what seal yourself in your own mind as a parasite of the internet. : Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)09:07:47 No.868718985 >>868719154 # : Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)09:08:46 No.868719029 >>868718337 (OP) # Epstein didn't kill himself add me in the screencap China is trash Xi is a homosexual Putin is a cowardly femboy 18 KB JPG

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Anon works at a club | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)16:05:21 No.776783830 Interesting stories? >work as barista at club >19yo eurofag, drinking age 18 here >150 people, big majority are underaged >theres this pipe in the ceiling that's like 7- 8 feet off the ground in one corner, a 234 KB JPG manlet can reach it >14-16yo druggie delinquents dancing like apes >one of them accidentally hits pipe >pipe disconnects from wall, hits another kid in the head >same kid turns around and punches first guy behind him >fight erupts, more idiots join in >shitstorm.mp4 >20 kids f------ fist fighting for a good 5 minutes, music stops >at one point they stop and realize the pipe started the brawl >they tell DJ everything is OK >music starts again, party continues >all of them continue dancing like nothing happened >mfw witnessing all that happen from behind the bar f------ slav parties man
: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)16:05:21 No.776783830 Interesting stories? >work as barista at club >19yo eurofag, drinking age 18 here >150 people, big majority are underaged >theres this pipe in the ceiling that's like 7- 8 feet off the ground in one corner, a 234 KB JPG manlet can reach it >14-16yo druggie delinquents dancing like apes >one of them accidentally hits pipe >pipe disconnects from wall, hits another kid in the head >same kid turns around and punches first guy behind him >fight erupts, more idiots join in >shitstorm.mp4 >20 kids f------ fist fighting for a good 5 minutes, music stops >at one point they stop and realize the pipe started the brawl >they tell DJ everything is OK >music starts again, party continues >all of them continue dancing like nothing happened >mfw witnessing all that happen from behind the bar f------ slav parties man

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Anon wins his argument | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/03/21(Fri)13:44:39 No.862361150 >be debating opponent >he brings up a very solid point that I was not ready for >everyone turns and looks at me >I smirk and look at him and the eyes >the room is silent 20 KB JPG > say "Well...I bet you must be fun at parties." >the crowd goes f------ a------
: Anonymous 09/03/21(Fri)13:44:39 No.862361150 >be debating opponent >he brings up a very solid point that I was not ready for >everyone turns and looks at me >I smirk and look at him and the eyes >the room is silent 20 KB JPG > say "Well...I bet you must be fun at parties." >the crowd goes f------ a------

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Shit's about to get real | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: us2jzvcj ) 12/16/21(Thu)14:22:25 No.44552633 >made 1 million in crypto >father tells me even if I showed him 100million, I would have achieved nothing in his eyes, because it could have been luck 236 KB PNG What motivates someone to be such an a------ to their son? Also whats the logic here? I am just confused : Anonymous (ID: (Zkb60um 12/16/21(Thu)14:23:41 No.44552652 >>44552633 (OP) # it's called jealousy. : Anonymous (ID: 1X1wFaso 12/16/21(Thu)14:25:18 No.44552676 IAre your parents supportive? Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)23:33:07 No.39728466 Quentin Tarantino says he doesn't support his mother financially as she once mocked Rmm4KSOO Reply >The director spoko about an occasion where he says his mother sided with his teachers and scolded him for writing screenplays when he was just 12 in an opisode of The Moment podcast. his film ambitions >The 58-year-old said his mother "was bitching at me about that. and then in the middle of her little tirade, she said, "Oh, and by the way, this little 'writing career,' with the finger quotes and everything. This little writing career' that you're doing? That s--- is over. VIEW 3 COMMENTS >Tarantino continued: "When she said that to me in that sarcastic way, I go, "OK, lady, when I become a successtul writer, you will never see penny one from my success, There will be no house for you. There's no vacation for you, no Elvis Cadilac for mommy. You get nothing. Because you sald that." >The director insisted he had not gone back on his word. "I helped her out with a jam with the IRS, But no house. No Cadilac, nothing. >There are consequences for your words as you deal with your children. Remember thero are consequences for your sarcastic tone about what's meaningful to them." 1633768998819.png 427 KB PNG >>44552633 (OP)_# You know the solution. >>44552909 # >>44553107 # >>44553129 # >>44554149 # >>44554226 # >>44554403 # >>44554996 # >>44555188 #
: Anonymous (ID: us2jzvcj ) 12/16/21(Thu)14:22:25 No.44552633 >made 1 million in crypto >father tells me even if I showed him 100million, I would have achieved nothing in his eyes, because it could have been luck 236 KB PNG What motivates someone to be such an a------ to their son? Also whats the logic here? I am just confused : Anonymous (ID: (Zkb60um 12/16/21(Thu)14:23:41 No.44552652 >>44552633 (OP) # it's called jealousy. : Anonymous (ID: 1X1wFaso 12/16/21(Thu)14:25:18 No.44552676 IAre your parents supportive? Anonymous 08/13/21(Fri)23:33:07 No.39728466 Quentin Tarantino says he doesn't support his mother financially as she once mocked Rmm4KSOO Reply >The director spoko about an occasion where he says his mother sided with his teachers and scolded him for writing screenplays when he was just 12 in an opisode of The Moment podcast. his film ambitions >The 58-year-old said his mother "was bitching at me about that. and then in the middle of her little tirade, she said, "Oh, and by the way, this little 'writing career,' with the finger quotes and everything. This little writing career' that you're doing? That s--- is over. VIEW 3 COMMENTS >Tarantino continued: "When she said that to me in that sarcastic way, I go, "OK, lady, when I become a successtul writer, you will never see penny one from my success, There will be no house for you. There's no vacation for you, no Elvis Cadilac for mommy. You get nothing. Because you sald that." >The director insisted he had not gone back on his word. "I helped her out with a jam with the IRS, But no house. No Cadilac, nothing. >There are consequences for your words as you deal with your children. Remember thero are consequences for your sarcastic tone about what's meaningful to them." 1633768998819.png 427 KB PNG >>44552633 (OP)_# You know the solution. >>44552909 # >>44553107 # >>44553129 # >>44554149 # >>44554226 # >>44554403 # >>44554996 # >>44555188 #

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Anon wants a haircut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)05:39:37 No.64690010 download-94.png 583 KB PNG what do i ask my barber to achieve this cut
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)05:39:37 No.64690010 download-94.png 583 KB PNG what do i ask my barber to achieve this cut

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Anon takes his medication | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >be me >28, live with wife >wake up in the morning to the smell of bacon and eggs >walk downstairs to greet my wife in the kitchen 65 KB PNG >she smiles at me >happiness >go over to medicine cabinet >hear my beautiful wife humming in the background >take my meds >2mg risperdal >turn to wife >she's gone >start cooking bacon and eggs
: Anonymous >be me >28, live with wife >wake up in the morning to the smell of bacon and eggs >walk downstairs to greet my wife in the kitchen 65 KB PNG >she smiles at me >happiness >go over to medicine cabinet >hear my beautiful wife humming in the background >take my meds >2mg risperdal >turn to wife >she's gone >start cooking bacon and eggs

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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Did my brother tried to kill m(...) 05/17/21 (Mon)12:58:57 No.63712176 > Be me working with brother on some stupid s--- > Brother is holding a 16 inches pipe wrench (pic related) > All of the blank he swings it really f------ quick at my head, but doesnt hit me, but he was centimeters away from 1.6 MB PNG doing so > I tell him that what the f---? > He says he was trying to scare away a fly Did my brother just tried to kill me? : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)13:15:10 No.63712346 >>63712176 (OP) # yes. kill him first >>63712518 # : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)13:15:46 No.63712355 >>63712176 (OP) # no. kill him first
: Anonymous Did my brother tried to kill m(...) 05/17/21 (Mon)12:58:57 No.63712176 > Be me working with brother on some stupid s--- > Brother is holding a 16 inches pipe wrench (pic related) > All of the blank he swings it really f------ quick at my head, but doesnt hit me, but he was centimeters away from 1.6 MB PNG doing so > I tell him that what the f---? > He says he was trying to scare away a fly Did my brother just tried to kill me? : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)13:15:10 No.63712346 >>63712176 (OP) # yes. kill him first >>63712518 # : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)13:15:46 No.63712355 >>63712176 (OP) # no. kill him first

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Anon has an existential crisis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)21:38:01 No.65121440 >why does something exist rather than nothing? >how does consious experience arise from chemical reactions? >how can you know that anything you experience is real? >nothing makes sense and there are no 29 KB JPG good answers >also you're going to die someday AHHHHHH SHUT THE F--- UP BRAIN I JUST WANT TO RELAX FOR 5 MINUTES
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)21:38:01 No.65121440 >why does something exist rather than nothing? >how does consious experience arise from chemical reactions? >how can you know that anything you experience is real? >nothing makes sense and there are no 29 KB JPG good answers >also you're going to die someday AHHHHHH SHUT THE F--- UP BRAIN I JUST WANT TO RELAX FOR 5 MINUTES

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Anon tells us about his son | /r/Greentext

shave 13 year old son No.38434810 26 minutes ago PNG 366.4 KiB 469x537 >be a father >have 13 year old son >l always knew he'd grow up to be a loser >he's a complete nerd, really into star wars >also claims he is a "fiction-kin" >mightbeautistic.gif >he says he identifies as the Force >not even Darth Vader or Luke, just the f------ Force >he has long hair >l order him to get a haircut (maybe he could get a gf or something if he didn't look like a damn hobo) >after twenty minutes he walks into the room, his hair still long as s--- >l ask him why he didn't get a haircut >"I like my hair, it's my choice dad!" >notthisshit.jpg >already an edgy rebel >his sister comes in >walks up to the little f----- >"I think his hair is cute!" >she caresses his head >mfw my 14-year-old daughter stroked an uncut force-kin
shave 13 year old son No.38434810 26 minutes ago PNG 366.4 KiB 469x537 >be a father >have 13 year old son >l always knew he'd grow up to be a loser >he's a complete nerd, really into star wars >also claims he is a "fiction-kin" >mightbeautistic.gif >he says he identifies as the Force >not even Darth Vader or Luke, just the f------ Force >he has long hair >l order him to get a haircut (maybe he could get a gf or something if he didn't look like a damn hobo) >after twenty minutes he walks into the room, his hair still long as s--- >l ask him why he didn't get a haircut >"I like my hair, it's my choice dad!" >notthisshit.jpg >already an edgy rebel >his sister comes in >walks up to the little f----- >"I think his hair is cute!" >she caresses his head >mfw my 14-year-old daughter stroked an uncut force-kin

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Anon has nothing to be ashamed of | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)21:12:56 No.854729013 >be me, loser living with parents >go out to hit the gym with a bro >halfway through, get a text from mom >"hey anon, i was looking for some movies and i found a folder named gigachad, why is it full with 6 KB JPG muscular men?" >ohshit.mp4 >mfw she now thinks i'm gay wat do
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)21:12:56 No.854729013 >be me, loser living with parents >go out to hit the gym with a bro >halfway through, get a text from mom >"hey anon, i was looking for some movies and i found a folder named gigachad, why is it full with 6 KB JPG muscular men?" >ohshit.mp4 >mfw she now thinks i'm gay wat do

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Anon quenches his thirst | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)17:51:26 No.781496673 >Be me >Taking to friend >Says he f----- a Gatorade bottle and it felt really good >Decide to try it out later that day >D--- doesn't fit 154 KB PNG >idea.jpeg >Stick soft c--- in bottle and watch p--- until it's hard >When I achieved about a half chub I realized I f----- up >Try to pull out c--- but it was too late >Bottle squeezing my d--- with the force of 10 Ben Shapiros >On the ground writhing in pain >Bottle acting like a super c--- ring and keeping my d--- hard for over 10 minutes >Bust a fat nut in the gatorade bottle >Finally get my d--- out about a minute later Overall l'd rate the experience a 7/10 would do again.
: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)17:51:26 No.781496673 >Be me >Taking to friend >Says he f----- a Gatorade bottle and it felt really good >Decide to try it out later that day >D--- doesn't fit 154 KB PNG >idea.jpeg >Stick soft c--- in bottle and watch p--- until it's hard >When I achieved about a half chub I realized I f----- up >Try to pull out c--- but it was too late >Bottle squeezing my d--- with the force of 10 Ben Shapiros >On the ground writhing in pain >Bottle acting like a super c--- ring and keeping my d--- hard for over 10 minutes >Bust a fat nut in the gatorade bottle >Finally get my d--- out about a minute later Overall l'd rate the experience a 7/10 would do again.

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Me when the when | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster
: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster

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You've come to me with a new face. | /r/Greentext

e: beub jpg (138 KB, 1080x720) O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:10:58 No.33711472 >>33711584 >>33711619 Can I seduce scandinavian girls ? I wll go for holydays. Pic is me Thanks. O Anonymous File: foldert.png (670 KB, 1312x876) 11/24/14(Mon)19:19:34 No.33711808 33711842 33711891 Doesn't matter. You're in my folder now. Agerare Aa:ln: zert wi Ara er! Astadsn- Hsland : or! Arsa Aetde eilen8 At lor Cal Eruh Hur! el 1.da L E LA an e Caad n caradar s ir id s Che:14 Colk- na aracar Clk 2 Euntle eronda abt 2 al i LEIT raree er> r Gr lin u. lan arl n-in kvall ali 2.i ia il n in In Képab keDab French 7 French 8 French French Tunisian Irish Israel 2 Israel Italian 2 O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:21:50 No.33711902 > Anonymous EE 11/24/14(Mon)19:20:22 No.33711842 >>33711808 >>33711808 thats normal This is very unsettling. ifunny.co 圖 国 、園
e: beub jpg (138 KB, 1080x720) O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:10:58 No.33711472 >>33711584 >>33711619 Can I seduce scandinavian girls ? I wll go for holydays. Pic is me Thanks. O Anonymous File: foldert.png (670 KB, 1312x876) 11/24/14(Mon)19:19:34 No.33711808 33711842 33711891 Doesn't matter. You're in my folder now. Agerare Aa:ln: zert wi Ara er! Astadsn- Hsland : or! Arsa Aetde eilen8 At lor Cal Eruh Hur! el 1.da L E LA an e Caad n caradar s ir id s Che:14 Colk- na aracar Clk 2 Euntle eronda abt 2 al i LEIT raree er> r Gr lin u. lan arl n-in kvall ali 2.i ia il n in In Képab keDab French 7 French 8 French French Tunisian Irish Israel 2 Israel Italian 2 O Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:21:50 No.33711902 > Anonymous EE 11/24/14(Mon)19:20:22 No.33711842 >>33711808 >>33711808 thats normal This is very unsettling. ifunny.co 圖 国 、園

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
: Anonymous 05/25/21(Tue)17:14:15 No.855313589 >be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study >smoke weed and eat churros 27 KB JPG >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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Anon gets his revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)03:22:57 No.66580159 >be me >hold a grudge against the loser who stole my crush >f----- goes to another college so never had the chance to get revenge >follow him on insta with a fake 7 KB JPG account to keep tabs on him >be today >loser posts a story saying he's staying away from social media to avoid spiderman spoilers as much as possible and is looking to buy tickets from someone who got them earlier even if they are expensive >he also posts a s-- story about how his dead father took him to see all three original movies so this is his way of reconnecting with him >realize this is very likely a reddit f----- who gets emotional with children movies >idea.jpg >read all the spider man spoilers >message him saying I have tickets for sale >dude instantly replies >proceed to spam him spoilers so he can't avoid them >f----- starts calling me an a------ p------------ and all that >can't even see him but pretty sure he's crying With great power comes great responsibility, anons
: Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)03:22:57 No.66580159 >be me >hold a grudge against the loser who stole my crush >f----- goes to another college so never had the chance to get revenge >follow him on insta with a fake 7 KB JPG account to keep tabs on him >be today >loser posts a story saying he's staying away from social media to avoid spiderman spoilers as much as possible and is looking to buy tickets from someone who got them earlier even if they are expensive >he also posts a s-- story about how his dead father took him to see all three original movies so this is his way of reconnecting with him >realize this is very likely a reddit f----- who gets emotional with children movies >idea.jpg >read all the spider man spoilers >message him saying I have tickets for sale >dude instantly replies >proceed to spam him spoilers so he can't avoid them >f----- starts calling me an a------ p------------ and all that >can't even see him but pretty sure he's crying With great power comes great responsibility, anons

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Anon Sneezes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)02:30:46 No.2237410 >live alone >random afternoon >about to sneeze >nuclearblast.mp3 >that felt good ngl >phone rings >pick it up >"bless you" >mysterio hangs up the phone >tfw
Anonymous 08/18/21(Wed)02:30:46 No.2237410 >live alone >random afternoon >about to sneeze >nuclearblast.mp3 >that felt good ngl >phone rings >pick it up >"bless you" >mysterio hangs up the phone >tfw

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Anon designs a Saw trap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 ITT:We design Saw traps >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb 10 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 ITT:We design Saw traps >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb 10 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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