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Anon tries to OD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/19(Mon)21:08:47 No.816880341 F----- up cocktail time, lads. I've filled this bottle with. >rum >espresso >alcohol based vanilla 1.91 MB JPG >lots of nutmeg >a dash of nyquil >a whole crushed up 30mg oxycodone >cannabis cream (the fat holds the THC) I call it the moloko minus. Either l'll die or go on a keep you updated. rampage. Lets try it out. I'll 19 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 12/23/19(Mon)21:08:47 No.816880341 F----- up cocktail time, lads. I've filled this bottle with. >rum >espresso >alcohol based vanilla 1.91 MB JPG >lots of nutmeg >a dash of nyquil >a whole crushed up 30mg oxycodone >cannabis cream (the fat holds the THC) I call it the moloko minus. Either l'll die or go on a keep you updated. rampage. Lets try it out. I'll 19 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon wants to become bird | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/26/21(Sun)15:22:19 No.869333830 Autistic childhood stories thread? I'll start >be 8 year old autist >understimulated and bored with life >decide to shake things up >make a cassette recording to 19 KB JPG hypnotize myself during my sleep >say "you're a bird" over and over again, so that eventually I'll believe I'm a bird >when night comes be too afraid to play it because maybe l'll jump out the window trying to fly and die >mfw 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
onymous 12/26/21(Sun)15:22:19 No.869333830 Autistic childhood stories thread? I'll start >be 8 year old autist >understimulated and bored with life >decide to shake things up >make a cassette recording to 19 KB JPG hypnotize myself during my sleep >say "you're a bird" over and over again, so that eventually I'll believe I'm a bird >when night comes be too afraid to play it because maybe l'll jump out the window trying to fly and die >mfw 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon fails | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/16(Sat)13:27:15 No.690207203 Failed wincest >Be today >family gathering >see my hot ass sister come in through the door >holy f--- she's so hot >she's wearing short shorts thin 15 KB JPG shirt nice bra >see her smile at me wonder if it's a sign go up to her ask her how's college life and such. >we make small talk for a half hour or so >family decides to play a little touch football >she runs for it all I see is her ass bouncing and bouncing >run after her to go play football > start playing she's on the opposite team so I decided to tackle her >as soon as l'm on top of her d--- gets hard and I couldn't help but give her a kiss >ohfuckme.jpg >she slaps me stands up >l immediately stand up Rock f------ hard tent pitching out of basketball shorts >all of family notices grandma tells me it would be best if I could leave >I think I'm gunna get shunned from my family now
: Anonymous 06/18/16(Sat)13:27:15 No.690207203 Failed wincest >Be today >family gathering >see my hot ass sister come in through the door >holy f--- she's so hot >she's wearing short shorts thin 15 KB JPG shirt nice bra >see her smile at me wonder if it's a sign go up to her ask her how's college life and such. >we make small talk for a half hour or so >family decides to play a little touch football >she runs for it all I see is her ass bouncing and bouncing >run after her to go play football > start playing she's on the opposite team so I decided to tackle her >as soon as l'm on top of her d--- gets hard and I couldn't help but give her a kiss >ohfuckme.jpg >she slaps me stands up >l immediately stand up Rock f------ hard tent pitching out of basketball shorts >all of family notices grandma tells me it would be best if I could leave >I think I'm gunna get shunned from my family now

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Anon makes an analogy. | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/27/21(Mon)00:46:14 No.66722426 >go to buy a milk bottle from the grocery store >pay for it >cashier takes off the cap, rips off the seal, takes several big gulps from my milk, spits in the bottle, and puts the cap back on >"what the f---? Why did you do 11 KB JPG that?" >"the milk bottle is with you now. You're the one who will get to drink it. Why do you care what I did?" >"but you ripped the seal off and drank from it!" >"who cares, the seal is a social construct. You're not an incel, are you?"
onymous 12/27/21(Mon)00:46:14 No.66722426 >go to buy a milk bottle from the grocery store >pay for it >cashier takes off the cap, rips off the seal, takes several big gulps from my milk, spits in the bottle, and puts the cap back on >"what the f---? Why did you do 11 KB JPG that?" >"the milk bottle is with you now. You're the one who will get to drink it. Why do you care what I did?" >"but you ripped the seal off and drank from it!" >"who cares, the seal is a social construct. You're not an incel, are you?"

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anon eats a popsicle | /r/Greentext

>eating popsicle with my friend >it looks phallic >we lol a bit >lick it seductively while looking at him >he is laughing his ass off >put it in my mouth and push it as deep as 366 KB PNG i can >gag and then pull it out >i look like one of those hentai girls, spit trailing and everything >he stops laughing and then looks shocked >look down >rock hard
>eating popsicle with my friend >it looks phallic >we lol a bit >lick it seductively while looking at him >he is laughing his ass off >put it in my mouth and push it as deep as 366 KB PNG i can >gag and then pull it out >i look like one of those hentai girls, spit trailing and everything >he stops laughing and then looks shocked >look down >rock hard

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Anon causes traffic | /r/Greentext

1d (12/23 12:15) · 24968209 47 Re · 9 Img · JPG 21KB · (612 x 408) 12 Replies >Ah yes, now I can park wherever I want! Giddy · 1d (12/23 12:21) 24968239 JPG · 22KB (800 x 450) 1 Reply >>24968209 (OP) •.. •..
1d (12/23 12:15) · 24968209 47 Re · 9 Img · JPG 21KB · (612 x 408) 12 Replies >Ah yes, now I can park wherever I want! Giddy · 1d (12/23 12:21) 24968239 JPG · 22KB (800 x 450) 1 Reply >>24968209 (OP) •.. •..

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Anon has questions about black people | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/26/21(Sun)05:01:41 No.869331619 >Keep seeing black women calling themselves queens >Black men call themselves kings >They all talk about positivity and how they can make themselves successful by thinking about and believing >They talk about owning all kinds of THE BLACK QUEEN 143 KB JPG businesses on the side >If they have jobs it's something like sales guy at the FedEx store or grocery store bagger. >That is success? >Also why do fat white girls like them so much? >Can someone explain this to me?
onymous 12/26/21(Sun)05:01:41 No.869331619 >Keep seeing black women calling themselves queens >Black men call themselves kings >They all talk about positivity and how they can make themselves successful by thinking about and believing >They talk about owning all kinds of THE BLACK QUEEN 143 KB JPG businesses on the side >If they have jobs it's something like sales guy at the FedEx store or grocery store bagger. >That is success? >Also why do fat white girls like them so much? >Can someone explain this to me?

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Anon treats his girl friend right | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/15(Tue) 12:58:07 No.21749740 >11th grade >talk to girl sometimes in class >she's popular and i'm a loser but she's nice to me >middle of the year, she suddenly s---- in class >she was wearing a skirt >s--- everywhere >she's crying si escort her to nurse >happens again within a month, different class that i'm also in >take her to nurse again >she gets diagnosed after that with some bowel disease >has to take medicine >starts hanging out with me more >tells me how sweet i am >i defend her a couple times from people making jokes >she starts calling me just to talk >i never did anything about it, thought we were just friends >2 years after high school >she messages me >"why did you never ask me out in high school? i had a huge crush on you" >"because your c--- is probably overflowing with s--- you nasty bitch" >start leaving diapers on her parents' doorstep every few months or so >still doing it >f--- women
: Anonymous 08/25/15(Tue) 12:58:07 No.21749740 >11th grade >talk to girl sometimes in class >she's popular and i'm a loser but she's nice to me >middle of the year, she suddenly s---- in class >she was wearing a skirt >s--- everywhere >she's crying si escort her to nurse >happens again within a month, different class that i'm also in >take her to nurse again >she gets diagnosed after that with some bowel disease >has to take medicine >starts hanging out with me more >tells me how sweet i am >i defend her a couple times from people making jokes >she starts calling me just to talk >i never did anything about it, thought we were just friends >2 years after high school >she messages me >"why did you never ask me out in high school? i had a huge crush on you" >"because your c--- is probably overflowing with s--- you nasty bitch" >start leaving diapers on her parents' doorstep every few months or so >still doing it >f--- women

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Anon sees through the wormhole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I discovered aliens anons 04/26/21(Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist
: Anonymous I discovered aliens anons 04/26/21(Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist

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Anon starts a crusade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)00:53:03 No.47484327 >stop fapping >stop taking antidepressants >become better person as a result >work out 55 KB JPG >eat right >not ripped but toned now >living in Portland >ANTIFA riots everywhere >have motivation to do something about it >it's time for another crusade >wish me luck anons 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)00:53:03 No.47484327 >stop fapping >stop taking antidepressants >become better person as a result >work out 55 KB JPG >eat right >not ripped but toned now >living in Portland >ANTIFA riots everywhere >have motivation to do something about it >it's time for another crusade >wish me luck anons 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon smokes a joint. | /r/Greentext

12/26/21(Sun)11:13:46 No.66716288 onymous it laced? >be me >receive joint from stoner friend >smoke sometimes so l'm familiar with the effects >joint stays in the drawer for a couple of days since I'm a wagecuck and I only toke on weekends 30 KB JPG >decide it's finally time to light this bad boy up >get in the shower (not turned on) and smoke half of the joint >turn on the water and chill for a minute >i close my eyes and vivid images of me f------ tons of women pop into my head >my d--- feels like it's about to f------ explode >look down >d--- is actually literally double its normal girth, veins popping like its on steroids >paired with the vivid mental images and d--- feeling like it's exploding, I achieve temporary insanity >close my eyes again and start humping the air >hump the air for idk how long >c-- by simply humping the air >start pretending l'm a robot while making robot sounds every time I move >this continues until l'm not high anymore >mfw I looked in the mirror afterwards What was this s--- laced with bros? Have I just been smoking s--- weed until now?
12/26/21(Sun)11:13:46 No.66716288 onymous it laced? >be me >receive joint from stoner friend >smoke sometimes so l'm familiar with the effects >joint stays in the drawer for a couple of days since I'm a wagecuck and I only toke on weekends 30 KB JPG >decide it's finally time to light this bad boy up >get in the shower (not turned on) and smoke half of the joint >turn on the water and chill for a minute >i close my eyes and vivid images of me f------ tons of women pop into my head >my d--- feels like it's about to f------ explode >look down >d--- is actually literally double its normal girth, veins popping like its on steroids >paired with the vivid mental images and d--- feeling like it's exploding, I achieve temporary insanity >close my eyes again and start humping the air >hump the air for idk how long >c-- by simply humping the air >start pretending l'm a robot while making robot sounds every time I move >this continues until l'm not high anymore >mfw I looked in the mirror afterwards What was this s--- laced with bros? Have I just been smoking s--- weed until now?

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Anon is Italian | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)09:47:08 No.38254737>>38254911 >>38254980>>38257272 >>38259506 >>38259665>>38259884 >>38259973 >38260451>>38261346 >>38261583 >>38261592 >>38261967 >>38261998 >>38262007 >>38262945 File: 174.photobucket.com_album(.).jpg (55 KB, 640x480) Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional Beretta took Walther's designs and made them sexy. They discovered noodles from China, removed the dog, and created pasta. They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colleseums and aqueducts. They took the Gladius from the celt-iberians and conquered the world with it. They learned about sex from the Greeks and realized you could also have it with women. Etc.
U Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)09:47:08 No.38254737>>38254911 >>38254980>>38257272 >>38259506 >>38259665>>38259884 >>38259973 >38260451>>38261346 >>38261583 >>38261592 >>38261967 >>38261998 >>38262007 >>38262945 File: 174.photobucket.com_album(.).jpg (55 KB, 640x480) Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional Beretta took Walther's designs and made them sexy. They discovered noodles from China, removed the dog, and created pasta. They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colleseums and aqueducts. They took the Gladius from the celt-iberians and conquered the world with it. They learned about sex from the Greeks and realized you could also have it with women. Etc.

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Anon forgets he‘s in real life. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in 303 KB JPG my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. Luckily I could hold myself back.
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in 303 KB JPG my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. Luckily I could hold myself back.

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anon is a menace | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies
Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies

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Anon makes a realization | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids
:Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids

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Anon is Buddhist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism mfw Ruddhienm ic fake and aOy
: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism mfw Ruddhienm ic fake and aOy

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Anon got a fan | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #

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Anon is too horny | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/26/21(Sun)00:10:00 No.66713494 >aunt talking to me about my mom >keeps referring to her as "your sister" instead of "your mom" >the only person on earth who calls my mom his sister is my uncle I HAVE NO INTENTON OF AROUND WITH ans non HUMANS! PLEASE EXCUSE ME! >my uncle is my aunt's husband >aunt is basically confusing me 89 KB JPG with her husband She wants the d right?
onymous 12/26/21(Sun)00:10:00 No.66713494 >aunt talking to me about my mom >keeps referring to her as "your sister" instead of "your mom" >the only person on earth who calls my mom his sister is my uncle I HAVE NO INTENTON OF AROUND WITH ans non HUMANS! PLEASE EXCUSE ME! >my uncle is my aunt's husband >aunt is basically confusing me 89 KB JPG with her husband She wants the d right?

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Anon is Polish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: tz69+Qc 03/25/17(Sat)12:11:28 No.118239278 1490443275966956698.jpg 218 KB JPG if I only lived in US I could eat hamburger with a juicy beef and a dozen of great vegetables but I was born in this f------ s------- and have to eat something that doesnt even look like a food, in US even dogs get better food than poles. kill me someone please
: Anonymous (ID: tz69+Qc 03/25/17(Sat)12:11:28 No.118239278 1490443275966956698.jpg 218 KB JPG if I only lived in US I could eat hamburger with a juicy beef and a dozen of great vegetables but I was born in this f------ s------- and have to eat something that doesnt even look like a food, in US even dogs get better food than poles. kill me someone please

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Anon has a happy Christmas | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:12:37 No.869317431 > Be me > 26 yo single wagie haven't seen family in years > family asks if I'm coming to visit for Christmas > really want to see them > try to get time off to go > a------ boss won't give time off 7 KB JPG because, "It's a Blackout week and we need people here" > want to quit, but cant due to bills > regretfully tell family I couldn't due to me working > Family seems upset but they understand > depression worsens due to another Christmas alone. > cut to Christmas Eve > closing store for the holiday. > hear knock at the door > go to tell them I'm closed > realize it was my family > they tell me they flew out to spend Christmas with me > begin tearing up > feelsgoodman.jpg| How was your day /b/?
onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:12:37 No.869317431 > Be me > 26 yo single wagie haven't seen family in years > family asks if I'm coming to visit for Christmas > really want to see them > try to get time off to go > a------ boss won't give time off 7 KB JPG because, "It's a Blackout week and we need people here" > want to quit, but cant due to bills > regretfully tell family I couldn't due to me working > Family seems upset but they understand > depression worsens due to another Christmas alone. > cut to Christmas Eve > closing store for the holiday. > hear knock at the door > go to tell them I'm closed > realize it was my family > they tell me they flew out to spend Christmas with me > begin tearing up > feelsgoodman.jpg| How was your day /b/?

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