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Femanon gains weight, anon gets impressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)18:43:21 No.50280934 >get my first boyfriend >been together for nearly a year >put on around thirty pounds since we started dating >he swears he finds me more attractive now than when I was 75 KB JPG lighter Is he being nice or am I just obsessing over it for nothing? 50 Replies / 9 Images View Thread : Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)20:56:49 No.50283151 >>50280934 (OP) # >>put on around thirty pounds since we started dating why? how? in a SINGLE year? f------ hog
: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)18:43:21 No.50280934 >get my first boyfriend >been together for nearly a year >put on around thirty pounds since we started dating >he swears he finds me more attractive now than when I was 75 KB JPG lighter Is he being nice or am I just obsessing over it for nothing? 50 Replies / 9 Images View Thread : Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)20:56:49 No.50283151 >>50280934 (OP) # >>put on around thirty pounds since we started dating why? how? in a SINGLE year? f------ hog

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Literally every conversation about Antinous Pius ever. | /r/Greentext

26m (5/6 13:13) · 11058542 3 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 2MB · (2300 × 3066) 2 Replies >become most powerful man on earth >do absolutely nothing Denaranon · 9m (5/6 13:31) · 11058630 >>11058542 (OP) >Become the most powerful man on earth >See that the country is prospering >See that your in an era of peace >Don't spend money on military motions that are unneeded >Spend money for welfare, including starting a orphanage for girls >Devote time to raising children ment to be the best possible heirs >1800 years later >F----- 4channers are mad that you didn't do dumb s---.
26m (5/6 13:13) · 11058542 3 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 2MB · (2300 × 3066) 2 Replies >become most powerful man on earth >do absolutely nothing Denaranon · 9m (5/6 13:31) · 11058630 >>11058542 (OP) >Become the most powerful man on earth >See that the country is prospering >See that your in an era of peace >Don't spend money on military motions that are unneeded >Spend money for welfare, including starting a orphanage for girls >Devote time to raising children ment to be the best possible heirs >1800 years later >F----- 4channers are mad that you didn't do dumb s---.

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Gabe appears at a game conference | /r/Greentext

File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) O Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot
File: 1338794837362 jpg-(155 KB, 800x1200, Gabe_01.jpg) O Anonymous 06/04/12(Mon)03:27 No.141846848 >Gabe comes onto stage >Talks about new Steam features, Dota 2 >Conference is coming to a close >Audience sighs in unison >"Oh and one more thing" >"Attendees perk up >A huge f------ 3 slowly fades onto screen >Crowd turns into bananas and bursts into treats >An "E" quickly pops up next to it >"Have a nice E3" >Gabe gets shot

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Anon is gender fluid | /r/Greentext

File: bastard.png (601 KB, 1293x1132) O Anonymous 01/11/22(Tue)03:18:07 No.870440938 >be me >genderfluid >male >walking around with my shirt off >momentarily female >instantly arrested for public nudity
File: bastard.png (601 KB, 1293x1132) O Anonymous 01/11/22(Tue)03:18:07 No.870440938 >be me >genderfluid >male >walking around with my shirt off >momentarily female >instantly arrested for public nudity

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Ye olde switcheroo | /r/Greentext

No.40240487 16 minutes ago PNG 136.6 KiB 1631x1571 >It's the police. Open up! >Go to the door, start knocking and say "It's the police. Open up!" >We're serious, stop joking around! >reply with "It's the police. Open up!" >lf you do not comply we will break down the door. >reply with "It's the police. Open up!" >This is the last warning, open up now or we will breech the door. >Take my sledgehammer and smash down my own door, proceed to arrest the 4 policemen for not opening the door.
No.40240487 16 minutes ago PNG 136.6 KiB 1631x1571 >It's the police. Open up! >Go to the door, start knocking and say "It's the police. Open up!" >We're serious, stop joking around! >reply with "It's the police. Open up!" >lf you do not comply we will break down the door. >reply with "It's the police. Open up!" >This is the last warning, open up now or we will breech the door. >Take my sledgehammer and smash down my own door, proceed to arrest the 4 policemen for not opening the door.

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Anon discovers Mexico. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 707722(Fri)15:32:07 No.870189077 > Be me >average looking white guy >solid 7, not fat >be on tinder >have to compete with 11/10 chads >get like 2 matches a month >lonely af 111 KB JPG >family invites me on trip to Mexico >go with cause I need a vacation >be at Mexico >still on tinder >get 12 matches the first day >all 10/10 >w--.png >most of them messaged first >"hey, you're really hot" (but in Spanish) >use translator to communicate >one invites me to meet >prolly gonna get stabbed and robbed >power of horny makes me go >get there and she's really there >use translator for pretty much everything >we get street food together >ask me "do you wanna hang out again tomorrow" >try to respond in broken Spanish >she laughs and thinks it's cute l'm learning >kisses me on the cheek before parting ways >next day, 4 more texts saying "let's meet" from different girls >meet with same girl as night before >go to bar with her sister and sisters boyfriend. Boyfriend is 4/10 chub while sister is 10/10 bomb >boyfriend is more beta cuck than anyone >compared to him I'm 10/10 alpha Chad >ask sister about him >apparently he was popular in school and they dated since then >bruh w--? anons, literally just go to mexico. Idc how ugly you are, you're a f------ Chad in Mexico.
: Anonymous 707722(Fri)15:32:07 No.870189077 > Be me >average looking white guy >solid 7, not fat >be on tinder >have to compete with 11/10 chads >get like 2 matches a month >lonely af 111 KB JPG >family invites me on trip to Mexico >go with cause I need a vacation >be at Mexico >still on tinder >get 12 matches the first day >all 10/10 >w--.png >most of them messaged first >"hey, you're really hot" (but in Spanish) >use translator to communicate >one invites me to meet >prolly gonna get stabbed and robbed >power of horny makes me go >get there and she's really there >use translator for pretty much everything >we get street food together >ask me "do you wanna hang out again tomorrow" >try to respond in broken Spanish >she laughs and thinks it's cute l'm learning >kisses me on the cheek before parting ways >next day, 4 more texts saying "let's meet" from different girls >meet with same girl as night before >go to bar with her sister and sisters boyfriend. Boyfriend is 4/10 chub while sister is 10/10 bomb >boyfriend is more beta cuck than anyone >compared to him I'm 10/10 alpha Chad >ask sister about him >apparently he was popular in school and they dated since then >bruh w--? anons, literally just go to mexico. Idc how ugly you are, you're a f------ Chad in Mexico.

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Anon makes a new friend. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.
: Anonymous 01/08/19(Tue)12:30:34 No.789444903 >be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and s--- and I'm sitting around at home. >Classmate at school talking about going out for a drive with friends. 38 KB JPG >Looks at me >"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us" >Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and f--- around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for s---- n giggles. >Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me "hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in. >Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.

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Lamoo FDS being FDS | /r/Greentext

Anon ruins a relationship : Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)22:03:22 No.870357740 >be me, end of 2019 >friend asks me for "funny memes" >tell him to check Reddit >its right up his alley >he loves it 611 KB JPG >pandemic hits, he's home with his gf >he shows her Reddit >she gets into it too >she starts looking at relationship oriented subs >relationship starts getting rocky. He says she's a lot colder, demanding, less thankful, etc >says she flips out when asked to split the bill >turns out she's been frequenting female dating strategy >she breaks up with him, says she wants a high value man >friend is heartbroken, stays with me for a bit >over the course of 2021 she gained a lot of weight, been through multiple failed relationships, overall unpleasant to be around >last thing he heard from a friend of hers is she's a mod for FDS.
Anon ruins a relationship : Anonymous 01/09/22(Sun)22:03:22 No.870357740 >be me, end of 2019 >friend asks me for "funny memes" >tell him to check Reddit >its right up his alley >he loves it 611 KB JPG >pandemic hits, he's home with his gf >he shows her Reddit >she gets into it too >she starts looking at relationship oriented subs >relationship starts getting rocky. He says she's a lot colder, demanding, less thankful, etc >says she flips out when asked to split the bill >turns out she's been frequenting female dating strategy >she breaks up with him, says she wants a high value man >friend is heartbroken, stays with me for a bit >over the course of 2021 she gained a lot of weight, been through multiple failed relationships, overall unpleasant to be around >last thing he heard from a friend of hers is she's a mod for FDS.

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Anon is british | /r/Greentext

Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your 47 KB JPG sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife
Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your 47 KB JPG sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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Any experiences Liberal Muslims | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Lurk on r/islam >Never say anything because I'm not that educated enough for this topic >Finally find a post about sucide >Have enough knowledge about this. >timetowrite.jpg >Say if you kill yourself you'll go to hell >Get downvoted to hell for speaking the truth
>Be me >Lurk on r/islam >Never say anything because I'm not that educated enough for this topic >Finally find a post about sucide >Have enough knowledge about this. >timetowrite.jpg >Say if you kill yourself you'll go to hell >Get downvoted to hell for speaking the truth

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Anon is happy | /r/Greentext

1h: 45652232 · 9 Replies · 3 Images JPG · 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat
1h: 45652232 · 9 Replies · 3 Images JPG · 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat

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anon feels good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous feels good man 04/28/19(Sun)01:11:46 No.52153310 >be me >been working at bbq joint for 3 years >boss is like a dad but cooler, we drink/smoke together >song from his favorite 91 KB JPG band is playing "oooh do you know who this is anon?" >answer instantly with correct answer "aaayyyyyee thats my boy" >mfw it feels good to have someone proud of me thanks boss
: Anonymous feels good man 04/28/19(Sun)01:11:46 No.52153310 >be me >been working at bbq joint for 3 years >boss is like a dad but cooler, we drink/smoke together >song from his favorite 91 KB JPG band is playing "oooh do you know who this is anon?" >answer instantly with correct answer "aaayyyyyee thats my boy" >mfw it feels good to have someone proud of me thanks boss

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Anon goes shopping | /r/Greentext

>go shopping at retail store >see female employee folding a pair of pants >they're my size >ask if I can try them on >she shrugs >go into fitting room and put on pants >pants touched by female hands touching boxers touching my d--- >molested by my uncle at age 7 see you later, virgins
>go shopping at retail store >see female employee folding a pair of pants >they're my size >ask if I can try them on >she shrugs >go into fitting room and put on pants >pants touched by female hands touching boxers touching my d--- >molested by my uncle at age 7 see you later, virgins

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anon has a life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 17 minutes ago 51940195 >"Well look who decided to join us for dinner! Meet any hot babes in those chat rooms Anon?" >*everyone laughs* 1 REPLY Anonymous 2 minutes ago 51940404 >>51940195 (OP) >*approach edge of table* >*yank off the cloth, ruining everybody's meal and evening, and shattering expensive china >go back upstairs Literally haven't been invited to a gathering since.
Anonymous 17 minutes ago 51940195 >"Well look who decided to join us for dinner! Meet any hot babes in those chat rooms Anon?" >*everyone laughs* 1 REPLY Anonymous 2 minutes ago 51940404 >>51940195 (OP) >*approach edge of table* >*yank off the cloth, ruining everybody's meal and evening, and shattering expensive china >go back upstairs Literally haven't been invited to a gathering since.

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Anon overdid it | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)19:00:22 No.870423986 ► >be me, 14, at Christmas >cousin gets a powerful laser pointer for hunting, works with his IR scope >makes a bright green dot, laser so powerful we can see it with no fog or smoke >nephew, 8, wants to play with it >cousin says "ok but don't shine that in peoples eyes, you could hurt them" >immediately shines it in my eye >feels like lava in my skull >go permanently blind in my left eye >little s--- comes to see me in hospital as I recover >asks me if I can be a pirate cuz I have an eyepatch >freak the f--- out, call him every name in the book >family says I "overdid it" >mfw
Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)19:00:22 No.870423986 ► >be me, 14, at Christmas >cousin gets a powerful laser pointer for hunting, works with his IR scope >makes a bright green dot, laser so powerful we can see it with no fog or smoke >nephew, 8, wants to play with it >cousin says "ok but don't shine that in peoples eyes, you could hurt them" >immediately shines it in my eye >feels like lava in my skull >go permanently blind in my left eye >little s--- comes to see me in hospital as I recover >asks me if I can be a pirate cuz I have an eyepatch >freak the f--- out, call him every name in the book >family says I "overdid it" >mfw

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anon loves his mom always | /r/Greentext

>be 11 year old me >Minecraft 1.0 comes out >want to get it >mom doesn't get me it at first >feelsbad.png >Easter rolls around >mom hands me a paper >its a username and password >mom got me an account for Easter >thanks mom 9.9 kB JPG >play minecraft all the time >make lots of memories and friends playing minecraft >fast forward to now >redownload Minecraft for the hell of it >look around for paper with username and password >find it >username is my name spelled backwards >lol >password... >"lovemom" >love you mom
>be 11 year old me >Minecraft 1.0 comes out >want to get it >mom doesn't get me it at first >feelsbad.png >Easter rolls around >mom hands me a paper >its a username and password >mom got me an account for Easter >thanks mom 9.9 kB JPG >play minecraft all the time >make lots of memories and friends playing minecraft >fast forward to now >redownload Minecraft for the hell of it >look around for paper with username and password >find it >username is my name spelled backwards >lol >password... >"lovemom" >love you mom

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Anon try to understand History | /r/Greentext

Anonymous What did they mean by this? 01/10/22(Mon)10:43:53 No.12642787 >"Hey, capitalism is so evil! Look at all these starving poor people!" >Seizes power, tries implementing socialism >Poor people remain poor and start starving even more than they were before 50 KB PNG Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)11:10:02 No.12642885 >>12642787 (OP) >start starving even more than they were before Except this isn't true.
Anonymous What did they mean by this? 01/10/22(Mon)10:43:53 No.12642787 >"Hey, capitalism is so evil! Look at all these starving poor people!" >Seizes power, tries implementing socialism >Poor people remain poor and start starving even more than they were before 50 KB PNG Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)11:10:02 No.12642885 >>12642787 (OP) >start starving even more than they were before Except this isn't true.

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B A S E DVery useful advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)18:58:16 No.858512914 >roommate asks me to drive him to his dealer >sure, I have nothing going on >get in, start the car, put on seatbelt >notice roommate doesn't have his 8 KB JPG seatbelt on >ask him to put it on >"Why? Aren't you a good driver?" >tell him it's my car andI want him to have his seatbelt on >"lol f--- you man just drive" >okay >get on the road, accelerate to 40mph >slam on the brakes >roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield >oh s---, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your f------ seatbelt on >he does >I turn the car around and drive us back home F------ f----- can walk to his dealer's now. Wear your seatbelts.
: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)18:58:16 No.858512914 >roommate asks me to drive him to his dealer >sure, I have nothing going on >get in, start the car, put on seatbelt >notice roommate doesn't have his 8 KB JPG seatbelt on >ask him to put it on >"Why? Aren't you a good driver?" >tell him it's my car andI want him to have his seatbelt on >"lol f--- you man just drive" >okay >get on the road, accelerate to 40mph >slam on the brakes >roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield >oh s---, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your f------ seatbelt on >he does >I turn the car around and drive us back home F------ f----- can walk to his dealer's now. Wear your seatbelts.

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Anon gets a Teacher | /r/Greentext

peaher.jpg (56 KB, 640x426) google iqdb Anonymous (ID: WNdy4bK5 ) 1 hour ago No.550424805 >>550425229 Teacher Stories: >First day of high school >Have 8/10 female english teacher in her mid 20s >Says she wants us to get to know her >Asks each kid to write down a question for her and drop it in box >Don't need to sign name if you don't want >l write "Do you swallow?" >Drop paper in box >She opens box and starts answering questions >Gets to my scrap of paper >"T'm not going to read this one out loud. But the answer is yes." >buckets thinking about that for months Anonymous (ID: 6/XiSUst ) 1 hour ago No 550425229 >>550425453 >>550424805 (OP) 10/10
peaher.jpg (56 KB, 640x426) google iqdb Anonymous (ID: WNdy4bK5 ) 1 hour ago No.550424805 >>550425229 Teacher Stories: >First day of high school >Have 8/10 female english teacher in her mid 20s >Says she wants us to get to know her >Asks each kid to write down a question for her and drop it in box >Don't need to sign name if you don't want >l write "Do you swallow?" >Drop paper in box >She opens box and starts answering questions >Gets to my scrap of paper >"T'm not going to read this one out loud. But the answer is yes." >buckets thinking about that for months Anonymous (ID: 6/XiSUst ) 1 hour ago No 550425229 >>550425453 >>550424805 (OP) 10/10

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Anon is vaccinated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)23:04:28 No.870421009 >be me >works in big company. office job >vaccinated not retarded hetero male >sees group at workplace that resists vaccination >heard them talk about how forcing vaccines is so nazi like, and vaccinated people are so horrible towards them >one of the retards say "they are basically nazis" >create a group with all vaccinated regular human beings, 90 KB JPG and tell them what i've heard >people at work that are not vaccinated are mostly ignored and are not allowed in the main break room area, and they must all now go to a very small room to have lunch in. >i start to do the nazi salute saying " heil pfizer" >everyone goes with it, and it becomes the new regular greeting > i get promoted to manager and now unvaccinated people must eat lunch outside the building i regret nothing. i saw a path towards a happier and safer environment and sacrificed inferior individuals for it. heil pfizer
: Anonymous 01/10/22(Mon)23:04:28 No.870421009 >be me >works in big company. office job >vaccinated not retarded hetero male >sees group at workplace that resists vaccination >heard them talk about how forcing vaccines is so nazi like, and vaccinated people are so horrible towards them >one of the retards say "they are basically nazis" >create a group with all vaccinated regular human beings, 90 KB JPG and tell them what i've heard >people at work that are not vaccinated are mostly ignored and are not allowed in the main break room area, and they must all now go to a very small room to have lunch in. >i start to do the nazi salute saying " heil pfizer" >everyone goes with it, and it becomes the new regular greeting > i get promoted to manager and now unvaccinated people must eat lunch outside the building i regret nothing. i saw a path towards a happier and safer environment and sacrificed inferior individuals for it. heil pfizer

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