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Breaking ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)19:51:03 No.67129581 5032tt.png 700 KB PNG >try to make friends with women in elementary school >they always disliked me >start hating women >hate women so much i don't want to even be attracted to them >start jerking off to p--- with men >now im gay you're gay because you like men, im gay because i hate women. we are not the same.
: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)19:51:03 No.67129581 5032tt.png 700 KB PNG >try to make friends with women in elementary school >they always disliked me >start hating women >hate women so much i don't want to even be attracted to them >start jerking off to p--- with men >now im gay you're gay because you like men, im gay because i hate women. we are not the same.

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anon just wanted to discuss vidya | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)12:55:47 No.871293244 >join discord vidya server >want to talk about vidya, have a few questions about the vidya that i could use an experienced opinion on >blast through the long ass list of rules and go straight to general, there's like half a dozen people having an argument about birth control 1.19 MB GIF >come back in a couple hours, they're still arguing over some other dumb political s---. half of the users have t----- flags behind their avatar >try to start a conversation about vidya >ignored >i get fed up and leave what's the purpose of this app again? i just wanted to discuss vidya stats.
: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)12:55:47 No.871293244 >join discord vidya server >want to talk about vidya, have a few questions about the vidya that i could use an experienced opinion on >blast through the long ass list of rules and go straight to general, there's like half a dozen people having an argument about birth control 1.19 MB GIF >come back in a couple hours, they're still arguing over some other dumb political s---. half of the users have t----- flags behind their avatar >try to start a conversation about vidya >ignored >i get fed up and leave what's the purpose of this app again? i just wanted to discuss vidya stats.

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Another anon leaves us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)17:34:48 No.785192776 >Urge to j------- >Grab Vaseline >Beat my meat with the fury of a thousand sons >Nut >Mfw Vaseline is made with 36 KB JPG petroleum >Mfw petroleum is dead dinosaur juice >Mfw female dead dinosaur in petroleum >Mfw basically had sex with female dinosaur See ya later virgins
: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)17:34:48 No.785192776 >Urge to j------- >Grab Vaseline >Beat my meat with the fury of a thousand sons >Nut >Mfw Vaseline is made with 36 KB JPG petroleum >Mfw petroleum is dead dinosaur juice >Mfw female dead dinosaur in petroleum >Mfw basically had sex with female dinosaur See ya later virgins

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Anon is Brazilian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: +kjCKehh 10/01/15(Thu)14:33:21 No.52856597 >Live in Brazil >there are no schools >there are no movie theaters >there are no malls >still get shot 39 KB JPG >>52856936 # >>52857008 # >>52857059 # >>52857158 #
: Anonymous (ID: +kjCKehh 10/01/15(Thu)14:33:21 No.52856597 >Live in Brazil >there are no schools >there are no movie theaters >there are no malls >still get shot 39 KB JPG >>52856936 # >>52857008 # >>52857059 # >>52857158 #

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Anon likes cows | /r/Greentext


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Anon is wacky | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 minutes ago 804953330 I----- greentext stories Anonymous 2 minutes ago 804953734 >be 13 >be in my room >twin brother zack comes up >grabs my d--- >tells me hes got a wacky plan >jacks me off >mom comes in freaks out on me >mom: "CODY WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >i tell mom not to be mad at zack >tell her zack is just making me feel good >mom starts crying >mom: "ZACK DIED 4 YEARS AGO THERE IS NO ZACK" >look down and its my hand d--- on my d--- >mfw zack got me again with another wacky prank! >live in schizophrenia treatment center >sneak to receptionists computer to tell this story.
Anonymous 11 minutes ago 804953330 I----- greentext stories Anonymous 2 minutes ago 804953734 >be 13 >be in my room >twin brother zack comes up >grabs my d--- >tells me hes got a wacky plan >jacks me off >mom comes in freaks out on me >mom: "CODY WHAT ARE YOU DOING" >i tell mom not to be mad at zack >tell her zack is just making me feel good >mom starts crying >mom: "ZACK DIED 4 YEARS AGO THERE IS NO ZACK" >look down and its my hand d--- on my d--- >mfw zack got me again with another wacky prank! >live in schizophrenia treatment center >sneak to receptionists computer to tell this story.

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Anon is looking for a hiding place | /r/Greentext


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Anon stops his bully | /r/Greentext

Autism thread? I'll start >be me >see post about guy falcon punching his bully >mario is my favorite 18 KB JPG character in smash >hatch master plan >next day at school >bully comes up to me >"hey fatass! Give me your money" >pull hand sanitizer out if pocket >pull lighter out of other >put sanitizer on hand and light it >yell "ITS A ME, MARIO!" >punch him with the force of a thousand suns >his face gets lit on fire >we both ended up in the hospital with third degree burns Worth it
Autism thread? I'll start >be me >see post about guy falcon punching his bully >mario is my favorite 18 KB JPG character in smash >hatch master plan >next day at school >bully comes up to me >"hey fatass! Give me your money" >pull hand sanitizer out if pocket >pull lighter out of other >put sanitizer on hand and light it >yell "ITS A ME, MARIO!" >punch him with the force of a thousand suns >his face gets lit on fire >we both ended up in the hospital with third degree burns Worth it

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Irish things | /r/Greentext


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Call Me Michelle Phelps | /r/Greentext

>Be me, on my university men's swim team. Pretty good, not great >ldea! I'll "transition to female." 99 >Take some hormones, grow out my hair, change my name, and invent a story about my gender identity. Definitely don't chop my balls off 21 KB PNG >Join university's women's swim team >Break every women's collegiate record >Now I am a great swimmer. >lf you don't like it, you are transphobic >You will get cancelled >Go to the Olympics, win many women's gold medals in swimming >Go home, stop taking hormones, cut my hair. I am a man again. >I still have my records and Olympic gold medals >Plus, I got to shower with the girl's team. TuckTheBoner.exe >If you don't like it, you're transphobic and will be cancelled
>Be me, on my university men's swim team. Pretty good, not great >ldea! I'll "transition to female." 99 >Take some hormones, grow out my hair, change my name, and invent a story about my gender identity. Definitely don't chop my balls off 21 KB PNG >Join university's women's swim team >Break every women's collegiate record >Now I am a great swimmer. >lf you don't like it, you are transphobic >You will get cancelled >Go to the Olympics, win many women's gold medals in swimming >Go home, stop taking hormones, cut my hair. I am a man again. >I still have my records and Olympic gold medals >Plus, I got to shower with the girl's team. TuckTheBoner.exe >If you don't like it, you're transphobic and will be cancelled

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Anon has anon professor | /r/Greentext


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Steve Harvey | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says.." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says.." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon listens to music on a bus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)00:33:25 No.783094835 I'm not sure what to call this one so lets say public transport stories thread: >be me >on a bus 36 KB JPG >listening to 'still fighting it', a song about how beautiful it is to have a son >f------ annoying kid sits down behind me with his mom right next to him >kid is screaming and crying >mom hits him >mfw I turn up the volume on my song about the joys of parenting to drown out the sound of an abusive family
: Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)00:33:25 No.783094835 I'm not sure what to call this one so lets say public transport stories thread: >be me >on a bus 36 KB JPG >listening to 'still fighting it', a song about how beautiful it is to have a son >f------ annoying kid sits down behind me with his mom right next to him >kid is screaming and crying >mom hits him >mfw I turn up the volume on my song about the joys of parenting to drown out the sound of an abusive family

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Anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

File: C309064D-597D-4EOD-B1A9-9(.). gif (143 KB, 225x200) O Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)04:20:03 No.49217642 >found my electric toothbrush in sister's room
File: C309064D-597D-4EOD-B1A9-9(.). gif (143 KB, 225x200) O Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)04:20:03 No.49217642 >found my electric toothbrush in sister's room

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Anon hates military | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)05:24:51 No.783138448 whats with the american military ads during sports? >hurr durr, we are brave and s--- >army, navy, air force all 5-6 times powerful than other nations >all this power and technology to fight against some poor goat herders in 78 KB JPG desert isnt the goat herder really the brave one to stand up against this might? do americans larp it all up?
: Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)05:24:51 No.783138448 whats with the american military ads during sports? >hurr durr, we are brave and s--- >army, navy, air force all 5-6 times powerful than other nations >all this power and technology to fight against some poor goat herders in 78 KB JPG desert isnt the goat herder really the brave one to stand up against this might? do americans larp it all up?

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why have you forsaken me | /r/Greentext

1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined
1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined

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Anon goes on tinder | /r/Greentext

>make tinder >Rent lambo >Drive to rich part of town >Take pics in front of some mansion >Go to club and pay some girls $20 to take pic with me 10 KB JPG >Buy business class plane ticket to next city over. Take pic of me with business suit and fake yeezys "#makingmoves" during the ride >Say I'm CEO of large investment firm >Still get no matches Yeah my s--- is broken
>make tinder >Rent lambo >Drive to rich part of town >Take pics in front of some mansion >Go to club and pay some girls $20 to take pic with me 10 KB JPG >Buy business class plane ticket to next city over. Take pic of me with business suit and fake yeezys "#makingmoves" during the ride >Say I'm CEO of large investment firm >Still get no matches Yeah my s--- is broken

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Anon gets glasses | /r/Greentext

>born >go blind at 6 >get special glasses to restore vision >put them on >go to friends house >say long time no see 406 KB JPG
>born >go blind at 6 >get special glasses to restore vision >put them on >go to friends house >say long time no see 406 KB JPG

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Anon needs to piss | /r/Greentext


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Anon's friend has double standards | /r/Greentext

File: jack.gif (906 KB, 500x282) Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:12:16 No.783771715 >be me, 22 >same friends since high school >gf cheats with mutual friend >furious >friend tells me its been happening for a long time >he even gave her rides to see him >"get over it" >friends kick me out of circle, not her >destroyed >fast forward a year >ex wants to catch up >friend is throwing a halloween party >"enough time has past lets be friends again" >f--- no >idea forms >go to party >get drunk, flirt with friends wife >everyone goes to bed >bang friends wife >loud >many people are aware >leave >friend texts, furious "get over it"
File: jack.gif (906 KB, 500x282) Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:12:16 No.783771715 >be me, 22 >same friends since high school >gf cheats with mutual friend >furious >friend tells me its been happening for a long time >he even gave her rides to see him >"get over it" >friends kick me out of circle, not her >destroyed >fast forward a year >ex wants to catch up >friend is throwing a halloween party >"enough time has past lets be friends again" >f--- no >idea forms >go to party >get drunk, flirt with friends wife >everyone goes to bed >bang friends wife >loud >many people are aware >leave >friend texts, furious "get over it"

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