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Here we go, the world is spinning. | /r/Greentext


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Anon believes in pseudoscience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 4 hours ago 25770643 MANDELA EFFECT HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL. WE HAVE JUST SHIFTED TIMELINES AGAIN, THIS TIME LAS VEGAS IS NOW LOCATED IN NEVADA INSTEAD OF CALIFORNIA. I REPEAT, LAS VEGAS IS NO LONGER A CITY IN CALIFORNIA. 9 REPLIES Anonymous 4 hours ago 25770647 >>25770643 (OP) imagine being this actually f------ retarded like howd you even solve the captcha bro 1 REPLY
Anonymous 4 hours ago 25770643 MANDELA EFFECT HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL. WE HAVE JUST SHIFTED TIMELINES AGAIN, THIS TIME LAS VEGAS IS NOW LOCATED IN NEVADA INSTEAD OF CALIFORNIA. I REPEAT, LAS VEGAS IS NO LONGER A CITY IN CALIFORNIA. 9 REPLIES Anonymous 4 hours ago 25770647 >>25770643 (OP) imagine being this actually f------ retarded like howd you even solve the captcha bro 1 REPLY

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Anon's a gamer | /r/Greentext

>be me >Skilled at most games put Infront of me >Have a 7 year old cousin >He plays alot of fortnite >He challenges me to a 1v1 >l accept even though I haven't played in 4 years 104 KB PNG >I kick his ass >He screams and cry's >I get grounded for 3 months >My face worthit.jpg
>be me >Skilled at most games put Infront of me >Have a 7 year old cousin >He plays alot of fortnite >He challenges me to a 1v1 >l accept even though I haven't played in 4 years 104 KB PNG >I kick his ass >He screams and cry's >I get grounded for 3 months >My face worthit.jpg

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Anon the mugger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)01:15:46 No.868290294 >be me >hiding in alleyway >qt girl walking up the street doesn't see me >grab her and pull her into the 17 KB JPG shadows >put knife to her throat >she starts crying but i have my hand over her mouth >muffled "no please please don't no" >pull my phone out of my pocket >put it in front of her face >Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley music video plays >she just looks at it >i let her go and run away laughing like Skeletor from He-Man Anyone else do things like this? it's a very fun prank to pull on late Friday nights when you're alone without any friends or loving caring family members.
: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)01:15:46 No.868290294 >be me >hiding in alleyway >qt girl walking up the street doesn't see me >grab her and pull her into the 17 KB JPG shadows >put knife to her throat >she starts crying but i have my hand over her mouth >muffled "no please please don't no" >pull my phone out of my pocket >put it in front of her face >Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley music video plays >she just looks at it >i let her go and run away laughing like Skeletor from He-Man Anyone else do things like this? it's a very fun prank to pull on late Friday nights when you're alone without any friends or loving caring family members.

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Anon Takes A Dump | /r/Greentext

1h (1/13 1:35) · 870574284 22 Re · 12 Img JPG 575KB (1125 × 1085) ITT: S--- stories, l'll start >be me >have really bad intestines >s--- ~5 times a day, always painful >staying in japan overnight due to flight cancellation >room l'm staying in has a bidet built into the toilet >it even self-cleans, h-------- >never used a bidet, decide to give it a try >get surprised by a jet of icy toilet juices shooting into my ass >not just against it, INTO it >my colon is filled with water >feels like I haven't s--- in a week >push it all out – including s--- I wasn't able to push out before >feel a lot emptier >huh.jpg >try it again, less surprised this time so I relax my butthole >blow out even more s--- >haven't felt this good in months >still feel something, so fire volley #3 >this time, I s--- out water that's brown-red >something plugs the hole >water building behind it >feels like l'm about to force a golf ball out >push with all my might >feel my ancestors lend me their strength in my time of need >finally feel it come barreling out of me at Mach 2 >spherical, black turd fires out of my ass like a musket ball >sounded like someone fired a 120mm howitzer into a bathtub >turd hits bottom of toilet with enough force to make a clank >feels like I dropped the soap >sit there for a few minutes, letting out 10-second farts >occasionally sputter and squirt molten brimstone >the bowl looks like someone loaded Nutella into a blunderbuss >the smell is unlike any other s--- l've had >like sulfur and blood, with a hint of rotten flesh >the funk of 40,000 years >toilet water spills out of me like some f----- up toilet hentai >but I have never felt f------ better >mfw years of bowel problems get cured by power washing my shitpipe >mfw the toilet thanks me in japanese >mfw that f----- cleans itself, leaving no remnant of the Siege of Bungholia I dream of the day I can recreate that s---, but it has yet to come. Someday, /b/ros.
1h (1/13 1:35) · 870574284 22 Re · 12 Img JPG 575KB (1125 × 1085) ITT: S--- stories, l'll start >be me >have really bad intestines >s--- ~5 times a day, always painful >staying in japan overnight due to flight cancellation >room l'm staying in has a bidet built into the toilet >it even self-cleans, h-------- >never used a bidet, decide to give it a try >get surprised by a jet of icy toilet juices shooting into my ass >not just against it, INTO it >my colon is filled with water >feels like I haven't s--- in a week >push it all out – including s--- I wasn't able to push out before >feel a lot emptier >huh.jpg >try it again, less surprised this time so I relax my butthole >blow out even more s--- >haven't felt this good in months >still feel something, so fire volley #3 >this time, I s--- out water that's brown-red >something plugs the hole >water building behind it >feels like l'm about to force a golf ball out >push with all my might >feel my ancestors lend me their strength in my time of need >finally feel it come barreling out of me at Mach 2 >spherical, black turd fires out of my ass like a musket ball >sounded like someone fired a 120mm howitzer into a bathtub >turd hits bottom of toilet with enough force to make a clank >feels like I dropped the soap >sit there for a few minutes, letting out 10-second farts >occasionally sputter and squirt molten brimstone >the bowl looks like someone loaded Nutella into a blunderbuss >the smell is unlike any other s--- l've had >like sulfur and blood, with a hint of rotten flesh >the funk of 40,000 years >toilet water spills out of me like some f----- up toilet hentai >but I have never felt f------ better >mfw years of bowel problems get cured by power washing my shitpipe >mfw the toilet thanks me in japanese >mfw that f----- cleans itself, leaving no remnant of the Siege of Bungholia I dream of the day I can recreate that s---, but it has yet to come. Someday, /b/ros.

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She'll probably outlive anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)23:44:13 No.3815539 >"king of the jungle" >doesn't actually live in a jungle ??? 253 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)08:40:45 No.3816028 >>3815539 (OP) # >Queen of Australia >Doesn't actually live in Australia 179 KB JPG >>3818624 # >>3818813 #
: Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)23:44:13 No.3815539 >"king of the jungle" >doesn't actually live in a jungle ??? 253 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/31/21(Mon)08:40:45 No.3816028 >>3815539 (OP) # >Queen of Australia >Doesn't actually live in Australia 179 KB JPG >>3818624 # >>3818813 #

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Gym shenanigans | /r/Greentext

>>61173933 (OP) # F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc 30 KB JPG >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros
>>61173933 (OP) # F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc 30 KB JPG >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros

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Anon loves Wolfenstein | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Times video games got you(...) 07/07/21(Fri)22:03:05 No.383137719 >be me innocent 6 year old >dad loved fps games >lets me play them because I did really well at Intense school >played Wolfenstein 3D 41 KB JPG and Doom a lot because I loved the violence >loved the music in the games a lot but one specific song that stood out was the title theme for Wolfenstein 3D >used to hum that song all the time >fast forward 4 years in elementary school >still had the song stuck in my head >had this math exam I took in private because I was sick the day of the exam >only me and teacher in the room >the test was boring and monotonous so I started humming the Wolfenstein 3D title theme >teacher was visibly shocked and took me to the principal's office >teacher told the principal I was humming some Nazi song >had literally no idea the Wolfenstein 3D title theme was Horst Wessel Lied, Nazi Germany's national anthem >mfw both the teacher and the principal were Jews
: Anonymous ITT: Times video games got you(...) 07/07/21(Fri)22:03:05 No.383137719 >be me innocent 6 year old >dad loved fps games >lets me play them because I did really well at Intense school >played Wolfenstein 3D 41 KB JPG and Doom a lot because I loved the violence >loved the music in the games a lot but one specific song that stood out was the title theme for Wolfenstein 3D >used to hum that song all the time >fast forward 4 years in elementary school >still had the song stuck in my head >had this math exam I took in private because I was sick the day of the exam >only me and teacher in the room >the test was boring and monotonous so I started humming the Wolfenstein 3D title theme >teacher was visibly shocked and took me to the principal's office >teacher told the principal I was humming some Nazi song >had literally no idea the Wolfenstein 3D title theme was Horst Wessel Lied, Nazi Germany's national anthem >mfw both the teacher and the principal were Jews

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Anon sit next to THAT ONE KID | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)03:50:19 No.870540563 >Be me >In algebra >Laptop dies >Go to back corner of classroom to charge it >Sit next to kid who usually sits alone in back corner 217 KB JPG >Class is pretty boring so i hide my phone behind my computer and start playing some battle cats >A few minutes go by and i start to hear the sound of cloth rubbing against cloth >Out of the corner of my eye i see the kid jerking his hand up and down with his hand down his pants >Panic and dont want him to know i saw so i just pretend to not notice and continue to play battle cats >He keeps looking over at me to make sure i havent noticed >FuckWhatDolDo.jpeg >He starts going faster and his breath gets heavy >No one around us notices at all >They probably think he's just shaking his leg >He lets out a long sigh and stops abruptly >He pulls his hand out of his pants and looks down at it and wipes his hand on his pants >Mfw this m----------- just jacked off in class >Mfw i had to just sit there and listen to it >Mfw no one else noticed >Mfw he is friends with my friends and if i tell them they wont believe me >He just went along like nothing happened after W-- JUST HAPPENED /B/ROS WHAT DO I DO??? DO I TELL SOMEONE??? 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)03:50:19 No.870540563 >Be me >In algebra >Laptop dies >Go to back corner of classroom to charge it >Sit next to kid who usually sits alone in back corner 217 KB JPG >Class is pretty boring so i hide my phone behind my computer and start playing some battle cats >A few minutes go by and i start to hear the sound of cloth rubbing against cloth >Out of the corner of my eye i see the kid jerking his hand up and down with his hand down his pants >Panic and dont want him to know i saw so i just pretend to not notice and continue to play battle cats >He keeps looking over at me to make sure i havent noticed >FuckWhatDolDo.jpeg >He starts going faster and his breath gets heavy >No one around us notices at all >They probably think he's just shaking his leg >He lets out a long sigh and stops abruptly >He pulls his hand out of his pants and looks down at it and wipes his hand on his pants >Mfw this m----------- just jacked off in class >Mfw i had to just sit there and listen to it >Mfw no one else noticed >Mfw he is friends with my friends and if i tell them they wont believe me >He just went along like nothing happened after W-- JUST HAPPENED /B/ROS WHAT DO I DO??? DO I TELL SOMEONE??? 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon hates fantasy | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)07:09:44 No.63346436 File: marcille.jpg (194 KB, 953x954) >live a long, happy life with your elven wife >she was 200 when you met her >she's 260 now >looks the same as the day you met >be human >die >elf wife suffers and mourns you for hundreds of years alone That's f------ why.
O Anonymous 04/23/21(Fri)07:09:44 No.63346436 File: marcille.jpg (194 KB, 953x954) >live a long, happy life with your elven wife >she was 200 when you met her >she's 260 now >looks the same as the day you met >be human >die >elf wife suffers and mourns you for hundreds of years alone That's f------ why.

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Anon can finally workout in peace | /r/Greentext

>Doing deadlifts >Some f------ kid runs around my gym >Runs into my leg as I'm trying 58 KB JPG to lockout the lift >l drop the bar into the ground, loudly >Tell the kid to piss off >His mother shows up, angry as f--- >Tells me to stop lifting around the kids >Reply that she should keep the kids away from me >Next day >F------ kid is bothering me again when im doing chest >Slam the weights loudly right next to him >Kid cries, tells his mom that I'm scary >The mom flips out, gives me a huge rant about what a meathead I am >l yell back, she eventually starts crying and runs off with both her kids >She moves out, never see her or the little s---- again >Homegym masterrace
>Doing deadlifts >Some f------ kid runs around my gym >Runs into my leg as I'm trying 58 KB JPG to lockout the lift >l drop the bar into the ground, loudly >Tell the kid to piss off >His mother shows up, angry as f--- >Tells me to stop lifting around the kids >Reply that she should keep the kids away from me >Next day >F------ kid is bothering me again when im doing chest >Slam the weights loudly right next to him >Kid cries, tells his mom that I'm scary >The mom flips out, gives me a huge rant about what a meathead I am >l yell back, she eventually starts crying and runs off with both her kids >She moves out, never see her or the little s---- again >Homegym masterrace

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Anon works in a resturant | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random Settings Home File: 1397777446003.png (78 KB, 253x235) >working in a high end restaurant >chef is hard ass german >decide to f--- with him >bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it in the kitchen >snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500 >service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven >they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven >chef walks into the kitchen >"VAT IS ZAT HISSING" >try to contain my laughter as k---- chef opens the oven door to see melting cans of juice >k---- chef starts yelling "WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT OF ZE OVEN >entire dining room can hear him >k---- chef never found out that it was me
Board /b/ - Random Settings Home File: 1397777446003.png (78 KB, 253x235) >working in a high end restaurant >chef is hard ass german >decide to f--- with him >bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it in the kitchen >snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500 >service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven >they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven >chef walks into the kitchen >"VAT IS ZAT HISSING" >try to contain my laughter as k---- chef opens the oven door to see melting cans of juice >k---- chef starts yelling "WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT OF ZE OVEN >entire dining room can hear him >k---- chef never found out that it was me

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Teenagers misunderstood Nietzsche | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LIRIZTAZ ) 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living
: Anonymous (ID: LIRIZTAZ ) 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living

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Anon has a GF from the hood | /r/Greentext

File: Sunglasses Pepe.jpg (47 KB, 1067x600) O Anonymous 01/12/22(Wed)21:04:18 No.870556918 [Reply] >>870557283 >be me >be 24 >dating this qt3.14 negress hoodrat >based as f--- in all her views >"yo f--- these Jew ass n-----" >get invited to a party to meet her family for the first time >"yo anon, imma let you know my daddy makes all you white boys pay a fee to be hollerin' at his daughters" >laugh it off >she has a serious expression on her face >show up at the family party >see my gf's sister >"I hope you got that hollerin' money, whitey" >uhhhhh >see her mother >"you better have her daddy's cash" >oh f--- it wasnt a joke was it? >I have no money on me >gf comes over to me >"my daddy is in the lounge, he's waitin on his pay" >oh s---, oh f---, im about to get jumped in the hood >walk into the lounge >see her dad sitting in an arm chair all alone >oh f--- me what do I do >"uh, hello sir, I'm really sorry about this but I don't have any money on me to pay you" >"da f--- you talkin about man?" >turn around to see my gf, her sister, and her mother all laughing in the doorway >mfw the holler cost was a lie
File: Sunglasses Pepe.jpg (47 KB, 1067x600) O Anonymous 01/12/22(Wed)21:04:18 No.870556918 [Reply] >>870557283 >be me >be 24 >dating this qt3.14 negress hoodrat >based as f--- in all her views >"yo f--- these Jew ass n-----" >get invited to a party to meet her family for the first time >"yo anon, imma let you know my daddy makes all you white boys pay a fee to be hollerin' at his daughters" >laugh it off >she has a serious expression on her face >show up at the family party >see my gf's sister >"I hope you got that hollerin' money, whitey" >uhhhhh >see her mother >"you better have her daddy's cash" >oh f--- it wasnt a joke was it? >I have no money on me >gf comes over to me >"my daddy is in the lounge, he's waitin on his pay" >oh s---, oh f---, im about to get jumped in the hood >walk into the lounge >see her dad sitting in an arm chair all alone >oh f--- me what do I do >"uh, hello sir, I'm really sorry about this but I don't have any money on me to pay you" >"da f--- you talkin about man?" >turn around to see my gf, her sister, and her mother all laughing in the doorway >mfw the holler cost was a lie

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)22:45:16 No.49824266 >buy chemicals for a peaceful suicide >they all arrive >have everything ready >suddenly feel happy >not even sure l want to kill myself 13 KB JPG anymore >the fake smile I put on turns into a real one >start enjoying life and treating people nice What the f--- is happening?
: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)22:45:16 No.49824266 >buy chemicals for a peaceful suicide >they all arrive >have everything ready >suddenly feel happy >not even sure l want to kill myself 13 KB JPG anymore >the fake smile I put on turns into a real one >start enjoying life and treating people nice What the f--- is happening?

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anon hasn't updated yet | /r/Greentext

F----- up cocktail time, lads. I've filled this bottle with. >rum >espresso >alcohol based vanilla 1.91 MB JPG >lots of nutmeg >a dash of nyquil >a whole crushed up 30mg oxycodone >cannabis cream (the fat holds the THC) I call it the moloko minus. Either l'll die or go on a rampage. Lets try it out. I'll keep you updated. a Replies /3 Images View Thread
F----- up cocktail time, lads. I've filled this bottle with. >rum >espresso >alcohol based vanilla 1.91 MB JPG >lots of nutmeg >a dash of nyquil >a whole crushed up 30mg oxycodone >cannabis cream (the fat holds the THC) I call it the moloko minus. Either l'll die or go on a rampage. Lets try it out. I'll keep you updated. a Replies /3 Images View Thread

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Anon is American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)14:08:34 No.866808217 >be me >american >wake up next to my sister as usual >ask her to wake up the kids >wife is overdosing on xanax so she doesn't say anything >whatever.jpg >order doordash cause my bitch sister 7 KB PNG didn't make breakfast >tip mandatory 500% >take one of my 45 glocks and go to work with it concealed >see the neighbors kid trying to collect his football from my lawn >dump my whole 33 round mag into him for trespassing >realize I used hollow point >realize I wasted 33 dollars on this stupid f------ kid >go back inside and shoot myself due to crippling debt and obesity >wake up in a hospital bed >doctor hands me a bill for 750k dollars God I love this country
: Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)14:08:34 No.866808217 >be me >american >wake up next to my sister as usual >ask her to wake up the kids >wife is overdosing on xanax so she doesn't say anything >whatever.jpg >order doordash cause my bitch sister 7 KB PNG didn't make breakfast >tip mandatory 500% >take one of my 45 glocks and go to work with it concealed >see the neighbors kid trying to collect his football from my lawn >dump my whole 33 round mag into him for trespassing >realize I used hollow point >realize I wasted 33 dollars on this stupid f------ kid >go back inside and shoot myself due to crippling debt and obesity >wake up in a hospital bed >doctor hands me a bill for 750k dollars God I love this country

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Anon watches Indiana Jones | /r/Greentext

Indiana-Jones-smirk-e1546299380834.jpg| 64 KB JPG >sacred artifact of the Jews is full of demons and melts your face off >the cup of Christ allows you to live forever and heals all injuries What did Lucas mean by this?
Indiana-Jones-smirk-e1546299380834.jpg| 64 KB JPG >sacred artifact of the Jews is full of demons and melts your face off >the cup of Christ allows you to live forever and heals all injuries What did Lucas mean by this?

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Anon saves money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)02:10:51 No.65577668 >late at night >craving a Wendy's burger >not even hungry, I know I'll only take a few bites and throw the rest away >I like the idea of eating a Wendy's burger, but not so much the reality 345 KB GIF of paying for something I won't eat >decide to just picture the burger instead >vividly picture platonic form of Wendy's burger >it's perfect, they can't possibly f--- up the order because it's in my mind >imagine eating the burger bite by bite >I finish >feel better, no more craving What the f--- is wrong with me
: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)02:10:51 No.65577668 >late at night >craving a Wendy's burger >not even hungry, I know I'll only take a few bites and throw the rest away >I like the idea of eating a Wendy's burger, but not so much the reality 345 KB GIF of paying for something I won't eat >decide to just picture the burger instead >vividly picture platonic form of Wendy's burger >it's perfect, they can't possibly f--- up the order because it's in my mind >imagine eating the burger bite by bite >I finish >feel better, no more craving What the f--- is wrong with me

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anon is romanian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)11:32:17 No.870570204 >be me >Romanian >Pirated 100+ games, including Indies since 2015 >Probably saved 2000$ doing that >Torrent all my movies, saved 100s of dollars doing so >Why do f--- waste money 21 KB JPG >/b/ please explain
: Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)11:32:17 No.870570204 >be me >Romanian >Pirated 100+ games, including Indies since 2015 >Probably saved 2000$ doing that >Torrent all my movies, saved 100s of dollars doing so >Why do f--- waste money 21 KB JPG >/b/ please explain

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