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Anon Gets Streamzoned | /r/Greentext


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Anon doesn't get the hint | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/19(Wed)17:42:29 No.50829211 this happened a few years ago >have a crush on girl >manage to get her over to my house to watch a movie >we're both on the couch watching it >she grabs my arm and wraps it 40 KB JPG around her so we're cuddled together and she starts leaning into me more >just stay like that for a while, feels good >at some point she gets up and goes to the bathroom >when she comes back to the bathroom i look up and see she doesn't have a shirt or bra on >her t------ are just... right there and she's looking right at me >brain completely freezes and i'm totally confused >i give her a f------ thumbs up and say nice t--- then go back to watching the movie >she stands there for a few seconds then goes back to the bathroom and puts her bra and shirt back on and watches the rest of the movie like nothing happened i think that is the most autistic moment in my life View Thread
: Anonymous 02/06/19(Wed)17:42:29 No.50829211 this happened a few years ago >have a crush on girl >manage to get her over to my house to watch a movie >we're both on the couch watching it >she grabs my arm and wraps it 40 KB JPG around her so we're cuddled together and she starts leaning into me more >just stay like that for a while, feels good >at some point she gets up and goes to the bathroom >when she comes back to the bathroom i look up and see she doesn't have a shirt or bra on >her t------ are just... right there and she's looking right at me >brain completely freezes and i'm totally confused >i give her a f------ thumbs up and say nice t--- then go back to watching the movie >she stands there for a few seconds then goes back to the bathroom and puts her bra and shirt back on and watches the rest of the movie like nothing happened i think that is the most autistic moment in my life View Thread

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Anon takes a shit. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions 225 KB JPG >it says take two scoops and mix it in water >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like l'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions 225 KB JPG >it says take two scoops and mix it in water >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like l'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?

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Anon has a boyfriend. | /r/Greentext

19KİB, 498x498, 77177F8C-334F-4A0E-92B5- 4FBC2FD1973D.jpg Anonymous Wed 22 Dec 2021 20:40:44 No.869087701 View Quoted By: >>869087721 >be me >f-- >meet this cool dude at starbucks >he asks for my number >we start going out >one day he admits that he's trans >whatever.jpg >accept him as a her, he's super cool anyway >"no not like that anon" >turns out he's ftm >later that day we end up at his place >we f--- >realise p---- isn't that bad actually >ffw 3 months >bloated stomach >positive pregnancy test >mfw my boyfriend is pregnant
19KİB, 498x498, 77177F8C-334F-4A0E-92B5- 4FBC2FD1973D.jpg Anonymous Wed 22 Dec 2021 20:40:44 No.869087701 View Quoted By: >>869087721 >be me >f-- >meet this cool dude at starbucks >he asks for my number >we start going out >one day he admits that he's trans >whatever.jpg >accept him as a her, he's super cool anyway >"no not like that anon" >turns out he's ftm >later that day we end up at his place >we f--- >realise p---- isn't that bad actually >ffw 3 months >bloated stomach >positive pregnancy test >mfw my boyfriend is pregnant

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anon has autism powers | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)12:15:11 No.66657584 [Reply] >be me >walk through hallway >girl coming the other way >could move around but figure she'll move >she doesn't >eventually stop in front of each other >try going my right, she does too >same when going left >ok this is going nowhere >grab her arms like picking up a box by the sides >pick her up, turn around, set her down without saying a word >give her a nod as she looks at me wide eyed >turn around and go on my way Autism makes me strong
O Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)12:15:11 No.66657584 [Reply] >be me >walk through hallway >girl coming the other way >could move around but figure she'll move >she doesn't >eventually stop in front of each other >try going my right, she does too >same when going left >ok this is going nowhere >grab her arms like picking up a box by the sides >pick her up, turn around, set her down without saying a word >give her a nod as she looks at me wide eyed >turn around and go on my way Autism makes me strong

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Anon ordering food | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 761573897 9 min. ago 4chan I blame you. >be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point >drive through >"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?" >whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed >this m----------- says "sure anon" >oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af >guy is 20 something, says "you seem chill" and passes me note with his twitter >dm him >now best friends.
Anonymous | 761573897 9 min. ago 4chan I blame you. >be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point >drive through >"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?" >whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed >this m----------- says "sure anon" >oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af >guy is 20 something, says "you seem chill" and passes me note with his twitter >dm him >now best friends.

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Anon is a doctor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god
Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god

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Anon is a true monster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)09:46:19 No.864620424 >be me, 2005 >10 years old, had moved to a new school 2 years ago >keep in touch with old friends via RuneScape >one of their moms dies from 216 KB JPG cancer, has a mildly abusive dad with temper >go to funeral, first time l've seen this friend since I moved >he's really sad but handling it well, we talk about RuneScape and I tell him I can help level his skills >he gives me his password >I steal all of his valuable stuff, change the password, and sell his account to one of my friends at my new school for $5 >never talked to the old friend again Mfw I realize was a sociopath as a child
: Anonymous 10/08/21(Fri)09:46:19 No.864620424 >be me, 2005 >10 years old, had moved to a new school 2 years ago >keep in touch with old friends via RuneScape >one of their moms dies from 216 KB JPG cancer, has a mildly abusive dad with temper >go to funeral, first time l've seen this friend since I moved >he's really sad but handling it well, we talk about RuneScape and I tell him I can help level his skills >he gives me his password >I steal all of his valuable stuff, change the password, and sell his account to one of my friends at my new school for $5 >never talked to the old friend again Mfw I realize was a sociopath as a child

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anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)05:55:10 No.868146754 >almost completely unregulated >incompatible with traffic jams >no note >no insurance needed >no license needed >fuel it with determination and whatever 148 KB JPG you ate for breakfast this morning >probably one of the most fuel-efficient vehicles in existence, come to think of it >goes as far and as fast as you can >no need for parking lots, just leave it anywhere there is a secure structure you can attach it to >and even if someone does steal it, it's so inexpensive you could literally just buy another no problem >physically improves you while you use it >plain ol' fun >minimal environmental impact >collisions are significantly less likely to kill or even injure >if entire cities were designed around these the way they are with cars, everyone would be fine with it >doesn't even need seatbelts why is the automobile viewed as the ultimate symbol of freedom again?
: Anonymous 12/07/21(Tue)05:55:10 No.868146754 >almost completely unregulated >incompatible with traffic jams >no note >no insurance needed >no license needed >fuel it with determination and whatever 148 KB JPG you ate for breakfast this morning >probably one of the most fuel-efficient vehicles in existence, come to think of it >goes as far and as fast as you can >no need for parking lots, just leave it anywhere there is a secure structure you can attach it to >and even if someone does steal it, it's so inexpensive you could literally just buy another no problem >physically improves you while you use it >plain ol' fun >minimal environmental impact >collisions are significantly less likely to kill or even injure >if entire cities were designed around these the way they are with cars, everyone would be fine with it >doesn't even need seatbelts why is the automobile viewed as the ultimate symbol of freedom again?

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I pray this was not posted yet lmao | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)18:31:43 No.788513303 >be me 17 today >into erotic hypnosis >Family out to dinner obviously didn't invite my autistic ass >thisismynight.pepe >get completely nakey >lay on bed and play some thot hypnotisis audio on speaker 23 KB JPG >Dropse me in a trance >Turns out to be some femdom sissy s--- >asks me to lick p---- >Ofukyea.kek >the whole time I'm so aroused my pp leaking c-- >She finally commands me to c-- >Best orgasm of my life >open eyes >mom is sobbing on the floor >Dad is screaming about how I was jamming my tongue in n out >Never heard them come in cuz in trance >They both ignore me around the house >What do /b/?
: Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)18:31:43 No.788513303 >be me 17 today >into erotic hypnosis >Family out to dinner obviously didn't invite my autistic ass >thisismynight.pepe >get completely nakey >lay on bed and play some thot hypnotisis audio on speaker 23 KB JPG >Dropse me in a trance >Turns out to be some femdom sissy s--- >asks me to lick p---- >Ofukyea.kek >the whole time I'm so aroused my pp leaking c-- >She finally commands me to c-- >Best orgasm of my life >open eyes >mom is sobbing on the floor >Dad is screaming about how I was jamming my tongue in n out >Never heard them come in cuz in trance >They both ignore me around the house >What do /b/?

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Anon gets a GF | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:04:47 No.66575792 >girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught feelings for me and has started refusing my money >gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far >says she'll give me back the rest when she gets the money 295 KB PNG >wants to see me more often now What do I do now? Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:07:20 No.66575822 >>66575792 (OP) >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free?
Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:04:47 No.66575792 >girl I've been paying $600 a month to be my girlfriend says she's caught feelings for me and has started refusing my money >gave me back $1800 out of the $3000 I've paid so far >says she'll give me back the rest when she gets the money 295 KB PNG >wants to see me more often now What do I do now? Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)15:07:20 No.66575822 >>66575792 (OP) >What do I do now? enjoy your gf for free?

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anon uses his special move | /r/Greentext

File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.
File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.

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Anon's kid turns out fine | /r/Greentext

O 07/07/07(Sat)19:00:20 No.32255003 If I was a girl, I would get pregnant as many times as possible, then have abortions after the third month of being pregnant so i would deliver a potato sized 1/3 developed dead fetus, then i would take the fetus, put it in a jar of preservative liquid and put it on a shelf in a secret room in my house. and i would do it until i had so many the rooms walls were nothing but potato sized aborted fetuses. then i would have a kid and when they're bad i would make them sit in the fetus room and remind them of how easy i could have aborted their ass.
O 07/07/07(Sat)19:00:20 No.32255003 If I was a girl, I would get pregnant as many times as possible, then have abortions after the third month of being pregnant so i would deliver a potato sized 1/3 developed dead fetus, then i would take the fetus, put it in a jar of preservative liquid and put it on a shelf in a secret room in my house. and i would do it until i had so many the rooms walls were nothing but potato sized aborted fetuses. then i would have a kid and when they're bad i would make them sit in the fetus room and remind them of how easy i could have aborted their ass.

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Anon is old fashioned. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)13:58:05 No.785213139 > The year is 1950 > Come home from a long day at work > Greeted by wife, slap her in the face > She laughs and gets back to cooking my tendies 125 KB JPG > Tendies are of much higher quality than today, no GMO's or preservatives > Sit in a recliner, read the paper > Look out the window, see a black guy > Shoot him > He dies > His corpse gets arrested > Wife brings me the tendies, she can't have any because I need her to maintain her ribcage > The day ends and I f--- her while she hates every second of it > Doesn't even know female orgasms are possible Ah, how great it would be to have lived and died in this time period.
: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)13:58:05 No.785213139 > The year is 1950 > Come home from a long day at work > Greeted by wife, slap her in the face > She laughs and gets back to cooking my tendies 125 KB JPG > Tendies are of much higher quality than today, no GMO's or preservatives > Sit in a recliner, read the paper > Look out the window, see a black guy > Shoot him > He dies > His corpse gets arrested > Wife brings me the tendies, she can't have any because I need her to maintain her ribcage > The day ends and I f--- her while she hates every second of it > Doesn't even know female orgasms are possible Ah, how great it would be to have lived and died in this time period.

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/b/uilt to last | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)14:10:47 No.869044859 >scrolling /b/ >BBC >loli 19 KB JPG >socials >mediocre secrets thread made by obvious glowie >shota >streamer simp thread >BBC The absolute state of /b/
: Anonymous 12/21/21(Tue)14:10:47 No.869044859 >scrolling /b/ >BBC >loli 19 KB JPG >socials >mediocre secrets thread made by obvious glowie >shota >streamer simp thread >BBC The absolute state of /b/

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Anon is waiting for it to get better | /r/Greentext

>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job
>it'll get better in high school >it'll get better in college >it'l' get better in university >it will get better when i have a job

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

>play WoWS >fire a shell at a ship >it penetrates the hull >ships are female >l penetrated a female See ya later virgins 134.4 kB JPG
>play WoWS >fire a shell at a ship >it penetrates the hull >ships are female >l penetrated a female See ya later virgins 134.4 kB JPG

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Anon is home alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/19(Fri)18:49:20 No.7483658 >be me >Parents leaves house >Brother leaves house >Hellyeah.jpeg >Go to my room >"Alright, here goes" >*Ahem* 157 KB JPG >"Ni-ni-nig-nigg-N-----" >Finally say the N-WORD Alright, so Basically after I said the n-word some weird penguin entered my room and knocked me out. I'm now trapped in a basement and my ass is hurting. Please help guys. I'm sorry for saying the n-word.
: Anonymous 01/04/19(Fri)18:49:20 No.7483658 >be me >Parents leaves house >Brother leaves house >Hellyeah.jpeg >Go to my room >"Alright, here goes" >*Ahem* 157 KB JPG >"Ni-ni-nig-nigg-N-----" >Finally say the N-WORD Alright, so Basically after I said the n-word some weird penguin entered my room and knocked me out. I'm now trapped in a basement and my ass is hurting. Please help guys. I'm sorry for saying the n-word.

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Anon can’t abandon Big Boss | /r/Greentext

File: 1384015653236.gif-(3 MB, 416x405, sad boss.gif) 3 GO 88O Anonymous 11/09/13(Sat)11:47 UTC-5 No.217367432 Replies: >>217367735 >>217367839 >>217367934 >217368005 >>217368007 >>217368101 >>217368213 >>217368318 >>217368332 >>217368557 >>217368638 >>217368639 >>217368746 >>217368793 >>217368885 >>217368897 >>217368906 >>217368936 >>217369192 >>217369197 >>217369947 >>217370617 >>217370651 >>217370743 2>217370929 >>217371345 >>217371543 >>217372025 >>217372335 2>217372589 >>217373079 >>217373274 >>217374096 >>217374636 >>217375214 >>217375570 >>217375891 >>217376593 >>217376596 >>217376673 >>217377858 >>217379472 >>217379810 >Acquire a girlfriend >She's a solid 6/10 >Spend time together >One day she finds a picture of Big Boss in my wallet >Since then she acts weird >Finally, she finds my Big Boss folder on my po >2GB of Big Boss pom, speeches, motivational posters and cosplay >Notices my collection of vidya games isnt all that impressive, but i have all MGS titles next to a Big Boss figurine and my BB husbando picture where i feed my monitor showing Big Boss doritos and yerba mate >Demands I delete my folder and hide eveyrthing Big Boss related, consoles included or she leaves >Gives me 24 hours >16 hours have passed What do I do, /vi? I can't just abandon Big Boss.
File: 1384015653236.gif-(3 MB, 416x405, sad boss.gif) 3 GO 88O Anonymous 11/09/13(Sat)11:47 UTC-5 No.217367432 Replies: >>217367735 >>217367839 >>217367934 >217368005 >>217368007 >>217368101 >>217368213 >>217368318 >>217368332 >>217368557 >>217368638 >>217368639 >>217368746 >>217368793 >>217368885 >>217368897 >>217368906 >>217368936 >>217369192 >>217369197 >>217369947 >>217370617 >>217370651 >>217370743 2>217370929 >>217371345 >>217371543 >>217372025 >>217372335 2>217372589 >>217373079 >>217373274 >>217374096 >>217374636 >>217375214 >>217375570 >>217375891 >>217376593 >>217376596 >>217376673 >>217377858 >>217379472 >>217379810 >Acquire a girlfriend >She's a solid 6/10 >Spend time together >One day she finds a picture of Big Boss in my wallet >Since then she acts weird >Finally, she finds my Big Boss folder on my po >2GB of Big Boss pom, speeches, motivational posters and cosplay >Notices my collection of vidya games isnt all that impressive, but i have all MGS titles next to a Big Boss figurine and my BB husbando picture where i feed my monitor showing Big Boss doritos and yerba mate >Demands I delete my folder and hide eveyrthing Big Boss related, consoles included or she leaves >Gives me 24 hours >16 hours have passed What do I do, /vi? I can't just abandon Big Boss.

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C ya defribillater | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)06:26:48 No.65375180 >28 >never even bothered to ask a girl out before >decide ill try it out >theres a girl ive been crushing on for months 53 KB JPG >get rejected >the feeling of overwhelmingly brutal depression comes over me >first time ive felt anything in years Honestly it was worth it
: Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)06:26:48 No.65375180 >28 >never even bothered to ask a girl out before >decide ill try it out >theres a girl ive been crushing on for months 53 KB JPG >get rejected >the feeling of overwhelmingly brutal depression comes over me >first time ive felt anything in years Honestly it was worth it

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