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Anon is an atheist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 5zHehz6R ) 01/02/22(Sun)12:49:05 No.354684737 >Atheists are mentally ill! The universe was created in six days by a desert genie, who was the father of a Jewish carpenter, who was born of a virgin and spent his time turning water into wine and walking on the surface of sea until he was crucified by an angry mob in order to save mankind from some vague, nebulous concept known as "sin" which is present in all of mankind because a full grown woman, who was a few days old and made out of a rib, was tricked by a talking snake into eating a cursed piece of fruit from a 50 KB PNG forbidden tree!! >>354685012 #
: Anonymous (ID: 5zHehz6R ) 01/02/22(Sun)12:49:05 No.354684737 >Atheists are mentally ill! The universe was created in six days by a desert genie, who was the father of a Jewish carpenter, who was born of a virgin and spent his time turning water into wine and walking on the surface of sea until he was crucified by an angry mob in order to save mankind from some vague, nebulous concept known as "sin" which is present in all of mankind because a full grown woman, who was a few days old and made out of a rib, was tricked by a talking snake into eating a cursed piece of fruit from a 50 KB PNG forbidden tree!! >>354685012 #

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Anon takes a stand for Men's mental health | /r/Greentext


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Where did emos go? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous B45tWh9U | 105241343 1 hr. ago Whatever happens to emos? Where did they go? 29 REPLIES 9 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous H8G/1aFs | 105241496 1 hr. ago If your social group is defined by a suicidal nature don't expect it to last a long time. 1 REPLY
Anonymous B45tWh9U | 105241343 1 hr. ago Whatever happens to emos? Where did they go? 29 REPLIES 9 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous H8G/1aFs | 105241496 1 hr. ago If your social group is defined by a suicidal nature don't expect it to last a long time. 1 REPLY

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Anon's life is pain | /r/Greentext


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Willum Dafapper | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/24/21(Fri)14:46:17 No.869241794 willum.jpg 59 KB JPG >be me >jacking off >feel myself getting close >cooming.jpeg >remember something I read about holding in c-- for better orgasm >hold the top of my d---, success, c-- does not appear, feels great >pressure is building tho >ffw 5 seconds cant take it anymore >coom.jpeg >j--- does a crescendo over my body >im taking y = -x^2 here >mouth open in awe >j--- lands in my mouth >mfw
onymous 12/24/21(Fri)14:46:17 No.869241794 willum.jpg 59 KB JPG >be me >jacking off >feel myself getting close >cooming.jpeg >remember something I read about holding in c-- for better orgasm >hold the top of my d---, success, c-- does not appear, feels great >pressure is building tho >ffw 5 seconds cant take it anymore >coom.jpeg >j--- does a crescendo over my body >im taking y = -x^2 here >mouth open in awe >j--- lands in my mouth >mfw

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Anon is Irish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/01/18(Wed)21:01:12 No.47220908 >be me >irish >dad gets into ancestry >find out we're descendants of a wealthy and powerful irish clan >clan disbanded 22 KB JPG >rich descendants moved to new countries and lost everything due to potato famine >mfw Im a broke american >mfw i couldve been a rich irish man but im not cause of a lack of f------ potatoes
: Anonymous 08/01/18(Wed)21:01:12 No.47220908 >be me >irish >dad gets into ancestry >find out we're descendants of a wealthy and powerful irish clan >clan disbanded 22 KB JPG >rich descendants moved to new countries and lost everything due to potato famine >mfw Im a broke american >mfw i couldve been a rich irish man but im not cause of a lack of f------ potatoes

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thought i had to eat the whole thing | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:11:53 No.8771033 >two weeks ago >make thread asking how to eat these >today >Can't stop eating these Why did you uncage this demon 2.79 MB JPG 18 Replies /1 Image View Thread Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:13:07 No.8771037 >asking how to eat sunflower seeds are you more stupid than a bird
Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:11:53 No.8771033 >two weeks ago >make thread asking how to eat these >today >Can't stop eating these Why did you uncage this demon 2.79 MB JPG 18 Replies /1 Image View Thread Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:13:07 No.8771037 >asking how to eat sunflower seeds are you more stupid than a bird

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Anon is a dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)17:05:13 No.66837034 >be dad >walking up stairs >all fours like monke >son walking ahead of me >bipedal >too slow >throw gigapunch directly into son's asscheek >son now sprints up stairs every time 33 KB JPG >monkey style Robots, why haven't you procreated?
: Anonymous 01/03/22(Mon)17:05:13 No.66837034 >be dad >walking up stairs >all fours like monke >son walking ahead of me >bipedal >too slow >throw gigapunch directly into son's asscheek >son now sprints up stairs every time 33 KB JPG >monkey style Robots, why haven't you procreated?

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Anon is a cow | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat) 14:09:01 No.17209437 >be cow >live cow life >one day, get shipped off to some building >get bolted in the head >wake up in cow heaven >get to watch what happens to my body >getting chopped up into different pieces gugafood 404 KB JPG >parts are getting eaten by families of humans >parts are made into dog food >glad that my body is being used for something helpful >see this gigantic fat guy with a hunk of meat from my back >lol GuYz, TODAY wE'rE dRy AglnG tHiS sTeAk In PeAnUt BuTtEr AnD c-- >mfw 52 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat) 14:09:01 No.17209437 >be cow >live cow life >one day, get shipped off to some building >get bolted in the head >wake up in cow heaven >get to watch what happens to my body >getting chopped up into different pieces gugafood 404 KB JPG >parts are getting eaten by families of humans >parts are made into dog food >glad that my body is being used for something helpful >see this gigantic fat guy with a hunk of meat from my back >lol GuYz, TODAY wE'rE dRy AglnG tHiS sTeAk In PeAnUt BuTtEr AnD c-- >mfw 52 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Sire, this man hath not lain with a maiden for 27 harvests | /r/Greentext


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Anon has no girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [•1 10/25/17(Wed)18:23:22 No.81016259 1507072835073.png 559 KB PNG >There are infinite universes where I have a gf >This isn't one of them
: Anonymous [•1 10/25/17(Wed)18:23:22 No.81016259 1507072835073.png 559 KB PNG >There are infinite universes where I have a gf >This isn't one of them

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More than likely a repost, can't not share it though | /r/Greentext


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Anon buys groceries | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)22:30:03 No.854416103 >be me manlet 5'6 >riding train with a s--- load of groceries and a 10 kg cat litter bag >tall girl with raspy voice stands next to me >looked 20-22 at least 4 ears 525 KB PNG younger than me would you like some help with that? >instant boner
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)22:30:03 No.854416103 >be me manlet 5'6 >riding train with a s--- load of groceries and a 10 kg cat litter bag >tall girl with raspy voice stands next to me >looked 20-22 at least 4 ears 525 KB PNG younger than me would you like some help with that? >instant boner

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Anon shows you something cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:14:00 No.66824739 Yo you wanna see something cool? go to google and type "do a barrel roll" 24 KB PNG 5 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:19:09 No.66824796 >>66824739 (OP) # How old are you OP? Just curious. >>66824847 # >>66824957 # : Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:22:18 No.66824847 >>66824796 # 29 years of age how old are you n-----? cco0 4071 H
: Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:14:00 No.66824739 Yo you wanna see something cool? go to google and type "do a barrel roll" 24 KB PNG 5 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:19:09 No.66824796 >>66824739 (OP) # How old are you OP? Just curious. >>66824847 # >>66824957 # : Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)21:22:18 No.66824847 >>66824796 # 29 years of age how old are you n-----? cco0 4071 H

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Anon has a pet cougar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:41:45 No.60562398 Help, I bought a pet cougar from my friend who moved away from our state (texas) to north carolina and I have no idea what to do with it, I feed it large amounts of cat food and meat and I let it roam free at night. Recently it brought a dog home that it killed and the dog had a collar. I had to burn the dog multiple times to erase evidence of it and now I need help getting rid of larry. Larry the couger is huge and it can probably kill a human if provoked. How do I get 81 KB JPG rid of him. Please help : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:43:55 No.60562418 get a f------ gun and shoot it : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:44:12 No.60562419 : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:46:15 No.60562444 that sounds like a very nice friend you made there anon. take good care of him and he will protect you from all your enemies
: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:41:45 No.60562398 Help, I bought a pet cougar from my friend who moved away from our state (texas) to north carolina and I have no idea what to do with it, I feed it large amounts of cat food and meat and I let it roam free at night. Recently it brought a dog home that it killed and the dog had a collar. I had to burn the dog multiple times to erase evidence of it and now I need help getting rid of larry. Larry the couger is huge and it can probably kill a human if provoked. How do I get 81 KB JPG rid of him. Please help : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:43:55 No.60562418 get a f------ gun and shoot it : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:44:12 No.60562419 : Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)04:46:15 No.60562444 that sounds like a very nice friend you made there anon. take good care of him and he will protect you from all your enemies

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Anon regrets his decisions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)23:21:09 No.66807627 >be me >huge weeb >out of anime to watch and bored out of my mind >youtube recomened meThe Cll of Chtulu's audiobook >it has a slow start but I decided to keep listening to it because I 17 KB PNG have nothing better to do >wft halfway through it and it has a better mystery than any anime >story end >litteraly coolest s--- ever >suddenly I start crying >tfw i realized that not only is anime is garbage and the normies were right but I have wasted half of my life being addicted to it
: Anonymous 01/01/22(Sat)23:21:09 No.66807627 >be me >huge weeb >out of anime to watch and bored out of my mind >youtube recomened meThe Cll of Chtulu's audiobook >it has a slow start but I decided to keep listening to it because I 17 KB PNG have nothing better to do >wft halfway through it and it has a better mystery than any anime >story end >litteraly coolest s--- ever >suddenly I start crying >tfw i realized that not only is anime is garbage and the normies were right but I have wasted half of my life being addicted to it

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Anon wants to wrestle too | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 11/21/18(Wed)23:32:49 No.49421089 >wake up >lick salt lamp >time to f--- bitches up >get on computer and open tf2 >i'm bouncing up and down 77 KB JPG with excitement >hear moaning from another room >sneak into mums room and see her wrestling with new daddy >decide to join and do a big body slam next to them >"Who the f--- is this?" new daddy says >"Anon GET OUT" mum says >instinctively slap her for raising her voice to me when i didn't violate any of the rules >new daddy slaps me and we slap fight >he begins to cheat and use his fists >CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER >swiftly break his neck and jump off the bed
I Anonymous 11/21/18(Wed)23:32:49 No.49421089 >wake up >lick salt lamp >time to f--- bitches up >get on computer and open tf2 >i'm bouncing up and down 77 KB JPG with excitement >hear moaning from another room >sneak into mums room and see her wrestling with new daddy >decide to join and do a big body slam next to them >"Who the f--- is this?" new daddy says >"Anon GET OUT" mum says >instinctively slap her for raising her voice to me when i didn't violate any of the rules >new daddy slaps me and we slap fight >he begins to cheat and use his fists >CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER >swiftly break his neck and jump off the bed

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Anon job hunts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)09:56:42 No.65002817 >Your interview went quite well anon, I have to say! >But... I can't offer you the position. 56 KB JPG >See, we want the general public to feel 'safe' when shopping here, and unfortunately for you, you have that particular 'look' which makes people uncomfortable... I think it's the weak jawline. >l hope this experience hasn't discouraged you since I wish you the best of luck :) 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)09:57:47 No.65002826 You've made a powerful enemy today Bethany.
: Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)09:56:42 No.65002817 >Your interview went quite well anon, I have to say! >But... I can't offer you the position. 56 KB JPG >See, we want the general public to feel 'safe' when shopping here, and unfortunately for you, you have that particular 'look' which makes people uncomfortable... I think it's the weak jawline. >l hope this experience hasn't discouraged you since I wish you the best of luck :) 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/16/21(Mon)09:57:47 No.65002826 You've made a powerful enemy today Bethany.

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Anon wins the divorce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >lt's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES
Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >lt's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. I robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us
: Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. I robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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