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Anon avoids crisis | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box "I had been stabbed officer" >say, >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box "I had been stabbed officer" >say, >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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Catanon has been tricked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Me and my friend 01/26/22(Wed)20:26:52 No.4051771 >Best friend and I having a good time> >Lots of good food> >Going on a road trip> >Even more food> >Meet some ladies> 8 KB JPG >More food> >Feeling sleepy> >Fall asleep> >Wake up drowsy> >MFW my balls are gone>
: Anonymous Me and my friend 01/26/22(Wed)20:26:52 No.4051771 >Best friend and I having a good time> >Lots of good food> >Going on a road trip> >Even more food> >Meet some ladies> 8 KB JPG >More food> >Feeling sleepy> >Fall asleep> >Wake up drowsy> >MFW my balls are gone>

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Anons P.E teacher is a based larp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)13:20:00 No.871358859 本 >be my new P.E teacher >Show up to class drunk as f--- >You start teaching in Romanian >No one understands because they are britfags >Say 2 words in English >1000 squats >Sits on chair and scrolls through 15 KB JPG memes > audibly laugh thought the lesson > Everyone else actually does 1000 squats
: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)13:20:00 No.871358859 本 >be my new P.E teacher >Show up to class drunk as f--- >You start teaching in Romanian >No one understands because they are britfags >Say 2 words in English >1000 squats >Sits on chair and scrolls through 15 KB JPG memes > audibly laugh thought the lesson > Everyone else actually does 1000 squats

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

Most evil thing you've ever done thread No.54644228 09/30/19(Mon)07:16:32 evil.jpg JPG 31.6 KiB 404x512 >Bored as f--- >Call random number >Woman answers >"Hi it's the school calling about your child" >"About Jack? what's wrong?" >"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've got a little Elvis on your hands" >"Really?" >"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet" >Hang up ...
Most evil thing you've ever done thread No.54644228 09/30/19(Mon)07:16:32 evil.jpg JPG 31.6 KiB 404x512 >Bored as f--- >Call random number >Woman answers >"Hi it's the school calling about your child" >"About Jack? what's wrong?" >"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've got a little Elvis on your hands" >"Really?" >"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet" >Hang up ...

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Anon gets kinky | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a mass shooter | /r/Greentext

uoir e all running away from me perfectly fine sehit he has O Anonymous 06/18/19(Tue)17:53:16 No.52970414 ► File: becc9730-596a-496d-bac3-e(.).jpg (21 KB, 540x331) >>52968154 (OP) >be me >about to commit america's deadliest mass shooting >i am nearing the target Sreally nervous >notice photographer on the sidewalk >about to shoot him >he's readying his camera for a photograph >have an idea >let him take the photograph first, then i shoot him! >the media will publish that photo everywhere! >should i point the gun at him? >maybe i should just make an angry intimidating face or something >or maybe i shou- *SNAP* 2oh s--- he already took the photo >haha, i probably looked like a super intimidating chad in that photo >now, time to shoot hi- >oh, he's already gone >heh, he wasn't even worth a bullet anyways >now, on to the courtyard, my main target >arrive at the front entrance Pthree people in my view Sperfect >let's get this party started >BANGBANGBANGBANG.mp4 rst mag empty >ha, that was pretty easy >i wonder how many i kil- >did i actually MISS all of my shots? anah >nah, i'm pretty sure i hit at least one of them >i still have tons of ammo in reserve stime >time to continue the slaughter sehit >s--- a security officer he has a gun >S--- HE'S RETURNING FIRE >i CANNOT reload in these conditions >i run to a nearby parking lot >surely, these cars will provide ample cover >retarded security officer probably can't even see me right now, Imao >remove mag #1 >insert mag #2 these >now, time to return to the courthouse so i can continue my massac- >"ВОOM НЕАDSHOT* >instantdeath.jpg >mfw i didn't even get one injury
uoir e all running away from me perfectly fine sehit he has O Anonymous 06/18/19(Tue)17:53:16 No.52970414 ► File: becc9730-596a-496d-bac3-e(.).jpg (21 KB, 540x331) >>52968154 (OP) >be me >about to commit america's deadliest mass shooting >i am nearing the target Sreally nervous >notice photographer on the sidewalk >about to shoot him >he's readying his camera for a photograph >have an idea >let him take the photograph first, then i shoot him! >the media will publish that photo everywhere! >should i point the gun at him? >maybe i should just make an angry intimidating face or something >or maybe i shou- *SNAP* 2oh s--- he already took the photo >haha, i probably looked like a super intimidating chad in that photo >now, time to shoot hi- >oh, he's already gone >heh, he wasn't even worth a bullet anyways >now, on to the courtyard, my main target >arrive at the front entrance Pthree people in my view Sperfect >let's get this party started >BANGBANGBANGBANG.mp4 rst mag empty >ha, that was pretty easy >i wonder how many i kil- >did i actually MISS all of my shots? anah >nah, i'm pretty sure i hit at least one of them >i still have tons of ammo in reserve stime >time to continue the slaughter sehit >s--- a security officer he has a gun >S--- HE'S RETURNING FIRE >i CANNOT reload in these conditions >i run to a nearby parking lot >surely, these cars will provide ample cover >retarded security officer probably can't even see me right now, Imao >remove mag #1 >insert mag #2 these >now, time to return to the courthouse so i can continue my massac- >"ВОOM НЕАDSHOT* >instantdeath.jpg >mfw i didn't even get one injury

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Anon's irony for quit smoking!!! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /bl. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy.
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /bl. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy.

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Anon is a stoic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)06:43:06 No.67181425 >No job >Don't care >No friends >Don't care >No girlfriend >Don't care 343 КВ PNG It's literally that easy snap
: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)06:43:06 No.67181425 >No job >Don't care >No friends >Don't care >No girlfriend >Don't care 343 КВ PNG It's literally that easy snap

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Anon is fast | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/20(Thu)10:50:47 No.833723514 >be me >Get chased by group of men in suits >I run >Really hard to outrun them but I 58 KB JPG manage >l get tired and they keep inching closer >Oh_fuck.wmv >Get idea >I shave my head >Instant speed boost because of aerodynamics >Distance gets greater >They start screaming >"You can't keep running away, some day we tax collectors catch you!" Image related, I'm jeff bezos View Thread
: Anonymous 08/06/20(Thu)10:50:47 No.833723514 >be me >Get chased by group of men in suits >I run >Really hard to outrun them but I 58 KB JPG manage >l get tired and they keep inching closer >Oh_fuck.wmv >Get idea >I shave my head >Instant speed boost because of aerodynamics >Distance gets greater >They start screaming >"You can't keep running away, some day we tax collectors catch you!" Image related, I'm jeff bezos View Thread

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Idk if this has been posted before but its good | /r/Greentext

39% 8:47 PM /b/ /b/ BOARDS /B/ 716313601 716320298 Anonymous | 716321829 1 hr. ago >Brother and I. >Check Craigslist when we're 19, year the 360 Elite came out. >Trying to find cheap launch 360's to nab up, since CoD babies are selling them for Elites. >Find a guy selling his for $110. >Meet at his apartment. >Dude seems okay, not a whole lot odd. >Brings out the Xbox, a couple games, and 2 controllers. >Says "F--- it, l'll take $10 off. It ain't even mine. It's my roomates. I recorded him f------ my girl, and they don't know it. I'm selling all their s--- off as revenge." >We're both like... "Holy f---, that blows. Is that his TV?" >He throws in a 32-inch widescreen for another $50. >Asks if we're hungry. >4 hours later, we've hit McDonalds, gotten drunk, and are playing pool at the local Billiards Hall. >Dude drops us his phone number incase we ever wanna hang out again. 10 years later, we were groomsmen at his wedding. Dude finished college 2 years after we met him, and makes 300k a year at a banking branch in SC. We still play video games and s--- over Discord. Best f------ Craigslist ad ever. TL;DR: >We went to buy an Xbox. >Ended up with a bro for life. 5 REPLIES
39% 8:47 PM /b/ /b/ BOARDS /B/ 716313601 716320298 Anonymous | 716321829 1 hr. ago >Brother and I. >Check Craigslist when we're 19, year the 360 Elite came out. >Trying to find cheap launch 360's to nab up, since CoD babies are selling them for Elites. >Find a guy selling his for $110. >Meet at his apartment. >Dude seems okay, not a whole lot odd. >Brings out the Xbox, a couple games, and 2 controllers. >Says "F--- it, l'll take $10 off. It ain't even mine. It's my roomates. I recorded him f------ my girl, and they don't know it. I'm selling all their s--- off as revenge." >We're both like... "Holy f---, that blows. Is that his TV?" >He throws in a 32-inch widescreen for another $50. >Asks if we're hungry. >4 hours later, we've hit McDonalds, gotten drunk, and are playing pool at the local Billiards Hall. >Dude drops us his phone number incase we ever wanna hang out again. 10 years later, we were groomsmen at his wedding. Dude finished college 2 years after we met him, and makes 300k a year at a banking branch in SC. We still play video games and s--- over Discord. Best f------ Craigslist ad ever. TL;DR: >We went to buy an Xbox. >Ended up with a bro for life. 5 REPLIES

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Anon likes hot chocolate | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)15:36:06 No.49300363 > be me > snowing > walk home > make hot chocolate > its good thank you hot chocolate 302 KB PNG 20 Replies / 8 Images View Thread
Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)15:36:06 No.49300363 > be me > snowing > walk home > make hot chocolate > its good thank you hot chocolate 302 KB PNG 20 Replies / 8 Images View Thread

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Anon remembers his grandfather. | /r/Greentext

File: 1650238.jpg (100 KB, 928x768) Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)22:24:12 No.48973729 >be me >15 at the time >grandfather dies >depression. wav >l was so upset I spent the entire week in bed, only coming out for snacks and drinks >mom walks in my room >"Anon, are you okay?" >My grandfather just died and I've been in bed the entire week, of course I'm not okay you f------ t--- >she walks out and comes back in with a desktop computer >"This was your grandfather's computer. Knowing how close you two were, I figured he'd want you to have it." >l plug in the computer and turn it on >WindowsXPstartup.wmv >open up the pictures folder, find a bunch of pictures in a folder that were absurdly photoshopped to humorous effect, some with captions >míw my grandfather was a memer just like me >mfw memes basically run in my family I sill miss you.
File: 1650238.jpg (100 KB, 928x768) Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)22:24:12 No.48973729 >be me >15 at the time >grandfather dies >depression. wav >l was so upset I spent the entire week in bed, only coming out for snacks and drinks >mom walks in my room >"Anon, are you okay?" >My grandfather just died and I've been in bed the entire week, of course I'm not okay you f------ t--- >she walks out and comes back in with a desktop computer >"This was your grandfather's computer. Knowing how close you two were, I figured he'd want you to have it." >l plug in the computer and turn it on >WindowsXPstartup.wmv >open up the pictures folder, find a bunch of pictures in a folder that were absurdly photoshopped to humorous effect, some with captions >míw my grandfather was a memer just like me >mfw memes basically run in my family I sill miss you.

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Anon doesn't understand halloween | /r/Greentext

>doorbell rings >its a young girl >shes barefoot >she's just staring at me in silence >"what? what do you want?" >she walks away 42 KB PNG What the F--- was that about. Should I be worried? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:28:53 No.48595087 >"what? what do you want?" why would you say that to a poor clearly abused little girl, have you no heart? 34 KB JPG >>48595095 # : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:29:39 No.48595095 >>48595087 # Right? Should have grabbed her and show her what real abuse look like, the f------ crybaby.
>doorbell rings >its a young girl >shes barefoot >she's just staring at me in silence >"what? what do you want?" >she walks away 42 KB PNG What the F--- was that about. Should I be worried? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:28:53 No.48595087 >"what? what do you want?" why would you say that to a poor clearly abused little girl, have you no heart? 34 KB JPG >>48595095 # : Anonymous 10/09/18(Tue)10:29:39 No.48595095 >>48595087 # Right? Should have grabbed her and show her what real abuse look like, the f------ crybaby.

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Anon hast to drive to work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)15:59:07 No.67181033 >work full time (8hrs per day) >commute is 1hr x2 >10hrs total >plus going to the supermarket every other day 1.85 MB PNG >move closer to work >work full time >commute is now 10-15mins >supermarket way closer now >quality of life increases, even doubles >move to different city >work is in a really nice area, so i can't afford to live nearby IM CRYING...
: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)15:59:07 No.67181033 >work full time (8hrs per day) >commute is 1hr x2 >10hrs total >plus going to the supermarket every other day 1.85 MB PNG >move closer to work >work full time >commute is now 10-15mins >supermarket way closer now >quality of life increases, even doubles >move to different city >work is in a really nice area, so i can't afford to live nearby IM CRYING...

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anon is a liar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #
: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #

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Anon doesn't like church girls | /r/Greentext

File: 86E73B33-8D26-4945-A25F-4(...).jpg (429 KB, 1000x1333) O Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)08:43:42 No.871503535 [Reply] >>871503583 >2022 >not having an honorable, demure, Christian tradwife >who retained her virginity until mariage >who obeys, cherishes, and worships you >who maintains your home so it is always organized, clean, and beautiful >who bears and raises your children with love, intelligence, and care >who values and the embraces her femininity and her traditional role >who cooks and bakes like a gourmet >who submits to you sexually and strives to please you whenever and however you command >who would never even consider leaving you or cheating on you, as that is against the commandments >who wears feminine but respectable clothing and makeup/hair >who is happy to leave important matters for you to decide >who spends her life honoring and serving you, God, and her family to the best of her ability what are you waiting for, anon? + 1 reply omitted. Click here to view. >> Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)08:45:05 No.871503583 >>871503535 (OP). Every "church girl" I know is a mega-slut.
File: 86E73B33-8D26-4945-A25F-4(...).jpg (429 KB, 1000x1333) O Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)08:43:42 No.871503535 [Reply] >>871503583 >2022 >not having an honorable, demure, Christian tradwife >who retained her virginity until mariage >who obeys, cherishes, and worships you >who maintains your home so it is always organized, clean, and beautiful >who bears and raises your children with love, intelligence, and care >who values and the embraces her femininity and her traditional role >who cooks and bakes like a gourmet >who submits to you sexually and strives to please you whenever and however you command >who would never even consider leaving you or cheating on you, as that is against the commandments >who wears feminine but respectable clothing and makeup/hair >who is happy to leave important matters for you to decide >who spends her life honoring and serving you, God, and her family to the best of her ability what are you waiting for, anon? + 1 reply omitted. Click here to view. >> Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)08:45:05 No.871503583 >>871503535 (OP). Every "church girl" I know is a mega-slut.

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Anon becomes chadgar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/17(Wed)11:26:04 No.754399201 >Be me >weakest man in tribe >se Chadgar sexing all womans im he cave >get mind idea >pick up big rock >throw at Chadgar head 317 KB PNG >he fall >laugh >sex all his womans >am now Chadgar >me face when
: Anonymous 12/20/17(Wed)11:26:04 No.754399201 >Be me >weakest man in tribe >se Chadgar sexing all womans im he cave >get mind idea >pick up big rock >throw at Chadgar head 317 KB PNG >he fall >laugh >sex all his womans >am now Chadgar >me face when

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Anon is from the land down under | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: SvtK8oi9 02/16/16(Tue)09:50:41 No.64291831 >live in Australia >someone tries to rob my house >notice his ground-harness is a bit rusty on the left hinge >throw boomerang at it >it breaks >laugh as he falls into the sun
Anonymous (ID: SvtK8oi9 02/16/16(Tue)09:50:41 No.64291831 >live in Australia >someone tries to rob my house >notice his ground-harness is a bit rusty on the left hinge >throw boomerang at it >it breaks >laugh as he falls into the sun

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

> be on date with my girlfriend |> she's foreign > took a flight down here for winter 8 KB JPG > we're hanging out in the park > she has a wierd twitter addiction > won't stop tweeting > ask her to stop and have a normal conversation > she looks me in the eyes and sends a tweet > get p----- off and scream at her > leave > feel bad about the breakup > buy a sandwich from Subway to make it up to her > eat fresh > get back to park > she's still there tweeting > call her name > toss pieces of toasted bread on the ground > she leans over and eats them > my girlfriend's a bird
> be on date with my girlfriend |> she's foreign > took a flight down here for winter 8 KB JPG > we're hanging out in the park > she has a wierd twitter addiction > won't stop tweeting > ask her to stop and have a normal conversation > she looks me in the eyes and sends a tweet > get p----- off and scream at her > leave > feel bad about the breakup > buy a sandwich from Subway to make it up to her > eat fresh > get back to park > she's still there tweeting > call her name > toss pieces of toasted bread on the ground > she leans over and eats them > my girlfriend's a bird

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Anon always has date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/11/19(Mon)12:30:37 No.792364230 >be me >total Chad >girls always checking me out >have a date pretty much every day >constantly getting new ink 605 KB JPG >only stay with a girl for a year at most before moving on >be a calendar >pic unrelated View Thread
: Anonymous 02/11/19(Mon)12:30:37 No.792364230 >be me >total Chad >girls always checking me out >have a date pretty much every day >constantly getting new ink 605 KB JPG >only stay with a girl for a year at most before moving on >be a calendar >pic unrelated View Thread

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