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Anon has a fatal illness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)14:48:55 No.47635074 > Be me > On a date with a girl I met from a dating site > We're talking and having a good time > Everything is going well until she says she has something she 17 KB JPG needs to tell me > Says that she has a fatal illness > Is it the big C? Anon, I don't know how to tell you this > I look deep into her eyes, preparing myself for the worst I have ligma... > There's a brief moment of silence between us >I hold my head in my hands and start crying Are you okay, Anon? > I look up at her and say > I'm sorry, I can't date someone with autism
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)14:48:55 No.47635074 > Be me > On a date with a girl I met from a dating site > We're talking and having a good time > Everything is going well until she says she has something she 17 KB JPG needs to tell me > Says that she has a fatal illness > Is it the big C? Anon, I don't know how to tell you this > I look deep into her eyes, preparing myself for the worst I have ligma... > There's a brief moment of silence between us >I hold my head in my hands and start crying Are you okay, Anon? > I look up at her and say > I'm sorry, I can't date someone with autism

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Anon has children | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys

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Anon gets a bonsai tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is suicidal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)10:33:42 No.66828894 >actively planned to kill myself >didnt want to ruin family's christmas >waited for new years >didnt want to ruin new years either >lost intent to kill myself Whatever i guess another year 4 KB JPG wont hurt
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)10:33:42 No.66828894 >actively planned to kill myself >didnt want to ruin family's christmas >waited for new years >didnt want to ruin new years either >lost intent to kill myself Whatever i guess another year 4 KB JPG wont hurt

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Anon lives in the future | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a monkey-friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:34:11 No.869876524 >Be me, femanon >freshman year of college get a black m----- as my roommate >she is 4'9" but doesn't have the f----- up proportions >constantly kicks me out to hook up with dudes from tinder >only has sex with men, but Dakly 16 KB JPG always talks about being bisexual >always says she grew up poor because her mom made them eat PB sandwiches a lot in 7th grade >she is incredibly sensitive, says the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her was when a girl told her she looked like a monkey in 2nd grade >ffw a few months, she now says I've given her an eating disorder because I weigh like 5 lbs less >she is now they/them, loves going on buzzfeed to take their quizzes >"Design your dream bedroom to see what ice cream flavor you are!" >takes these dumb quizzes for hours >she looks up and asks "hey femanon, if I were an animal what type of animal would I be?" >"hmmmmm.." >think about it for a while >"I think you would definitely be . a monkey" >pic related 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:23 No.869876596 >>869876524 (OP) # kek'd : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:27 No.869876600 >>869876524 (OP) # TOGTFO
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:34:11 No.869876524 >Be me, femanon >freshman year of college get a black m----- as my roommate >she is 4'9" but doesn't have the f----- up proportions >constantly kicks me out to hook up with dudes from tinder >only has sex with men, but Dakly 16 KB JPG always talks about being bisexual >always says she grew up poor because her mom made them eat PB sandwiches a lot in 7th grade >she is incredibly sensitive, says the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her was when a girl told her she looked like a monkey in 2nd grade >ffw a few months, she now says I've given her an eating disorder because I weigh like 5 lbs less >she is now they/them, loves going on buzzfeed to take their quizzes >"Design your dream bedroom to see what ice cream flavor you are!" >takes these dumb quizzes for hours >she looks up and asks "hey femanon, if I were an animal what type of animal would I be?" >"hmmmmm.." >think about it for a while >"I think you would definitely be . a monkey" >pic related 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:23 No.869876596 >>869876524 (OP) # kek'd : Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)09:35:27 No.869876600 >>869876524 (OP) # TOGTFO

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Anon solves Ass vs Tits debate | /r/Greentext

4h (1/2 18:17)· 64985870 10 Re · 3 Img · JPG 504KB · (1000 x 1250) nutrient defficiency >started eating cheese regulary >interest in big breasted women goes down >mfw I was just lacking calcium ...
4h (1/2 18:17)· 64985870 10 Re · 3 Img · JPG 504KB · (1000 x 1250) nutrient defficiency >started eating cheese regulary >interest in big breasted women goes down >mfw I was just lacking calcium ...

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Anons old coworker is a dick | /r/Greentext


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Anon talks about American politics | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a flat-earther and doesn't even know it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"
: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)18:04:32 No.795300520 >Be me >Get laid >Get on bed >Girl says wait >Goes to the bathroom >l wait >what'staikingsolong.jpeg 682 KB PNG >"Hey are you okay there?" >No response >l knock on the bathroom door >Slowly open the door >Nobody inside >Dust on the floor
: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)18:04:32 No.795300520 >Be me >Get laid >Get on bed >Girl says wait >Goes to the bathroom >l wait >what'staikingsolong.jpeg 682 KB PNG >"Hey are you okay there?" >No response >l knock on the bathroom door >Slowly open the door >Nobody inside >Dust on the floor

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Anon lives with anhedonia | /r/Greentext

File: 1636541413301.jpg (65 KB, 900x769) Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)16:49:42 No.66817639 [Reply] ► >>66818130 >math isn't fun anymore >programming isn't fun anymore >vidya aren't fun anymore >anime isn't fun anymore >cooming isn't fun anymore Hmmm today! wil What now. Is this the end? CH
File: 1636541413301.jpg (65 KB, 900x769) Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)16:49:42 No.66817639 [Reply] ► >>66818130 >math isn't fun anymore >programming isn't fun anymore >vidya aren't fun anymore >anime isn't fun anymore >cooming isn't fun anymore Hmmm today! wil What now. Is this the end? CH

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Anon wonders | /r/Greentext

>be me >doing dishes with family >I grab a tall glass, about 8 inches tall >maneuver my hand around my dad as he rotates to grab a bowl 20 KB GIF >whoops, he bumps my hand and the glass knocks against the countertop >the thing f------ explodes >l don't even mean break, after being tapped that thing blew into a thousand pieces that launched across the room >what the f--- >even the bigger pieces have spiderweb cracks covering them >typing this now with broken glass shards stabbed into my palm How and why the f--- did this occur? Was there a lot of pressure in the glass or something? We've dropped these things on the floor before and not even a chip.
>be me >doing dishes with family >I grab a tall glass, about 8 inches tall >maneuver my hand around my dad as he rotates to grab a bowl 20 KB GIF >whoops, he bumps my hand and the glass knocks against the countertop >the thing f------ explodes >l don't even mean break, after being tapped that thing blew into a thousand pieces that launched across the room >what the f--- >even the bigger pieces have spiderweb cracks covering them >typing this now with broken glass shards stabbed into my palm How and why the f--- did this occur? Was there a lot of pressure in the glass or something? We've dropped these things on the floor before and not even a chip.

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Anon likes spagooters | /r/Greentext

18m (1/2 18:32) · 66822086 3 Re · 2 Img · JPG · 494KB · (1920 × 1440) 1 Reply >sorry anon, no cheese on your spagooters until you take the vaccine why the HECK do they do this s---????!!?!?!? ...
18m (1/2 18:32) · 66822086 3 Re · 2 Img · JPG · 494KB · (1920 × 1440) 1 Reply >sorry anon, no cheese on your spagooters until you take the vaccine why the HECK do they do this s---????!!?!?!? ...

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Anon shares a secret | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a man now | /r/Greentext


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anon's life gets ruined | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 804835787 3 min. ago >be born >one shot at life >live in sweden >so far so good >parents name you svenjamin and thats where it goes to s--- 15.7 kB JPG REPLY
Anonymous | 804835787 3 min. ago >be born >one shot at life >live in sweden >so far so good >parents name you svenjamin and thats where it goes to s--- 15.7 kB JPG REPLY

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Anon listens to a wench | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)00:11:55 No.66821849 >accidently met my old childhood classmate when I was walking down the street >we went to the nearest cafe and talked a little >ask her about her life and what 54 KB JPG she's doing now >she married and unemployed >doesn't have any interests outside of vidya and anime >has tattoos over her both arms >saw her pierced n------ through the thin shirt she wore >instantly got a boner >looking away while talking to her >she told me more than half of our classmates are getting married or have a relationship >tfw I have always been single and never had a gf >tfw feel lonely >we exchanged contacts and she left How do I cope with the fact that I'm an ugly subhuman abomination and not handsome enough to get a gf? I hope someday have the guts to hang myself or stand in front of an express train. Also picrel is her
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)00:11:55 No.66821849 >accidently met my old childhood classmate when I was walking down the street >we went to the nearest cafe and talked a little >ask her about her life and what 54 KB JPG she's doing now >she married and unemployed >doesn't have any interests outside of vidya and anime >has tattoos over her both arms >saw her pierced n------ through the thin shirt she wore >instantly got a boner >looking away while talking to her >she told me more than half of our classmates are getting married or have a relationship >tfw I have always been single and never had a gf >tfw feel lonely >we exchanged contacts and she left How do I cope with the fact that I'm an ugly subhuman abomination and not handsome enough to get a gf? I hope someday have the guts to hang myself or stand in front of an express train. Also picrel is her

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Anon knows the truth | /r/Greentext

>put food in >BRRRRZZZZZT >comes out steaming hot >we're supposed to just accept this when will they stop lying about microwaves and tell us the truth 565 KB JPG
>put food in >BRRRRZZZZZT >comes out steaming hot >we're supposed to just accept this when will they stop lying about microwaves and tell us the truth 565 KB JPG

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anon gets used by his goth gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster
: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster

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