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E = McD² proof | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)05:34:06 No.63223371 >Female Friend claims she can't lose weight despite eating like 1000 kcal below her TDEE >F------ jump in telling her it's for sure her Hormones 26 KB JPG >Tell her how it is, she's almost certainly eating more than she thinks >Mention a f------ meal she had a few days ago that by itself was at least 1.5k kcal >Now l'm the a------ Whatever, I'll stop trying to help people trying to lose weight, it's always the same delusional b-------.

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Anon gets disappointed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:07:05 No.66775971 >be me >autistic as f--- but doing fine >comfy side gig while in college >new coworker starts same shifts >cute latina with big tiddies >we have a click, start taking breaks together >asks for my snap and we start 213 KB JPG talking there too >mires my gym progress, squeezes my arm sometimes >sends me pics in skimpy gym outfits >once straight up put her hand under my shirt when she asked if i had abs >very touchy and playful in general >starting to collect the courage to ask her out >get off work yesterday, see her walking towards a car >guy gets out, they kiss and hug >never mentioned a boyfriend so thats just how some girls are huh
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)16:07:05 No.66775971 >be me >autistic as f--- but doing fine >comfy side gig while in college >new coworker starts same shifts >cute latina with big tiddies >we have a click, start taking breaks together >asks for my snap and we start 213 KB JPG talking there too >mires my gym progress, squeezes my arm sometimes >sends me pics in skimpy gym outfits >once straight up put her hand under my shirt when she asked if i had abs >very touchy and playful in general >starting to collect the courage to ask her out >get off work yesterday, see her walking towards a car >guy gets out, they kiss and hug >never mentioned a boyfriend so thats just how some girls are huh

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Anon gets rekt | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No.45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no
O Anonymous 05/02/18(Wed)18:48:52 No.45089266 File: 571.png (81 KB, 658x901) >>45089296 >go to hug mum >she dabs on me instead mummy no

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Good times | /r/Greentext

Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov >I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before I'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.
Haven't told anyone this yet so you all will be the first > be me > horny 14 year old > playing Smash Melee with gf > jokingly say "if I win you're giving me a h------" 1.7 MB GIF > beat her because girls can't game for s--- > celebrating.ogg > "anon do you still want that h------?" > holup.mov >I didn't think she would take it seriously but f--- yeah > whip out my d--- > she jacks me off for a while > feelsprettygoodman > she suggests a b------ > f--- yes > stop her before I'm about to bust > ask if she wants to f--- > she does > pull out the condoms because I was a responsible retard back then > we start f------ (both being virgins) > once I finish we go back to playing melee I wish I was 14 again. Now I just want to kill myself.

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Anon watches VSauce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No. 795345985 (13 s) >be me >last night >can't sleep >browsing youtube >end up putting on old vsauce playlist >michaels soothing voice >bliss.jpeg >instantly fall asleep thanks Michael PNG 81.83 KB
Anonymous No. 795345985 (13 s) >be me >last night >can't sleep >browsing youtube >end up putting on old vsauce playlist >michaels soothing voice >bliss.jpeg >instantly fall asleep thanks Michael PNG 81.83 KB

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Anon eats a pickle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle
: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >I stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle

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Anon is pale white | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/17(Wed)15:44:55 No.748471098 >be me >into funk and rock music and stuff >decide I want to learn guitar >7-8 years later, in a funk band now 99 KB JPG >get a gig at an outdoor concert >have blisters on fingers from practicing >worried I'm gonna mess up because of pain >also put on too much sunscreen, >tfw I look like a pale white virgin >mom waiting backstage with me to cheer me on >tell her about being nervous >tells me something as I go onstage with band >"play that funky music white boy" >l played that funky music right
: Anonymous 10/18/17(Wed)15:44:55 No.748471098 >be me >into funk and rock music and stuff >decide I want to learn guitar >7-8 years later, in a funk band now 99 KB JPG >get a gig at an outdoor concert >have blisters on fingers from practicing >worried I'm gonna mess up because of pain >also put on too much sunscreen, >tfw I look like a pale white virgin >mom waiting backstage with me to cheer me on >tell her about being nervous >tells me something as I go onstage with band >"play that funky music white boy" >l played that funky music right

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Anon is rich and genius. | /r/Greentext

>Be Vice 560 286 0468 2.286 14563 156 Nstonks 0.12% >Hire a team of expert 0287 1204 programmers to design an app NIA 0.1902 which will turn any woman 506 KB PNG completely naked. >Start selling copies of the app for $50. >Make an article about this "horrifying new app" with a photo of naked Taylor Swift. >Gain crap tons of popularity >Take the app offline. >Start selling expensive copies on the deepweb and make $$$$$4
>Be Vice 560 286 0468 2.286 14563 156 Nstonks 0.12% >Hire a team of expert 0287 1204 programmers to design an app NIA 0.1902 which will turn any woman 506 KB PNG completely naked. >Start selling copies of the app for $50. >Make an article about this "horrifying new app" with a photo of naked Taylor Swift. >Gain crap tons of popularity >Take the app offline. >Start selling expensive copies on the deepweb and make $$$$$4

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Early settlement | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:40:06 No.66770723 >have female friend for years >never attracted to her, she's ugly and fat but nice >suddenly feel romantic attraction to her >want to marry and f--- her where the f--- did this come 58 KB JPG from? It was practically overnight. : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:42:10 No.66770748 >>66770723 (OP) # You got desperate
: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:40:06 No.66770723 >have female friend for years >never attracted to her, she's ugly and fat but nice >suddenly feel romantic attraction to her >want to marry and f--- her where the f--- did this come 58 KB JPG from? It was practically overnight. : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)22:42:10 No.66770748 >>66770723 (OP) # You got desperate

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Custodian of record | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)23:49:43 No.66771304 >be me mid 30s >mom died in a car accident >dad is a big time drug addict >l end up with custody of my siblings >sisters best friend is like 17 143 KB PNG >she comes over like every day >always leaves a cute message on the Ring when she comes and goes. >tfw in love with a girl half my age.
: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)23:49:43 No.66771304 >be me mid 30s >mom died in a car accident >dad is a big time drug addict >l end up with custody of my siblings >sisters best friend is like 17 143 KB PNG >she comes over like every day >always leaves a cute message on the Ring when she comes and goes. >tfw in love with a girl half my age.

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Anon is sorry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 19 minutes ago 46705365 >walking after rain >snails everywhere >CRACK >i stepped on a snail >sorry little guy, i will end your suffering >step with great power, twist foot >look down >mfw i killed a wrong, completely healthy snail im sorry boys 1 REPLY
Anonymous 19 minutes ago 46705365 >walking after rain >snails everywhere >CRACK >i stepped on a snail >sorry little guy, i will end your suffering >step with great power, twist foot >look down >mfw i killed a wrong, completely healthy snail im sorry boys 1 REPLY

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Anon has a job interview | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)03:31:22 No.869605671 >be me >in college >applying for job because l'm broke >suit & tie, documents ready >"Anon you can do this" > boss starts asking questions >"So Anon, what do you expect to be 41 KB JPG doing in ten years?" >d onotfuckthisup >be a retard and answer with the worst s--- imaginable > "your mom" Still broke and jobless but it was totally worth it.
: Anonymous 12/30/21(Thu)03:31:22 No.869605671 >be me >in college >applying for job because l'm broke >suit & tie, documents ready >"Anon you can do this" > boss starts asking questions >"So Anon, what do you expect to be 41 KB JPG doing in ten years?" >d onotfuckthisup >be a retard and answer with the worst s--- imaginable > "your mom" Still broke and jobless but it was totally worth it.

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I am redditer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time 52 KB JPG >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related
: Anonymous 03/29/21(Mon)11:02:55 No.62964289 Reddit >be you >redditor >too much of a retard to go on /r9k/ for greentexts >go on r/greentext instead >find an old greentext from 2015 being reposted for the 488th time 52 KB JPG >its about anon who was 13 at the time and said something stupid to his crush and was laughed at by the entire class >drop a comment where you call anon a loser and use the greentext to interpret his entire life and predict his entire future through the power of projection >wait for 4 hours staring at the screen >it got an updoot by another f----- >coom your pants order your favourite pizza as celebration >pic related

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Anon doeant know what to do | /r/Greentext

>in bed with new gf >she says out of nowhere that her ex is black Wat do? 19 KB JPG
>in bed with new gf >she says out of nowhere that her ex is black Wat do? 19 KB JPG

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Anon can't be fooled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:50:35 No.869588879 FoodTank_agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP)_# >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- COART U 103 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable 379 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:50:35 No.869588879 FoodTank_agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP)_# >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- COART U 103 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable 379 KB JPG

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Anon wastes his opportunity | /r/Greentext

one life to live >born white man >relatively wealthy family >objectively good looking and fit >six figure job >tfw still no friends 31 KB GIF >tfw still no gf at least you virgins never had a chance but i was given everything and i still suck
one life to live >born white man >relatively wealthy family >objectively good looking and fit >six figure job >tfw still no friends 31 KB GIF >tfw still no gf at least you virgins never had a chance but i was given everything and i still suck

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KIDS ARE INNOCENT... HENCE PROVED!!! | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)09:56:59 No.777677271 >be me >around 9 years old >dad loves hunting, wants to take me >I don't like the idea of killing animals, but I don't want my dad to think I'm a little bitch so I reluctantly 33 KB JPG go >set the trap, put some scented food in it >small doe comes up, have my sight lined up, ready to pull the trigger >feel instant regret even before killling the animal >turn to my dad >"Dad, I'm sorry but I really don't want to take this animal's life" >That's okay son, why don't you just keep setting up the traps, you're really good at it >continue to set traps >we do this every couple of months for years, I set the traps, he takes the shots >recently entered a trap setting contest in my local hunter union >won >mfw l'm a master baiter
| Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)09:56:59 No.777677271 >be me >around 9 years old >dad loves hunting, wants to take me >I don't like the idea of killing animals, but I don't want my dad to think I'm a little bitch so I reluctantly 33 KB JPG go >set the trap, put some scented food in it >small doe comes up, have my sight lined up, ready to pull the trigger >feel instant regret even before killling the animal >turn to my dad >"Dad, I'm sorry but I really don't want to take this animal's life" >That's okay son, why don't you just keep setting up the traps, you're really good at it >continue to set traps >we do this every couple of months for years, I set the traps, he takes the shots >recently entered a trap setting contest in my local hunter union >won >mfw l'm a master baiter

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Anon offers relationship advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858 Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP
: Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858 Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP

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Anon is being stared in the gym | /r/Greentext


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Unbelievable | /r/Greentext


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