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Anon shares an opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)18:35:49 No.585876505 1642783938078.jpg 27 KB JPG This is 10/10 according to /v/.
: Anonymous 01/21/22(Fri)18:35:49 No.585876505 1642783938078.jpg 27 KB JPG This is 10/10 according to /v/.

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Anon tells school story | /r/Greentext

Happened back in middle school >friend dares me to pinch random sixth grader's nose >do it >kid starts crying >tell him to calm down >tell him to watch this and jump into a wall face first >he stops crying and laughs and gives me a high five >wave goodbye to eachother and part ways >he reports me anyways
Happened back in middle school >friend dares me to pinch random sixth grader's nose >do it >kid starts crying >tell him to calm down >tell him to watch this and jump into a wall face first >he stops crying and laughs and gives me a high five >wave goodbye to eachother and part ways >he reports me anyways

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Anon just activated my trap card | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped
: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped

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Anon owns a steam deck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)04:59:17 No.162789616 >invite a girl around for a movie >take out my Steam Deck to play kino on my TV >"thank God anon, the last guy I tried to watch a movie with pulled CONCE out a HDMI cable" 850 KB PNG This is a game changer. : Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)05:00:19 No.162789667 >>162789616 (OP) # If you have preordered one of these I guarantee you will never have consensual sex in your life. >>162789757 # >>162789818 # >>162791675 # >>162793291 # >>162793583 # >>162795974 # >>162798958 #
: Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)04:59:17 No.162789616 >invite a girl around for a movie >take out my Steam Deck to play kino on my TV >"thank God anon, the last guy I tried to watch a movie with pulled CONCE out a HDMI cable" 850 KB PNG This is a game changer. : Anonymous 01/24/22(Mon)05:00:19 No.162789667 >>162789616 (OP) # If you have preordered one of these I guarantee you will never have consensual sex in your life. >>162789757 # >>162789818 # >>162791675 # >>162793291 # >>162793583 # >>162795974 # >>162798958 #

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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)17:42:09 No.782897522 >be redditfag >in shower >think about if i should hang myself or not >idea.jpeg >post if i should hang myself or not 14 KB PNG on r/showerthoughts for 7 upvotes >post it >permanently banned >what is it i dont understand
: Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)17:42:09 No.782897522 >be redditfag >in shower >think about if i should hang myself or not >idea.jpeg >post if i should hang myself or not 14 KB PNG on r/showerthoughts for 7 upvotes >post it >permanently banned >what is it i dont understand

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Anon is discovered | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 77 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 So it's been you at UVA m-----------?

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Anon can't go swimming | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:44:54 No.743795350 T >About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston >Apparently HIV-positive blood has leaked into said 51 KB JPG water (from hospitals being flooded n s---) >AFAIK they're warning people not to go in the water because of the GatorAIDS POOL'S CLOSED
: Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:44:54 No.743795350 T >About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston >Apparently HIV-positive blood has leaked into said 51 KB JPG water (from hospitals being flooded n s---) >AFAIK they're warning people not to go in the water because of the GatorAIDS POOL'S CLOSED

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Anon spends an apsurd amount of money on a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)04:49:22 No.67137682 >Have spent nearly $3,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent See you space cowboy 684 KB PNG me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the i-love- you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >l said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world, I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- l've bought you?" >"That's what I love most about you, your gifts!" I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over.
: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)04:49:22 No.67137682 >Have spent nearly $3,000 on a girl I met here >Random stuff from anime figures to sex toys >Did this mostly as "gifts" that I told her not to worry about paying me back, though she has sent See you space cowboy 684 KB PNG me a couple of nude pics in return >I thought we were obviously dating, what with the i-love- you's and everything >Today she revealed to me that she's getting back with her ex-boyfriend >l said, "But I thought I was your boyfriend?" >She says, "Anon, you're my best friend in the whole world, I love you, but not like that" >"What about all that s--- l've bought you?" >"That's what I love most about you, your gifts!" I think this is it. I think this is what l'll kill myself over.

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anon is scared of biden | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)00:06:07 No.66837046 >be me >have dream where joe biden visits my house >he gives us all handshakes and Joe Bidome does all the regular political pr stuff 10 KB JPG >he tries to tell me something but i don't understand it >say "what?" >suddenly joe biden goes absolutely feral, slaps my back as hard as humanly possible >he starts beating the living s--- out of my mom >try to help her but he beats me up too >wake up >w--.png >have a panic attack anytime i see the old f--- on the news >tfw my life has been hell for the past week because joe biden beat me up in a dream
Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)00:06:07 No.66837046 >be me >have dream where joe biden visits my house >he gives us all handshakes and Joe Bidome does all the regular political pr stuff 10 KB JPG >he tries to tell me something but i don't understand it >say "what?" >suddenly joe biden goes absolutely feral, slaps my back as hard as humanly possible >he starts beating the living s--- out of my mom >try to help her but he beats me up too >wake up >w--.png >have a panic attack anytime i see the old f--- on the news >tfw my life has been hell for the past week because joe biden beat me up in a dream

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Anon likes cowboys | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 24 minuten geleden 785108597 : >Be me, 16 year old who's played nothing but Red Dead 2 since it came out >Becoming a literal cowboy >yeehaw.exe is working to full сарacity >I decide to start wearing cowboy apparel to school >People laugh, nobody understands me >l'm planning on high nooning the school but I don't know how to use deadeye in real life, pls help 6 REPLIES
Anonymous 24 minuten geleden 785108597 : >Be me, 16 year old who's played nothing but Red Dead 2 since it came out >Becoming a literal cowboy >yeehaw.exe is working to full сарacity >I decide to start wearing cowboy apparel to school >People laugh, nobody understands me >l'm planning on high nooning the school but I don't know how to use deadeye in real life, pls help 6 REPLIES

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Robot has a oneitis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:03:22 No.49347279 >be me >fat neet >no gf obviously >have a oneitis type crush >would literally do anything to get her 20 KB JPG >start dieting and exercising >stop jerking off dry, instead buy fleshlight and lube >feelsgoodman >start really liking the fleshlight >decide to give it a name >the same name as my oneitis >decide to tell it to her as a compliment >get blocked : Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:05:39 No.49347304 >>49347279 (OP) # >decide to tell it to her as a compliment 31 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:03:22 No.49347279 >be me >fat neet >no gf obviously >have a oneitis type crush >would literally do anything to get her 20 KB JPG >start dieting and exercising >stop jerking off dry, instead buy fleshlight and lube >feelsgoodman >start really liking the fleshlight >decide to give it a name >the same name as my oneitis >decide to tell it to her as a compliment >get blocked : Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:05:39 No.49347304 >>49347279 (OP) # >decide to tell it to her as a compliment 31 KB JPG

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Future serial killer likes the grocery store | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/22(Tue)23:14:57 No.67052570 >no self checkouts at grocery store >can tell the cashier girl is autistic from how she carries herself >overreacted when she knocked over my can of juice with a squeaking noise >put it in the bag and then on the counter and told it to stay 205 KB PNG >proceeded to tell me a cool story about another customer >couldnt understand me saying my phone number >explained that she has dyslexia >made me write it down so she could read it >secretly hoping she kept my number i cannot stop thinking about c------ on her face, is this normal? View Thread
: Anonymous 01/18/22(Tue)23:14:57 No.67052570 >no self checkouts at grocery store >can tell the cashier girl is autistic from how she carries herself >overreacted when she knocked over my can of juice with a squeaking noise >put it in the bag and then on the counter and told it to stay 205 KB PNG >proceeded to tell me a cool story about another customer >couldnt understand me saying my phone number >explained that she has dyslexia >made me write it down so she could read it >secretly hoping she kept my number i cannot stop thinking about c------ on her face, is this normal? View Thread

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Anon has a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)23:40:28 No.784338001 /b/, can someone explain what the actual f--- just happened? > be me > meet qt on Bumble > she wants to meet up at my place and watch movies 187 KB JPG > cool.wav > ff a couple hours and we're making out on the couch > whips my d--- out and start sucking > a few seconds later she comes up all p----- and hyperventilating > starts yelling that my d--- is really spicy and it burns > storms off and leaves ?????????????
: Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)23:40:28 No.784338001 /b/, can someone explain what the actual f--- just happened? > be me > meet qt on Bumble > she wants to meet up at my place and watch movies 187 KB JPG > cool.wav > ff a couple hours and we're making out on the couch > whips my d--- out and start sucking > a few seconds later she comes up all p----- and hyperventilating > starts yelling that my d--- is really spicy and it burns > storms off and leaves ?????????????

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Anon knows math | /r/Greentext

! Anonymous 06/28/20(Sun)13:48:25 No.514612342 >"PS4 has no game-" WRONG B46 KB JPG ! Anonymous 06/28/20(Sun)13:49:43 No.514612510 >>514617537 # Anonymous 06/28/20(Sun)13:53:22 No.514612994 There are 119 games in that stack. The height of a standard ps4 game case is 14mm. Using basic math we can determine the man in the photo is only 5'4". 866 KB PNG 2>514615896 # >>514618429 # >514619653 #
! Anonymous 06/28/20(Sun)13:48:25 No.514612342 >"PS4 has no game-" WRONG B46 KB JPG ! Anonymous 06/28/20(Sun)13:49:43 No.514612510 >>514617537 # Anonymous 06/28/20(Sun)13:53:22 No.514612994 There are 119 games in that stack. The height of a standard ps4 game case is 14mm. Using basic math we can determine the man in the photo is only 5'4". 866 KB PNG 2>514615896 # >>514618429 # >514619653 #

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Anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)08:50:33 No.784277994 So l just found out my sister is a furry >be me >in my room, playing vidya, hanging out >parents aren't home 25 KB JPG >sister in her room >idea.jpg >have a hockey mask and machete >decide to burst into her room and scare her >get mask on and grab weapon >go to her room >kick door open holding machete >immediately drop it an freeze >my sister is completely naked, masturbating >see furry p--- on her laptop >she tries to cover up and close the laptop >"w-- anon!" >say nothing >too shocked to speak >slowly back out and close the door >pick up machete and walk to my room This happened like 3 minutes ago what do I do?
| Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)08:50:33 No.784277994 So l just found out my sister is a furry >be me >in my room, playing vidya, hanging out >parents aren't home 25 KB JPG >sister in her room >idea.jpg >have a hockey mask and machete >decide to burst into her room and scare her >get mask on and grab weapon >go to her room >kick door open holding machete >immediately drop it an freeze >my sister is completely naked, masturbating >see furry p--- on her laptop >she tries to cover up and close the laptop >"w-- anon!" >say nothing >too shocked to speak >slowly back out and close the door >pick up machete and walk to my room This happened like 3 minutes ago what do I do?

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Anon hates Trump. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)20:51:04 No.871472262 >find out landlord voted for Trump and is anti-vaxx >save bacon grease for months >on the day my lease is up, heat it and dump about six quarts down the sink 232 KB JPG >run cold water in the tap immediately after for ten minutes Not my problem.
: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)20:51:04 No.871472262 >find out landlord voted for Trump and is anti-vaxx >save bacon grease for months >on the day my lease is up, heat it and dump about six quarts down the sink 232 KB JPG >run cold water in the tap immediately after for ten minutes Not my problem.

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Anon thinks he is worth smth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >l'm white >I'm young >I'm physically healthy >I'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >I have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >I have a strong sense of honor >I have a favourable personality >l've been told I am handsome >I can protect my wife and offspring from predators >I can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >I'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP)# >I have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.
: Anonymous I deserve a gf 11/27/18(Tue)04:35:35 No.49522816 >l'm white >I'm young >I'm physically healthy >I'm not a manlet(over 6'0" / 183cm) >My peepee is 7x5in / 18x13cm >I have a strong sense of morality 120 KB JPG >I have a strong sense of honor >I have a favourable personality >l've been told I am handsome >I can protect my wife and offspring from predators >I can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children >l am good with children and would make a good father >I can cook >I'm a strong swimmer >I have good taste in anime I deserve a gf : Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)07:56:21 No.49524715 >>49522816 (OP)# >I have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their p---- like a desert you autist.

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Anon is saved by /x/ | /r/Greentext

File: 1330313884.jpg-(7 KB, 180x167, AaronsFaceGAC.jpg) O Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:38 No.9610459 >Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seelng shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either" >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what Ixi says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes >Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then. Thank you /x/ for saving my ass Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:41 No.9610474 You're weicome bro Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:43 No.9610484 >masturbated you've been practicing your whole life for this situation
File: 1330313884.jpg-(7 KB, 180x167, AaronsFaceGAC.jpg) O Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:38 No.9610459 >Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seelng shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either" >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what Ixi says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes >Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then. Thank you /x/ for saving my ass Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:41 No.9610474 You're weicome bro Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:43 No.9610484 >masturbated you've been practicing your whole life for this situation

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Anon adopts new tactics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)01:27:19 No.871461309 >trying to get fit >am told weakness seeks comfort and comfort breeds weakness >start denying myself comfort >no extra blankets while sleeping >no junk food or excessive TV >start identifying comforts I indulge 1.05 MB JPG in daily and cutting them out >start to feel less weak >getting more assertive at job >coworkers starting to treat me with more respect >invite a couple of them over for dinner >open freezer to get out frozen tilapia I'll be cooking >TheFridgeJacket.jpeg >Coworker sees >Try to explain it's just part of my new lifestyle and jackets are too warm and comfy >he just nods and walks into dining room >see him whispering to other coworker later that night >F------ fridge jacket
: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)01:27:19 No.871461309 >trying to get fit >am told weakness seeks comfort and comfort breeds weakness >start denying myself comfort >no extra blankets while sleeping >no junk food or excessive TV >start identifying comforts I indulge 1.05 MB JPG in daily and cutting them out >start to feel less weak >getting more assertive at job >coworkers starting to treat me with more respect >invite a couple of them over for dinner >open freezer to get out frozen tilapia I'll be cooking >TheFridgeJacket.jpeg >Coworker sees >Try to explain it's just part of my new lifestyle and jackets are too warm and comfy >he just nods and walks into dining room >see him whispering to other coworker later that night >F------ fridge jacket

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Anon is a developer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)01:27:59 No.85394227 Tech horror stories thread >be Indian NOTICE D0 NOT TALK OPERATOR >work as a code monkey at one of the smaller offshore development sweatshops >get project from Filipino client >requirements are unclear, contact clients team 359 KB JPG >client lets slip that they're an outsourcing house too and the project is somewhere from eastern Europe >Filipinos don't do any developement, just pass it to a cheaper contractor (in this case us) aka middlemen >months pass, no progress >find out the eastern European guys are an outsourcing house as well, and they don't do any developement and the actual client is somewhere from UK >every piece of info, document takes months to arrive since there are 4 different companies in the mix >6 months pass, barely any progress >turns out the Filipino guys misunderstood the scope of the project since the eastern Europeans refused to share their requirement document >that means the requirement document our guys created was at best based on an errenuous understanding of the project from the Filipinos >leave company >ff 4 years >project is still "in development" >brit clients are nearly bankrupt : Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)01:29:41 No.85394240 >>85394227 (OP) # >>be Indian stopped reading right here, too scary
: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)01:27:59 No.85394227 Tech horror stories thread >be Indian NOTICE D0 NOT TALK OPERATOR >work as a code monkey at one of the smaller offshore development sweatshops >get project from Filipino client >requirements are unclear, contact clients team 359 KB JPG >client lets slip that they're an outsourcing house too and the project is somewhere from eastern Europe >Filipinos don't do any developement, just pass it to a cheaper contractor (in this case us) aka middlemen >months pass, no progress >find out the eastern European guys are an outsourcing house as well, and they don't do any developement and the actual client is somewhere from UK >every piece of info, document takes months to arrive since there are 4 different companies in the mix >6 months pass, barely any progress >turns out the Filipino guys misunderstood the scope of the project since the eastern Europeans refused to share their requirement document >that means the requirement document our guys created was at best based on an errenuous understanding of the project from the Filipinos >leave company >ff 4 years >project is still "in development" >brit clients are nearly bankrupt : Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)01:29:41 No.85394240 >>85394227 (OP) # >>be Indian stopped reading right here, too scary

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