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Anon sees through the wormhole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I discovered aliens anons 04/26/21(Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist
: Anonymous I discovered aliens anons 04/26/21(Mon)17:06:41 No.63394591 >be me >learn about rule 34 >if it exists there is p--- of it >look up alien p--- >theres p--- of aliens >mfw i just proved aliens 39 KB JPG exist

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Anon starts a crusade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)00:53:03 No.47484327 >stop fapping >stop taking antidepressants >become better person as a result >work out 55 KB JPG >eat right >not ripped but toned now >living in Portland >ANTIFA riots everywhere >have motivation to do something about it >it's time for another crusade >wish me luck anons 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)00:53:03 No.47484327 >stop fapping >stop taking antidepressants >become better person as a result >work out 55 KB JPG >eat right >not ripped but toned now >living in Portland >ANTIFA riots everywhere >have motivation to do something about it >it's time for another crusade >wish me luck anons 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon smokes a joint. | /r/Greentext

12/26/21(Sun)11:13:46 No.66716288 onymous it laced? >be me >receive joint from stoner friend >smoke sometimes so l'm familiar with the effects >joint stays in the drawer for a couple of days since I'm a wagecuck and I only toke on weekends 30 KB JPG >decide it's finally time to light this bad boy up >get in the shower (not turned on) and smoke half of the joint >turn on the water and chill for a minute >i close my eyes and vivid images of me f------ tons of women pop into my head >my d--- feels like it's about to f------ explode >look down >d--- is actually literally double its normal girth, veins popping like its on steroids >paired with the vivid mental images and d--- feeling like it's exploding, I achieve temporary insanity >close my eyes again and start humping the air >hump the air for idk how long >c-- by simply humping the air >start pretending l'm a robot while making robot sounds every time I move >this continues until l'm not high anymore >mfw I looked in the mirror afterwards What was this s--- laced with bros? Have I just been smoking s--- weed until now?
12/26/21(Sun)11:13:46 No.66716288 onymous it laced? >be me >receive joint from stoner friend >smoke sometimes so l'm familiar with the effects >joint stays in the drawer for a couple of days since I'm a wagecuck and I only toke on weekends 30 KB JPG >decide it's finally time to light this bad boy up >get in the shower (not turned on) and smoke half of the joint >turn on the water and chill for a minute >i close my eyes and vivid images of me f------ tons of women pop into my head >my d--- feels like it's about to f------ explode >look down >d--- is actually literally double its normal girth, veins popping like its on steroids >paired with the vivid mental images and d--- feeling like it's exploding, I achieve temporary insanity >close my eyes again and start humping the air >hump the air for idk how long >c-- by simply humping the air >start pretending l'm a robot while making robot sounds every time I move >this continues until l'm not high anymore >mfw I looked in the mirror afterwards What was this s--- laced with bros? Have I just been smoking s--- weed until now?

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Anon is Italian | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)09:47:08 No.38254737>>38254911 >>38254980>>38257272 >>38259506 >>38259665>>38259884 >>38259973 >38260451>>38261346 >>38261583 >>38261592 >>38261967 >>38261998 >>38262007 >>38262945 File: 174.photobucket.com_album(.).jpg (55 KB, 640x480) Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional Beretta took Walther's designs and made them sexy. They discovered noodles from China, removed the dog, and created pasta. They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colleseums and aqueducts. They took the Gladius from the celt-iberians and conquered the world with it. They learned about sex from the Greeks and realized you could also have it with women. Etc.
U Anonymous 06/15/18(Fri)09:47:08 No.38254737>>38254911 >>38254980>>38257272 >>38259506 >>38259665>>38259884 >>38259973 >38260451>>38261346 >>38261583 >>38261592 >>38261967 >>38261998 >>38262007 >>38262945 File: 174.photobucket.com_album(.).jpg (55 KB, 640x480) Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional Beretta took Walther's designs and made them sexy. They discovered noodles from China, removed the dog, and created pasta. They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colleseums and aqueducts. They took the Gladius from the celt-iberians and conquered the world with it. They learned about sex from the Greeks and realized you could also have it with women. Etc.

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Anon forgets he‘s in real life. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in 303 KB JPG my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. Luckily I could hold myself back.
: Anonymous 04/27/21(Tue)06:26:09 No.63407494 >9/10 coworker says she needs to take a piss but the toilets are under maintenance >forget I'm not on the internet and almost say "why don't you piss in 303 KB JPG my mouth" It almost came out of my mouth. Luckily I could hold myself back.

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anon is a menace | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies
Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies

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Anon makes a realization | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids
:Anonymous (ID: CW04UJAD 03/27/21(Sat)23:32:04 No.313962125 >go to college so you can get a job to pay for college >buy a car so you can go to your job to pay for the car >get married so you can have more income to spend on the marriage >have kids to have more 126 KB JPG happiness to offset the stress of having kids

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Anon is Buddhist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism mfw Ruddhienm ic fake and aOy
: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism mfw Ruddhienm ic fake and aOy

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Anon got a fan | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #

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Anon is too horny | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/26/21(Sun)00:10:00 No.66713494 >aunt talking to me about my mom >keeps referring to her as "your sister" instead of "your mom" >the only person on earth who calls my mom his sister is my uncle I HAVE NO INTENTON OF AROUND WITH ans non HUMANS! PLEASE EXCUSE ME! >my uncle is my aunt's husband >aunt is basically confusing me 89 KB JPG with her husband She wants the d right?
onymous 12/26/21(Sun)00:10:00 No.66713494 >aunt talking to me about my mom >keeps referring to her as "your sister" instead of "your mom" >the only person on earth who calls my mom his sister is my uncle I HAVE NO INTENTON OF AROUND WITH ans non HUMANS! PLEASE EXCUSE ME! >my uncle is my aunt's husband >aunt is basically confusing me 89 KB JPG with her husband She wants the d right?

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Anon is Polish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: tz69+Qc 03/25/17(Sat)12:11:28 No.118239278 1490443275966956698.jpg 218 KB JPG if I only lived in US I could eat hamburger with a juicy beef and a dozen of great vegetables but I was born in this f------ s------- and have to eat something that doesnt even look like a food, in US even dogs get better food than poles. kill me someone please
: Anonymous (ID: tz69+Qc 03/25/17(Sat)12:11:28 No.118239278 1490443275966956698.jpg 218 KB JPG if I only lived in US I could eat hamburger with a juicy beef and a dozen of great vegetables but I was born in this f------ s------- and have to eat something that doesnt even look like a food, in US even dogs get better food than poles. kill me someone please

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Anon has a happy Christmas | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:12:37 No.869317431 > Be me > 26 yo single wagie haven't seen family in years > family asks if I'm coming to visit for Christmas > really want to see them > try to get time off to go > a------ boss won't give time off 7 KB JPG because, "It's a Blackout week and we need people here" > want to quit, but cant due to bills > regretfully tell family I couldn't due to me working > Family seems upset but they understand > depression worsens due to another Christmas alone. > cut to Christmas Eve > closing store for the holiday. > hear knock at the door > go to tell them I'm closed > realize it was my family > they tell me they flew out to spend Christmas with me > begin tearing up > feelsgoodman.jpg| How was your day /b/?
onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:12:37 No.869317431 > Be me > 26 yo single wagie haven't seen family in years > family asks if I'm coming to visit for Christmas > really want to see them > try to get time off to go > a------ boss won't give time off 7 KB JPG because, "It's a Blackout week and we need people here" > want to quit, but cant due to bills > regretfully tell family I couldn't due to me working > Family seems upset but they understand > depression worsens due to another Christmas alone. > cut to Christmas Eve > closing store for the holiday. > hear knock at the door > go to tell them I'm closed > realize it was my family > they tell me they flew out to spend Christmas with me > begin tearing up > feelsgoodman.jpg| How was your day /b/?

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Anon has a generation revelation. | /r/Greentext

Ye old stalgia 2011 >Start Minecraft at 4 pm after school on Wednesdays. Call up a bunch of close dudes on landline to come online and play Minecraft. >Spend time building a house with pool, design a flag, etc and have fun. >Our base gets popular online and the boys gang is so proud of it! >Confidence ++ and I feel like I can be an architect. 2019-2021 >Go back to Minecraft. >Find so many orgasmic bases online that spread for longer than my potato PC can render without lagging. >Find out the players who made the bases are on YouTube. >Mfw they're 12 - 15 year olds who did this. >Go back to my old base and feel bad about something that I was once so proud of. Internet, while beautiful has ruined my confidence a lot of times. Thinking of posting things that I once was proud of make me feel autistic and retarded noW.
Ye old stalgia 2011 >Start Minecraft at 4 pm after school on Wednesdays. Call up a bunch of close dudes on landline to come online and play Minecraft. >Spend time building a house with pool, design a flag, etc and have fun. >Our base gets popular online and the boys gang is so proud of it! >Confidence ++ and I feel like I can be an architect. 2019-2021 >Go back to Minecraft. >Find so many orgasmic bases online that spread for longer than my potato PC can render without lagging. >Find out the players who made the bases are on YouTube. >Mfw they're 12 - 15 year olds who did this. >Go back to my old base and feel bad about something that I was once so proud of. Internet, while beautiful has ruined my confidence a lot of times. Thinking of posting things that I once was proud of make me feel autistic and retarded noW.

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This does put a smile in my face | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed) 19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 5$ >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc >this goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff
| Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed) 19:11:11 No.703940657 >be me >recently moved because of job opportunity, no gf, no friends in town >every friday, order a pizza from local pizzahut >give delivery guy a different 21 KB JPG "challenge" every time they bring a pizza, with a large tip as a reward if they complete it >always make them america-related >start easy. draw an american flag for 5$ >slowly make them more and more challenging, increasing reward as time goes on >"recite the preamble for 20$" >"tell me your personal opinion on the 2nd amendment for 10$" >etc etc >this goes on for a few months until pretty much every employee in the resturaunt that has done a delivery has at least attempted one of my challenges >yesterday, get in pretty bad car accident >wake up in hospital today. told by nurse that a few people came by to visit, mainly coworkers from job >some of them left a pizza >mfw there's a pizza on a table in the room of the same type that i always get >mfw it's got an american flag on it and a "get well soon" card with signatures from the entire restaurant staff

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Anon gets called poor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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Anon is scared | /r/Greentext

1500590969099.jpg (78 KB, 346x450) google yandex >make post criticizing google >next captcha shows street near my house
1500590969099.jpg (78 KB, 346x450) google yandex >make post criticizing google >next captcha shows street near my house

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Anon nukem | /r/Greentext

>HS >in English class >get put in a project with 2 stacys >can almost do a perfect duke nukem accent, spent hours in my room autistically practicing certain one liners >can only hold it for like 3 seconds and even then it depends on the words, the voice is just too 10 KB JPG f------ deep for me to do for very long >throughout the project the stacys tease me and act condescending the whole time >soul crushing having to work with such f------ bafoons >one gives me her ipad to go charge >i bend over to plug in into the outlet >one goes "ooh nice ass boy haha" >turn around and let her have it >unleash the pure raw sexual power of the duke voice >say "you wanna touch it, don't you?" nailed it >they both flush completely red >they don't bother me for the rest of the project >tfw duky saved me
>HS >in English class >get put in a project with 2 stacys >can almost do a perfect duke nukem accent, spent hours in my room autistically practicing certain one liners >can only hold it for like 3 seconds and even then it depends on the words, the voice is just too 10 KB JPG f------ deep for me to do for very long >throughout the project the stacys tease me and act condescending the whole time >soul crushing having to work with such f------ bafoons >one gives me her ipad to go charge >i bend over to plug in into the outlet >one goes "ooh nice ass boy haha" >turn around and let her have it >unleash the pure raw sexual power of the duke voice >say "you wanna touch it, don't you?" nailed it >they both flush completely red >they don't bother me for the rest of the project >tfw duky saved me

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Anon Visits Black Twitter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 8mCevlw5 File: 1_big.png (278 KB, 525x480) 12/25/21(Sat)07:56:04 No.353599318 >>353599366 >>353601292 >>353595346 (OP) >be me >read comments >realize it's black twitter >close tab
Anonymous (ID: 8mCevlw5 File: 1_big.png (278 KB, 525x480) 12/25/21(Sat)07:56:04 No.353599318 >>353599366 >>353601292 >>353595346 (OP) >be me >read comments >realize it's black twitter >close tab

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Anon is a fag | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/25/21(Sat)21:18:06 No.869292245 > Room hasn't looked like the lovechild of a warehouse and a landfill in 6 months > Haven't had suicidal thoughts in 6 months 340 KB JPG > Mostly been a happy average joe normie for the past 6 months > Boyfriend of 3 years left me 6 months ago Trying not to do the maths because that would mean I lost 3 years on my life on a happiness leech
: Anonymous 12/25/21(Sat)21:18:06 No.869292245 > Room hasn't looked like the lovechild of a warehouse and a landfill in 6 months > Haven't had suicidal thoughts in 6 months 340 KB JPG > Mostly been a happy average joe normie for the past 6 months > Boyfriend of 3 years left me 6 months ago Trying not to do the maths because that would mean I lost 3 years on my life on a happiness leech

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True story | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:56:20 No.869310286 >Be me, have ghost pepper plant >there are currently fruit flies in the house cause of a bad batch of bananas >ghost pepper starts growing, it's the only one > I see one of those greedy f------ 22 KB JPG fruit flies going for the baby bud >you have all the fruit in the world but still decide to prey on my precious plant >kill that son of a bitch with the force of 1000 Ben shapiros >Satisfied with my work, leave >Pepper plant produces more flowers but they all wither and die >Mfw the fruit fly wasn't eating the buds, it was pollinating them I killed my only chance at having more peppers. Flies r all gone cause I clean the house and it's the middle of winter so there's no pollinators. I guess I'm just a fool now.
onymous 12/25/21(Sat)20:56:20 No.869310286 >Be me, have ghost pepper plant >there are currently fruit flies in the house cause of a bad batch of bananas >ghost pepper starts growing, it's the only one > I see one of those greedy f------ 22 KB JPG fruit flies going for the baby bud >you have all the fruit in the world but still decide to prey on my precious plant >kill that son of a bitch with the force of 1000 Ben shapiros >Satisfied with my work, leave >Pepper plant produces more flowers but they all wither and die >Mfw the fruit fly wasn't eating the buds, it was pollinating them I killed my only chance at having more peppers. Flies r all gone cause I clean the house and it's the middle of winter so there's no pollinators. I guess I'm just a fool now.

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