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Anon takes a shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)07:55:05 No.63251555 >be me IZONE >s------- in public university cool bathroom >no one else here >two alphas walk in >l'm squat pooping, so they don't see my feet under the stall door 465 KB PNG >don't want them to bully me, so I stay as quiet as possible >they start talking about sex and drugs and other alpha things >goes on for five minutes >they notice one of the stall doors is closed >knock on door >'yo, is anyone in there?' >panic >shout 'F--- OFF! >my voice is incredibly deep >they leave the bathroom quickly >mfw I scared the alphas
: Anonymous 04/17/21(Sat)07:55:05 No.63251555 >be me IZONE >s------- in public university cool bathroom >no one else here >two alphas walk in >l'm squat pooping, so they don't see my feet under the stall door 465 KB PNG >don't want them to bully me, so I stay as quiet as possible >they start talking about sex and drugs and other alpha things >goes on for five minutes >they notice one of the stall doors is closed >knock on door >'yo, is anyone in there?' >panic >shout 'F--- OFF! >my voice is incredibly deep >they leave the bathroom quickly >mfw I scared the alphas

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Halo Infinite sucks dick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous embarrassing moments 12/22/21(Wed)20:16:36 No.23698039 >my brother's girlfriend found out I was trans (brother outed me to her) >she asked me to elaborate on that ("so do you want to become a girl or..." >"no,I was born a female and I transitioned to be a man") >she covers her mouth and gasps "OH 367 KB PNG MY GOOO0OD... so precious" >brother looks at me awkwardly >she says "we should go shopping some time" >w--? >last weekend she texts me and says they were having a girl's night out shopping for Christmas presents >"I'm not interested" >she calls me >"can you please come pleeeeeeease" >"no" >"I'll buy you whatever you want up to $100" >"ok fine" >we're at the mall with her and 2 of her friends >she introduces me to them >"hey I said I would get you something if you came, where do you want to go?" >"ok come with me" >walk to Gamestop >they're talking to each other while I am quiet >ask the cashier for Halo Infinite >brother's gf says "wait... we need to have a talk about this?" >"you said anything under $100" >"ok yeah... okay it will be on debit" >she pays for the game >we leave the store and she walks to a bench and gestures for me to sit down >"so... I thought your brother said you were trans? like born female and all that?" >"yeah?" >"but you picked out a video game? what's that all about?" >"well what were you expecting?" >"but you are born female you should have you know... don't you like clothes or makeup surely you grew up with an interest in girl things? I don't understand why you picked a video game?" >there's this look of utter confusion on her face >"I always played games, why are you looking at me like that?" >"when I said we'll go shopping I meant clothes and makeup and stuff. surely you knew what I meant? and you're not talking? you aren't really fun..." >"I don't want to argue with you" >"I mean this isn't how I pictured it at all... can I have the game and give it to my boyfriend for Christmas, I paid for it" >"you said that you will buy it for me if I came" >"but this isn't how I pictured it you know..."
: Anonymous embarrassing moments 12/22/21(Wed)20:16:36 No.23698039 >my brother's girlfriend found out I was trans (brother outed me to her) >she asked me to elaborate on that ("so do you want to become a girl or..." >"no,I was born a female and I transitioned to be a man") >she covers her mouth and gasps "OH 367 KB PNG MY GOOO0OD... so precious" >brother looks at me awkwardly >she says "we should go shopping some time" >w--? >last weekend she texts me and says they were having a girl's night out shopping for Christmas presents >"I'm not interested" >she calls me >"can you please come pleeeeeeease" >"no" >"I'll buy you whatever you want up to $100" >"ok fine" >we're at the mall with her and 2 of her friends >she introduces me to them >"hey I said I would get you something if you came, where do you want to go?" >"ok come with me" >walk to Gamestop >they're talking to each other while I am quiet >ask the cashier for Halo Infinite >brother's gf says "wait... we need to have a talk about this?" >"you said anything under $100" >"ok yeah... okay it will be on debit" >she pays for the game >we leave the store and she walks to a bench and gestures for me to sit down >"so... I thought your brother said you were trans? like born female and all that?" >"yeah?" >"but you picked out a video game? what's that all about?" >"well what were you expecting?" >"but you are born female you should have you know... don't you like clothes or makeup surely you grew up with an interest in girl things? I don't understand why you picked a video game?" >there's this look of utter confusion on her face >"I always played games, why are you looking at me like that?" >"when I said we'll go shopping I meant clothes and makeup and stuff. surely you knew what I meant? and you're not talking? you aren't really fun..." >"I don't want to argue with you" >"I mean this isn't how I pictured it at all... can I have the game and give it to my boyfriend for Christmas, I paid for it" >"you said that you will buy it for me if I came" >"but this isn't how I pictured it you know..."

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Anon takes a cruise | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/20(Sat)21:36:09 No.59475320 >on a Swedish cruise ship >I have to s--- really badly >take a nice huge dump and try to flush the toilet >toilet's broken >no matter how hard I try, the s--- won't flufh >go find a cleaning lady 360 KB PNG >l don't speak Swedish, she doesn't speak English >grab her hand and pull her to a man's toilet >point at the giant s--- you took >the only word I know in Swedish is "titta" ("look") >s--- flushes normally >mfw
: Anonymous 08/08/20(Sat)21:36:09 No.59475320 >on a Swedish cruise ship >I have to s--- really badly >take a nice huge dump and try to flush the toilet >toilet's broken >no matter how hard I try, the s--- won't flufh >go find a cleaning lady 360 KB PNG >l don't speak Swedish, she doesn't speak English >grab her hand and pull her to a man's toilet >point at the giant s--- you took >the only word I know in Swedish is "titta" ("look") >s--- flushes normally >mfw

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Trust Science | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 2hdbf9Uh 12/22/21(Wed)21:59:48 No.353248249 RUST SCIENCE no ne North America... The Kingdom of Tyrannosaurus rex The Late Cretaceous of North America was home to many of the dinosaurs we know best. The Earth was much warmer than atonsant areatadood foraste th 7gpjg3wnf4781.jpg 1.47 MB JPG >take the kids to see the T-rex >see this
: Anonymous (ID: 2hdbf9Uh 12/22/21(Wed)21:59:48 No.353248249 RUST SCIENCE no ne North America... The Kingdom of Tyrannosaurus rex The Late Cretaceous of North America was home to many of the dinosaurs we know best. The Earth was much warmer than atonsant areatadood foraste th 7gpjg3wnf4781.jpg 1.47 MB JPG >take the kids to see the T-rex >see this

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Anon becomes the best version of himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/20(Tue)15:40:45 No.61062269 >I'm 27 and don't enjoy anything anymore >read the New Testament >become a Christian >Start practicing nofap >get a job 80 KB JPG >fix my relationship with my parents >start fasting and exercising frequently >quit p--- and m----------- >start practicing guitar >meditate everyday for 15 minutes >suddenly everything becomes enjoyable again >Even the sunlight is beautiful >walking down a forest trail is incredible >feel the best I've felt in years I'm 27 and I'm starting to enjoy things again. Is this the beginning of the road?
: Anonymous 11/24/20(Tue)15:40:45 No.61062269 >I'm 27 and don't enjoy anything anymore >read the New Testament >become a Christian >Start practicing nofap >get a job 80 KB JPG >fix my relationship with my parents >start fasting and exercising frequently >quit p--- and m----------- >start practicing guitar >meditate everyday for 15 minutes >suddenly everything becomes enjoyable again >Even the sunlight is beautiful >walking down a forest trail is incredible >feel the best I've felt in years I'm 27 and I'm starting to enjoy things again. Is this the beginning of the road?

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Anon admires the Finish president | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 9)ZD606A 12/22/21(Wed)11:40:12 No.353184800 >made Finland the happiest country on earth >turned Finland into a global military power by building up a fleet of 64 F35s. How does she do it? 833 KB JPG E Anonymous (ID: J63N/krF)O 12/22/21(Wed)11:41:20 No.353184898 >>353185129 # >>353189923 # >>353200519 # >>353200557 # >>353201383 # : Anonymous (ID: VHSCDOPI 12/22/21(Wed)11:41:45 No.353184930 >>353184800 (OP) # Not sure. But l'd love to watch her squeeze out a thick Finnish turd. Steaming in the crisp cold air, the smell hanging as thick as her poo in the air. >>353185128 # >>353193941 # >>353194282 # >>353197696 #
: Anonymous (ID: 9)ZD606A 12/22/21(Wed)11:40:12 No.353184800 >made Finland the happiest country on earth >turned Finland into a global military power by building up a fleet of 64 F35s. How does she do it? 833 KB JPG E Anonymous (ID: J63N/krF)O 12/22/21(Wed)11:41:20 No.353184898 >>353185129 # >>353189923 # >>353200519 # >>353200557 # >>353201383 # : Anonymous (ID: VHSCDOPI 12/22/21(Wed)11:41:45 No.353184930 >>353184800 (OP) # Not sure. But l'd love to watch her squeeze out a thick Finnish turd. Steaming in the crisp cold air, the smell hanging as thick as her poo in the air. >>353185128 # >>353193941 # >>353194282 # >>353197696 #

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Anon had a weird dream | /r/Greentext

>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while 599 KB PNG >one of them looks at my window >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??
>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while 599 KB PNG >one of them looks at my window >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??

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Anon is beta simp | /r/Greentext

>>66664342 >>66664400 >>66664440 >>66664450 Lads what's the simplest thing you've ever done? I'll go first >9th grade >Hanging out with oneitis >She has been dating some cholo thug who is like 22 when we're 13 >He comes over to her house and f---- her whenever her parents aren't home >One day we're chilling like usual >She asks if she can confide in me >Sure I guess >She tells me that her boyfriend doesn't give her head because he thinks it's gay to eat p---- >She's getting tired of having sex with him because of it >Wants to break up with him over it >This is my shot to finally date her >Instead she asks me if I can eat her out before he gets here so she'll be wet when he f---- her >Agree like a beta simp >Eat her out for 45 minutes >She tells me she'll let me make love to her for the favor >Start taking my pants off >Finally about to have sex with the girl I've been simping over since 3rd grade >About to put it in >Front door opens >It's her drug dealer bf >She makes me get in the closet since he's coming upstairs, tells me I can f--- her later >he comes upstairs >Doesn't even say anything, just pulls up her skirt and goes to town on her >He's like 8 inches too p---- >He pounds her for like 45 minutes >I watch the whole thing, try to j------- but l'm too sad >C--- balls deep in her >Leaves >Come out of her closet >"Anon I know I said l'd let you f--- me earlier but my p---- is really sore, can we just cuddle instead?" >Agree because I'm beta af After that I ended up driving to the pharmacy and getting a plan b for her. The saddest thing is that I have so many simp moments related to this girl and a few others. I'm like the least sexually threatening person on the planet so women don't even register me when they have their w---- talks. God I hate myself
>>66664342 >>66664400 >>66664440 >>66664450 Lads what's the simplest thing you've ever done? I'll go first >9th grade >Hanging out with oneitis >She has been dating some cholo thug who is like 22 when we're 13 >He comes over to her house and f---- her whenever her parents aren't home >One day we're chilling like usual >She asks if she can confide in me >Sure I guess >She tells me that her boyfriend doesn't give her head because he thinks it's gay to eat p---- >She's getting tired of having sex with him because of it >Wants to break up with him over it >This is my shot to finally date her >Instead she asks me if I can eat her out before he gets here so she'll be wet when he f---- her >Agree like a beta simp >Eat her out for 45 minutes >She tells me she'll let me make love to her for the favor >Start taking my pants off >Finally about to have sex with the girl I've been simping over since 3rd grade >About to put it in >Front door opens >It's her drug dealer bf >She makes me get in the closet since he's coming upstairs, tells me I can f--- her later >he comes upstairs >Doesn't even say anything, just pulls up her skirt and goes to town on her >He's like 8 inches too p---- >He pounds her for like 45 minutes >I watch the whole thing, try to j------- but l'm too sad >C--- balls deep in her >Leaves >Come out of her closet >"Anon I know I said l'd let you f--- me earlier but my p---- is really sore, can we just cuddle instead?" >Agree because I'm beta af After that I ended up driving to the pharmacy and getting a plan b for her. The saddest thing is that I have so many simp moments related to this girl and a few others. I'm like the least sexually threatening person on the planet so women don't even register me when they have their w---- talks. God I hate myself

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Anon lives in detroit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)18:57:08 No.64177130 Cant have s--- >be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff 231 KB PNG >moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)18:57:08 No.64177130 Cant have s--- >be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff 231 KB PNG >moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit

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Anon sends a dick pick | /r/Greentext

png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me
png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me

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Anon tries to flirt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:41:38 No.64377723 >walking to convenience store to buy snacks >see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on >me: "hey whats your favorite nirvana song?" 8 KB JPG >her: "i dont know" >me: "but youre wearing the shirt" >her: "please stop" >me: "what?" >her: "youre being creepy" >me: "define creepy" >her: "no... just leave me alone please"
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)13:41:38 No.64377723 >walking to convenience store to buy snacks >see random girl, about my age with a nirvana shirt on >me: "hey whats your favorite nirvana song?" 8 KB JPG >her: "i dont know" >me: "but youre wearing the shirt" >her: "please stop" >me: "what?" >her: "youre being creepy" >me: "define creepy" >her: "no... just leave me alone please"

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Anon games the system | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.5262517 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.5262517 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come : Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male

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Anon overcomes his fear | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)18:49:52 No.3841535 >>3841290 # >be kid like 10 years ago >gets jump scared by a moth face close up in a nature book >scared of moth/butterfly >years later see hot anime moth gf and memes >desire to fug overrides fear >no longer scared of moths >>3841548 # : Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)19:19:08 No.3841548 >>3841535 # Incredibly based
: Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)18:49:52 No.3841535 >>3841290 # >be kid like 10 years ago >gets jump scared by a moth face close up in a nature book >scared of moth/butterfly >years later see hot anime moth gf and memes >desire to fug overrides fear >no longer scared of moths >>3841548 # : Anonymous 06/21/21(Mon)19:19:08 No.3841548 >>3841535 # Incredibly based

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I'm pickle reek | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.747624916 >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked >underpaid >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh l'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"
: Anonymous 10/09/17(Mon)18:52:14 No.747624916 >be me >work at McDonalds >overworked >underpaid >big day today >not sure what's happening but the 53 KB JPG manager says we have a new sauce. >No big deal, we do specials all the time >manager looks worried >imchillman.jpeg >look up at menu, see some cartoon on there, must be something for the kids >It's 6:58am, we open at 7:00am >there is a queue outside >MFW it's not children >A horde of sweaty mid 20 year olds stand outside waiting to get in, laughing manically. >all wearing clothing of the cartoon. >ohfuck.exe >the doors burst open and I'm greeted by the first customer. >he weighs over 300lbs and is wearing a fedora, with a neck beard only fit for a kissless virgin. >"hyngeh l'll have schum cheeken mcnuggz an heh- heh- scheziuan zauuce!!" >the ogre looks back to the crowd >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!" >The entire crowd of chubby shrek rejects respond >"WUBALUBADUB-DUB!"

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Anon is a PC gamer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/22/21(Wed)12:27:43 No.582381853 >game runs like s--- >lower the resolution >it runs perfectly 102 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/22/21(Wed)12:27:43 No.582381853 >game runs like s--- >lower the resolution >it runs perfectly 102 KB JPG

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Anon puts it together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)16:17:55 No.867392430 PEOPLE CAN SMELL C-- 49 KB PNG
: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)16:17:55 No.867392430 PEOPLE CAN SMELL C-- 49 KB PNG

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Anon commits a war crime | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 04/15/18(Sun)19:41:20 No.44709361 >yesterday >it's my little sister's birthday >she's a literal 13 year old Stacy >f------ spoiled as s--- as well >always tells me to leave the house already as I am 26 years old >hate her guts >be lactose intolerant >she and her classmates were out bowling >eat a s--- ton of varying dairy products >2 different kinds of yogurt, 3 different kinds of cheese and 2 tall glasses of milk >a deadlier version of mustard gas starts building up inside of me >spend the next 15 minutes farting inside my sister's bedroom >farted in every single sleeping bag and corner >10 minutes later sister comes back >they all run upstairs to watch some gay dancing movie >sister opens door >a wall of sulfuric gas hits her and her friends in the face >one of the quiet kids almost fainted >sister yells at parents >parents suspect it's a gas leak because they thought no man could produce such stench >got off scot-free Anyone else ldevilish/?
I Anonymous 04/15/18(Sun)19:41:20 No.44709361 >yesterday >it's my little sister's birthday >she's a literal 13 year old Stacy >f------ spoiled as s--- as well >always tells me to leave the house already as I am 26 years old >hate her guts >be lactose intolerant >she and her classmates were out bowling >eat a s--- ton of varying dairy products >2 different kinds of yogurt, 3 different kinds of cheese and 2 tall glasses of milk >a deadlier version of mustard gas starts building up inside of me >spend the next 15 minutes farting inside my sister's bedroom >farted in every single sleeping bag and corner >10 minutes later sister comes back >they all run upstairs to watch some gay dancing movie >sister opens door >a wall of sulfuric gas hits her and her friends in the face >one of the quiet kids almost fainted >sister yells at parents >parents suspect it's a gas leak because they thought no man could produce such stench >got off scot-free Anyone else ldevilish/?

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Anon gets trolled by his professor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/21 (Mon)18:37:56 No.13958065 >Don't worry about x for now, we'll go into more depth on it later >never gets back to it 26 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)19:30:53 No.13958189 >it comes up in the test >"hey, i don't think we went over this" >"yes we did" *walks away* 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/13/21 (Mon)18:37:56 No.13958065 >Don't worry about x for now, we'll go into more depth on it later >never gets back to it 26 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/13/21(Mon)19:30:53 No.13958189 >it comes up in the test >"hey, i don't think we went over this" >"yes we did" *walks away* 52 KB JPG

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Anon explains how taxes work | /r/Greentext


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Chest dimorphism | /r/Greentext


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