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Anon becomes an instagram mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)17:23:28 No.869751457 >be moderately attractive white woman in early 20s >start an instagram page where you claim to be married with children and raising them with Jesus >bs story about how you met your husband in church and now have 7 children and counting >get 8 fake pregnancy bellies at different stages, wear one in every staged selfie and candid picture >post strategically angled pictures of your own nicely furnished apartment with long gushing captions about how nice it is your husband can pay for a big house for all of you and you can stay at home like the Bible says >post random bible verses and cooking recipes of whatever random European country you decided to arbitrarily claim ancestry from and translated with google translate >explain the lack of pictures of your fake husband and your fake children by claiming you -respect their privacy >don't show skin because of -modesty- but plenty of barefoot pics as a treat for the foot fetish dudes
Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)17:23:28 No.869751457 >be moderately attractive white woman in early 20s >start an instagram page where you claim to be married with children and raising them with Jesus >bs story about how you met your husband in church and now have 7 children and counting >get 8 fake pregnancy bellies at different stages, wear one in every staged selfie and candid picture >post strategically angled pictures of your own nicely furnished apartment with long gushing captions about how nice it is your husband can pay for a big house for all of you and you can stay at home like the Bible says >post random bible verses and cooking recipes of whatever random European country you decided to arbitrarily claim ancestry from and translated with google translate >explain the lack of pictures of your fake husband and your fake children by claiming you -respect their privacy >don't show skin because of -modesty- but plenty of barefoot pics as a treat for the foot fetish dudes

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Anon gets criticized for his breakfast making strategy | /r/Greentext


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Plant Owner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)13:18:14 No.66804949 >be me >have plant >dont give it water >watch it slowly die over time while i do nothing about it >mfw 908 KB PNG View Thread
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)13:18:14 No.66804949 >be me >have plant >dont give it water >watch it slowly die over time while i do nothing about it >mfw 908 KB PNG View Thread

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Anon can't cry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)20:16:02 No.869754426 >be me >never cried once besides from pain when i was young >not from movies >not from songs >not even from the death of my very close grandfather >i felt sad but never enough to 64 KB JPG make me cry >feel like s--- and a sociopath because of it fast forward several months >still feel like an empty sociopath >finds random album >supposed to be a sad album from what ive heard >by a literal black f----- tho >Imaowatthefuckisthis.avi >fast forward 45 minutes im on the floor sobbing like a p---- ass f----- >realization that not even the most sorrow of things that can happen to a person will make me cry but this gay ass album by a f----- does it in under an hour >feel like s--- again >mfw 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)20:16:02 No.869754426 >be me >never cried once besides from pain when i was young >not from movies >not from songs >not even from the death of my very close grandfather >i felt sad but never enough to 64 KB JPG make me cry >feel like s--- and a sociopath because of it fast forward several months >still feel like an empty sociopath >finds random album >supposed to be a sad album from what ive heard >by a literal black f----- tho >Imaowatthefuckisthis.avi >fast forward 45 minutes im on the floor sobbing like a p---- ass f----- >realization that not even the most sorrow of things that can happen to a person will make me cry but this gay ass album by a f----- does it in under an hour >feel like s--- again >mfw 2 Replies View Thread

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Another Story of Anon Meets Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)12:38:04 No.869758651 >be weak overweight slob, decide to get fit for 2022 >Go to gym, my very first exercise is bench. >next to me are some Chads and Zoomers, they snicker and laugh >Don't want to cry in front of them >Run into the locker room and start to pack up 73 KB PNG >Chad sees me, says he'll help me learn to bench >I smile, then he grabs me and yells "we're going to make those bitch t--- into rock hard pecs," slaps my bitch t---. >Then I notice his raging erection. UH_OH.exe >He whips his massive c--- out. He's sweaty from his workout. >He jams it down my throat and makes me suck it until I swallow his load >He yells "bitch t--- swallows," and all the Chads and Zoomers come running in. They all take turns face f------ me. >After that he takes me out to the gym and teaches me to bench. >Afterwards he says that he'll be there tomorrow for leg day, he will teach me to suck two at once and deadlift. >Are all gyms like this?
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)12:38:04 No.869758651 >be weak overweight slob, decide to get fit for 2022 >Go to gym, my very first exercise is bench. >next to me are some Chads and Zoomers, they snicker and laugh >Don't want to cry in front of them >Run into the locker room and start to pack up 73 KB PNG >Chad sees me, says he'll help me learn to bench >I smile, then he grabs me and yells "we're going to make those bitch t--- into rock hard pecs," slaps my bitch t---. >Then I notice his raging erection. UH_OH.exe >He whips his massive c--- out. He's sweaty from his workout. >He jams it down my throat and makes me suck it until I swallow his load >He yells "bitch t--- swallows," and all the Chads and Zoomers come running in. They all take turns face f------ me. >After that he takes me out to the gym and teaches me to bench. >Afterwards he says that he'll be there tomorrow for leg day, he will teach me to suck two at once and deadlift. >Are all gyms like this?

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Anon meets cute girl | /r/Greentext

True story >Be me >Be 30 mins ago >Be virgin >Feelsbaman >Meet cute girl >Drive to girls house, watch some GOT and then we head up to her room >oHshit.avi 75.0 kB JPG >She starts kissing me >next thing i know im eating her out >Think about the stupid post where someone made a girl c-- by spelling out 'AyyLmao' on her vagina. >Laugh >Erection lost >Dosent come back Why did i loose my best opportunity to loose my virginity thanks to you f---.
True story >Be me >Be 30 mins ago >Be virgin >Feelsbaman >Meet cute girl >Drive to girls house, watch some GOT and then we head up to her room >oHshit.avi 75.0 kB JPG >She starts kissing me >next thing i know im eating her out >Think about the stupid post where someone made a girl c-- by spelling out 'AyyLmao' on her vagina. >Laugh >Erection lost >Dosent come back Why did i loose my best opportunity to loose my virginity thanks to you f---.

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Anon's Among Us experience is quite shrewd. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/20(Mon)15:38:16 No.525508738 >start game with friends >be one of the 2 imposters >kill first guy, friend watches me do it >rush to report the dead body and tell everyone that it was him >he tries to defend himself, butI keep cornering him >no one buys his story so he gets voted out >proceed to win the game because no one suspects me at this point >he's still angry at me for this I love this game
: Anonymous 09/21/20(Mon)15:38:16 No.525508738 >start game with friends >be one of the 2 imposters >kill first guy, friend watches me do it >rush to report the dead body and tell everyone that it was him >he tries to defend himself, butI keep cornering him >no one buys his story so he gets voted out >proceed to win the game because no one suspects me at this point >he's still angry at me for this I love this game

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Interesting... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)12:22:34 No.542077390 >>542071209 (OP) # >the year is 2022 >gamestop market cap is now valued at 50 billion dollars >visit my local gamestop >the smell of urine, body odor and 111 KB JPG energy drink burps, no longer present in the air, instead replaced by a trail of petunias and daffodils leading to the revolving door entrance >leave my coat with the doorman and check myself in before walking into the air conditioned 2,000 square foot three story building with valet service >immediately greeted by the sounds of Vivaldi's Spring performed by the shop's string quartet on the way in >walk past the marble water fountains and roman pillars to the used blu-ray aisle >pick up a $3 copy of the classic Nicolas Cage film Drive Angry >guy in a tuxedo at the checkout puts on his white gloves and bags it for me while I enjoy a spoonful of complimentary caviar >sign up for the preorder list of Kerbal Space Program 2 and leave my signature in the guestbook >bellboy carries my bag for me to the entrance and wishes me a good evening
: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)12:22:34 No.542077390 >>542071209 (OP) # >the year is 2022 >gamestop market cap is now valued at 50 billion dollars >visit my local gamestop >the smell of urine, body odor and 111 KB JPG energy drink burps, no longer present in the air, instead replaced by a trail of petunias and daffodils leading to the revolving door entrance >leave my coat with the doorman and check myself in before walking into the air conditioned 2,000 square foot three story building with valet service >immediately greeted by the sounds of Vivaldi's Spring performed by the shop's string quartet on the way in >walk past the marble water fountains and roman pillars to the used blu-ray aisle >pick up a $3 copy of the classic Nicolas Cage film Drive Angry >guy in a tuxedo at the checkout puts on his white gloves and bags it for me while I enjoy a spoonful of complimentary caviar >sign up for the preorder list of Kerbal Space Program 2 and leave my signature in the guestbook >bellboy carries my bag for me to the entrance and wishes me a good evening

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Anon forgot where he was | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/02/21 (Thu)04:19:56 No.6638977 CAN YOU C---- GO ONE DAY WITHOUT POSTING P--- F------ 236 KB PNG
: Anonymous 12/02/21 (Thu)04:19:56 No.6638977 CAN YOU C---- GO ONE DAY WITHOUT POSTING P--- F------ 236 KB PNG

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Anon meets a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!

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Anon is a freak | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)18:07:59 No.855618492 my girl died 8 days ago im still not over it help me /b/ 10 KB JPG 47 Replies / 8 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)18:22:51 No.855619387 GEORGIA MAN KEPT DECEASED MOTHER IN >>855618492 (OP) # FREEZER FOR YEARS FOR "CASUAL SEX" >8 days ago still fesh 53 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)18:07:59 No.855618492 my girl died 8 days ago im still not over it help me /b/ 10 KB JPG 47 Replies / 8 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/29/21(Sat)18:22:51 No.855619387 GEORGIA MAN KEPT DECEASED MOTHER IN >>855618492 (OP) # FREEZER FOR YEARS FOR "CASUAL SEX" >8 days ago still fesh 53 KB JPG

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Rain, no shine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)12:59:20 No.66811244 pepe-apu-raincoat-rain.gif 1.78 MB GIF >go to some silvester college party >drink liquid courage >chat with cute girls >"You look buff anon but sorry about that face" >other girls giggle >stand up and leave I feel defeated.
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)12:59:20 No.66811244 pepe-apu-raincoat-rain.gif 1.78 MB GIF >go to some silvester college party >drink liquid courage >chat with cute girls >"You look buff anon but sorry about that face" >other girls giggle >stand up and leave I feel defeated.

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon enjoys christmas | /r/Greentext

>Be me around 7 years old >Big family, lots of aunts, uncles, 14 if you include aunts and uncles by marriage. Also something like 30 cousins >When you are a little kid it's hard to keep track of all the relationships. Important later 479 KB JPG >We have Christmas at our house. It's pure chaos with so many people >The kids used to keep their toys under the tree for a few days after Christmas >I got Grayskull Castle and a bunch of He-Man toys. A few nights after Christmas, I want to play with it. I sneak downstairs after everyone has gone to bed >l walk into the living room and my mom is down on all fours getting absolutely f----- by one of my uncles. >l freak out and run upstairs crying. My dad comes out. Anger.exe screaming.wav >My parents stay together, but we move away. >We still see some of our family, but never that uncle. We see my grandparents and my dad's family a lot. >When I'm older I sort of bring, “Dad, have you ever talked to your brother since we moved?" >Dad says, "anon I only have sisters" >MFW my mom was f------ her brother >MFW I look completely like my mom's side of the family and nothing like my dad's
>Be me around 7 years old >Big family, lots of aunts, uncles, 14 if you include aunts and uncles by marriage. Also something like 30 cousins >When you are a little kid it's hard to keep track of all the relationships. Important later 479 KB JPG >We have Christmas at our house. It's pure chaos with so many people >The kids used to keep their toys under the tree for a few days after Christmas >I got Grayskull Castle and a bunch of He-Man toys. A few nights after Christmas, I want to play with it. I sneak downstairs after everyone has gone to bed >l walk into the living room and my mom is down on all fours getting absolutely f----- by one of my uncles. >l freak out and run upstairs crying. My dad comes out. Anger.exe screaming.wav >My parents stay together, but we move away. >We still see some of our family, but never that uncle. We see my grandparents and my dad's family a lot. >When I'm older I sort of bring, “Dad, have you ever talked to your brother since we moved?" >Dad says, "anon I only have sisters" >MFW my mom was f------ her brother >MFW I look completely like my mom's side of the family and nothing like my dad's

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Anon worships the devil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)12:08:38 No.869757248 GOD: >wants you to worship him all day every day. >tells you what you should and shouldn't do without context or any real reason. 66 KB GIF >will get jealous at the though of you worshipping another god. >sends himself down as a sacrifice to himself to appease himself so humanity doesn't have to face the wrath of himself. >gives you the option to believe in him, but if you don't he'll cast you into a fiery lake of pain for all eternity. >punishes job who is a loyal follower over a cheap bet. >he loves you SATAN: >never asks you to worship him. >redpills adam and eve in the garden of eden, which frees them from being mindless npc's. >looked like chad when he was an angel. >wants you to be able to do whatever you want to. >advocates and supports human pleasures. >his realm has all the celebrities, partiers, rockstars, who feared nothing. >has a f------ demon dog with badass horns. Who is the evil one again?
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)12:08:38 No.869757248 GOD: >wants you to worship him all day every day. >tells you what you should and shouldn't do without context or any real reason. 66 KB GIF >will get jealous at the though of you worshipping another god. >sends himself down as a sacrifice to himself to appease himself so humanity doesn't have to face the wrath of himself. >gives you the option to believe in him, but if you don't he'll cast you into a fiery lake of pain for all eternity. >punishes job who is a loyal follower over a cheap bet. >he loves you SATAN: >never asks you to worship him. >redpills adam and eve in the garden of eden, which frees them from being mindless npc's. >looked like chad when he was an angel. >wants you to be able to do whatever you want to. >advocates and supports human pleasures. >his realm has all the celebrities, partiers, rockstars, who feared nothing. >has a f------ demon dog with badass horns. Who is the evil one again?

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Anon is jacked | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #

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league of legends g*mer | /r/Greentext

1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined
1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined

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Anon fucked up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)15:08:33 No.869776799 >be me >11 >on a school trip, ice skating >younger students were with us so the teachers said everyone assigns themselves to one younger kid to teach them ice skating iminchargenow.png 204 KB PNG >go talk to one girl >looked about 6 years old >we start ice skating and i teach her a bit of stuff >i am behind her as we slide with quite the high speed >she trips and falls over shitshitshitshit.png >am too fast to dodge so i try to look cool by lifting one leg and sliding past her with the leg over her >get stuck and fall over her >lie behind her, wondering what i hit >blood starts soaking into the ice below her i rammed the sharp tip of my ice skating shoes right into her f------ head >she's unconscious and i start freaking out >call for help >next moment i remember the ambulance is here >whole ice skating field gets closed down and all i see is the ambulance treating her as she's lying on the ice >am in complete shock >haunts me to this day All i remember is someone coming over to me and telling me that she is going to be fine, but i don't know if that was actually the case or if that was just to ease my panic a little bit
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)15:08:33 No.869776799 >be me >11 >on a school trip, ice skating >younger students were with us so the teachers said everyone assigns themselves to one younger kid to teach them ice skating iminchargenow.png 204 KB PNG >go talk to one girl >looked about 6 years old >we start ice skating and i teach her a bit of stuff >i am behind her as we slide with quite the high speed >she trips and falls over shitshitshitshit.png >am too fast to dodge so i try to look cool by lifting one leg and sliding past her with the leg over her >get stuck and fall over her >lie behind her, wondering what i hit >blood starts soaking into the ice below her i rammed the sharp tip of my ice skating shoes right into her f------ head >she's unconscious and i start freaking out >call for help >next moment i remember the ambulance is here >whole ice skating field gets closed down and all i see is the ambulance treating her as she's lying on the ice >am in complete shock >haunts me to this day All i remember is someone coming over to me and telling me that she is going to be fine, but i don't know if that was actually the case or if that was just to ease my panic a little bit

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Nad i thought my name was bad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 804835787 3 min. ago >be born >one shot at life >live in sweden >so far so good >parents name you svenjamin and thats where it goes to s--- 15.7 kB JPG REPLY
Anonymous | 804835787 3 min. ago >be born >one shot at life >live in sweden >so far so good >parents name you svenjamin and thats where it goes to s--- 15.7 kB JPG REPLY

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Anons friend orders tendies | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)15:05:58 No.66806060 Tendies >Go to Denny's with friend >He orders the tendies >Half hour passes >Four year old child in the booth behind us orders the "chicken tenders" 58 KB JPG >Mention to friend that the child didn't say tendies He's seething
I Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)15:05:58 No.66806060 Tendies >Go to Denny's with friend >He orders the tendies >Half hour passes >Four year old child in the booth behind us orders the "chicken tenders" 58 KB JPG >Mention to friend that the child didn't say tendies He's seething

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