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Anon is good at dancing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/19(Fri)16:13:41 No.794479094 >be me >be 8° grade >be dumb s--- >do fortnite dances as a s----- joke I know the repercussions of this reveal 45 KB JPG >master the arts of the default dance >do it everytime im in a conversation >instead of losing all my friends i got more popular >thefuck.org >tfw my class finds me funny >tfw I just get wierd looks when i try to make an actual joke >tfw kids come up to me and ask me to the "the dance" Help me /b/ is the popularity turning my into a tard
: Anonymous 03/08/19(Fri)16:13:41 No.794479094 >be me >be 8° grade >be dumb s--- >do fortnite dances as a s----- joke I know the repercussions of this reveal 45 KB JPG >master the arts of the default dance >do it everytime im in a conversation >instead of losing all my friends i got more popular >thefuck.org >tfw my class finds me funny >tfw I just get wierd looks when i try to make an actual joke >tfw kids come up to me and ask me to the "the dance" Help me /b/ is the popularity turning my into a tard

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anon is a atheist | /r/Greentext


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Heavy shit. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)10:36:32 No.870182411 >be me >fat f---, 5'1" anon, ibs-c >havent taken a s--- in a month, finally feel the need to >weigh myself before taking a s--- bc why not >181 Ibs 5 KB JPG >go to take a s--- >weigh myself after >175 Ibs >had 6 Ibs of s--- in my anus >mfw
: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)10:36:32 No.870182411 >be me >fat f---, 5'1" anon, ibs-c >havent taken a s--- in a month, finally feel the need to >weigh myself before taking a s--- bc why not >181 Ibs 5 KB JPG >go to take a s--- >weigh myself after >175 Ibs >had 6 Ibs of s--- in my anus >mfw

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Anon stops liking big tiddies | /r/Greentext

4h (1/2 18:17) · 64985870 10 Re · 3 Img · JPG · 504KB · (1000 × 1250) nutrient defficiency >started eating cheese regulary >interest in big breasted women goes down >mfwI was just lacking calcium
4h (1/2 18:17) · 64985870 10 Re · 3 Img · JPG · 504KB · (1000 × 1250) nutrient defficiency >started eating cheese regulary >interest in big breasted women goes down >mfwI was just lacking calcium

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Suffering from success | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous why are women like this 01/07/22(Fri)16:57:12 No.66892032 >be me >start a new job >had to move for it so im new to the area >meet a few nice coworkers >they invite me for drinks after work >have a good time 42 KB PNG >one girl added me on snapchat >we start talking there occasionally and become friends >grab coffee and sometimes food after work >goes on for 3 weeks until she suddenly starts ignoring me >ask her what is wrong >she goes on a rant and eventually cries >is mad that i never asked her out properly and that she likes me >mfw i thought i finally made a friend
: Anonymous why are women like this 01/07/22(Fri)16:57:12 No.66892032 >be me >start a new job >had to move for it so im new to the area >meet a few nice coworkers >they invite me for drinks after work >have a good time 42 KB PNG >one girl added me on snapchat >we start talking there occasionally and become friends >grab coffee and sometimes food after work >goes on for 3 weeks until she suddenly starts ignoring me >ask her what is wrong >she goes on a rant and eventually cries >is mad that i never asked her out properly and that she likes me >mfw i thought i finally made a friend

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Mall walker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous cold aproachad a girl for the (...) 01/07/22(Fri)17:08:18 No.66892132 >be me > go to the mall to pick up a girl >this way I will >after one hour of nervous observation and nervousness finally find a girl whose I find cute and I have the courage to go talk 31 KB JPG to > "hey I'm Anon I just wanted to tell you that you look hot, hmmm I mean cute, aha" >" Oh thanks but I'm actually twelve"
: Anonymous cold aproachad a girl for the (...) 01/07/22(Fri)17:08:18 No.66892132 >be me > go to the mall to pick up a girl >this way I will >after one hour of nervous observation and nervousness finally find a girl whose I find cute and I have the courage to go talk 31 KB JPG to > "hey I'm Anon I just wanted to tell you that you look hot, hmmm I mean cute, aha" >" Oh thanks but I'm actually twelve"

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Anon Virginity protected | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49048915 Acum 2 h •.• >be me >uni student living in ghetto ass apartment >playing Dark Souls on Xbox >my w---- neighbour wanders into my room >she sits on my bed bitch no that's where my dragon plushie goes >"hey anon, whatcha doing?" >0-0-oh hi femanon, i'm playing Dark Souls >"oh ok. that looks really cool. can i play with you?" >n-n-no, i play offline >"oh i see. would you..." spreads legs >"like to do something else that involves 2 people?" 30,6 kB JPG >no >I have to beat Gwyn and link the fire >she leaves >virginity protected how did i do robots? REPLY
Anonymous | 49048915 Acum 2 h •.• >be me >uni student living in ghetto ass apartment >playing Dark Souls on Xbox >my w---- neighbour wanders into my room >she sits on my bed bitch no that's where my dragon plushie goes >"hey anon, whatcha doing?" >0-0-oh hi femanon, i'm playing Dark Souls >"oh ok. that looks really cool. can i play with you?" >n-n-no, i play offline >"oh i see. would you..." spreads legs >"like to do something else that involves 2 people?" 30,6 kB JPG >no >I have to beat Gwyn and link the fire >she leaves >virginity protected how did i do robots? REPLY

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anon with tomboy friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)07:27:44 No.232655305 Smile There waert the te the tomboy.jpg 218 KB JPG >Have best friend that's a tomboy >Boyish hobbies, short hair, wild, temper, she's a walking stereotype >Got along with me well because I've always been very chill and didn't respond to conflict, so I could play off her outbursts and not get offended >Back in high school she approached me with an offer >Since we were both bad at dating, suggested we could be friends with benefits, to feel less lonely >Our first time was when my mom left to go buy groceries while she and I were playing Magic. It was short, awkward, and I bent a few of her cards in the scramble, but it was damn good >As the years went by we kept the routine, being buddies that would f--- when the opportunity arose >We both tried dating other people, but it would fall apart quickly and we'd go back to our comfort zone >Cut to 10 years later, i.e. last week, I'm over at her place watching Book of Boba Fett, and she gets this look on her face. >"Anon.. should we get married?" >Retard noises fall out of my bewildered mouth, and I say that although I'm not saying NO what the f--- brought this up >Says that she figured as she got older and got more confident she'd figure out how to shift into dating, but it never really happened. >Still as awkward and dorky as she always felt, and never got comfortable being intimate with other people. >But with me, she always feels safe, and doesn't mind opening up, being vulnerable. >"I mean, I'm basically in love with you." What should I do here, /a/? I definitely care about her a lot, and I don't thin life with her in some capacity, but I'm not sure l've ever really felt "love" before. I don't get those butterflies and crazy palpitations other people talk about. I'm just comfortable with her. Am I gonna f--- this up trying to turn our relationship into a more "normal" one? mind spending my >>232655361 # >>232655672 # >>232656351 # >2232657376 # 2>232657402 # >>232658156 # >>232658751 # 22232659225 # >>232659693 # >232659776 # >>232661299 # >>232663134 # 2>232665204 # >>232665500 # >>232666179 # >>232666203 # >>232666233 # >>232666866 # >>232667352 # >>232668028 # >>232668202 # 2>232668504 # >>232669080 # >>232669831 # >>232670337 # >>232670748 # >>232670980 # >>232672425 # >>232673139 # >>232673680 # >>232674316 #
: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)07:27:44 No.232655305 Smile There waert the te the tomboy.jpg 218 KB JPG >Have best friend that's a tomboy >Boyish hobbies, short hair, wild, temper, she's a walking stereotype >Got along with me well because I've always been very chill and didn't respond to conflict, so I could play off her outbursts and not get offended >Back in high school she approached me with an offer >Since we were both bad at dating, suggested we could be friends with benefits, to feel less lonely >Our first time was when my mom left to go buy groceries while she and I were playing Magic. It was short, awkward, and I bent a few of her cards in the scramble, but it was damn good >As the years went by we kept the routine, being buddies that would f--- when the opportunity arose >We both tried dating other people, but it would fall apart quickly and we'd go back to our comfort zone >Cut to 10 years later, i.e. last week, I'm over at her place watching Book of Boba Fett, and she gets this look on her face. >"Anon.. should we get married?" >Retard noises fall out of my bewildered mouth, and I say that although I'm not saying NO what the f--- brought this up >Says that she figured as she got older and got more confident she'd figure out how to shift into dating, but it never really happened. >Still as awkward and dorky as she always felt, and never got comfortable being intimate with other people. >But with me, she always feels safe, and doesn't mind opening up, being vulnerable. >"I mean, I'm basically in love with you." What should I do here, /a/? I definitely care about her a lot, and I don't thin life with her in some capacity, but I'm not sure l've ever really felt "love" before. I don't get those butterflies and crazy palpitations other people talk about. I'm just comfortable with her. Am I gonna f--- this up trying to turn our relationship into a more "normal" one? mind spending my >>232655361 # >>232655672 # >>232656351 # >2232657376 # 2>232657402 # >>232658156 # >>232658751 # 22232659225 # >>232659693 # >232659776 # >>232661299 # >>232663134 # 2>232665204 # >>232665500 # >>232666179 # >>232666203 # >>232666233 # >>232666866 # >>232667352 # >>232668028 # >>232668202 # 2>232668504 # >>232669080 # >>232669831 # >>232670337 # >>232670748 # >>232670980 # >>232672425 # >>232673139 # >>232673680 # >>232674316 #

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The sad part is Jamaica didn't explain | /r/Greentext

What's the deal with Jamaica >whole country is recognized for it's Rastafarians and use of marijuana >Marijuana is illegal there Jamaica please explain
What's the deal with Jamaica >whole country is recognized for it's Rastafarians and use of marijuana >Marijuana is illegal there Jamaica please explain

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Anon goes to Mexico | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2(Fri)15:32:07 No.870189077 > Be me >average looking white guy >solid 7, not fat >be on tinder >have to compete with 11/10 chads >get like 2 matches a month >lonely af 111 KB JPG >family invites me on trip to Mexico >go with cause I need a vacation >be at Mexico >still on tinder >get 12 matches the first day >all 10/10 >w--.png >most of them messaged first >"hey, you're really hot" (but in Spanish) >use translator to communicate >one invites me to meet >prolly gonna get stabbed and robbed >power of horny makes me go >get there and she's really there >use translator for pretty much everything >we get street food together >ask me "do you wanna hang out again tomorrow" >try to respond in broken Spanish >she laughs and thinks it's cute I'm learning >kisses me on the cheek before parting ways >next day, 4 more texts saying "let's meet" from different girls >meet with same girl as night before >go to bar with her sister and sisters boyfriend. Boyfriend is 4/10 chub while sister is 10/10 bomb >boyfriend is more beta cuck than anyone >compared to him I'm 10/10 alpha Chad >ask sister about him >apparently he was popular in school and they dated since then >bruh w--? anons, literally just go to mexico. Idc how ugly you are, you're a f------ Chad in Mexico.
: Anonymous 2(Fri)15:32:07 No.870189077 > Be me >average looking white guy >solid 7, not fat >be on tinder >have to compete with 11/10 chads >get like 2 matches a month >lonely af 111 KB JPG >family invites me on trip to Mexico >go with cause I need a vacation >be at Mexico >still on tinder >get 12 matches the first day >all 10/10 >w--.png >most of them messaged first >"hey, you're really hot" (but in Spanish) >use translator to communicate >one invites me to meet >prolly gonna get stabbed and robbed >power of horny makes me go >get there and she's really there >use translator for pretty much everything >we get street food together >ask me "do you wanna hang out again tomorrow" >try to respond in broken Spanish >she laughs and thinks it's cute I'm learning >kisses me on the cheek before parting ways >next day, 4 more texts saying "let's meet" from different girls >meet with same girl as night before >go to bar with her sister and sisters boyfriend. Boyfriend is 4/10 chub while sister is 10/10 bomb >boyfriend is more beta cuck than anyone >compared to him I'm 10/10 alpha Chad >ask sister about him >apparently he was popular in school and they dated since then >bruh w--? anons, literally just go to mexico. Idc how ugly you are, you're a f------ Chad in Mexico.

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Anon pays his phone bill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 714912237 >be me >6'2" white dude >phone bill is due >use Cricket >used a fake name for the account because they don't check ID >don't remember what it is >go to Cricket store >black dude working >give him my number >he looks up my name with my phone number >"Tyrone Watermelon" >ohfuck.jpg >he looks shocked >looks up at me >"your name is Tyrone Watermelon?" >straight face >"Yes." >"really?" >"Yeah." %3D >pay my bill >all he can say is "...have a nice day" >leave >mfw
Anonymous | 714912237 >be me >6'2" white dude >phone bill is due >use Cricket >used a fake name for the account because they don't check ID >don't remember what it is >go to Cricket store >black dude working >give him my number >he looks up my name with my phone number >"Tyrone Watermelon" >ohfuck.jpg >he looks shocked >looks up at me >"your name is Tyrone Watermelon?" >straight face >"Yes." >"really?" >"Yeah." %3D >pay my bill >all he can say is "...have a nice day" >leave >mfw

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Anon discovers modern schooling | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets a coat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 64Alc1j5 11/28/17(Tue)18:10:31 No.3117772 >be me >at an extremely expensive fur coat store in NYC >wife wants to buy a fur coat >drainingmyfuckingbankaccount.png >look outside to front of store and see a 55 KB JPG guy with a bucket of fake blood waiting to throw it on someone wearing a fur coat because he doesnt like animal abuse >looks like a real f------ skinny libtard virgin, just looking at him pisses me off >employees tell me he sits out there every day and terrorizes customers >get a brilliant f------ idea >find the most expensive coat in the entire store >coat i find is thousands upon thousands of dollars >tell wife to try it on "you look great honey, but maybe we should see how it looks in the day light?" >tell employees to come with us outside to see what it look like (and to reassure them we arent stealing it) >wife puts on coat, and we walk outside >store owner is looking at us from the inside of store >libtard virgin with bucket of fake blood proceeds to drench wife in the blood >coat is absolutely ruined >i tackle him to ground >store owner and a security guard walk outside and bring him into store >they call the cops >he has to pay the store back for the coat >mfw i probably just made this guy homeless
: Anonymous (ID: 64Alc1j5 11/28/17(Tue)18:10:31 No.3117772 >be me >at an extremely expensive fur coat store in NYC >wife wants to buy a fur coat >drainingmyfuckingbankaccount.png >look outside to front of store and see a 55 KB JPG guy with a bucket of fake blood waiting to throw it on someone wearing a fur coat because he doesnt like animal abuse >looks like a real f------ skinny libtard virgin, just looking at him pisses me off >employees tell me he sits out there every day and terrorizes customers >get a brilliant f------ idea >find the most expensive coat in the entire store >coat i find is thousands upon thousands of dollars >tell wife to try it on "you look great honey, but maybe we should see how it looks in the day light?" >tell employees to come with us outside to see what it look like (and to reassure them we arent stealing it) >wife puts on coat, and we walk outside >store owner is looking at us from the inside of store >libtard virgin with bucket of fake blood proceeds to drench wife in the blood >coat is absolutely ruined >i tackle him to ground >store owner and a security guard walk outside and bring him into store >they call the cops >he has to pay the store back for the coat >mfw i probably just made this guy homeless

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Anon is Edgar Allan Poe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: miuDQCso) 12/08/19(Sun)10:02:09 No.235544335 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious profile of a tinder w---- while I read it, nearly swiping, suddenly I spied her typing "Kids? Still want them!" starts the griping, "even 122 KB JPG though I'm 44" "Tis impossible," I muttered "having kids at 44" Chance of offspring: nevermore >>235544846 # >>235545117 # >>235546408 # >>235547541 # >>235548662 # >>235552925 # >>235557647 # >>235557957 # imgfilip.com
: Anonymous (ID: miuDQCso) 12/08/19(Sun)10:02:09 No.235544335 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious profile of a tinder w---- while I read it, nearly swiping, suddenly I spied her typing "Kids? Still want them!" starts the griping, "even 122 KB JPG though I'm 44" "Tis impossible," I muttered "having kids at 44" Chance of offspring: nevermore >>235544846 # >>235545117 # >>235546408 # >>235547541 # >>235548662 # >>235552925 # >>235557647 # >>235557957 # imgfilip.com

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anon is musican | /r/Greentext


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gamers in a nutshell? not mine but thought it belongs here | /r/Greentext

1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined
1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined

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Anon discovers masturbation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)01:46:12 No.767319186 Aight f--- i got one for you >be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating >ask dad what he dreams about Erection in progress >"hot girls, anon" >suddenly get erection for some reason >dont know what an erection is 15 KB JPG >go to bathroom to pee >rub my d--- by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out d--- and start rubbing it >orgasm >no c-- cause 5 >mom notices and screams "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what m----------- and erection are >mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents So hows it going /b/
: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)01:46:12 No.767319186 Aight f--- i got one for you >be me, 5 >in bed with my dad cause renovating >ask dad what he dreams about Erection in progress >"hot girls, anon" >suddenly get erection for some reason >dont know what an erection is 15 KB JPG >go to bathroom to pee >rub my d--- by accident >feelsgoodman.jpg >fast forward 2 days >watching fashiontv for some reason >get erect >everyone around me >pulls out d--- and start rubbing it >orgasm >no c-- cause 5 >mom notices and screams "ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >gets beaten >fast forward a few years >discovers what m----------- and erection are >mfw i remember jerking off in front of parents So hows it going /b/

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I fucking hate zoomers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)17:15:05 No.854186812 Zoomers >lets goooo >finna >no cap >vibing 103 KB JPG >rn >fr >ion 42 Replies / 9 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)17:15:05 No.854186812 Zoomers >lets goooo >finna >no cap >vibing 103 KB JPG >rn >fr >ion 42 Replies / 9 Images View Thread

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can anon do it. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/22(Wed)23:27:32 No.870035903 Let's turn "NFT" into a racial slur against black people, I think we should do this for the following reasons: -"NFT" starts with the letter N -NFTS are commonly associated with monkeys (most NFT memes involve a monkey of some kind and a lot of NFTS 20 KB JPG are just monkey drawings) -Black people used to be traded as property FINALLY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: It would make all the people trying to get rich off of this s--- (especially celebs and influencers) really really f------ mad Let's do it bros 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/05/22(Wed)23:27:32 No.870035903 Let's turn "NFT" into a racial slur against black people, I think we should do this for the following reasons: -"NFT" starts with the letter N -NFTS are commonly associated with monkeys (most NFT memes involve a monkey of some kind and a lot of NFTS 20 KB JPG are just monkey drawings) -Black people used to be traded as property FINALLY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: It would make all the people trying to get rich off of this s--- (especially celebs and influencers) really really f------ mad Let's do it bros 2 Replies View Thread

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Let the bodies hit the floor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)10:03:09 No.65138040 stay hydrated >exercise for the first time in five or six years >can't move this is a threat >actually can't move and it isn't a joke >pleadingly look at the people around the gym and squirm on the floor 624 КВ PNG >blood sugar is low >l faint >l wake up a half hour later in the same spot >barely get on my feet >stumble out of the gym
: Anonymous 08/26/21(Thu)10:03:09 No.65138040 stay hydrated >exercise for the first time in five or six years >can't move this is a threat >actually can't move and it isn't a joke >pleadingly look at the people around the gym and squirm on the floor 624 КВ PNG >blood sugar is low >l faint >l wake up a half hour later in the same spot >barely get on my feet >stumble out of the gym

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