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Anon tries to weigh himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/18(Wed)23:59:42 No.48371325 >get on scale ? >take a massive piss n' s--- >get on scale again >gained 3 pounds 118 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/27/18(Thu)00:00:54 No.48371337 >>48371325 (OP) # Probably should have s--- and p----- in the toilet instead of on the scale. >>48371370 # >>48371611 # >>48371619 # >>48371627 # >>48371641 #
: Anonymous 09/26/18(Wed)23:59:42 No.48371325 >get on scale ? >take a massive piss n' s--- >get on scale again >gained 3 pounds 118 KB PNG : Anonymous 09/27/18(Thu)00:00:54 No.48371337 >>48371325 (OP) # Probably should have s--- and p----- in the toilet instead of on the scale. >>48371370 # >>48371611 # >>48371619 # >>48371627 # >>48371641 #

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Anon works | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)15:11:46 No.849659169 >be me >work as a phone salesman >95% of calls are old peope >nobody ever actually buys anything >get paid per time spent in calls >most old people are lonely and 110 КВ PNG just want to talk >talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours >basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day >even have regular callers that know us by names >supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about how she used to live back in the day >she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times. >my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say "Very interesting, keep going"
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)15:11:46 No.849659169 >be me >work as a phone salesman >95% of calls are old peope >nobody ever actually buys anything >get paid per time spent in calls >most old people are lonely and 110 КВ PNG just want to talk >talk to old people about how they water their plants for hours >basically everyone at my job just talks to old people for 12 hours a day >even have regular callers that know us by names >supposed to advertise products but i actually just talk to grandma Lauren every day for 8 hours about how she used to live back in the day >she appears to forget what she said, repeats the same thing 10s of times. >my job is basically to register when Lauren made a pause in her speech and say "Very interesting, keep going"

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Anon gets beanboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/06/18(Sat)19:38:21 No.48543773 >mom tells me to do my chores >say i don't want to >she says she'll get me mcdonalds if i do my chores >do my chores >say i want mcdonalds now >"no anon there's plenty of 11 KB JPG leftovers in the fridge"
: Anonymous 10/06/18(Sat)19:38:21 No.48543773 >mom tells me to do my chores >say i don't want to >she says she'll get me mcdonalds if i do my chores >do my chores >say i want mcdonalds now >"no anon there's plenty of 11 KB JPG leftovers in the fridge"

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Anon has somebody watching their back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)20:44:00 No.857076209 >be 2nd grade teacher >school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood >one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa >grandpa is an OG who used to be a gangbanger in the 80s, spent 1.19 MB JPG some time in prison, and got his s--- together >he's big and scary-looking, but super f------ nice >leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is >look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me >try to fight back but it's 3-on-1 >get my watch, phone, and wallet taken >next day during dismissal >students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened >oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home >he asks what they looked like >don't know but I remember they drove away in a white Camaro >he nods and says okay >about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack >inside is my phone, wallet, and watch >see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake >owner is still missing
: Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)20:44:00 No.857076209 >be 2nd grade teacher >school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood >one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa >grandpa is an OG who used to be a gangbanger in the 80s, spent 1.19 MB JPG some time in prison, and got his s--- together >he's big and scary-looking, but super f------ nice >leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is >look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me >try to fight back but it's 3-on-1 >get my watch, phone, and wallet taken >next day during dismissal >students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened >oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home >he asks what they looked like >don't know but I remember they drove away in a white Camaro >he nods and says okay >about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack >inside is my phone, wallet, and watch >see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake >owner is still missing

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Anon is skeptical | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)01:38:35 No.870277011 >you WILL use a dehumidifier >you WILL not question how it works >you WILL trust the science >you WILL notice the humidity in the air being lowered >you WILL not question how water 61 KB JPG accumulates out of thin air >you WILL change the water bucket regularly "TRUST ME BRO, THE WATER JUST APPEARS OUT OF THIN AIR, DONT ASK HOW. IT JUST DOES OKAY"
: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)01:38:35 No.870277011 >you WILL use a dehumidifier >you WILL not question how it works >you WILL trust the science >you WILL notice the humidity in the air being lowered >you WILL not question how water 61 KB JPG accumulates out of thin air >you WILL change the water bucket regularly "TRUST ME BRO, THE WATER JUST APPEARS OUT OF THIN AIR, DONT ASK HOW. IT JUST DOES OKAY"

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Anon is desperate & horny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)02:01:58 No.66905947 >Stole a bunch of my cousin's panties during Christmas >Mom asked me if saw them anywhere Should I just say they got mixed in with my laundry and return them? I'm so f-----. 40 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)02:01:58 No.66905947 >Stole a bunch of my cousin's panties during Christmas >Mom asked me if saw them anywhere Should I just say they got mixed in with my laundry and return them? I'm so f-----. 40 KB JPG

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Anon works at a restaurant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)18:55:50 No.17245041 >got promoted from dishwasher to line cook due to staffing shortages >think my first week went well >the other cooks start calling me Crock Pot >cool, I have a nickname already >feel proud and change my name tag to say Crock Pot 15 KB PNG >later the other dishwasher said they call me Crock Pot because l'm a slow cooker
: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)18:55:50 No.17245041 >got promoted from dishwasher to line cook due to staffing shortages >think my first week went well >the other cooks start calling me Crock Pot >cool, I have a nickname already >feel proud and change my name tag to say Crock Pot 15 KB PNG >later the other dishwasher said they call me Crock Pot because l'm a slow cooker

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Wtf Keith.. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /fit/ Poetry Corner 07/24/21(Sat)20:26:33 No.62728875 а рoem >There once was a surgeon named Keith >Who circumcised men with his teeth >'Twas not for leisure, or sexual 15 KB JPG pleasure >But to get at the cheese underneath thank you 1-5tz3g12
: Anonymous /fit/ Poetry Corner 07/24/21(Sat)20:26:33 No.62728875 а рoem >There once was a surgeon named Keith >Who circumcised men with his teeth >'Twas not for leisure, or sexual 15 KB JPG pleasure >But to get at the cheese underneath thank you 1-5tz3g12

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anon visits a family restaurant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh.." "Th-this one.." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r.rooty t-tooty...." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-.f- fresh n... n fruity..." %3D
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh.." "Th-this one.." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r.rooty t-tooty...." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-.f- fresh n... n fruity..." %3D

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Anon’s tour of Iraq | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)02:28:56 No.844722801 >>844722495 # >born a white american male >grow up in a conservative upper middle class family >very idealistic about the nation, want to serve, enlist when 18 >deployed in Iraq >legs blown off fighting for oil >go home, struggling, corrupt, mismanaged, and underfunded VA does nothing meaningful to help >physical and psychological trauma have assured that I can never love or be loved again >die lonely hateful and a tragic victim of a broken system >but at least we have 11 aircraft carriers >tearsofpatrioticjoy.png
: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)02:28:56 No.844722801 >>844722495 # >born a white american male >grow up in a conservative upper middle class family >very idealistic about the nation, want to serve, enlist when 18 >deployed in Iraq >legs blown off fighting for oil >go home, struggling, corrupt, mismanaged, and underfunded VA does nothing meaningful to help >physical and psychological trauma have assured that I can never love or be loved again >die lonely hateful and a tragic victim of a broken system >but at least we have 11 aircraft carriers >tearsofpatrioticjoy.png

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Anon goes on Omegle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/21(Fri)16:52:46 No.63881475 > be me > go on omegle because i have no friends > start political arguments with people 81 KB PNG > 5 minutes in >i disconnect when they are half way through typing a response Top kek : Anonymous 05/28/21(Fri)16:55:10 No.63881497 >>63881475 (OP) # Extremely based Keep it up OP 48 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/28/21(Fri)16:52:46 No.63881475 > be me > go on omegle because i have no friends > start political arguments with people 81 KB PNG > 5 minutes in >i disconnect when they are half way through typing a response Top kek : Anonymous 05/28/21(Fri)16:55:10 No.63881497 >>63881475 (OP) # Extremely based Keep it up OP 48 KB JPG

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Anon chews some gum | /r/Greentext

ll AT&T VPN 11:07 PM 62% Discord A boards.4chan.org : Anonymous 10/07/18(Sun)22:59:29 No.781775753 >be me >19 yo 6/10 >Go out to movie with bestie of 3 years >9/10 >Its technically a date >Dinner and movie 5 KB PNG >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month >She loves it and we go for a walk >Pull out 5GUM:TRUTH OR DARE PACK >Her wrapper says take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >I read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room to kiss >We laugh it off but u remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at though? >Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her! >Showed her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads the other part of the wrapper >"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next to you?" >"This one right now" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum
ll AT&T VPN 11:07 PM 62% Discord A boards.4chan.org : Anonymous 10/07/18(Sun)22:59:29 No.781775753 >be me >19 yo 6/10 >Go out to movie with bestie of 3 years >9/10 >Its technically a date >Dinner and movie 5 KB PNG >Get ice cream afterwards >Give her a glass flower I bought earlier in the month >She loves it and we go for a walk >Pull out 5GUM:TRUTH OR DARE PACK >Her wrapper says take a selfie with eyes closed >She does >I read mine It says to ask the most beautiful person in the room to kiss >We laugh it off but u remember the glass flower base has a mirror on the bottom side Where's the most beautiful girl at though? >Look at the mirrored base Oh look I found her! >Showed her the mirrored base of the flower >We smile and kiss for the first time ever >She reads the other part of the wrapper >"What's the most romantic moment you've shared with the person next to you?" >"This one right now" >mfw how it feels to chew 5gum

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anons mom find the stash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)09:57:42 No.58869702 >tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms
: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)09:57:42 No.58869702 >tfw mom found the protein condoms 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)10:35:50 No.58870137 the what? 51 KB JPG >>58871699 # Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)12:34:28 No.58871699 >>58870137 # mom thinks whey is drugs so my brother and i hide protein in the toilet water tank in condoms

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Anon has no clue | /r/Greentext

>the one girl who was always really nice to me in HS is now studying in uni to professionally take care of autists Hmmm 6 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
>the one girl who was always really nice to me in HS is now studying in uni to professionally take care of autists Hmmm 6 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has a gaydar | /r/Greentext

Get to be known in my town as the guy with the best gaydar. How does it happen? >go to club >ask guy if he's gay and he says no >buy him a drink for being straight 10 KB JPG >after more drinks ask if he's gay again >he again says no >end of night rub his leg >he asks if I'm coming onto him >l ask if he cares >he says no so we go to his car >start sucking his d--- and feel him getting hard >pull his hard d--- out of my mouth >ha he's a f-----. >tell everyone that he's gay The best gaydar in town strikes again. Applauded for outing all the f------ in our town.
Get to be known in my town as the guy with the best gaydar. How does it happen? >go to club >ask guy if he's gay and he says no >buy him a drink for being straight 10 KB JPG >after more drinks ask if he's gay again >he again says no >end of night rub his leg >he asks if I'm coming onto him >l ask if he cares >he says no so we go to his car >start sucking his d--- and feel him getting hard >pull his hard d--- out of my mouth >ha he's a f-----. >tell everyone that he's gay The best gaydar in town strikes again. Applauded for outing all the f------ in our town.

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anon didn't get laid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:56:20 No.40073827 >>40073392 (OP) # >walking girl down path to her house holding hands >she lets go of my hand >anon, i think we need to go 293 KB PNG further than this >well yeah how else are we gonna get to your house? >>40073865 # >>40073896 # : Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:58:31 No.40073865 >>40073827 # HOLY F------ S--- ANON LITERALLY HOW
: Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:56:20 No.40073827 >>40073392 (OP) # >walking girl down path to her house holding hands >she lets go of my hand >anon, i think we need to go 293 KB PNG further than this >well yeah how else are we gonna get to your house? >>40073865 # >>40073896 # : Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)12:58:31 No.40073865 >>40073827 # HOLY F------ S--- ANON LITERALLY HOW

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Anon’s a retard | /r/Greentext


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Anon changes his mind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IP4U8N1W ) [] 10/05/21(Tue)09:10:37 No.342225864 MAKE AME GREAT AGA maga vax.png 435 KB PNG >*cough *cough >"o-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I have a wife and ki- >BEEEEEEP
: Anonymous (ID: IP4U8N1W ) [] 10/05/21(Tue)09:10:37 No.342225864 MAKE AME GREAT AGA maga vax.png 435 KB PNG >*cough *cough >"o-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I have a wife and ki- >BEEEEEEP

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Anon can’t afford it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/18(Mon)08:17:26 Nó.781801464 > be me > hopeless f----- > want to attempt suicide > clueless as to what's the quickest way, do some research > find lostallhope.com with details 1.64 MB GIF on every method > choose one randomly anyway > get in the logistics of preparing it > 'Suicide by hanging' seems alright > Go to home depot to get a rope > Can't afford buying the right rope > ffs.jpeg > Get back home to choose another way > Other ways are too complicated > decide to live > mfw I can't afford death > mfw killing myself is harder than living 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 10/08/18(Mon)08:17:26 Nó.781801464 > be me > hopeless f----- > want to attempt suicide > clueless as to what's the quickest way, do some research > find lostallhope.com with details 1.64 MB GIF on every method > choose one randomly anyway > get in the logistics of preparing it > 'Suicide by hanging' seems alright > Go to home depot to get a rope > Can't afford buying the right rope > ffs.jpeg > Get back home to choose another way > Other ways are too complicated > decide to live > mfw I can't afford death > mfw killing myself is harder than living 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)15:23:06 No.66899566 f3qiqxwbjl631.png 12 KB PNG >be 17 year old >20 year old Albanian chick at my school throws a party >one of her friends, a 21 year old uni student, starts chatting with me >seems very open, constantly complimenting me, saying i'm very smart and mature > impress her with my knowledge of history and my ability to speak several languages > once the alcohol gets to my head I decide to leave > girl says "don't leave, you're so cute!" > say nothing and leave because i don't know how to respond I think that was simultaneously the most virgin and the most alpha male thing i've ever done
: Anonymous 01/08/22(Sat)15:23:06 No.66899566 f3qiqxwbjl631.png 12 KB PNG >be 17 year old >20 year old Albanian chick at my school throws a party >one of her friends, a 21 year old uni student, starts chatting with me >seems very open, constantly complimenting me, saying i'm very smart and mature > impress her with my knowledge of history and my ability to speak several languages > once the alcohol gets to my head I decide to leave > girl says "don't leave, you're so cute!" > say nothing and leave because i don't know how to respond I think that was simultaneously the most virgin and the most alpha male thing i've ever done

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