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The Lord of the Ring [oldpost] | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/19(Thu)07:01:48 No.52191467 >>52189174 (OP) # In Finland we have this one sauna game called "Gollum" In Gollum one person goes under the sauna bench while other players sit on top of it. 29 KB JPG Then the Gollum proceeds to put his finger in someone's a------ and the other players who are sitting has to guess who has a finger up in their a------. Whoever guesses right, gets to be the next Gollum. >>52191478 # >>52191524 #
: Anonymous 08/29/19(Thu)07:01:48 No.52191467 >>52189174 (OP) # In Finland we have this one sauna game called "Gollum" In Gollum one person goes under the sauna bench while other players sit on top of it. 29 KB JPG Then the Gollum proceeds to put his finger in someone's a------ and the other players who are sitting has to guess who has a finger up in their a------. Whoever guesses right, gets to be the next Gollum. >>52191478 # >>52191524 #

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Anon gets laid without trying | /r/Greentext

onymous l with brain damage fell (...) 12/23/21(Thu)22:57:49 No.66687504 I went to art class in the morning and a couple girls walked in, apparently they had been moved from monday to thursday because some classmates took an early leave and it was pretty much just me and an old man. 45 KB PNG I tried to be friendly and upon looking at one of the girls (with her mask) I thought she'd been a classmate of mine when I was in highschool so I asked her if we'd met before. This rather simple question was met with slurred speech and jerked mannerisms, she has a brain disorder. Things only took a turn for the worse when her auditory impairment issues made her think I was asking her out. She danced and twirled and misunderstood every single thing that came out of my mouth, she was in cloud 9 and I was too nice to do anything about it. The whole time I painted a portrait of my rabbit, she asked for my phone number and my teacher gave me a look in the yes that said "bruh just give it to her" and now I have a series of cryptic messages on my whatsapp. >l am paint >Hello? >I know you sir >l am call me Alexa What the f--- do I even do at this point? God f------ dammit.
onymous l with brain damage fell (...) 12/23/21(Thu)22:57:49 No.66687504 I went to art class in the morning and a couple girls walked in, apparently they had been moved from monday to thursday because some classmates took an early leave and it was pretty much just me and an old man. 45 KB PNG I tried to be friendly and upon looking at one of the girls (with her mask) I thought she'd been a classmate of mine when I was in highschool so I asked her if we'd met before. This rather simple question was met with slurred speech and jerked mannerisms, she has a brain disorder. Things only took a turn for the worse when her auditory impairment issues made her think I was asking her out. She danced and twirled and misunderstood every single thing that came out of my mouth, she was in cloud 9 and I was too nice to do anything about it. The whole time I painted a portrait of my rabbit, she asked for my phone number and my teacher gave me a look in the yes that said "bruh just give it to her" and now I have a series of cryptic messages on my whatsapp. >l am paint >Hello? >I know you sir >l am call me Alexa What the f--- do I even do at this point? God f------ dammit.

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Anon is a problem solver | /r/Greentext

>working out in the middle of the night >finish workout >shower in the dressing room >notice i left my towels at home >for f---'s sake >notice a roll of toilet paper left by the cleaners on a bench >grab some paper and dab it on my body >not efficient enough >just take the entire roll and start wrapping individual body parts in tp >get carried away >my entire body is wrapped up like a mummy, face included >hear someone enter the room >oh f--- >some guy walks in and sees me >time freezes >longest eye contact i've ever had >guy spins on his heels and walks out without a word >can't blame him >if i'd encountered the sungod Bra, i'd flee too
>working out in the middle of the night >finish workout >shower in the dressing room >notice i left my towels at home >for f---'s sake >notice a roll of toilet paper left by the cleaners on a bench >grab some paper and dab it on my body >not efficient enough >just take the entire roll and start wrapping individual body parts in tp >get carried away >my entire body is wrapped up like a mummy, face included >hear someone enter the room >oh f--- >some guy walks in and sees me >time freezes >longest eye contact i've ever had >guy spins on his heels and walks out without a word >can't blame him >if i'd encountered the sungod Bra, i'd flee too

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Anon didn't knew about tencent | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)19:31:39 No.61788673 > be me > make deeply personal post on 4chan detailing painful events etc. > someone sees this and posts it to r/greentext > they recieve 1000 wholesome awards > they get gilded with silver, gold, platinum, argentium, and ternion medals 71 KB JPG all worth over $500 dollars > mfw all I get is called a f----- on 4chan what even is reddit?
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)19:31:39 No.61788673 > be me > make deeply personal post on 4chan detailing painful events etc. > someone sees this and posts it to r/greentext > they recieve 1000 wholesome awards > they get gilded with silver, gold, platinum, argentium, and ternion medals 71 KB JPG all worth over $500 dollars > mfw all I get is called a f----- on 4chan what even is reddit?

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Anon is a Nurse. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)23:05:04 No.869204526 >Be me >28yo male nurse >receive elderly patient "Fred [Redacted]" >have to take his temp with rectal thermometer 128 KB JPG >Fred is clearly uncomfortable and awkward about the process >looks like he wants to knock my lights out when I ask him to disrobe >l insert the thermometer and wait for it to read >awkwardsilence.mp3 >try to lighten the mood >"Infrared thermometer? More like in-Fred thermometer!" >crickets >wait through the longest 8 seconds of my life >thermometer beeps >temp is normal >don't say another word to each other and I leave so doc can see him >that is possibly the most autistic thing I've ever done at this practice
: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)23:05:04 No.869204526 >Be me >28yo male nurse >receive elderly patient "Fred [Redacted]" >have to take his temp with rectal thermometer 128 KB JPG >Fred is clearly uncomfortable and awkward about the process >looks like he wants to knock my lights out when I ask him to disrobe >l insert the thermometer and wait for it to read >awkwardsilence.mp3 >try to lighten the mood >"Infrared thermometer? More like in-Fred thermometer!" >crickets >wait through the longest 8 seconds of my life >thermometer beeps >temp is normal >don't say another word to each other and I leave so doc can see him >that is possibly the most autistic thing I've ever done at this practice

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Anon tries to mess with a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/1 )22:19:21 No.41166713 >arguing with coworker >accidentally call a coworker a soyboy >he asks what it is but try to shrug it off >boss overhears and makes me 54 KB JPG explain to everyone >"well, soy has a lot of estrogen in it, so when you drink a lot of soy milk it makes you weak and effeminate and-" >soyboy: "Well I see you must've been drinking a lot of soy!" >everyone laughs at me >try to explain I'm not a soyboy but no one listens >tfw my nickname at work is now "soyboy"
: Anonymous 11/1 )22:19:21 No.41166713 >arguing with coworker >accidentally call a coworker a soyboy >he asks what it is but try to shrug it off >boss overhears and makes me 54 KB JPG explain to everyone >"well, soy has a lot of estrogen in it, so when you drink a lot of soy milk it makes you weak and effeminate and-" >soyboy: "Well I see you must've been drinking a lot of soy!" >everyone laughs at me >try to explain I'm not a soyboy but no one listens >tfw my nickname at work is now "soyboy"

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Anon never tips a pizza guy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/21(Fri)08:18:12 No.869214536 >Never tip pizza guy. >They eventually start hinting at a tip at the door "haha jus tryna get those tips man" >They eventually start putting this on your boxes, or if they're feeling extra cheeky attach a job Domino's 2 TOWARD The Delery Charge lte ZA NOW YOU FRE drtvee Ples t drtver ter thle awes ervice yeur ER ANY NE PAEZZ e 227 КВ PNG application to it >Continue not tipping >They deliver your pizza cold and late, or shake up your soda or eat one of your wings/garlic breads or something >Complain >Get free pizza for complaining >repeat >picturing the wagecuck seething makes the pizza all the better Post other epoch lifehacks and money saving tips ITT
: Anonymous 12/24/21(Fri)08:18:12 No.869214536 >Never tip pizza guy. >They eventually start hinting at a tip at the door "haha jus tryna get those tips man" >They eventually start putting this on your boxes, or if they're feeling extra cheeky attach a job Domino's 2 TOWARD The Delery Charge lte ZA NOW YOU FRE drtvee Ples t drtver ter thle awes ervice yeur ER ANY NE PAEZZ e 227 КВ PNG application to it >Continue not tipping >They deliver your pizza cold and late, or shake up your soda or eat one of your wings/garlic breads or something >Complain >Get free pizza for complaining >repeat >picturing the wagecuck seething makes the pizza all the better Post other epoch lifehacks and money saving tips ITT

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Anon plays vidya | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)16:18:57 No.66688571 >tfw bad at ALL fps games no matter how much i practice or try, constantly having a negative KDR >some people are just born genetically good at them and don't even have to try >only hobby is video games and i'm 88 KB JPG not even good at them 6 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)16:18:57 No.66688571 >tfw bad at ALL fps games no matter how much i practice or try, constantly having a negative KDR >some people are just born genetically good at them and don't even have to try >only hobby is video games and i'm 88 KB JPG not even good at them 6 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Jumping the Q | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)11:30:37 No.66683295 >you walk up to podium >american national anthem is playing in the background >ex-president biden is hanging in a noose in the back room >president trump walks up to you >best american award >take it 38 KB JPG >start drinking soda and eating pizza in front of everyone >loud burps and belches accommodated by occasional farts >suddenly in the crowd you hear shooting >everyone has their guns in the air >you see a little boy running up to you with an ar- 15 >lift him up in the air and start singing kumbaya >american national anthem now blaring >everything is shaking >everyone is singing >everyone is shooting >in the background you see the press coming up but you shoot them >you hear gunshots from nearby schools, but dont care because its normal >GOD BLESS AMERICA >you gain 45 pounds that day >go home and j-------
: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)11:30:37 No.66683295 >you walk up to podium >american national anthem is playing in the background >ex-president biden is hanging in a noose in the back room >president trump walks up to you >best american award >take it 38 KB JPG >start drinking soda and eating pizza in front of everyone >loud burps and belches accommodated by occasional farts >suddenly in the crowd you hear shooting >everyone has their guns in the air >you see a little boy running up to you with an ar- 15 >lift him up in the air and start singing kumbaya >american national anthem now blaring >everything is shaking >everyone is singing >everyone is shooting >in the background you see the press coming up but you shoot them >you hear gunshots from nearby schools, but dont care because its normal >GOD BLESS AMERICA >you gain 45 pounds that day >go home and j-------

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Anon is a weirdo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/21(Fri)08:34:12 No.869215163 >had cousin (f14) sleep over my family's house >fell asleep watching movies >woke up with a weird feeling on my d--- >front of my shorts were pulled 59 KB JPG down and my d--- was out >cousin and my little sister were holding the tip of my foreskin open and looking at it with a flashlight >realize I am awake and they run to my sister's room >don't know w-- just happened >put my d--- away and go back to sleep >try and confront them about it next day >they play it off like I dreamt it and that I am the gross one for bringing it up >they tell my parents >I get in trouble for trying to explain what happened >parents think I am a sexual weirdo that wants to f--- my sister/cousin >still brought up as a joke to this day 20+ years later I hate it
: Anonymous 12/24/21(Fri)08:34:12 No.869215163 >had cousin (f14) sleep over my family's house >fell asleep watching movies >woke up with a weird feeling on my d--- >front of my shorts were pulled 59 KB JPG down and my d--- was out >cousin and my little sister were holding the tip of my foreskin open and looking at it with a flashlight >realize I am awake and they run to my sister's room >don't know w-- just happened >put my d--- away and go back to sleep >try and confront them about it next day >they play it off like I dreamt it and that I am the gross one for bringing it up >they tell my parents >I get in trouble for trying to explain what happened >parents think I am a sexual weirdo that wants to f--- my sister/cousin >still brought up as a joke to this day 20+ years later I hate it

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Anon takes shit in the office | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)14:40:16 No.869162489 >be me about 15 minutes ago 7. >need a s--- before 9am shift starts >it's 8:30, so no one around in the office 78 KB JPG >sit on toilet and unleash beer s---- from night before (it's Christmas f--- you) >suddenly hear door open >fuckfuckfuck why is someone here >they can obviously smell what I'm cooking >hear slow footsteps go towards other stall and stifled laughter >knock on stall door >"everything okay in there?" >lI'm startled, and accidentally let loose a wet, disgusting, prolonged fart for no less than 2-3 seconds. >silence >hear shuffling feet and door close Am I f-----? It's probably only me and him here at the office right now. I've been in here since it happened and I'm too scared to confront him. What do bros.
: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)14:40:16 No.869162489 >be me about 15 minutes ago 7. >need a s--- before 9am shift starts >it's 8:30, so no one around in the office 78 KB JPG >sit on toilet and unleash beer s---- from night before (it's Christmas f--- you) >suddenly hear door open >fuckfuckfuck why is someone here >they can obviously smell what I'm cooking >hear slow footsteps go towards other stall and stifled laughter >knock on stall door >"everything okay in there?" >lI'm startled, and accidentally let loose a wet, disgusting, prolonged fart for no less than 2-3 seconds. >silence >hear shuffling feet and door close Am I f-----? It's probably only me and him here at the office right now. I've been in here since it happened and I'm too scared to confront him. What do bros.

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Anon isn't pleased with the current state. | /r/Greentext


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10 Seconds to be as millennial as possible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #
: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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Anon faces a dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/21(Sun)22:52:53 No.64819243 >can't go into the gym because I'm not vaxxed wat do bros? I want to get swole. 61 KB JPG 52 Replies / 12 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 12/19/21(Sun)22:52:53 No.64819243 >can't go into the gym because I'm not vaxxed wat do bros? I want to get swole. 61 KB JPG 52 Replies / 12 Images View Thread

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Anons life is rigged. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/27/21(Sat)00:29:45 No.867460819 >be me >born >parents get to choose my name >Choose Gaynor >f------ GAYNOR 45 KB JPG
Anonymous 11/27/21(Sat)00:29:45 No.867460819 >be me >born >parents get to choose my name >Choose Gaynor >f------ GAYNOR 45 KB JPG

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Anon sides with Palestine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 2JUSCV3U ) H 05/12/21(Wed)08:05:57 No.321166552 >>321166198 (OP) # I went to a arab store and ordered a kebab. I said: You heard on the news how the goddamn alyahadi Israelis are killing palestinian children. I get to cashier. Cashier says: Dont worry you dont have to pay its a gift. I go to Jew owned store and say: You heard what those terrorist palestinians are doing to israeli children? I go to cashier and cashier says: That would be 12.35€. I made the decision, i side with 50 KB JPG palestine. >>321167077 # >>321167702 # >>321170047 # >>321170108 #
: Anonymous (ID: 2JUSCV3U ) H 05/12/21(Wed)08:05:57 No.321166552 >>321166198 (OP) # I went to a arab store and ordered a kebab. I said: You heard on the news how the goddamn alyahadi Israelis are killing palestinian children. I get to cashier. Cashier says: Dont worry you dont have to pay its a gift. I go to Jew owned store and say: You heard what those terrorist palestinians are doing to israeli children? I go to cashier and cashier says: That would be 12.35€. I made the decision, i side with 50 KB JPG palestine. >>321167077 # >>321167702 # >>321170047 # >>321170108 #

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Memes of the future are funny | /r/Greentext

>Be me, old f----- >Year 2080 >Grandkids come in >"Grandad look at this funny meme" >Proceeds to show me a glowing tesseract that sucks me in and makes me feel like l've just been imprisoned in a nightmarish hellscape for 10,000 years >falling through an endless tunnel of razorblades >bleeding out of every orifice >Ohgodmakeitstop >Ear-splitting noise and red light flashes before my eyes >l snap back to reality covered in sweat and vomit on the floor >"How funny is that Grandad Imaooo" >Mfw
>Be me, old f----- >Year 2080 >Grandkids come in >"Grandad look at this funny meme" >Proceeds to show me a glowing tesseract that sucks me in and makes me feel like l've just been imprisoned in a nightmarish hellscape for 10,000 years >falling through an endless tunnel of razorblades >bleeding out of every orifice >Ohgodmakeitstop >Ear-splitting noise and red light flashes before my eyes >l snap back to reality covered in sweat and vomit on the floor >"How funny is that Grandad Imaooo" >Mfw

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Anon hallucinates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)20:02:04 No.85235932 >close eyes, 5:52 pm >hallucinate femboy furry within the darkness of my eyelids >open eyes in fear THEY'RE TRYING TO GET INTO MY MIND TO TURN ME GAY 53 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)20:02:04 No.85235932 >close eyes, 5:52 pm >hallucinate femboy furry within the darkness of my eyelids >open eyes in fear THEY'RE TRYING TO GET INTO MY MIND TO TURN ME GAY 53 KB JPG

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What’s not to get | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)20:18:51 No.66689300 What the f---? >Girl in my class that I talk with sometimes >People think we're together >She keeps saying how she will NEVER date me >And that she's way out of my league 231 KB PNG >Don't care lol. >One day we're making some small talk >Topic goes onto dating >She reinstates that she can do way better then me >"That's ok, I don't really think you're really good looking" >She hasn't talked to me since What the f---? : Anon 12/23/21(Thu)20:23:29 No.66689341 >>66689300 (OP) # >haha i get to flex that this guy totally wants to f--- me but i would never >"actually I don't like you at all" >realize l'm just a failed attention w---- >immediately cut contact to save face average basic bitch things
: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)20:18:51 No.66689300 What the f---? >Girl in my class that I talk with sometimes >People think we're together >She keeps saying how she will NEVER date me >And that she's way out of my league 231 KB PNG >Don't care lol. >One day we're making some small talk >Topic goes onto dating >She reinstates that she can do way better then me >"That's ok, I don't really think you're really good looking" >She hasn't talked to me since What the f---? : Anon 12/23/21(Thu)20:23:29 No.66689341 >>66689300 (OP) # >haha i get to flex that this guy totally wants to f--- me but i would never >"actually I don't like you at all" >realize l'm just a failed attention w---- >immediately cut contact to save face average basic bitch things

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Mind Boggling | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married. >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa.
Anonymous No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married. >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa.

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