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Anon is slow tard | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 50120427 2 min. ago >be me >16 years old >cute girl from class sends me a message >"hey, anon, I've got two tickets to this comedy show, would you like to..." 66.3 kB PNG >thinking she wants to sell them to me >"oh, no thanks, I don't really like these guys" > oh... okay, sorry >more than 4 years later >lying in bed unable to sleep >finally realise what she meant >mfw
Anonymous | 50120427 2 min. ago >be me >16 years old >cute girl from class sends me a message >"hey, anon, I've got two tickets to this comedy show, would you like to..." 66.3 kB PNG >thinking she wants to sell them to me >"oh, no thanks, I don't really like these guys" > oh... okay, sorry >more than 4 years later >lying in bed unable to sleep >finally realise what she meant >mfw

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Anon Owns An Art Page | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/18(Thu)13:44:53 No.783244436 >be me >M18 >own an art page >everyone I went to high school with wants my art >make $10-$35 per commission >$450 and counting generated 12 KB JPG >Mum sees me counting my cash >"It must be your artistic skills, Anon. You are making money off of your art!" >she is proud of me now Thanksgiving Day. >at my chill af aunt's big ass house >Mum tells her sisters I am making so much cash off of my art >one of them wants to see it >her 18 y/o daughter brings in the commission I made for her >shows it to my aunt >ohfuck.jpg A soccer mother sees my X------ content. >calls me a sellout I am just sitting in my chair emotionless. >Mum and I left the house while her sisters are having an argument In my room. >just sitting emotionless again >Mum walks in >tells me that she has seen my art is fire af >then hands me $50 >for a landscape poster of bootylicious trap versions of me and my friends in one-piece swimsuits Moral of the story: your mother better be supporting you or else your ass is grass.
: Anonymous 10/25/18(Thu)13:44:53 No.783244436 >be me >M18 >own an art page >everyone I went to high school with wants my art >make $10-$35 per commission >$450 and counting generated 12 KB JPG >Mum sees me counting my cash >"It must be your artistic skills, Anon. You are making money off of your art!" >she is proud of me now Thanksgiving Day. >at my chill af aunt's big ass house >Mum tells her sisters I am making so much cash off of my art >one of them wants to see it >her 18 y/o daughter brings in the commission I made for her >shows it to my aunt >ohfuck.jpg A soccer mother sees my X------ content. >calls me a sellout I am just sitting in my chair emotionless. >Mum and I left the house while her sisters are having an argument In my room. >just sitting emotionless again >Mum walks in >tells me that she has seen my art is fire af >then hands me $50 >for a landscape poster of bootylicious trap versions of me and my friends in one-piece swimsuits Moral of the story: your mother better be supporting you or else your ass is grass.

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Losing the V-card | /r/Greentext


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The fan is loud | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)18:41:10 No.85095068 >f--- the fan is so loud yi Pr >let me turn down the volume >fan is still loud Anyone else retarded?
: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)18:41:10 No.85095068 >f--- the fan is so loud yi Pr >let me turn down the volume >fan is still loud Anyone else retarded?

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anon hates gym clowns | /r/Greentext

1 40867114 28/03/2017 6:05 PM >go to gold's >doing my warmup routine of curls and butterflys >entrance swings open >a literal f------ clown walks in >like not even some juggalo or joker cosplayer, 142 KB an actual clown that you'd see at a carnival >he checks in and goes to the freeweight section >picks up two 20 pound dumbbells and starts f------ juggling them >everyone stares in awe >one of the employees asks him to please stop because he could hurt someone >agrees and drops one on his foot, starts screaming in a high pitched voice >employee asks if he's ok >he lets out a chuckle, honks his nose and takes off hos size 19 shoe to reveal he's fine >employee sighs and tries to find the manager >by the time she comes back the clown is on the squat rack doing 3pl8 ATF reps >he notices her and the manager out of the corner of his eye and smiles >his pants conveniently rip and he s---- out three hackey sacks and a circus peanut i f------ hate these gym clowns i wish they would just go away
1 40867114 28/03/2017 6:05 PM >go to gold's >doing my warmup routine of curls and butterflys >entrance swings open >a literal f------ clown walks in >like not even some juggalo or joker cosplayer, 142 KB an actual clown that you'd see at a carnival >he checks in and goes to the freeweight section >picks up two 20 pound dumbbells and starts f------ juggling them >everyone stares in awe >one of the employees asks him to please stop because he could hurt someone >agrees and drops one on his foot, starts screaming in a high pitched voice >employee asks if he's ok >he lets out a chuckle, honks his nose and takes off hos size 19 shoe to reveal he's fine >employee sighs and tries to find the manager >by the time she comes back the clown is on the squat rack doing 3pl8 ATF reps >he notices her and the manager out of the corner of his eye and smiles >his pants conveniently rip and he s---- out three hackey sacks and a circus peanut i f------ hate these gym clowns i wish they would just go away

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Old anon gets advice on girls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:10:08 No.870135413 >be me >be 28 >work on ambulance >new partner >20 year old female >ask her what kind of music she likes 7 KB JPG >she says "I only really like rap and hip hop" >l say cool and turn on Wu-Tang 36 chambers >halfway through bring da ruckus she says >"hey can we not listen to old man dad rap" >I look at her confused >she says "sorry I just don't like old s--- like that" >change music to my regular playlist >Operation Ivy starts playing >she says "w-- is this" >l say Ska >she laughs and says "is this really what old people listen to?" When did I become so old and uncool? : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:12:02 No.870135539 She likes you anon, lick her butthole >>870135596 # : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:12:53 No.870135596 >>870135539 # >She likes you anon This may not be far from the truth. Girls tease those they like.
: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:10:08 No.870135413 >be me >be 28 >work on ambulance >new partner >20 year old female >ask her what kind of music she likes 7 KB JPG >she says "I only really like rap and hip hop" >l say cool and turn on Wu-Tang 36 chambers >halfway through bring da ruckus she says >"hey can we not listen to old man dad rap" >I look at her confused >she says "sorry I just don't like old s--- like that" >change music to my regular playlist >Operation Ivy starts playing >she says "w-- is this" >l say Ska >she laughs and says "is this really what old people listen to?" When did I become so old and uncool? : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:12:02 No.870135539 She likes you anon, lick her butthole >>870135596 # : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:12:53 No.870135596 >>870135539 # >She likes you anon This may not be far from the truth. Girls tease those they like.

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anon gives a tip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)15:40:32 No.803543714 >be me >out to lunch >finish eating, pay up front 283 KB JPG >keypad asks if i want to leave a tip >but of course >thisisamerica.mov >"Please enter tip: $0.00" >press "5" thinking it would put in $5 >puts in $0.05 >i hit Enter before realizing my mistake >cashier looks at me like i just stomped a small child >take my card and bolt out the door >mfw i just tipped a wageslave host 5 cents
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)15:40:32 No.803543714 >be me >out to lunch >finish eating, pay up front 283 KB JPG >keypad asks if i want to leave a tip >but of course >thisisamerica.mov >"Please enter tip: $0.00" >press "5" thinking it would put in $5 >puts in $0.05 >i hit Enter before realizing my mistake >cashier looks at me like i just stomped a small child >take my card and bolt out the door >mfw i just tipped a wageslave host 5 cents

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Anon motivates his peers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/20(Mon)05:21:17 No.54008561 reach for tho fop >never talk to anyone at the gym >today, doing my cardio routine >fatty on the treadmill next to mine >he's huffing and puffing from walking fast, but he's actually doing something >give him a fistbump 931 KB GIF >later in the locker room >he enters the shower as I get out of the sauna, meaning he did a 1h+ workout >mutter "good job" at him >he smiles and says thanks Remember to motivate the fatties putting in actual work at your gym.
: Anonymous 01/13/20(Mon)05:21:17 No.54008561 reach for tho fop >never talk to anyone at the gym >today, doing my cardio routine >fatty on the treadmill next to mine >he's huffing and puffing from walking fast, but he's actually doing something >give him a fistbump 931 KB GIF >later in the locker room >he enters the shower as I get out of the sauna, meaning he did a 1h+ workout >mutter "good job" at him >he smiles and says thanks Remember to motivate the fatties putting in actual work at your gym.

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Chad Is Love Chad Is Life | /r/Greentext

>first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? It felt like dream but it was all real. OUCH!
>first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? It felt like dream but it was all real. OUCH!

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This classic is a world of art if you read it bottom-to-top | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: MXOKR33M) 02/21/13(Thu)04:57:05 No.460197458 File: 1361440625692.jpg-(69 KB, 281x356, 34566.jpg) >Fapping one night >Dog keeps looking at me >Getting annoyed >Yelling at him while fapping >He just lowers head and squints >Still watching me sideways >Throwing things at him while fapping >Rage fapping >I c-- while looking at him and yelling >Orgasm ruined >Came all over my legs in anger >Really annoyed >Get up, start cleaning >Notice utility worker on pole outside window >He's laughing his ass off >I immediately drop to the floor >Crawl to light switch, turn off light >Still hear him laughing >Crawl into hallway >Still hear him laughing >Well, f---.
Anonymous (ID: MXOKR33M) 02/21/13(Thu)04:57:05 No.460197458 File: 1361440625692.jpg-(69 KB, 281x356, 34566.jpg) >Fapping one night >Dog keeps looking at me >Getting annoyed >Yelling at him while fapping >He just lowers head and squints >Still watching me sideways >Throwing things at him while fapping >Rage fapping >I c-- while looking at him and yelling >Orgasm ruined >Came all over my legs in anger >Really annoyed >Get up, start cleaning >Notice utility worker on pole outside window >He's laughing his ass off >I immediately drop to the floor >Crawl to light switch, turn off light >Still hear him laughing >Crawl into hallway >Still hear him laughing >Well, f---.

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Anon loves microwaves | /r/Greentext


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Anon listens to Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 10nh T0ar ) 12/11/16(Sun)11:16:01 No.102475390 image.jpg 25 KB JPG well no because *brings the mic closer* every 10 years your cells in your body actually completely change. i was reading this article about how DMT can actually advance this process into only taking 6 years because your pineal gland- jaimie could you get that article up? yeah but its because your pineal glands can actually make your cells rejuvenate faster... here we go *looks over at the screen* look at that.. yeah that chimp must be what? 400 pounds? jesus those things will tear you to shreds
: Anonymous (ID: 10nh T0ar ) 12/11/16(Sun)11:16:01 No.102475390 image.jpg 25 KB JPG well no because *brings the mic closer* every 10 years your cells in your body actually completely change. i was reading this article about how DMT can actually advance this process into only taking 6 years because your pineal gland- jaimie could you get that article up? yeah but its because your pineal glands can actually make your cells rejuvenate faster... here we go *looks over at the screen* look at that.. yeah that chimp must be what? 400 pounds? jesus those things will tear you to shreds

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Anons just like me | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:31:16 No.40679462 >girl laughs at my joke >Imagine life with her and raising kids together HOLY F---, WHAT IS WRONG 7 KB GIF WITH ME
: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:31:16 No.40679462 >girl laughs at my joke >Imagine life with her and raising kids together HOLY F---, WHAT IS WRONG 7 KB GIF WITH ME

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Anon works at Arby's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)05:25:23 No.66872411 im crying over my hideous p---- >talking on phone with boy who wants my virginity >he wants to c-- >I don't mind bc all he really does is ask sexual questions to j------- >after a little he asks if he could see my 539 KB PNG p---- >l was a little turned on and I like him so l agreed >take a video waist down, legs spread rubbing spit on my clit and spreading open my lips >he says oh and sounds like he was disappointed >l sarcastically say damn don't sound too disappointed and he just laughed and said no I liked it >I said ok im just going to sleep bc I was so embarrassed and felt like crying >we stay on the phone qnd now just hear him giggling to stupid videos and him getting snapchat notifications like i knew my body was ugly, but I didn't realize my p---- was so gross it completely turned somebody off. now im | just crying and I feel disgusting I never ever want anyone to see it
: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)05:25:23 No.66872411 im crying over my hideous p---- >talking on phone with boy who wants my virginity >he wants to c-- >I don't mind bc all he really does is ask sexual questions to j------- >after a little he asks if he could see my 539 KB PNG p---- >l was a little turned on and I like him so l agreed >take a video waist down, legs spread rubbing spit on my clit and spreading open my lips >he says oh and sounds like he was disappointed >l sarcastically say damn don't sound too disappointed and he just laughed and said no I liked it >I said ok im just going to sleep bc I was so embarrassed and felt like crying >we stay on the phone qnd now just hear him giggling to stupid videos and him getting snapchat notifications like i knew my body was ugly, but I didn't realize my p---- was so gross it completely turned somebody off. now im | just crying and I feel disgusting I never ever want anyone to see it

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Anon is in the wrong neighborhood | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 01/05/22(Wed)21:10:56 No.66866384 >Walking to Train stop >In bad neighborhood >Dark and lonely streets >Spooky.zip >See a group of scary looking nigs >They're headed towards me >F--- 85 KB PNG >Have been jumped before >Quickly walk up to a random house >Pretend it's mine >Start fumbling with my keys >"Yo w--" >S---. It's their house >Mumble an apology and sprint-walk away. >Hear them laugh as I leave >MFW : Anonymous 01/05/22(Wed)21:13:04 No.66866413 get owned white boi : Anonymous 01/05/22(Wed)21:18:37 No.66866476 >>66866384 (OP) # congrats you're a f-----
: Anonymous E 01/05/22(Wed)21:10:56 No.66866384 >Walking to Train stop >In bad neighborhood >Dark and lonely streets >Spooky.zip >See a group of scary looking nigs >They're headed towards me >F--- 85 KB PNG >Have been jumped before >Quickly walk up to a random house >Pretend it's mine >Start fumbling with my keys >"Yo w--" >S---. It's their house >Mumble an apology and sprint-walk away. >Hear them laugh as I leave >MFW : Anonymous 01/05/22(Wed)21:13:04 No.66866413 get owned white boi : Anonymous 01/05/22(Wed)21:18:37 No.66866476 >>66866384 (OP) # congrats you're a f-----

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Anon is an incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)03:21:23 No.62973896 >be me >why wopemann no touch penis waaaah >sad and virgin shoudl i just kill mytlsef bros??? 59 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 03/30/21(Tue)03:21:23 No.62973896 >be me >why wopemann no touch penis waaaah >sad and virgin shoudl i just kill mytlsef bros??? 59 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon watches digimon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/02/18(Sat)21:27.36 No. 100885723 File Angelamon.png (174 KB, 476x334) ANGELA ANACONDA DIGIVOLVE TO ANGELAMON Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)19:55. 16 No 100907187 2100907497 >>100907802 >>100908080 >>100885723 This short caused my parent's divorce O Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)20:51:57 No.100908080 > 100910965 >>100907187 Ok you have my attention. How? Anonymous 06/04/18(Mon)00:17:14 No. 100910965 >>100907497 >>100907802 22100908080 >Didn't know at the time that parents relationship was rocky >l beg to go see Digimon movie >Parents agree but I don't realize it's for them to spend some time together as well >Get to theater and excited about Digimon flick >Can even afford popcorn and drinks >Parents look happy >Angela Anaconda short comes on >Parents also dont speak very good English >My lil boy mind can't comprehend all the f--- going on >Parents are utterly confused by this Canadian f--- running around in a Digimon suit >l start crying and they pull me out of the theater >Mom and Dad start blaming each other for going to the wrong film >Dad throws away the popcorn Mom wanted >Lots of arguing and I'm stll crying >Get out to parking lot and drive off in a rush >Get into an accident in parking lot >Dad moves out a month later F------ bitch of a w---- Angela Anaconda ruined my life
Anonymous 06/02/18(Sat)21:27.36 No. 100885723 File Angelamon.png (174 KB, 476x334) ANGELA ANACONDA DIGIVOLVE TO ANGELAMON Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)19:55. 16 No 100907187 2100907497 >>100907802 >>100908080 >>100885723 This short caused my parent's divorce O Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)20:51:57 No.100908080 > 100910965 >>100907187 Ok you have my attention. How? Anonymous 06/04/18(Mon)00:17:14 No. 100910965 >>100907497 >>100907802 22100908080 >Didn't know at the time that parents relationship was rocky >l beg to go see Digimon movie >Parents agree but I don't realize it's for them to spend some time together as well >Get to theater and excited about Digimon flick >Can even afford popcorn and drinks >Parents look happy >Angela Anaconda short comes on >Parents also dont speak very good English >My lil boy mind can't comprehend all the f--- going on >Parents are utterly confused by this Canadian f--- running around in a Digimon suit >l start crying and they pull me out of the theater >Mom and Dad start blaming each other for going to the wrong film >Dad throws away the popcorn Mom wanted >Lots of arguing and I'm stll crying >Get out to parking lot and drive off in a rush >Get into an accident in parking lot >Dad moves out a month later F------ bitch of a w---- Angela Anaconda ruined my life

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Anon's take | /r/Greentext


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Anon notices something | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)21:39:17 No.870123424 Bank Goblin from Harry potter. >Has a long nose. >has that payot curl. >does that classic greedy hand symbol. >owns the banks. 19 KB JPG What did JK Rowling mean by this? View Thread
: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)21:39:17 No.870123424 Bank Goblin from Harry potter. >Has a long nose. >has that payot curl. >does that classic greedy hand symbol. >owns the banks. 19 KB JPG What did JK Rowling mean by this? View Thread

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Anon is scared | /r/Greentext

1500590969099.jpg (78 KB, 346x450) google yandex >make post criticizing google >next captcha shows street near my house
1500590969099.jpg (78 KB, 346x450) google yandex >make post criticizing google >next captcha shows street near my house

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