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kid's going places | /r/Greentext

File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) O Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------
File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) O Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------

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Anon discovered Skittles secrets | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSH FRuits Skittes During Pride only one mainbors matters S4 #onerainbons TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg| 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up
: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSH FRuits Skittes During Pride only one mainbors matters S4 #onerainbons TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg| 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump >pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence
>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump >pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence

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Anon gets called poor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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anon drives really fast | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:04 No.870642515 Be Me >driving really fast >Police pulls me over >Drive off hella quick because I have warranty >Cop chases me >He's a shirt driver so he crashes. 4 KB JPG >See him crawling barely alive >Shoot him out of pitty >turns out it was a sherif. >MFW get charged with the killing of a deputy. >MFW I shot the sherrif : Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:53 No.870642547 rope yourself frog n-----
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:04 No.870642515 Be Me >driving really fast >Police pulls me over >Drive off hella quick because I have warranty >Cop chases me >He's a shirt driver so he crashes. 4 KB JPG >See him crawling barely alive >Shoot him out of pitty >turns out it was a sherif. >MFW get charged with the killing of a deputy. >MFW I shot the sherrif : Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri) 18:32:53 No.870642547 rope yourself frog n-----

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Anon gets bullied | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'lI go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly 243 кВ JPG >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'lI go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly 243 кВ JPG >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0

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What the fuck is wrong with anon? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:25:14 No.780988252 > be me > 16/yo >be in school >in P.E, bored and horny as s--- > 9/10 thot infront of me >Staring at ass because l'm perv >Notice she seems to be flexing 22 KB JPG her ass >W--.png >l don't mind still nice ass >Hear her quietly say "Oh no" >I wonder what the f--- is going on >Her ass seems to get bigger >Then the smell hits me >MFW I realize she shat herself >MFW I almost c-- in my pants : Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:26:43 No.780988335 I really hate your story
: Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:25:14 No.780988252 > be me > 16/yo >be in school >in P.E, bored and horny as s--- > 9/10 thot infront of me >Staring at ass because l'm perv >Notice she seems to be flexing 22 KB JPG her ass >W--.png >l don't mind still nice ass >Hear her quietly say "Oh no" >I wonder what the f--- is going on >Her ass seems to get bigger >Then the smell hits me >MFW I realize she shat herself >MFW I almost c-- in my pants : Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:26:43 No.780988335 I really hate your story

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anons post makes the front page | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)17:38:56 No.844517011 >create post on r/medical >five minutes later get message from the repostsluethbot >'hey, your OC made the front page!" 29 KB JPG I sincerely doubt a picture of bumps on my a------ made the front page
: Anonymous 01/10/21(Sun)17:38:56 No.844517011 >create post on r/medical >five minutes later get message from the repostsluethbot >'hey, your OC made the front page!" 29 KB JPG I sincerely doubt a picture of bumps on my a------ made the front page

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Anon is going for it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:27:53 No.48824429 >500 word essay due tomorrow >only have 302 words Tonight's the night I end it b/r9k/s 11 KB JPG 9 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:35:11 No.48824506 >>48824429 (OP) # >200 words Isn't that like 5 minutes of work?
: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:27:53 No.48824429 >500 word essay due tomorrow >only have 302 words Tonight's the night I end it b/r9k/s 11 KB JPG 9 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)12:35:11 No.48824506 >>48824429 (OP) # >200 words Isn't that like 5 minutes of work?

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anon finds a youtube channel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/19(Sat)20:43:20 No.804024147 >be me >watching anything and everything on youtube as usual >watch a video i find legit hilarious >actually laugh and feel happy >channel has over 100 videos, over 10 minutes long, and all equally hilarious 157 KB PNG >binge watch all of them over the course of three days >no more videos >only uploads every couple weeks >source of entertainment and happiness gone >feel sad and empty
: Anonymous 07/06/19(Sat)20:43:20 No.804024147 >be me >watching anything and everything on youtube as usual >watch a video i find legit hilarious >actually laugh and feel happy >channel has over 100 videos, over 10 minutes long, and all equally hilarious 157 KB PNG >binge watch all of them over the course of three days >no more videos >only uploads every couple weeks >source of entertainment and happiness gone >feel sad and empty

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Deer Don't Care | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/19(Thu)15:04:02 No.1521313 >first time backpacking >went solo >setup tent going to sleep hear something walking around >poke head out with headlamp and holding knife >deer is walking around my tent eating stuff >l yell at it and go back in my tent >it walks up and sleeps on my tent, collapsing half of it while I'm in the other half >it leaves at break of daylight and I get up and leave as well wasn't spoopy when I poked my head out, but the noises it made just outside my tent before I saw it were freaky. >>1521331 # >>1521676 # : Anonymous 05/23/19(Thu)15:41:59 No.1521331 >>1521313 # Thats honestly f------ awesome! : Anonymous 05/24/19(Fri)02:49:55 No.1521676 DeerPepe.jpg 3.28 MB JPG >>1521313 # >be deer >roaming woods doing deer s--- >see some loner bedding down in his tent >walk around and sample some of the fine greens around his camp >loner pops out holding a knife and wearing a headlamp like some kind of spelunker >can see his shadowed face holding a scared expression >lol.treescratching >then the a------ has the idea to yell at me >ah hell naw son >"that tent looks comfy, room for two?" >sit my tick-bitten ass right on top of loner's tent >sleep snugly and smugly until the crack of dawn >leave feeling like a total 8-point >never saw him in my woods again >die of chronic wasting disease a week later
: Anonymous 05/23/19(Thu)15:04:02 No.1521313 >first time backpacking >went solo >setup tent going to sleep hear something walking around >poke head out with headlamp and holding knife >deer is walking around my tent eating stuff >l yell at it and go back in my tent >it walks up and sleeps on my tent, collapsing half of it while I'm in the other half >it leaves at break of daylight and I get up and leave as well wasn't spoopy when I poked my head out, but the noises it made just outside my tent before I saw it were freaky. >>1521331 # >>1521676 # : Anonymous 05/23/19(Thu)15:41:59 No.1521331 >>1521313 # Thats honestly f------ awesome! : Anonymous 05/24/19(Fri)02:49:55 No.1521676 DeerPepe.jpg 3.28 MB JPG >>1521313 # >be deer >roaming woods doing deer s--- >see some loner bedding down in his tent >walk around and sample some of the fine greens around his camp >loner pops out holding a knife and wearing a headlamp like some kind of spelunker >can see his shadowed face holding a scared expression >lol.treescratching >then the a------ has the idea to yell at me >ah hell naw son >"that tent looks comfy, room for two?" >sit my tick-bitten ass right on top of loner's tent >sleep snugly and smugly until the crack of dawn >leave feeling like a total 8-point >never saw him in my woods again >die of chronic wasting disease a week later

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Anon promotes vaccines | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)23:26:17 No.870627843 >be me >recently promoted manager and a proud member of the vaxxer race. > after so many workers got alianated because of my actions, it gathers the attention of the ceo, and i get called to his office 69 KB JPG >he is a moderna cuck, but still an honorary vaxxer >"anon, it came to my attention that you have been alienating workers making them eat outside the building? i'd like to receive an explanation. especially right before we appropiate X company" >i use my persuasive skills to explain my very well justified and righteous motivation >"w-wow anon, i didn't know you felt so strongly about this... i understand... your struggle." >gives me the ok to continue >i ask my group to start wearing black raincoats in order to impose authority and compell the inferior scums >i start creating a list of names for more targetted persuasions >see an increase in vaccinated people >nazi salute with a "heil Pfeizer" becomes the only acceptable greeting the work continues. i will hunt down every last one of these animals until it is done. heilPfizer.
: Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)23:26:17 No.870627843 >be me >recently promoted manager and a proud member of the vaxxer race. > after so many workers got alianated because of my actions, it gathers the attention of the ceo, and i get called to his office 69 KB JPG >he is a moderna cuck, but still an honorary vaxxer >"anon, it came to my attention that you have been alienating workers making them eat outside the building? i'd like to receive an explanation. especially right before we appropiate X company" >i use my persuasive skills to explain my very well justified and righteous motivation >"w-wow anon, i didn't know you felt so strongly about this... i understand... your struggle." >gives me the ok to continue >i ask my group to start wearing black raincoats in order to impose authority and compell the inferior scums >i start creating a list of names for more targetted persuasions >see an increase in vaccinated people >nazi salute with a "heil Pfeizer" becomes the only acceptable greeting the work continues. i will hunt down every last one of these animals until it is done. heilPfizer.

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Anon likes fancy food | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:45:09 No.13151086 >Welcome to Paris monsieur, we serve ze best cuisine in ze universe >May I take your ordeure ? 122 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:46:56 No.13151098 I'll have the chicken tenderloins. Lightly fried, with a honey sweetened Dijon mustard sauce. 57 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:45:09 No.13151086 >Welcome to Paris monsieur, we serve ze best cuisine in ze universe >May I take your ordeure ? 122 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/01/19(Fri)19:46:56 No.13151098 I'll have the chicken tenderloins. Lightly fried, with a honey sweetened Dijon mustard sauce. 57 KB JPG

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Anon gets probed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)13:17:14 No.789291479 >be me >dream about aliens abducting me >getting probed and s--- >felt really f------ realistic >wake up >little bit scared 15 KB PNG >notice that my a------ kinda hurts and tingles >Mfw I have a tapeworm infection 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)13:17:14 No.789291479 >be me >dream about aliens abducting me >getting probed and s--- >felt really f------ realistic >wake up >little bit scared 15 KB PNG >notice that my a------ kinda hurts and tingles >Mfw I have a tapeworm infection 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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what happens when you make a serious post on 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/19(Sun)21:36:34 No.802981558 >Mom and dad are fighting >my dad starts packing his things in a plastic bag >He sees me playing minecraft >"Hey anon your Minecraft house need some greenery" >alright dad 27 KB PNG >dad leaves and drives away >l ask my mom where he went >"he's gone to stay somewhere else anon" >mfw >it's been 2 hours and l'm still crying : Anonymous 06/23/19(Sun)21:37:46 No.802981607 get your priorities straight. Fix up your s------- of a minecraft house for f---- sake. That's why he left. >>802981826 #
: Anonymous 06/23/19(Sun)21:36:34 No.802981558 >Mom and dad are fighting >my dad starts packing his things in a plastic bag >He sees me playing minecraft >"Hey anon your Minecraft house need some greenery" >alright dad 27 KB PNG >dad leaves and drives away >l ask my mom where he went >"he's gone to stay somewhere else anon" >mfw >it's been 2 hours and l'm still crying : Anonymous 06/23/19(Sun)21:37:46 No.802981607 get your priorities straight. Fix up your s------- of a minecraft house for f---- sake. That's why he left. >>802981826 #

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Anon is strong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)11:26:12 No.870642332 >be me >be sat at work >really really want to just strip naked and dance round the office masturbating and spraying urine over evryone and everything >somehow manage to resist the urge >not sure how long I can hold out like 266 KB PNG this
: Anonymous 01/14/22(Fri)11:26:12 No.870642332 >be me >be sat at work >really really want to just strip naked and dance round the office masturbating and spraying urine over evryone and everything >somehow manage to resist the urge >not sure how long I can hold out like 266 KB PNG this

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Anon hates the British | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: AHS4×SCJ). The Malvinas should be given b(...) 01/14/22(Fri)10:09:42 No.356335741 Las Malvinas (erronously called the Falkland islands), is illegally owned by the UK currently. When are they going to give the island back to its rightful owners? 12,978 km ??? 403.5 km 251 KB PNG >used jew tactis asking indio and traitor neighbor pinoshit dictatorship chile for help >sent indians ghurkas to war, british are too p------ to fight themselves >help from usa in form of intelligence information, fuel, missiles, stockpiles and mortar shells >literally asking shitskin nations for help 78 Replies / 11 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: (W8lqUzZ) 01/14/22(Fri)12:03:04 No.356350686 >>356335741 (OP) # Seething, crying-s--- brown Argie Maggie Thatcher sank your bargie Mowed your troops down just like 229 KB JPG grass Kicked your cheeky Argie arse Bazza broke your father's nose Islas Malvinas? What are those?
: Anonymous (ID: AHS4×SCJ). The Malvinas should be given b(...) 01/14/22(Fri)10:09:42 No.356335741 Las Malvinas (erronously called the Falkland islands), is illegally owned by the UK currently. When are they going to give the island back to its rightful owners? 12,978 km ??? 403.5 km 251 KB PNG >used jew tactis asking indio and traitor neighbor pinoshit dictatorship chile for help >sent indians ghurkas to war, british are too p------ to fight themselves >help from usa in form of intelligence information, fuel, missiles, stockpiles and mortar shells >literally asking shitskin nations for help 78 Replies / 11 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: (W8lqUzZ) 01/14/22(Fri)12:03:04 No.356350686 >>356335741 (OP) # Seething, crying-s--- brown Argie Maggie Thatcher sank your bargie Mowed your troops down just like 229 KB JPG grass Kicked your cheeky Argie arse Bazza broke your father's nose Islas Malvinas? What are those?

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Anon wakes up | /r/Greentext


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Ye olde switcheroo | /r/Greentext


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Anon goes to homecoming | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/14/19(Mon)00:07:10 No.789958785 >Be me in highschool >Sunny day in January >Chilling in the cafeteria with my friends >7/10 girl from math walks up to me 34 KB JPG >She asks if I wanna go to homecoming with her >Get super excited and agree >She walks away >Why is homecoming in January? >Try to ask one of my friends when homecoming is >They dont answer >Wait no >Mfw I woke up
: Anonymous 01/14/19(Mon)00:07:10 No.789958785 >Be me in highschool >Sunny day in January >Chilling in the cafeteria with my friends >7/10 girl from math walks up to me 34 KB JPG >She asks if I wanna go to homecoming with her >Get super excited and agree >She walks away >Why is homecoming in January? >Try to ask one of my friends when homecoming is >They dont answer >Wait no >Mfw I woke up

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