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Anon in Mafia City | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/19(Fri)13:59:54 No.7483696 >be me >level 1 crook >spot target >jump/rob the s--- out of SO IT WOULD SEEM him earg 12 KB JPG >money obtained >ohfuckwhatshappening.mp4 >body morphs into buff unit >level 35 boss >bodyguards all around me >making money by doing nothing >body morphs again >level 100 boss >basically own the entire city >stroll down the street >get jumped/robbed by some homeless thief and that's how a mafia works
: Anonymous 01/04/19(Fri)13:59:54 No.7483696 >be me >level 1 crook >spot target >jump/rob the s--- out of SO IT WOULD SEEM him earg 12 KB JPG >money obtained >ohfuckwhatshappening.mp4 >body morphs into buff unit >level 35 boss >bodyguards all around me >making money by doing nothing >body morphs again >level 100 boss >basically own the entire city >stroll down the street >get jumped/robbed by some homeless thief and that's how a mafia works

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Anon is dreaming | /r/Greentext

File: 8446E918-99A1-4534-B65C-6(...).png (436 KB, 860x1044) O Anonymous 01/29/22(Sat)01:21:47 No.871589023 [Reply] >>871589387 >be asleep >have to take a s--- >know I'm dreaming because background is obviously unrealistic >wake up >take a huge s--- >confused I didn't hear a splash from the toilet water >wake up in real life >my ass and underwear is completely covered in s--- How has your Friday been b
File: 8446E918-99A1-4534-B65C-6(...).png (436 KB, 860x1044) O Anonymous 01/29/22(Sat)01:21:47 No.871589023 [Reply] >>871589387 >be asleep >have to take a s--- >know I'm dreaming because background is obviously unrealistic >wake up >take a huge s--- >confused I didn't hear a splash from the toilet water >wake up in real life >my ass and underwear is completely covered in s--- How has your Friday been b

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Anon is a barista | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/22(Sat)03:10:22 No.67192069 >dad remarries after mom died >the new stepmom is the definition of MILF >she is working her ass off everyday cause of latina genes >after years of daily p--- use my mind can only think of stepmom 57 KB JPG p--- >attempt to seduce her but she is reticent >idea.jpg >what if c-- in her coffe cup so she loosen up a bit >ask her if she wants a cup of coffe >she says yes >proceed to bust a weeks worth of c-- in the cup >serve her the coffe >takes a sip >looks at me and asks me if I put pineapple juice in it >mfw my semen tastes like pineapple >she then drank the whole cup and asked for more
: Anonymous 01/29/22(Sat)03:10:22 No.67192069 >dad remarries after mom died >the new stepmom is the definition of MILF >she is working her ass off everyday cause of latina genes >after years of daily p--- use my mind can only think of stepmom 57 KB JPG p--- >attempt to seduce her but she is reticent >idea.jpg >what if c-- in her coffe cup so she loosen up a bit >ask her if she wants a cup of coffe >she says yes >proceed to bust a weeks worth of c-- in the cup >serve her the coffe >takes a sip >looks at me and asks me if I put pineapple juice in it >mfw my semen tastes like pineapple >she then drank the whole cup and asked for more

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Anon Drives A Truck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)00:35:38 No.871541535 >Be American >Want to go to the liquor store before it closes at 11pm >Get in my beast of a truck >Start engine, windows rattle up and down the street, the earth quakes in fear >Turn on brights, the resulting beam of 131 KB JPG light instantly blinds a passing jogger for life and bleaches a black Nissan Rogue completely white >Rev the engine, every window within 3 blocks is shattered from the sonic boom, the jogger is now dead >Fire up the ol' Toby Keith CD, all beer in town mysteriously vanishes >Start driving to the liquor store >The earth shakes >Asphalt is torn out by my wheels, and is left scattered on what was once a road >Casually drive over a compact, killing the entire family inside >Shouldn't have been in the passing lane >Get to the liquor store >Buy the store >Should be enough for a night or two >Call up redneck friends "Whooegetyarassesuperewegonnahaveusafire!" >Drive home >In the distance rumbling not unlike a thunderstorm grows closer >The earth begins to tremble, then to shake once more >Crack open a bud light >The echoing rumble quickly turns into a thunderous cacophony >Can hardly maintain balance, the house threatens to collapse >As I see a multitude of custom, beat up, and old trucks crest the horizon, the earth gives in >The entire state of Georgia crumbles and ceases to exist
: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)00:35:38 No.871541535 >Be American >Want to go to the liquor store before it closes at 11pm >Get in my beast of a truck >Start engine, windows rattle up and down the street, the earth quakes in fear >Turn on brights, the resulting beam of 131 KB JPG light instantly blinds a passing jogger for life and bleaches a black Nissan Rogue completely white >Rev the engine, every window within 3 blocks is shattered from the sonic boom, the jogger is now dead >Fire up the ol' Toby Keith CD, all beer in town mysteriously vanishes >Start driving to the liquor store >The earth shakes >Asphalt is torn out by my wheels, and is left scattered on what was once a road >Casually drive over a compact, killing the entire family inside >Shouldn't have been in the passing lane >Get to the liquor store >Buy the store >Should be enough for a night or two >Call up redneck friends "Whooegetyarassesuperewegonnahaveusafire!" >Drive home >In the distance rumbling not unlike a thunderstorm grows closer >The earth begins to tremble, then to shake once more >Crack open a bud light >The echoing rumble quickly turns into a thunderous cacophony >Can hardly maintain balance, the house threatens to collapse >As I see a multitude of custom, beat up, and old trucks crest the horizon, the earth gives in >The entire state of Georgia crumbles and ceases to exist

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Anon runs into a Karen | /r/Greentext


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Anon joins a bookclub | /r/Greentext


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Anon has standards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)20:54:08 No.101678713 >song starts >enjoying it >female vocals come in >instantly turn off the album and never listen again 50 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)20:54:08 No.101678713 >song starts >enjoying it >female vocals come in >instantly turn off the album and never listen again 50 KB JPG

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Anon isn't a fattie | /r/Greentext

File: d8og2uv-96b2cc0d-9281-4f3(..).jpg (39 KB, 640x818) O fatties btfo Anonymous > Eat only when hungry > Thin Literally this easy.
File: d8og2uv-96b2cc0d-9281-4f3(..).jpg (39 KB, 640x818) O fatties btfo Anonymous > Eat only when hungry > Thin Literally this easy.

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Anon is a future vehicular accident victim. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)10:06:50 No.66062307 >Be driving >Random Eurobeat track plays on my Youtube Vanced >oH YEAHHHHHPO'RSJAWSER 60 KB JPG ASF] >ACCELERATE >60 KM/H! NOW WE NEED TO SHIFT GEAR >80 KM/H!!! SHIFT AGAIN >110, 130, 150, 160!!!! CMO00000000000000000000000000 000000000OON LETS DRIVE THIS MFKING HIGHWAYYYYYYYY >Pass over a cop's checkpoint >Think they didn't take a pic of me cuz I was fastest than light >Reach home >Realize what I did 0000000 Do00000000000000000 000000000HHHHH THIS S--- WAS SICKKKKKKKK I WANT TO DO THIS S--- AGAIN I HOPE THE COPS DIDNT CATCH MY PLATE
: Anonymous 11/07/21(Sun)10:06:50 No.66062307 >Be driving >Random Eurobeat track plays on my Youtube Vanced >oH YEAHHHHHPO'RSJAWSER 60 KB JPG ASF] >ACCELERATE >60 KM/H! NOW WE NEED TO SHIFT GEAR >80 KM/H!!! SHIFT AGAIN >110, 130, 150, 160!!!! CMO00000000000000000000000000 000000000OON LETS DRIVE THIS MFKING HIGHWAYYYYYYYY >Pass over a cop's checkpoint >Think they didn't take a pic of me cuz I was fastest than light >Reach home >Realize what I did 0000000 Do00000000000000000 000000000HHHHH THIS S--- WAS SICKKKKKKKK I WANT TO DO THIS S--- AGAIN I HOPE THE COPS DIDNT CATCH MY PLATE

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Anon works in big corpo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/01/19(Mon)14:41:03 No.803603844 be me > wageslave in big corpo > there is a guy whose title is interview coordinator > his job is to take people off the lobby couch to the person interviewing them > literally 10 metres of walking 72 KB JPG >i asked another wageslave to send me a spreadsheet > all she did was *click* upload *click* send > "oh, thank you, that's fantastic" > i once wanted to print a piece of paper with "please keep this space tidy" > told my supervisor > he told our manager > 15 minutes debate about what goes on the раper > "ok anon, you can be in charge of this project" > mfw am a project manager now > am gonna kill myself >i cannot take it anymore anons
: Anonymous 07/01/19(Mon)14:41:03 No.803603844 be me > wageslave in big corpo > there is a guy whose title is interview coordinator > his job is to take people off the lobby couch to the person interviewing them > literally 10 metres of walking 72 KB JPG >i asked another wageslave to send me a spreadsheet > all she did was *click* upload *click* send > "oh, thank you, that's fantastic" > i once wanted to print a piece of paper with "please keep this space tidy" > told my supervisor > he told our manager > 15 minutes debate about what goes on the раper > "ok anon, you can be in charge of this project" > mfw am a project manager now > am gonna kill myself >i cannot take it anymore anons

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The Midas Touch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)11:41:28 No.65323927 >Just learned how to drive >Decided to take grandma out to see aunt >she's really old and needs to hold my arm to walk >Calls me her strongest grandkid 386 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/27/22(Thu)11:41:28 No.65323927 >Just learned how to drive >Decided to take grandma out to see aunt >she's really old and needs to hold my arm to walk >Calls me her strongest grandkid 386 KB JPG

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Anon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/18(Mon)17:01:41 No.49368159 >be a virgin >get sad >remember that you'll never catch STDS/AIDS/HIV 120 KB GIF
: Anonymous 11/19/18(Mon)17:01:41 No.49368159 >be a virgin >get sad >remember that you'll never catch STDS/AIDS/HIV 120 KB GIF

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Anon is good at math | /r/Greentext

File: Suicide.jpg (12 KB, 237x250) O Anonymous 11/14/17(Tue)10:15:05 No.9295979 >>9295985 ITT: tell us about the most autistic /sci/ related thing you've ever done Here's mine >Be me >Be a useless sack of s--- till i'm 18 >Start teaching myself math >For once in my lifetime I have self confidence >Feel like l'm literally unstoppable >Go to a restaurant >As I am paying the tab this genius idea crosses my mind >l write the definite integral of a polynomial as the tip >My logic at the time was that only someone who is good in math should deserve the tip >I smugly smile to the waitress expecting her to be confused or to compliment me >Instead she whips out her phone, types wolframalpha (I presume) and finds the solution in less than 20 seconds >Turns out that my mental estimate of 16$ was wrong and the tip actually amounts to about 300$ >Too ashamed to protest
File: Suicide.jpg (12 KB, 237x250) O Anonymous 11/14/17(Tue)10:15:05 No.9295979 >>9295985 ITT: tell us about the most autistic /sci/ related thing you've ever done Here's mine >Be me >Be a useless sack of s--- till i'm 18 >Start teaching myself math >For once in my lifetime I have self confidence >Feel like l'm literally unstoppable >Go to a restaurant >As I am paying the tab this genius idea crosses my mind >l write the definite integral of a polynomial as the tip >My logic at the time was that only someone who is good in math should deserve the tip >I smugly smile to the waitress expecting her to be confused or to compliment me >Instead she whips out her phone, types wolframalpha (I presume) and finds the solution in less than 20 seconds >Turns out that my mental estimate of 16$ was wrong and the tip actually amounts to about 300$ >Too ashamed to protest

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Anon takes a bath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/18(Mon)15:18:31 No.781833365 >be me, 17 >khv, ugly face >have brother, 1 year BRING IT ON younger >brothers gf is 7/10 qt3.14 >sometimes gives me weird eyes, but I don't think 35 KB JPG too much about it >come home one day and find her in my room's toilet, door locked >w--.dll >wanted to take a soak before going out for the evening >brother taking a shower in his own, so she had to use mine >say I need to pee, ask her to open it >she opens it in a towel >she looks perfect in it, body makes her a 10/10 >she catches me looking at her and smiles >"why don't you get in the tub with me, anon" >holyshitthisisit.mpeg >take off my clothes, get in the bathtub >"close your eyes" >close my eyes for a millisecond >the entire building jerks >nononotnow.pdf >feel the floor give way >hear her screaming fading into the distance >open my eyes >feel cold icy winds rushing past my ear >the bathtub has 4 wheels and is being drawn by a horse through a forest >"Hey you, you were trying to cross the border right" >Too late, I turn around >Elder Scrolls V:Skyrim >Todd Howard you camelfucking son of a bitch, you've done it again
: Anonymous 10/08/18(Mon)15:18:31 No.781833365 >be me, 17 >khv, ugly face >have brother, 1 year BRING IT ON younger >brothers gf is 7/10 qt3.14 >sometimes gives me weird eyes, but I don't think 35 KB JPG too much about it >come home one day and find her in my room's toilet, door locked >w--.dll >wanted to take a soak before going out for the evening >brother taking a shower in his own, so she had to use mine >say I need to pee, ask her to open it >she opens it in a towel >she looks perfect in it, body makes her a 10/10 >she catches me looking at her and smiles >"why don't you get in the tub with me, anon" >holyshitthisisit.mpeg >take off my clothes, get in the bathtub >"close your eyes" >close my eyes for a millisecond >the entire building jerks >nononotnow.pdf >feel the floor give way >hear her screaming fading into the distance >open my eyes >feel cold icy winds rushing past my ear >the bathtub has 4 wheels and is being drawn by a horse through a forest >"Hey you, you were trying to cross the border right" >Too late, I turn around >Elder Scrolls V:Skyrim >Todd Howard you camelfucking son of a bitch, you've done it again

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Anon Appreciates Dads | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)20:29:06 No.871553062 >be me, young anon >fear social interaction for no reason >have the great ability to converse with people out of my age group, can talk about anything >dads are the best, they can talk about anything for so long pis talk me i lonly 57 KB JPG >can talk to any type of dad and they are like your best friend >only group of peoples that I'm good with interacting with thanks dads
: Anonymous 01/28/22(Fri)20:29:06 No.871553062 >be me, young anon >fear social interaction for no reason >have the great ability to converse with people out of my age group, can talk about anything >dads are the best, they can talk about anything for so long pis talk me i lonly 57 KB JPG >can talk to any type of dad and they are like your best friend >only group of peoples that I'm good with interacting with thanks dads

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Anon avoids crisis | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box "I had been stabbed officer" >say, >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box "I had been stabbed officer" >say, >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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Catanon has been tricked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Me and my friend 01/26/22(Wed)20:26:52 No.4051771 >Best friend and I having a good time> >Lots of good food> >Going on a road trip> >Even more food> >Meet some ladies> 8 KB JPG >More food> >Feeling sleepy> >Fall asleep> >Wake up drowsy> >MFW my balls are gone>
: Anonymous Me and my friend 01/26/22(Wed)20:26:52 No.4051771 >Best friend and I having a good time> >Lots of good food> >Going on a road trip> >Even more food> >Meet some ladies> 8 KB JPG >More food> >Feeling sleepy> >Fall asleep> >Wake up drowsy> >MFW my balls are gone>

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Anons P.E teacher is a based larp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)13:20:00 No.871358859 本 >be my new P.E teacher >Show up to class drunk as f--- >You start teaching in Romanian >No one understands because they are britfags >Say 2 words in English >1000 squats >Sits on chair and scrolls through 15 KB JPG memes > audibly laugh thought the lesson > Everyone else actually does 1000 squats
: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)13:20:00 No.871358859 本 >be my new P.E teacher >Show up to class drunk as f--- >You start teaching in Romanian >No one understands because they are britfags >Say 2 words in English >1000 squats >Sits on chair and scrolls through 15 KB JPG memes > audibly laugh thought the lesson > Everyone else actually does 1000 squats

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

Most evil thing you've ever done thread No.54644228 09/30/19(Mon)07:16:32 evil.jpg JPG 31.6 KiB 404x512 >Bored as f--- >Call random number >Woman answers >"Hi it's the school calling about your child" >"About Jack? what's wrong?" >"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've got a little Elvis on your hands" >"Really?" >"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet" >Hang up ...
Most evil thing you've ever done thread No.54644228 09/30/19(Mon)07:16:32 evil.jpg JPG 31.6 KiB 404x512 >Bored as f--- >Call random number >Woman answers >"Hi it's the school calling about your child" >"About Jack? what's wrong?" >"Nothing. We just wanted to let you know the music teacher apparently says you've got a little Elvis on your hands" >"Really?" >"Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet" >Hang up ...

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Anon gets kinky | /r/Greentext


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