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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

> be on date with my girlfriend |> she's foreign > took a flight down here for winter 8 KB JPG > we're hanging out in the park > she has a wierd twitter addiction > won't stop tweeting > ask her to stop and have a normal conversation > she looks me in the eyes and sends a tweet > get p----- off and scream at her > leave > feel bad about the breakup > buy a sandwich from Subway to make it up to her > eat fresh > get back to park > she's still there tweeting > call her name > toss pieces of toasted bread on the ground > she leans over and eats them > my girlfriend's a bird
> be on date with my girlfriend |> she's foreign > took a flight down here for winter 8 KB JPG > we're hanging out in the park > she has a wierd twitter addiction > won't stop tweeting > ask her to stop and have a normal conversation > she looks me in the eyes and sends a tweet > get p----- off and scream at her > leave > feel bad about the breakup > buy a sandwich from Subway to make it up to her > eat fresh > get back to park > she's still there tweeting > call her name > toss pieces of toasted bread on the ground > she leans over and eats them > my girlfriend's a bird

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Anon always has date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/19(Mon)12:30:37 No.792364230 >be me >total Chad >girls always checking me out >have a date pretty much every day >constantly getting new ink 605 KB JPG >only stay with a girl for a year at most before moving on >be a calendar >pic unrelated View Thread
: Anonymous 02/11/19(Mon)12:30:37 No.792364230 >be me >total Chad >girls always checking me out >have a date pretty much every day >constantly getting new ink 605 KB JPG >only stay with a girl for a year at most before moving on >be a calendar >pic unrelated View Thread

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Anon debunks ludicrous theories | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:50:35 No.869588879 FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- COAT A 103 KB JPG :Anonymous 12/29/21 (Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable 379 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:50:35 No.869588879 FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg 245 KB JPG >put food in the dirt >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? : Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- COAT A 103 KB JPG :Anonymous 12/29/21 (Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable 379 KB JPG

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Anon gives good advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)01:18:14 No.871526239 What do if I'm starting to confuse platonic feelings for romantic feelings again? i asked her out once before and she said no, later after she broke up with her bf, we where driving to McDonalds while i was high she started unloading a load of s--- 222 KB PNG including how she only said no to me because she had just started dating him and things would be way different now. like a week ago we've started to get closer again and she says how close we are and how she "will always be here for you. Forever." but she's also said she wouldn't date me but she would f--- me. I'm so confused please help : Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)01:26:11 No.871526588 bass.jpg 60 KB JPG >>871526239 (OP) # From her perspective, this is you.
: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)01:18:14 No.871526239 What do if I'm starting to confuse platonic feelings for romantic feelings again? i asked her out once before and she said no, later after she broke up with her bf, we where driving to McDonalds while i was high she started unloading a load of s--- 222 KB PNG including how she only said no to me because she had just started dating him and things would be way different now. like a week ago we've started to get closer again and she says how close we are and how she "will always be here for you. Forever." but she's also said she wouldn't date me but she would f--- me. I'm so confused please help : Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)01:26:11 No.871526588 bass.jpg 60 KB JPG >>871526239 (OP) # From her perspective, this is you.

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what the fuck did I just read | /r/Greentext

08/20/18(Mon)21:11:58 No.777722821 >Be me >Be 15 years old >Have older brother around same age >Both be kissless virgins >Share a room 71 KB JPG >Horny as f---, tons of hormones >Have a gentlemen's agreement that we will just ignore each other when we masturbate (usually with the lights off late at night) >Occasionally talk about what we think of, girls in our classes for instance >One day he tells me he is imagining what it is like to get a b------ >Tell him I don't know either >Can't remember who suggested it first but we agreed to give each other b------- as long as we never talk about it >The person receiving has to close their eyes and imagine it's a girl >I blew him first and thoughtI would never want to do it again until I felt him blow me >Continues like this every day for the rest of the week >Decide to 69 for the sake of efficiency >Turn it into a game, whoever c--- first wins, loser gets blueballed >Continues on for about a year, during which we learn to d--------- and swallow c--, the competition has escalated into basically facefucking each other to try and c-- first >He gets a girlfriend and without a word our activities stop >Never speak of it again >Am now 19 and sometimes imagine my GF facefucking me Am I gay? : Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)21:14:38 No.777723073 what the f--- did i just read
08/20/18(Mon)21:11:58 No.777722821 >Be me >Be 15 years old >Have older brother around same age >Both be kissless virgins >Share a room 71 KB JPG >Horny as f---, tons of hormones >Have a gentlemen's agreement that we will just ignore each other when we masturbate (usually with the lights off late at night) >Occasionally talk about what we think of, girls in our classes for instance >One day he tells me he is imagining what it is like to get a b------ >Tell him I don't know either >Can't remember who suggested it first but we agreed to give each other b------- as long as we never talk about it >The person receiving has to close their eyes and imagine it's a girl >I blew him first and thoughtI would never want to do it again until I felt him blow me >Continues like this every day for the rest of the week >Decide to 69 for the sake of efficiency >Turn it into a game, whoever c--- first wins, loser gets blueballed >Continues on for about a year, during which we learn to d--------- and swallow c--, the competition has escalated into basically facefucking each other to try and c-- first >He gets a girlfriend and without a word our activities stop >Never speak of it again >Am now 19 and sometimes imagine my GF facefucking me Am I gay? : Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)21:14:38 No.777723073 what the f--- did i just read

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Anon has a child | /r/Greentext

File: 3fb85ce1580af24d83f6bde17301e0fe85e(.), png (204 KB, 1063x1063) Parents of /r9k/ Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)11:30:47 No. 48770954 [Reply] >>48771097 >48771290 >48771357 >48772582 M8772649 >be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet >live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the kid, but doesn't want to abort either >kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead end ""acting career" >parents, and i basically take care of him >love him like my own son, he calls me papa >son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier >start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him >son is great at academics, gets As >start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together >work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him >now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year >parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day >wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time >sister is still struggling with her "acting career"" (son calls her auntie Imao) >son is coming home for christmas >can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college >almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life Any other parents here?
File: 3fb85ce1580af24d83f6bde17301e0fe85e(.), png (204 KB, 1063x1063) Parents of /r9k/ Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)11:30:47 No. 48770954 [Reply] >>48771097 >48771290 >48771357 >48772582 M8772649 >be 19 yr old kv suicidal depressed neet >live with parents >unmarried sister gets preggers because of her bf and doesn't want the kid, but doesn't want to abort either >kid is born, beautiful boy >she abandons him at parents home to pursue her dead end ""acting career" >parents, and i basically take care of him >love him like my own son, he calls me papa >son grows up fine, i get warehouse job to have more money to make him happier >start jogging in the morning to have enough stamina to play with him >son is great at academics, gets As >start getting along better with my own parents since we're taking care of my son together >work harder and get promoted, more money to buy son toys >experience first hand what raising a child is like, love him >now am 36 yrs old kv with a managerial job at a shipping company >son has gone to univ this year >parents and i are very lonely with nothing to do all day >wait for son's call in the back of our heads all the time >sister is still struggling with her "acting career"" (son calls her auntie Imao) >son is coming home for christmas >can't decide what to do to celebrate his first year at college >almost know for certain that if son hadn't been born, i would've probably jumped off a building to end my pathetic life Any other parents here?

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Anon writes a biographical critique on Nietzsche. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)21:05:44 No.19817256 >got deja vu once >writes an entire philosophy around it what was his problem? 514 KB JPG 77 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/26/22(Wed)21:05:44 No.19817256 >got deja vu once >writes an entire philosophy around it what was his problem? 514 KB JPG 77 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon’s First Prostate Exam | /r/Greentext


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Hmmmmmmmmm | /r/Greentext

File: 1643318423178.jpg (184 KB, 2229x1723) Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)02:05:23 No.871522604 >Be me >Can lift over 80 pounds >Tired of picking up dog s--- >Start subreddit for not wanting to work >Infiltrated by a bunch of redditors who don't follow my cause only want better working conditions >6 years go by as I watch my subreddit become a shadow of its former self >Subreddit becomes popular >Fox News want to interview mods >The community and mods are against it >I still stand for what I believe in and what the subreddit was originally created for >Decide f--- everyone I'm doing this for my beliefs >Go ahead and do interview against everybody's wishes >Introduce my self to the world >Stand by my beliefs >After my interview reddit goes into panic mode >Millions of redditors are infuriated >Redditors now publicly humiliated en masse
File: 1643318423178.jpg (184 KB, 2229x1723) Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)02:05:23 No.871522604 >Be me >Can lift over 80 pounds >Tired of picking up dog s--- >Start subreddit for not wanting to work >Infiltrated by a bunch of redditors who don't follow my cause only want better working conditions >6 years go by as I watch my subreddit become a shadow of its former self >Subreddit becomes popular >Fox News want to interview mods >The community and mods are against it >I still stand for what I believe in and what the subreddit was originally created for >Decide f--- everyone I'm doing this for my beliefs >Go ahead and do interview against everybody's wishes >Introduce my self to the world >Stand by my beliefs >After my interview reddit goes into panic mode >Millions of redditors are infuriated >Redditors now publicly humiliated en masse

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Anon is a depressed shut in but his little sister still loves him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)16:20:39 No.6717269 >tfw little sister wants to hang out with you all the time >tfw you're a depressed, NEET shut-in that just wants to be left alone >tfw you can see she genuinely loves you 75 KB JPG >tfw she always makes time for you no matter what >tfw she smiles even if you tell her to go away >tfw she just sits on your bed even if you don't talk to her just so she can be near you >tfw she always tells you about her day >tfw she loves you >tfw she loves you >tfw she loves you >tfw too far gone to show her how much she means to you in return >tfw it doesn't matter to her, she loves you for who you are I'm f------ crying, /r9k/. She was in my room for three hours just reading and telling me about stuff. I can still feel her hand on my shoulder where she squeezed it before she went to bed. I can't handle these feels anymore, /r9k/. I just want to do good by her.
: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)16:20:39 No.6717269 >tfw little sister wants to hang out with you all the time >tfw you're a depressed, NEET shut-in that just wants to be left alone >tfw you can see she genuinely loves you 75 KB JPG >tfw she always makes time for you no matter what >tfw she smiles even if you tell her to go away >tfw she just sits on your bed even if you don't talk to her just so she can be near you >tfw she always tells you about her day >tfw she loves you >tfw she loves you >tfw she loves you >tfw too far gone to show her how much she means to you in return >tfw it doesn't matter to her, she loves you for who you are I'm f------ crying, /r9k/. She was in my room for three hours just reading and telling me about stuff. I can still feel her hand on my shoulder where she squeezed it before she went to bed. I can't handle these feels anymore, /r9k/. I just want to do good by her.

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The cycle continues | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)08:47:19 No.67171228 205 1468688400036.jpg 235 KB JPG >1st of the month >receive neetbux >spend 2 week drinking >run out of money >scrape by for the rest of the month >start to feel pretty good after 2 weeks of sobriety >"hey, maybe l'll turn things around this time" >a new beginning >1st of the month >9am at the liquor store
: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)08:47:19 No.67171228 205 1468688400036.jpg 235 KB JPG >1st of the month >receive neetbux >spend 2 week drinking >run out of money >scrape by for the rest of the month >start to feel pretty good after 2 weeks of sobriety >"hey, maybe l'll turn things around this time" >a new beginning >1st of the month >9am at the liquor store

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Anon works in customer service | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 753841064 45 min. geleden •.. story time CHICHEN B99ANW AN EXCELLENT HAPPI working at McDonald's appy me >*autistic kid appears* >screams all the time : CHICKEN MCNUGGETS >wants a happy meal with nuggets >gave him 5 instead of 4 cuz of my kindness >he noticed >*autistic screeching* >wanted a new one with only 4 nuggets 300,3 kB JPG i hate children. 3 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 753841064 45 min. geleden •.. story time CHICHEN B99ANW AN EXCELLENT HAPPI working at McDonald's appy me >*autistic kid appears* >screams all the time : CHICKEN MCNUGGETS >wants a happy meal with nuggets >gave him 5 instead of 4 cuz of my kindness >he noticed >*autistic screeching* >wanted a new one with only 4 nuggets 300,3 kB JPG i hate children. 3 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon gets what he deserves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)19:01:23 No.62658503 >finish c-------- >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get 33 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)20:36:36 No.62659783 Smoking inside is gross and you deserve this.
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)19:01:23 No.62658503 >finish c-------- >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get 33 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)20:36:36 No.62659783 Smoking inside is gross and you deserve this.

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Anon gets circumcised | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: VKLXKAPA ) E 12/08/19(Sun)08:46:19 No.235551688 >>235550499 (OP) # >Be uncut >Get gf at 22 >Doesn't like it >Get circumcised because "it's just extra skin" >Can't fap or f--- for 6 weeks >When I do it's just not the same Hands down the worst decision I ever made. Regret it every f------ day. Wanted to kick that bitches teeth in when she told me the sex felt way better when I was uncut. >>235551996 # >>235552104 # >>235552530 # >>235552661 # >>235553186 # >>235553701 # >>235556538 # >>235556666 # >>235558237 # >>235559221 # >>235559385 # >>235559645 # >>235559847 #
: Anonymous (ID: VKLXKAPA ) E 12/08/19(Sun)08:46:19 No.235551688 >>235550499 (OP) # >Be uncut >Get gf at 22 >Doesn't like it >Get circumcised because "it's just extra skin" >Can't fap or f--- for 6 weeks >When I do it's just not the same Hands down the worst decision I ever made. Regret it every f------ day. Wanted to kick that bitches teeth in when she told me the sex felt way better when I was uncut. >>235551996 # >>235552104 # >>235552530 # >>235552661 # >>235553186 # >>235553701 # >>235556538 # >>235556666 # >>235558237 # >>235559221 # >>235559385 # >>235559645 # >>235559847 #

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

File: A1.jpg (83 KB, 880x480) Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)11:55:06 No.871491444 >gather enough funds for a reasonably nice house/apartment >mortgage doesn't matter at this point, for as long as the place is solidly yours on paper >furnish it nicely, not extravagantly but with a good, distinguished taste. Classy and understated but with enough personal flair to make it distinct and instantly recognisable >get a hold of as many p--- studios as you can, offer to rent the place out as a set >as many as you can, studios, amateurs, people doing niche freaky s--- >we're talking quantity over quality here >use 100% of the coming income to repay mortgage. It won't cover the whole thing but that is not the goal here >start hosting nice dinner parties to friends and family, make them a real fancy regular event >the kind of s--- people dress up for, with the right kinds of wine to go with every course >be an excellent host, have polite conversation, entertain guests >keep count on how many of your male guests squirm when they realise why the place looks so familiar >make eye contact to make them know that you know they've watched a girl get a champaigne bottle shoved up her ass on your living room couch in Wild Feral Bitches #4
File: A1.jpg (83 KB, 880x480) Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)11:55:06 No.871491444 >gather enough funds for a reasonably nice house/apartment >mortgage doesn't matter at this point, for as long as the place is solidly yours on paper >furnish it nicely, not extravagantly but with a good, distinguished taste. Classy and understated but with enough personal flair to make it distinct and instantly recognisable >get a hold of as many p--- studios as you can, offer to rent the place out as a set >as many as you can, studios, amateurs, people doing niche freaky s--- >we're talking quantity over quality here >use 100% of the coming income to repay mortgage. It won't cover the whole thing but that is not the goal here >start hosting nice dinner parties to friends and family, make them a real fancy regular event >the kind of s--- people dress up for, with the right kinds of wine to go with every course >be an excellent host, have polite conversation, entertain guests >keep count on how many of your male guests squirm when they realise why the place looks so familiar >make eye contact to make them know that you know they've watched a girl get a champaigne bottle shoved up her ass on your living room couch in Wild Feral Bitches #4

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Anon has a self portrait album | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E3 01/26/22(Wed)23:05:07 No.158766707 IT'S OVER >mum found the soyjak folder >she thought they were self- portraits Does this happen in your c---? 36 KB PNG
: Anonymous E3 01/26/22(Wed)23:05:07 No.158766707 IT'S OVER >mum found the soyjak folder >she thought they were self- portraits Does this happen in your c---? 36 KB PNG

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Anon doesn't clap his hands | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/20(Thu)09:25:42 No.842528685 e07b20ffd67e495e5f6325dd395d0ac7-bad.jpg 44 KB JPG >in kindergarten >teacher sings if your happy and you know it clap your hands >don't clap >mfw i get put on Antidepressants
: Anonymous 12/17/20(Thu)09:25:42 No.842528685 e07b20ffd67e495e5f6325dd395d0ac7-bad.jpg 44 KB JPG >in kindergarten >teacher sings if your happy and you know it clap your hands >don't clap >mfw i get put on Antidepressants

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anon is concerned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)11:16:47 No.67169555 >accidentally ran out of SSRI meds for 2 days >get serious withdrawal >get really vivid dream >Some cultist girl carves a symbol in my forehead >then slits my throat 22 KB JPG >wake up happier than ive ever been what does this mean?
: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)11:16:47 No.67169555 >accidentally ran out of SSRI meds for 2 days >get serious withdrawal >get really vivid dream >Some cultist girl carves a symbol in my forehead >then slits my throat 22 KB JPG >wake up happier than ive ever been what does this mean?

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Anon avoids crisis | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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Anon finds out why r/greentext exists | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)10:00:46 No.65400999 >be me >newfag from r/greentexts >endlessly scrolling through /b/ >open a random archived thread >see a woman's body cut in half, guts and s--- all spilling out >w--.jpg where are all the funny greentexts, why do 234 KB PNG i only see loli p--- and gore View Thread
: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)10:00:46 No.65400999 >be me >newfag from r/greentexts >endlessly scrolling through /b/ >open a random archived thread >see a woman's body cut in half, guts and s--- all spilling out >w--.jpg where are all the funny greentexts, why do 234 KB PNG i only see loli p--- and gore View Thread

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