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Anon makes a sacrifice so we can laugh | /r/Greentext

>be me, 15, virgin >gf calls me over >watch movie, bla, bla end up making out on couch >she is touching me all over body >my brain gets scrambled thinking about losing virginity >try to take her bra off >can't do it, because brain started to drift off >"You haven't unhooked lots of bra's, have you Anon?" >"Just your mom's" >wtfdidljustsay.jpg >tells me to leave >explain to her that I didn't mean it >nope.avi >breaks up with me next day >still virgin, hate my life Why do I say these things
>be me, 15, virgin >gf calls me over >watch movie, bla, bla end up making out on couch >she is touching me all over body >my brain gets scrambled thinking about losing virginity >try to take her bra off >can't do it, because brain started to drift off >"You haven't unhooked lots of bra's, have you Anon?" >"Just your mom's" >wtfdidljustsay.jpg >tells me to leave >explain to her that I didn't mean it >nope.avi >breaks up with me next day >still virgin, hate my life Why do I say these things

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The apple dosent fall far from the tree | /r/Greentext


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99% of NFTs look absolutely awful | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)14:25:05 No.66643416 >be me >work IT for company that does s--- for a few fortune 500 companies >at office xmas party, owner's son bothering the s--- out of me >stupid s--- is annoying as f---, makes 50k more a year than anyone else, and everyone has to kiss up to him because Every day. We stray further from god. 117 KB PNG daddy's money >everyone got bonuses this year upwards of 20k, he's bragging that he got a 40k bonus because "I'm that good at my job" >make small talk because I have to, ask him what he did with his bonus >"You ever hear of NFTS anon? Bored monkeys" >youfuckingdidn't.mp3 >l bought this guy for my bonus plus a few grand I've had saved" >shows me the s-------- looking, ugly ass monkey with yellowed teeth and pot eyes >"I mean, you can't top what I got, but what did you get with your bonus? My little champion here will last for ever, I doubt whatever you got would." >show him a bid I placed on a mp7 >"wha-what's that for?" >Tell the windowlicker how I was into collecting obscure firearms and it caught my eye, tell him that no one can right click my gun >sissy storms off all pouty >called in the office next day by big boss >"Anon, I have gotten reports that you were threatening to shoot up the office, you are fired, if you come here again, the police will be called." >mfw this prissy daddy boy's d------ got me fired because I told him his art scam is s--- and my gun money has to go towards keeping me afloat until I can get a new job >mfw I can't use this job as a reference despite being here for 8 years How have your holidays been going so far?
: Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)14:25:05 No.66643416 >be me >work IT for company that does s--- for a few fortune 500 companies >at office xmas party, owner's son bothering the s--- out of me >stupid s--- is annoying as f---, makes 50k more a year than anyone else, and everyone has to kiss up to him because Every day. We stray further from god. 117 KB PNG daddy's money >everyone got bonuses this year upwards of 20k, he's bragging that he got a 40k bonus because "I'm that good at my job" >make small talk because I have to, ask him what he did with his bonus >"You ever hear of NFTS anon? Bored monkeys" >youfuckingdidn't.mp3 >l bought this guy for my bonus plus a few grand I've had saved" >shows me the s-------- looking, ugly ass monkey with yellowed teeth and pot eyes >"I mean, you can't top what I got, but what did you get with your bonus? My little champion here will last for ever, I doubt whatever you got would." >show him a bid I placed on a mp7 >"wha-what's that for?" >Tell the windowlicker how I was into collecting obscure firearms and it caught my eye, tell him that no one can right click my gun >sissy storms off all pouty >called in the office next day by big boss >"Anon, I have gotten reports that you were threatening to shoot up the office, you are fired, if you come here again, the police will be called." >mfw this prissy daddy boy's d------ got me fired because I told him his art scam is s--- and my gun money has to go towards keeping me afloat until I can get a new job >mfw I can't use this job as a reference despite being here for 8 years How have your holidays been going so far?

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Anon consumes oregano | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:08:49 No.777883934 >be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake feels good man drugs >start filling a few bags with oregano and selling to 30 KB JPG freshmen >kids actually believe it's weed and buy some >mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more >one day called up to principals office >there's a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I'm making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he grew to use >mfw they can't do anything so they send me back to class
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:08:49 No.777883934 >be me >am 17 >am pretty stupid and broke so decide to sell fake feels good man drugs >start filling a few bags with oregano and selling to 30 KB JPG freshmen >kids actually believe it's weed and buy some >mfw they fake being high and then come back to buy more >one day called up to principals office >there's a cop in there >they ask to search my bag >mfw all they find is oregano >mfw I say I'm making pasta after school and my friend gave me some oregano he grew to use >mfw they can't do anything so they send me back to class

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Anon is a middle school teacher | /r/Greentext

Post your favourite pokegirl and your job Post your favourite pokegirl a(...) 12/20/21(Mon)12:51:18 No.4° I'll start: >Lillie >middle school teacher 63 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)12:52:15 No.49 >>49060224 (OP) # 809 KB PNG
Post your favourite pokegirl and your job Post your favourite pokegirl a(...) 12/20/21(Mon)12:51:18 No.4° I'll start: >Lillie >middle school teacher 63 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)12:52:15 No.49 >>49060224 (OP) # 809 KB PNG

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Anon has a routine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Daily Routine 12/13/21(Mon)14:39:20 No.64733831 What is your daily routine look like? 1 12 Here's mine. 5:00 AM - Rise 5:02 AM - Piss 5:30 AM - Finish pissing and brush teeth with activated charcoal (not 60 KB JPG toothpaste) 5:33 AM - Cold Shower (below freezing temp) 5:33 AM - Step out of shower and shake body like a dog 5:34 AM - Arrive at gym and ingest 700 mg caffeine and eat whole chicken (alive) 5:45 AM - Lift (full body, 40 Sets of 2 half-reps) 7:30 AM - Send a Bomb Threat to a Orphanage 8:00 AM - Clock into shift at my job (the gym) 8:10 AM - Ignore customers and lift (full body, 40 sets of 2 half-reps) 9:55 AM - Clock out of work 10:00 AM - Bomb Orphanage 10:15 AM - Arrive home and speed read Dr. Seuss books 5:00 PM - Dinner (green tea and a pack of cigarettes) 5:30 PM - Listen to ASMR and edge for three hours 8:30 PM - Play chess against the man that lives in my walls 9:00 PM - F--- bitches (several) 12:00 AM - Go for a midnight run (chasing women) 1:00 AM - Edge for 3 hours 4:00 AM - Boiling hot shower 4:55 AM - Sleep
: Anonymous Daily Routine 12/13/21(Mon)14:39:20 No.64733831 What is your daily routine look like? 1 12 Here's mine. 5:00 AM - Rise 5:02 AM - Piss 5:30 AM - Finish pissing and brush teeth with activated charcoal (not 60 KB JPG toothpaste) 5:33 AM - Cold Shower (below freezing temp) 5:33 AM - Step out of shower and shake body like a dog 5:34 AM - Arrive at gym and ingest 700 mg caffeine and eat whole chicken (alive) 5:45 AM - Lift (full body, 40 Sets of 2 half-reps) 7:30 AM - Send a Bomb Threat to a Orphanage 8:00 AM - Clock into shift at my job (the gym) 8:10 AM - Ignore customers and lift (full body, 40 sets of 2 half-reps) 9:55 AM - Clock out of work 10:00 AM - Bomb Orphanage 10:15 AM - Arrive home and speed read Dr. Seuss books 5:00 PM - Dinner (green tea and a pack of cigarettes) 5:30 PM - Listen to ASMR and edge for three hours 8:30 PM - Play chess against the man that lives in my walls 9:00 PM - F--- bitches (several) 12:00 AM - Go for a midnight run (chasing women) 1:00 AM - Edge for 3 hours 4:00 AM - Boiling hot shower 4:55 AM - Sleep

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Anon is the least racist polish person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" 7 KB JPG > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities" Pic Related
: Anonymous 04/22/21(Thu)09:48:07 No.852674088 >be me >Moved back to Poland >have English lessons even though im more fluent than the teacher >Teacher's going round asking everyone the same question > "What do you hate" 7 KB JPG > its my turn > Teacher asks "What do you hate [Anon]?" > *dont say it dont say it dont say it dont say it* >i confidently and loudly say "Minorities" Pic Related

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Kind of blue | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)05:27:45 No.66637822 >date of birth unknown >date of death unknown >no existing photos >one recording session for an obscure label in 1931 >session is the only proof we have of the guy's existence 378 KB JPG >real name unknown Were bluesmen the first chads, bros?
: Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)05:27:45 No.66637822 >date of birth unknown >date of death unknown >no existing photos >one recording session for an obscure label in 1931 >session is the only proof we have of the guy's existence 378 KB JPG >real name unknown Were bluesmen the first chads, bros?

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Joe Rogan Greentext | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: ebzig9iX ) E 08/01/18(Wed)16:18:41 No.180822043 >>180822173 >>180822180 >180822460 >>180823379 >>180824633 File: joe-rogan-podcast jpg (30 KB, 600x400) >"The thing is." >Joe leans into the mic >"Fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is the problem. Ever eat nuts, man? Nuts are great for you." S"uh. yeah, I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back PRIDE when I was a kid and they were in season." >"Nice, nice. Like, from a tree?" >"No, they grow in the ground." >Joe nearly s---- himself in surprise >"What!?" >His guest tries not to sound condescending >"Peanuts grow in the ground, kind of like-" >"Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie, Google "peanuts growing in ground". HOLÝ S---." S"Yeah, just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes." >"Well." >Joe Rogan breathes heavily into the mic >"That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would f--- them up. Imagine that? Imagine how much squirrels would f--- up a peanut tree. Squirrels are basically tiny chimpanzees."
Anonymous (ID: ebzig9iX ) E 08/01/18(Wed)16:18:41 No.180822043 >>180822173 >>180822180 >180822460 >>180823379 >>180824633 File: joe-rogan-podcast jpg (30 KB, 600x400) >"The thing is." >Joe leans into the mic >"Fat isn't the problem. Carbs and sugar is the problem. Ever eat nuts, man? Nuts are great for you." S"uh. yeah, I eat nuts. I used to pick peanuts back PRIDE when I was a kid and they were in season." >"Nice, nice. Like, from a tree?" >"No, they grow in the ground." >Joe nearly s---- himself in surprise >"What!?" >His guest tries not to sound condescending >"Peanuts grow in the ground, kind of like-" >"Jamie, Google this right now. Jamie, Google "peanuts growing in ground". HOLÝ S---." S"Yeah, just like that. They grow in the ground like potatoes." >"Well." >Joe Rogan breathes heavily into the mic >"That makes sense. They couldn't grow on trees because squirrels would f--- them up. Imagine that? Imagine how much squirrels would f--- up a peanut tree. Squirrels are basically tiny chimpanzees."

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Anon is not gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)12:52:18 No.43637642 >Ex broke up with me after dating for a year last month >Something about us 'Not being compatible', aka code speak for she's f------ chad behind my back >l'm f------ p----- >Devise a perfect plan to make her 980 KB GIF jealous and get her back >Live in LA, gym is full of twinks and other f--- >I'm a pretty big guy so they're easy to pick up >Take them home, make them wear girl clothes and f--- them silly >Take a picture every time when their d--- is out of the shot and send it to my ex >She thinks I'm f------ 2 different girls every week >This continues for about a month, until she approaches me, and asks if we want to get back together >Tell her to f--- off and go back to being a w---- I'm not even gay but I think I've devised the world's best revenge method.
: Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)12:52:18 No.43637642 >Ex broke up with me after dating for a year last month >Something about us 'Not being compatible', aka code speak for she's f------ chad behind my back >l'm f------ p----- >Devise a perfect plan to make her 980 KB GIF jealous and get her back >Live in LA, gym is full of twinks and other f--- >I'm a pretty big guy so they're easy to pick up >Take them home, make them wear girl clothes and f--- them silly >Take a picture every time when their d--- is out of the shot and send it to my ex >She thinks I'm f------ 2 different girls every week >This continues for about a month, until she approaches me, and asks if we want to get back together >Tell her to f--- off and go back to being a w---- I'm not even gay but I think I've devised the world's best revenge method.

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Anon sees his chance and takes it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)08:19:24 No.62989509 OFF'ing myself right now. Goodbye 4chan. >broke uni student >mother is meth head >dad is p--- >snooped through my younger sisters internet history and found t----- p--- 985 KB JPG >gf left me just 1 week ago >been drinking nonstop >grades are collapsing Thank you all for the amazing memories, I've treasured them. And thank you for always being my favorite board. 23 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)10:44:21 No.62990863 Bro I feel you... Could you maybe help a bro out and buy me gta3 on steam? I know you won't be needing that money after you die right?
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)08:19:24 No.62989509 OFF'ing myself right now. Goodbye 4chan. >broke uni student >mother is meth head >dad is p--- >snooped through my younger sisters internet history and found t----- p--- 985 KB JPG >gf left me just 1 week ago >been drinking nonstop >grades are collapsing Thank you all for the amazing memories, I've treasured them. And thank you for always being my favorite board. 23 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)10:44:21 No.62990863 Bro I feel you... Could you maybe help a bro out and buy me gta3 on steam? I know you won't be needing that money after you die right?

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Anon hits the jackpot | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)19:43:23 No.554686786 File: 1617048593725.jpg (6 KB, 236x285) >vending machine stole a dollar >smack the machine on the side >critical hit >all the snacks fall down
Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)19:43:23 No.554686786 File: 1617048593725.jpg (6 KB, 236x285) >vending machine stole a dollar >smack the machine on the side >critical hit >all the snacks fall down

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Anon is a modern day Robinhood | /r/Greentext


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Anon finds something out about his girlfriend | /r/Greentext


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Anon likes trains | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG
Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG

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Stubble Trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)01:20:55 No.66636229 >be me 27 >never even had a girl remotely interested in me >grow out a beard >start getting noticeable attention from femoids >lots of heavy flirting >figure they just want attention 43 KВ ЈPG >make a tinder >mix and match pics of me shaved and with a beard >get a s--- ton of likes in the first few hours >dozens of messages saying "please tell me you still have the beard" >one girl literally says, "you're legit a 4/10 without a beard, and a solid 8 with one" Lads, grow out the beard, beards are literally a biological crutch for ugly retards : Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)01:24:41 No.66636269 Okay, making this my new Tinder pic, wish me luck 762 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)01:20:55 No.66636229 >be me 27 >never even had a girl remotely interested in me >grow out a beard >start getting noticeable attention from femoids >lots of heavy flirting >figure they just want attention 43 KВ ЈPG >make a tinder >mix and match pics of me shaved and with a beard >get a s--- ton of likes in the first few hours >dozens of messages saying "please tell me you still have the beard" >one girl literally says, "you're legit a 4/10 without a beard, and a solid 8 with one" Lads, grow out the beard, beards are literally a biological crutch for ugly retards : Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)01:24:41 No.66636269 Okay, making this my new Tinder pic, wish me luck 762 KB JPG

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Anon is winning | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)00:06:09 No.868926893 >>868926961 >>868926964 >be me >about to have sex with this girl >we undress >she looks at my d--- and smiles >"Anon your d--- is so small" >l immediately reply >"So are your boobs" >she leaves Did I win? >> Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)00:07:28 No.868926961 * O Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)00:07:31 No.868926964 >>868926893 (OP) f--- yeah you won, son. That's winning in life
O Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)00:06:09 No.868926893 >>868926961 >>868926964 >be me >about to have sex with this girl >we undress >she looks at my d--- and smiles >"Anon your d--- is so small" >l immediately reply >"So are your boobs" >she leaves Did I win? >> Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)00:07:28 No.868926961 * O Anonymous 12/20/21(Mon)00:07:31 No.868926964 >>868926893 (OP) f--- yeah you won, son. That's winning in life

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House Anon | /r/Greentext


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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

CO7BD04E-OFCC-4702-97A7-2369253576C2.jpg 51 KB JPG >Parents make me go to a therapist because I shat in the shower again >Sit completely still and make direct eye contact the entire time >Answer all of his questions with a question >At the end I shake his hand and look into his eyes >He looks away Is this what power feels like?
CO7BD04E-OFCC-4702-97A7-2369253576C2.jpg 51 KB JPG >Parents make me go to a therapist because I shat in the shower again >Sit completely still and make direct eye contact the entire time >Answer all of his questions with a question >At the end I shake his hand and look into his eyes >He looks away Is this what power feels like?

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Anon shares a sexual experience | /r/Greentext


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