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I haven't seen Chris Brown in a while | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49141130 1 órával ezelőtt •.. >Walk into biology class >Teacher has a bruise on her arm >Autistic spaz ask teacher how she got it >autism.mp4 >l scream out >"she got Chris Browned" >mfw when everyone is laughing >mfw I don't get into trouble 25,7 kB JPG 1 REPLY O IMAGES Anonymous | 49141950 25 perccel ezelőtt •.. >>49141130 (OP) The teacher didn't punish you because she felt sorry for you and took pity on you, because you are retarded. I was once a teacher and I would ignore the retards because I genuinely couldn't bring myself to make their life any worse than it was.
Anonymous | 49141130 1 órával ezelőtt •.. >Walk into biology class >Teacher has a bruise on her arm >Autistic spaz ask teacher how she got it >autism.mp4 >l scream out >"she got Chris Browned" >mfw when everyone is laughing >mfw I don't get into trouble 25,7 kB JPG 1 REPLY O IMAGES Anonymous | 49141950 25 perccel ezelőtt •.. >>49141130 (OP) The teacher didn't punish you because she felt sorry for you and took pity on you, because you are retarded. I was once a teacher and I would ignore the retards because I genuinely couldn't bring myself to make their life any worse than it was.

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Anon comes out to his parents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)16:10:20 No.869893287 >be me >be 10 >decide I want to be the cleanest a human has ever been >take 3 showers >l wash everywhere thoroughly >I have been in the bathroom for about 2 8 KB JPG hours now >my parents are getting worried and start banging on the door >realise I haven't washed my ass >I need to find a solution quick >I look at the sink >lightbulb.jpeg >I see mom's perfume >decide to spray my mom's perfume in my anus >perfumes have a lot of alcohol in it >ass starts burning like crazy >I start screaming of pain >my parents panic and break the door >they see me on the floor and naked, shouting "it burns!" while holding my butt, with the bottle of perfume next to me and its scent in the room And this is the day my parents realised I was a retard. Can Stock Photo
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)16:10:20 No.869893287 >be me >be 10 >decide I want to be the cleanest a human has ever been >take 3 showers >l wash everywhere thoroughly >I have been in the bathroom for about 2 8 KB JPG hours now >my parents are getting worried and start banging on the door >realise I haven't washed my ass >I need to find a solution quick >I look at the sink >lightbulb.jpeg >I see mom's perfume >decide to spray my mom's perfume in my anus >perfumes have a lot of alcohol in it >ass starts burning like crazy >I start screaming of pain >my parents panic and break the door >they see me on the floor and naked, shouting "it burns!" while holding my butt, with the bottle of perfume next to me and its scent in the room And this is the day my parents realised I was a retard. Can Stock Photo

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anon works | /r/Greentext

ITT: Work Success stories >get angry call from woman >says he copier has been broken for days CAT >l've been ignoring her emails all week because minecraft on switch 39 KB JPG >s---.png >tell her I called it in to xerox >f------ didn't >sneak over to her office >the plan was to impersonate the Xerox guy I told her I called because she only knows my voice not my face >as l'm walking in, some one else from her office catches me >"hey xerox guy!" >l don't lie I just say "I'm here to fix the copier" >think the things f----- and that I really will have to call it in and I'm gonna get chewed out for waiting so long >I walk behind the machine and plug it in >office becomes visibly excited >get call from lady apologizing for being harsh and blames Xerox for being late All according to plan.
ITT: Work Success stories >get angry call from woman >says he copier has been broken for days CAT >l've been ignoring her emails all week because minecraft on switch 39 KB JPG >s---.png >tell her I called it in to xerox >f------ didn't >sneak over to her office >the plan was to impersonate the Xerox guy I told her I called because she only knows my voice not my face >as l'm walking in, some one else from her office catches me >"hey xerox guy!" >l don't lie I just say "I'm here to fix the copier" >think the things f----- and that I really will have to call it in and I'm gonna get chewed out for waiting so long >I walk behind the machine and plug it in >office becomes visibly excited >get call from lady apologizing for being harsh and blames Xerox for being late All according to plan.

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B A S E DVery useful advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)18:58:16 No.858512914 >roommate asks me to drive him to his dealer >sure, I have nothing going on >get in, start the car, put on seatbelt >notice roommate doesn't have his 8 KB JPG seatbelt on >ask him to put it on >"Why? Aren't you a good driver?" >tell him it's my car andI want him to have his seatbelt on >"lol f--- you man just drive" >okay >get on the road, accelerate to 40mph >slam on the brakes >roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield >oh s---, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your f------ seatbelt on >he does >I turn the car around and drive us back home F------ f----- can walk to his dealer's now. Wear your seatbelts.
: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)18:58:16 No.858512914 >roommate asks me to drive him to his dealer >sure, I have nothing going on >get in, start the car, put on seatbelt >notice roommate doesn't have his 8 KB JPG seatbelt on >ask him to put it on >"Why? Aren't you a good driver?" >tell him it's my car andI want him to have his seatbelt on >"lol f--- you man just drive" >okay >get on the road, accelerate to 40mph >slam on the brakes >roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield >oh s---, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your f------ seatbelt on >he does >I turn the car around and drive us back home F------ f----- can walk to his dealer's now. Wear your seatbelts.

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Anon plays WoW | /r/Greentext

>be me, playing WoW >play on asian servers because NA servers are too easy >2 Chinese players bully me >type "June 4th 1989, Tian an Men Square Massacre" >Both disconnect 22 KB JPG >mfw I just sent two inncoent children to a Chinese Labor Camp and got their whole family executed
>be me, playing WoW >play on asian servers because NA servers are too easy >2 Chinese players bully me >type "June 4th 1989, Tian an Men Square Massacre" >Both disconnect 22 KB JPG >mfw I just sent two inncoent children to a Chinese Labor Camp and got their whole family executed

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Ticking time bomb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)03:55:00 No.66828660 >resigned to the fact I'll be alone forever as a loser neet >okay with it and enjoy being a hermit >turning 28 >sudden urge to have wife and kids becomes overwhelming 13 KB PNG w-- is there some sort of biological clock at play here
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)03:55:00 No.66828660 >resigned to the fact I'll be alone forever as a loser neet >okay with it and enjoy being a hermit >turning 28 >sudden urge to have wife and kids becomes overwhelming 13 KB PNG w-- is there some sort of biological clock at play here

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Anon is a new wagecuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:33:53 No.869900306 New wagecuck here. How do normies have any time for hobbies? >wake up at 5:30am >leave house by 6:15am >get to work by 7:15am (start at 7:30am) >leave work at 4:30pm >because of rush hour get home by 138 KB JPG 5:30pm >eat a rushed dinner and get to gym by 6:00pm >work out until 7:15pm >get home by 7:40pm >s--- and shower until 8:00pm >have to be in bed by 9:15pm so I can fall asleep by 9:30 and get my 8 hours of sleep >rinse, repeat I get an hour to myself each day. I usually just lay in bed and stare at my phone until it's time to go to sleep. How do normies do it? 53 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:33:53 No.869900306 New wagecuck here. How do normies have any time for hobbies? >wake up at 5:30am >leave house by 6:15am >get to work by 7:15am (start at 7:30am) >leave work at 4:30pm >because of rush hour get home by 138 KB JPG 5:30pm >eat a rushed dinner and get to gym by 6:00pm >work out until 7:15pm >get home by 7:40pm >s--- and shower until 8:00pm >have to be in bed by 9:15pm so I can fall asleep by 9:30 and get my 8 hours of sleep >rinse, repeat I get an hour to myself each day. I usually just lay in bed and stare at my phone until it's time to go to sleep. How do normies do it? 53 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon has a fatal illness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)14:48:55 No.47635074 > Be me > On a date with a girl I met from a dating site > We're talking and having a good time > Everything is going well until she says she has something she 17 KB JPG needs to tell me > Says that she has a fatal illness > Is it the big C? Anon, I don't know how to tell you this > I look deep into her eyes, preparing myself for the worst I have ligma... > There's a brief moment of silence between us >I hold my head in my hands and start crying Are you okay, Anon? > I look up at her and say > I'm sorry, I can't date someone with autism
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)14:48:55 No.47635074 > Be me > On a date with a girl I met from a dating site > We're talking and having a good time > Everything is going well until she says she has something she 17 KB JPG needs to tell me > Says that she has a fatal illness > Is it the big C? Anon, I don't know how to tell you this > I look deep into her eyes, preparing myself for the worst I have ligma... > There's a brief moment of silence between us >I hold my head in my hands and start crying Are you okay, Anon? > I look up at her and say > I'm sorry, I can't date someone with autism

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Anon has children | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys

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Anon gets a bonsai tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is suicidal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)10:33:42 No.66828894 >actively planned to kill myself >didnt want to ruin family's christmas >waited for new years >didnt want to ruin new years either >lost intent to kill myself Whatever i guess another year 4 KB JPG wont hurt
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)10:33:42 No.66828894 >actively planned to kill myself >didnt want to ruin family's christmas >waited for new years >didnt want to ruin new years either >lost intent to kill myself Whatever i guess another year 4 KB JPG wont hurt

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Anon lives in the future | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a monkey-friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:34:11 No.869876524 >Be me, femanon >freshman year of college get a black m----- as my roommate >she is 4'9" but doesn't have the f----- up proportions >constantly kicks me out to hook up with dudes from tinder >only has sex with men, but Dakly 16 KB JPG always talks about being bisexual >always says she grew up poor because her mom made them eat PB sandwiches a lot in 7th grade >she is incredibly sensitive, says the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her was when a girl told her she looked like a monkey in 2nd grade >ffw a few months, she now says I've given her an eating disorder because I weigh like 5 lbs less >she is now they/them, loves going on buzzfeed to take their quizzes >"Design your dream bedroom to see what ice cream flavor you are!" >takes these dumb quizzes for hours >she looks up and asks "hey femanon, if I were an animal what type of animal would I be?" >"hmmmmm.." >think about it for a while >"I think you would definitely be . a monkey" >pic related 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:23 No.869876596 >>869876524 (OP) # kek'd : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:27 No.869876600 >>869876524 (OP) # TOGTFO
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:34:11 No.869876524 >Be me, femanon >freshman year of college get a black m----- as my roommate >she is 4'9" but doesn't have the f----- up proportions >constantly kicks me out to hook up with dudes from tinder >only has sex with men, but Dakly 16 KB JPG always talks about being bisexual >always says she grew up poor because her mom made them eat PB sandwiches a lot in 7th grade >she is incredibly sensitive, says the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her was when a girl told her she looked like a monkey in 2nd grade >ffw a few months, she now says I've given her an eating disorder because I weigh like 5 lbs less >she is now they/them, loves going on buzzfeed to take their quizzes >"Design your dream bedroom to see what ice cream flavor you are!" >takes these dumb quizzes for hours >she looks up and asks "hey femanon, if I were an animal what type of animal would I be?" >"hmmmmm.." >think about it for a while >"I think you would definitely be . a monkey" >pic related 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:23 No.869876596 >>869876524 (OP) # kek'd : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:27 No.869876600 >>869876524 (OP) # TOGTFO

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Anon solves Ass vs Tits debate | /r/Greentext

4h (1/2 18:17)· 64985870 10 Re · 3 Img · JPG 504KB · (1000 x 1250) nutrient defficiency >started eating cheese regulary >interest in big breasted women goes down >mfw I was just lacking calcium ...
4h (1/2 18:17)· 64985870 10 Re · 3 Img · JPG 504KB · (1000 x 1250) nutrient defficiency >started eating cheese regulary >interest in big breasted women goes down >mfw I was just lacking calcium ...

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Anons old coworker is a dick | /r/Greentext


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Anon talks about American politics | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a flat-earther and doesn't even know it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"
: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)18:04:32 No.795300520 >Be me >Get laid >Get on bed >Girl says wait >Goes to the bathroom >l wait >what'staikingsolong.jpeg 682 KB PNG >"Hey are you okay there?" >No response >l knock on the bathroom door >Slowly open the door >Nobody inside >Dust on the floor
: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)18:04:32 No.795300520 >Be me >Get laid >Get on bed >Girl says wait >Goes to the bathroom >l wait >what'staikingsolong.jpeg 682 KB PNG >"Hey are you okay there?" >No response >l knock on the bathroom door >Slowly open the door >Nobody inside >Dust on the floor

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Anon lives with anhedonia | /r/Greentext

File: 1636541413301.jpg (65 KB, 900x769) Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)16:49:42 No.66817639 [Reply] ► >>66818130 >math isn't fun anymore >programming isn't fun anymore >vidya aren't fun anymore >anime isn't fun anymore >cooming isn't fun anymore Hmmm today! wil What now. Is this the end? CH
File: 1636541413301.jpg (65 KB, 900x769) Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)16:49:42 No.66817639 [Reply] ► >>66818130 >math isn't fun anymore >programming isn't fun anymore >vidya aren't fun anymore >anime isn't fun anymore >cooming isn't fun anymore Hmmm today! wil What now. Is this the end? CH

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Anon wonders | /r/Greentext

>be me >doing dishes with family >I grab a tall glass, about 8 inches tall >maneuver my hand around my dad as he rotates to grab a bowl 20 KB GIF >whoops, he bumps my hand and the glass knocks against the countertop >the thing f------ explodes >l don't even mean break, after being tapped that thing blew into a thousand pieces that launched across the room >what the f--- >even the bigger pieces have spiderweb cracks covering them >typing this now with broken glass shards stabbed into my palm How and why the f--- did this occur? Was there a lot of pressure in the glass or something? We've dropped these things on the floor before and not even a chip.
>be me >doing dishes with family >I grab a tall glass, about 8 inches tall >maneuver my hand around my dad as he rotates to grab a bowl 20 KB GIF >whoops, he bumps my hand and the glass knocks against the countertop >the thing f------ explodes >l don't even mean break, after being tapped that thing blew into a thousand pieces that launched across the room >what the f--- >even the bigger pieces have spiderweb cracks covering them >typing this now with broken glass shards stabbed into my palm How and why the f--- did this occur? Was there a lot of pressure in the glass or something? We've dropped these things on the floor before and not even a chip.

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