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Anon's daughter plays metal gear rising | /r/Greentext

>married, with a six year old daughter >wife hates violent videogames and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room >my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously >she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the MGR: R cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them. >get a phonecall from school, saying she was in a fight. >have to leave work and address this mess >principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack." >l almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough. >had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself. >'Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?" >"No sir, but I will talk to her about it." >We made it five steps into the parking lot before I lost my s---, imagining my daughter standing over some little s--- with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack." >got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home Kids are a treat sometimes.
>married, with a six year old daughter >wife hates violent videogames and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room >my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously >she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the MGR: R cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them. >get a phonecall from school, saying she was in a fight. >have to leave work and address this mess >principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack." >l almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough. >had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself. >'Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?" >"No sir, but I will talk to her about it." >We made it five steps into the parking lot before I lost my s---, imagining my daughter standing over some little s--- with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack." >got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home Kids are a treat sometimes.

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The old days | /r/Greentext

Anonymous NO.4TUTUT24 >1950 >ask a white virgin qt you met at the malt shop out on a date >you go get some burgers at the diner and watch a movie at the A 20 drive in 104 KB JPG >you take her home without having sex, as you just met her and that would be too soon
Anonymous NO.4TUTUT24 >1950 >ask a white virgin qt you met at the malt shop out on a date >you go get some burgers at the diner and watch a movie at the A 20 drive in 104 KB JPG >you take her home without having sex, as you just met her and that would be too soon

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Anon describes humanity | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)20:45:36 No.19708080 - >>19708096 >>19708107 >>19708112 >>19708127 >>19710099 >>19710226 I f------ cannot stand it at all that all nuclear power plants do is boil water. The history of humanity is nothing but boiling water. In the future there will be new ways to boil water and that's it. F--- it.
O Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)20:45:36 No.19708080 - >>19708096 >>19708107 >>19708112 >>19708127 >>19710099 >>19710226 I f------ cannot stand it at all that all nuclear power plants do is boil water. The history of humanity is nothing but boiling water. In the future there will be new ways to boil water and that's it. F--- it.

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Anon is an artist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 55 seconds ago No.33181590 E >>33181015 Art used to be something to cherish Now literally anything could be art This post is art.
Anonymous 55 seconds ago No.33181590 E >>33181015 Art used to be something to cherish Now literally anything could be art This post is art.

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Anon establishes his dominance in a work call | /r/Greentext

Times you acted like Bateman? >zoom call >Meeting with 20 or so people >l am muted, but think I am not muted as I need to keep talking >had my coffee just before the meeting >stomach troubles >feel the need to fart >better mute the mic >hit the key >just unmuted myself >fart loudly >click it again >realise i just unmuted my mic, interrupted this meeting by farting loudly and then muted again
Times you acted like Bateman? >zoom call >Meeting with 20 or so people >l am muted, but think I am not muted as I need to keep talking >had my coffee just before the meeting >stomach troubles >feel the need to fart >better mute the mic >hit the key >just unmuted myself >fart loudly >click it again >realise i just unmuted my mic, interrupted this meeting by farting loudly and then muted again

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Anon has a life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)02:12:31 No.868008307 >be me >wake up >not obsessed with nfts >not transphobic >not a nazi >not a tankie >not obsessed with male hierarchy 136 KB JPG >don't have twitter >don't worship some mediocre pop star >don't watch annoying s-------- on youtube >life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it's that easy.
: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)02:12:31 No.868008307 >be me >wake up >not obsessed with nfts >not transphobic >not a nazi >not a tankie >not obsessed with male hierarchy 136 KB JPG >don't have twitter >don't worship some mediocre pop star >don't watch annoying s-------- on youtube >life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it's that easy.

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Anon is disliked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/18(Sun)19:14:33 No.43126696 What are some of your worst experiences in school? >6th grade >teacher is calling on people to do math problems on the board >"If you get one wrong, I'll make 208 KB JPG you sit next to anon." >whole class erupts into laughter >tell my mom after school and she says it's my own fault nobody likes me
: Anonymous 02/11/18(Sun)19:14:33 No.43126696 What are some of your worst experiences in school? >6th grade >teacher is calling on people to do math problems on the board >"If you get one wrong, I'll make 208 KB JPG you sit next to anon." >whole class erupts into laughter >tell my mom after school and she says it's my own fault nobody likes me

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Anon has a visit to the hospital | /r/Greentext

A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >l don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin
A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >l don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin

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anon discovers himself | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/18(Fri)09:02:54 No.46602339 >be me >have flacid penis fetish >look at d--- >get hard >wait to get soft >look at d--- 22 KB PNG >get hard mfw It never ends
: Anonymous 07/06/18(Fri)09:02:54 No.46602339 >be me >have flacid penis fetish >look at d--- >get hard >wait to get soft >look at d--- 22 KB PNG >get hard mfw It never ends

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History repeats itself | /r/Greentext

File: Help me l'm s alone.jpg (171 KB, 1200x1200) O Anonymous 07/05/18(Thu)00:49:06 No.773407002 I find myself in an unfortunate situation, /b/. >Be white guy in college >Join board games club >Playing Risk with Native American guy >He controls North America >l invade, conquer and kill all the units he has there >He says f------ typical and walks away from the game History repeats itself, /b/.
File: Help me l'm s alone.jpg (171 KB, 1200x1200) O Anonymous 07/05/18(Thu)00:49:06 No.773407002 I find myself in an unfortunate situation, /b/. >Be white guy in college >Join board games club >Playing Risk with Native American guy >He controls North America >l invade, conquer and kill all the units he has there >He says f------ typical and walks away from the game History repeats itself, /b/.

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anon likes lolis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)13:18:42 No.67084058 I f----- myself. So hard. >be walking with normie friends past some little girls >say to myself "God I need a l-----" >one hears me and asks 1.58 MB JPG what the f--- is wrong with me >tells everyone else im a p--- >try to deny it but they don't buy my story My life is over
: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)13:18:42 No.67084058 I f----- myself. So hard. >be walking with normie friends past some little girls >say to myself "God I need a l-----" >one hears me and asks 1.58 MB JPG what the f--- is wrong with me >tells everyone else im a p--- >try to deny it but they don't buy my story My life is over

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Femanon experiences the power of Testosterone | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets destroyed | /r/Greentext

nonymous 10/19/17(Thu)18:53:57 No.40522220 1482473261832.png (30 KB, 633x758) >>40522285 >go to primary care physician >asks if I'm sexually active >say no of course >she has me have bloodwork done 3weeks later >at pcp's to read results >results are fine >says "you have no STDS, but you already know that" >mfw
nonymous 10/19/17(Thu)18:53:57 No.40522220 1482473261832.png (30 KB, 633x758) >>40522285 >go to primary care physician >asks if I'm sexually active >say no of course >she has me have bloodwork done 3weeks later >at pcp's to read results >results are fine >says "you have no STDS, but you already know that" >mfw

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Anon Father is welder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)03:50:24 No.64588355 >>64585149 (OP) # > dad is a welder > really hard worker, literally works himself to death 39 KB JPG > does it because he loves my family and wants to provide > comes home late, hardly ever see him > 2nd grade in primary school > in class > look at door and see my dad > "excuse me, can I take anon outside to see the eclipse?" > teacher lets me go out with my old man > never seen one before, super stoked, plus I'm happy to see my dad at school > he hands me a welding helmet like pic related and I look at the sun > only lasted about 10 minutes but is still a cherished memory
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)03:50:24 No.64588355 >>64585149 (OP) # > dad is a welder > really hard worker, literally works himself to death 39 KB JPG > does it because he loves my family and wants to provide > comes home late, hardly ever see him > 2nd grade in primary school > in class > look at door and see my dad > "excuse me, can I take anon outside to see the eclipse?" > teacher lets me go out with my old man > never seen one before, super stoked, plus I'm happy to see my dad at school > he hands me a welding helmet like pic related and I look at the sun > only lasted about 10 minutes but is still a cherished memory

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Anon has road rage | /r/Greentext

gettyimages Tetra Images 91627513 gettyimages-91627513-612x612.jpg 33 KB JPG >be be
gettyimages Tetra Images 91627513 gettyimages-91627513-612x612.jpg 33 KB JPG >be be

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Anon realizes something.... | /r/Greentext

How can anyone believe this guy is straight? Anonymous (ID: GBAC1DAU) [1 01/20/22(T There is zero way this guy is not a homosexual >Has been married for like 8 years and has no children despite claiming to not use birth control. >Once openly called himself bi and said it was in the past >Dresses in drag and pretends to be gay all the time >Barely has any conservative values >Rumors from gay people and trannies who allegedly had sex with him >Has very annoying feminine mannerism >ls Canadian
How can anyone believe this guy is straight? Anonymous (ID: GBAC1DAU) [1 01/20/22(T There is zero way this guy is not a homosexual >Has been married for like 8 years and has no children despite claiming to not use birth control. >Once openly called himself bi and said it was in the past >Dresses in drag and pretends to be gay all the time >Barely has any conservative values >Rumors from gay people and trannies who allegedly had sex with him >Has very annoying feminine mannerism >ls Canadian

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Anon played a get out of jail free nuke | /r/Greentext

>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone
>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone

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Anon is a weeb | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a great job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)08:28:34 No.784096989 Dream job thread? I'll start: >be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work on them in the future >worked very hard to get to good school 5 KB JPG >no life because of it but thought "f--- it it will be worth it" >graduated uni, one of the best students >looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game >yaaaaas.phd >it's f------ blizzard >it's f------ diablo mobile How do i end my life?
: Anonymous 11/05/18(Mon)08:28:34 No.784096989 Dream job thread? I'll start: >be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work on them in the future >worked very hard to get to good school 5 KB JPG >no life because of it but thought "f--- it it will be worth it" >graduated uni, one of the best students >looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game >yaaaaas.phd >it's f------ blizzard >it's f------ diablo mobile How do i end my life?

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Anon spends time with his nephew. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)07:16:00 No.62699465 >be me >sister is having an extra rough day >take my nephew to one of those jump parks just to give her a moment to breath >hes enjoying himself >wants to play dodge ball with the other kids >other kids are 12-14 when he's 7 75 KB PNG >tell him that I won't stop him from having fun but expect no mercy from the older kids >he gets slaughtered >clearly upset >the other kids were clearly targeting him >his entire team gets obliterated >decide enough is enough >walk into doge ball court like big d--- in a locker room >be 25 year old 6'4 fat ass r9k user adult >can throw one of those "balls" with the speed of a meteor compared to the plebeian kids on the other team >re-intact that scene in doge ball where the looser f---- gets really p----- off and murders the entire team solo >jump up on the trampolines so high that when my full fatass weight goes into a throw I knock kids down >kids are flying into the sides of the trampolines after my gorilla throws >nephew thinks its the most badass s--- ever >our team wins >take him out for ice cream after I've not done much with my s----- life but l'll never forget how happy my nephew was to tell my sister that I slam dunked the other children
: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)07:16:00 No.62699465 >be me >sister is having an extra rough day >take my nephew to one of those jump parks just to give her a moment to breath >hes enjoying himself >wants to play dodge ball with the other kids >other kids are 12-14 when he's 7 75 KB PNG >tell him that I won't stop him from having fun but expect no mercy from the older kids >he gets slaughtered >clearly upset >the other kids were clearly targeting him >his entire team gets obliterated >decide enough is enough >walk into doge ball court like big d--- in a locker room >be 25 year old 6'4 fat ass r9k user adult >can throw one of those "balls" with the speed of a meteor compared to the plebeian kids on the other team >re-intact that scene in doge ball where the looser f---- gets really p----- off and murders the entire team solo >jump up on the trampolines so high that when my full fatass weight goes into a throw I knock kids down >kids are flying into the sides of the trampolines after my gorilla throws >nephew thinks its the most badass s--- ever >our team wins >take him out for ice cream after I've not done much with my s----- life but l'll never forget how happy my nephew was to tell my sister that I slam dunked the other children

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