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Anon is Yoshikage Kira | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/10/18(Mon)01:52:39 No.48037773 >be me, artist guy >hand fetish >run an instagram account >majority of followers are female >post on my instagram story for "hand models" so i can use 51 KB PNG them for reference >dozens of girls send me sexy photos, completely unaware >mfw
: Anonymous 09/10/18(Mon)01:52:39 No.48037773 >be me, artist guy >hand fetish >run an instagram account >majority of followers are female >post on my instagram story for "hand models" so i can use 51 KB PNG them for reference >dozens of girls send me sexy photos, completely unaware >mfw

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Anon fucked up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: z+uozmre 02/08/19(Fri)02:27:33 No.202485839 I impregnated a british girl. 16 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: E8Ggffzm 02/08/19(Fri)02:30:01 No.202485981 >>202485839 (OP) # Sunni or Shia? >>202486020 # >>202486133 # >>202486273 # >>202486923 #
: Anonymous (ID: z+uozmre 02/08/19(Fri)02:27:33 No.202485839 I impregnated a british girl. 16 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: E8Ggffzm 02/08/19(Fri)02:30:01 No.202485981 >>202485839 (OP) # Sunni or Shia? >>202486020 # >>202486133 # >>202486273 # >>202486923 #

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Anon goes to the playground | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/18(Mon)22:00:33 No.767972929 >>767971805 (OP) # Told this story by my dad but only remember a bit of it. FINE >be me >small child >at playground inside the mall >pretty trashy and small but good for small 186 KB PNG childern >go to talk to and play with other childern >child starts wailing on me for no reason >l get up and move to another group of kids and start to play with them >after a little bit the kid who was wailing on me comes over to me and starts waking on me again >this happens to me at least 5 more times of me going to other groups of kids only to have him follow me and keep hitting me >eventually I had enough of his s--- >go up to top of play structure >kid follows me up and starts hitting me a bunch again >push him off >he falls onto the concrete be loans a loud crunch is heard >crys from concerned parents ring out >nothing is said from him though he doesn't even move >my dad then said he ran up the structure scooped me up and ran away >we got in the car and drove off and never went to that mall for a few years >dad says I might have killed that kid and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of that which is why he bolted
: Anonymous 05/07/18(Mon)22:00:33 No.767972929 >>767971805 (OP) # Told this story by my dad but only remember a bit of it. FINE >be me >small child >at playground inside the mall >pretty trashy and small but good for small 186 KB PNG childern >go to talk to and play with other childern >child starts wailing on me for no reason >l get up and move to another group of kids and start to play with them >after a little bit the kid who was wailing on me comes over to me and starts waking on me again >this happens to me at least 5 more times of me going to other groups of kids only to have him follow me and keep hitting me >eventually I had enough of his s--- >go up to top of play structure >kid follows me up and starts hitting me a bunch again >push him off >he falls onto the concrete be loans a loud crunch is heard >crys from concerned parents ring out >nothing is said from him though he doesn't even move >my dad then said he ran up the structure scooped me up and ran away >we got in the car and drove off and never went to that mall for a few years >dad says I might have killed that kid and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of that which is why he bolted

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Anon infiltrates Female Dating Strategy | /r/Greentext

>Be me, male anon. Hear about female dating strategy aka FDS >Read their posts. What a bunch of psycho-bitches >Realize they are an all female 4Chan >Decide to infiltrate 20 KB JPG >Make fake account, pretend to be woman. Become a member >Start posting, follow their bizarre cult like rules >Slowly tilt comments away from hive mind. Don't be obvious. Go slow. Change the conversation >MFW they've got a man deep inside them and don't know it
>Be me, male anon. Hear about female dating strategy aka FDS >Read their posts. What a bunch of psycho-bitches >Realize they are an all female 4Chan >Decide to infiltrate 20 KB JPG >Make fake account, pretend to be woman. Become a member >Start posting, follow their bizarre cult like rules >Slowly tilt comments away from hive mind. Don't be obvious. Go slow. Change the conversation >MFW they've got a man deep inside them and don't know it

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Anon gets attacked by some Pokémon. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous oh god they're almost at the d(...) 10/22/18(Mon)20:38:53 No.20165545 > Be me > 26 > Make a slightly Ant-Furry shitpost on tumblr > 2 days later > Night > See flickering orange light 47 KB JPG outside windows > MFW they're lighting torches, and are preparing to breach the door Time sensitive question; what do.
: Anonymous oh god they're almost at the d(...) 10/22/18(Mon)20:38:53 No.20165545 > Be me > 26 > Make a slightly Ant-Furry shitpost on tumblr > 2 days later > Night > See flickering orange light 47 KB JPG outside windows > MFW they're lighting torches, and are preparing to breach the door Time sensitive question; what do.

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Just as the Founding Fathers intended | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)10:31:28 No.51555156 >working at Igs/range >old British guy walks in >probably in his 90s >wearing one of those old triangle hats >no earpro >huge case slung over his shoulder >silently pays, walks into the range >opens the case >has a f------ musket >everyone on the line stops to watch >loads that thing in like 15 seconds >target at 50 yards, our longest setting >pulls the trigger >windows shake, cloud of smoke fills the range >few people stagger out coughing >smoke clears >a perfect headshot >repeats this maybe 20 times >headshot every single time >range so full of smoke I can barely see the target >reaches into his coat pocket >pulls out a flintlock pistol >fires it one handed >another perfect headshot >at 50 yards >with a smooth bore flintlock pistol >packs up >walks out >didn't say a word the entire time I think I was in the presence of the most based human being on earth
: Anonymous 01/04/22(Tue)10:31:28 No.51555156 >working at Igs/range >old British guy walks in >probably in his 90s >wearing one of those old triangle hats >no earpro >huge case slung over his shoulder >silently pays, walks into the range >opens the case >has a f------ musket >everyone on the line stops to watch >loads that thing in like 15 seconds >target at 50 yards, our longest setting >pulls the trigger >windows shake, cloud of smoke fills the range >few people stagger out coughing >smoke clears >a perfect headshot >repeats this maybe 20 times >headshot every single time >range so full of smoke I can barely see the target >reaches into his coat pocket >pulls out a flintlock pistol >fires it one handed >another perfect headshot >at 50 yards >with a smooth bore flintlock pistol >packs up >walks out >didn't say a word the entire time I think I was in the presence of the most based human being on earth

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Anon pranks his brother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank
: Anonymous03/09/19(Sat)18:02:25 No.794558144 >tell f----- brother he just got pranked >"how?" >tell him to look in his room >he spends 10 minutes looking for the prank >there was no prank 23 KB JPG >mfw that was the prank

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Anon watches Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/22(Wed)01:31:08 No.163620959 1639852736051.gif 1.48 MB GIF >Attention young students; as many of you already know, a certain mass murderer has escaped from the Azakaben Magical Prison/Perpetual Torture Facility. This may seem concerning as nobody has ever been known to escape from Azkaben before and because, by all reports, he is specifically targeting a student of this very school. Nevertheless I assure you we have taken all the necessary precautions. Among those precautions are the Dementors. Yes, the demonic jailers from the very same magical prison whom this killer has already learned to allude. I would also like to inform you all that those horrible specters floating above every entrance and patrolling the school grounds do indeed harbor no regard for human life nor posses the ability to differentiate innocent students from the vile murderers whom they do torment. That said however, with all likelihood they will not try to suck out and consume your living soul so long as you stay out of their way and have not had a particularly hard lot in life. In light of this information I still elect not to include the effective Patronus Charm spell into your yearly curriculums. If you do, for whatever reason, still desire to further protect your young soul from these ghastly wraiths you will be able to stay after hours with the known werewolf I have employed this year. Good luck.
: Anonymous 02/09/22(Wed)01:31:08 No.163620959 1639852736051.gif 1.48 MB GIF >Attention young students; as many of you already know, a certain mass murderer has escaped from the Azakaben Magical Prison/Perpetual Torture Facility. This may seem concerning as nobody has ever been known to escape from Azkaben before and because, by all reports, he is specifically targeting a student of this very school. Nevertheless I assure you we have taken all the necessary precautions. Among those precautions are the Dementors. Yes, the demonic jailers from the very same magical prison whom this killer has already learned to allude. I would also like to inform you all that those horrible specters floating above every entrance and patrolling the school grounds do indeed harbor no regard for human life nor posses the ability to differentiate innocent students from the vile murderers whom they do torment. That said however, with all likelihood they will not try to suck out and consume your living soul so long as you stay out of their way and have not had a particularly hard lot in life. In light of this information I still elect not to include the effective Patronus Charm spell into your yearly curriculums. If you do, for whatever reason, still desire to further protect your young soul from these ghastly wraiths you will be able to stay after hours with the known werewolf I have employed this year. Good luck.

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annon is concerned about mens health | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:41:03 No.783847236 >November devoted to mens health particularly prostate cancer >you retards promote not masturbating which has scientifically proven negative effects on the prostate 3 KB PNG
: Anonymous 11/02/18(Fri)09:41:03 No.783847236 >November devoted to mens health particularly prostate cancer >you retards promote not masturbating which has scientifically proven negative effects on the prostate 3 KB PNG

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/22(Wed)16:45:43 No.872357193 >be me 2018 URGER ING >school's IT room doesn't allow you to change wallpaper or you'll get scolded or something >bastard brain remembers the post about the slideshow background >good idea fairy taps my brain with 30 KB JPG her little wand >take a screenshot of the desktop with icons arranged differently >take screenshots but with a thin white line across using paint >one frame of p--- >place them in one folder with 200 copies of the normal wallpaper >set slideshow settings to the folder >change every minute >Hide folder deep in the drive >rinse and repeat on 5 other computers with the same game-plan >Chaos >IT assistants eventually find the folder, check the date and time >my class is held for questioning >never got discovered >case is dropped and computers are returned to normal >I will be back 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 02/09/22(Wed)16:45:43 No.872357193 >be me 2018 URGER ING >school's IT room doesn't allow you to change wallpaper or you'll get scolded or something >bastard brain remembers the post about the slideshow background >good idea fairy taps my brain with 30 KB JPG her little wand >take a screenshot of the desktop with icons arranged differently >take screenshots but with a thin white line across using paint >one frame of p--- >place them in one folder with 200 copies of the normal wallpaper >set slideshow settings to the folder >change every minute >Hide folder deep in the drive >rinse and repeat on 5 other computers with the same game-plan >Chaos >IT assistants eventually find the folder, check the date and time >my class is held for questioning >never got discovered >case is dropped and computers are returned to normal >I will be back 1 Reply View Thread

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Anons teacher uses 4chan | /r/Greentext

>be me >high school, we've got a substitute teacher >working on presentations >put links to hentaihaven and /b/ in the bibliography because autism >sub asks if he can look through our presentation >he's nearly at the end, suddenly remember the links >ohshit.jpg >he sees them >"why do you have that s--- here, you're too young for /b/" >ask him how he knows what's on /b/ >doesn't answer >mfw teachers a btard >mfw he's probably gonna see this Hi Mr H
>be me >high school, we've got a substitute teacher >working on presentations >put links to hentaihaven and /b/ in the bibliography because autism >sub asks if he can look through our presentation >he's nearly at the end, suddenly remember the links >ohshit.jpg >he sees them >"why do you have that s--- here, you're too young for /b/" >ask him how he knows what's on /b/ >doesn't answer >mfw teachers a btard >mfw he's probably gonna see this Hi Mr H

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Anon goes to the internet sages for advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/20(Sat)14:52:14 No.820774024 >walking into bedroom >GF grabs my balls >Honks them like a a bike horn >Get a boner >she giggles and kisses me then runs away 122 KB PNG Why are women so weird Bros? 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 02/15/20(Sat)14:53:47 No.820774113 you're the who popped the boner : Anonymous 02/15/20(Sat)14:54:10 No.820774134 >>820774024 (OP) # duh, that's where you grab her t--- and honk them twice while yelling honk honk. alternatively, next time she's naked, grab her n------, gently turn them and make radio noises. 820774313 tH
: Anonymous 02/15/20(Sat)14:52:14 No.820774024 >walking into bedroom >GF grabs my balls >Honks them like a a bike horn >Get a boner >she giggles and kisses me then runs away 122 KB PNG Why are women so weird Bros? 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 02/15/20(Sat)14:53:47 No.820774113 you're the who popped the boner : Anonymous 02/15/20(Sat)14:54:10 No.820774134 >>820774024 (OP) # duh, that's where you grab her t--- and honk them twice while yelling honk honk. alternatively, next time she's naked, grab her n------, gently turn them and make radio noises. 820774313 tH

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Anon learns the way to fix their chest | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/18(Mon)09:59:00 No.48760867 What exercise to improve on this condition? 16 KB JPG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/17/18(Mon)10:01:38 No.48760890 3 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/17/18(Mon)09:59:00 No.48760867 What exercise to improve on this condition? 16 KB JPG 5 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/17/18(Mon)10:01:38 No.48760890 3 KB JPG

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Anon Born in wrong generation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 784014849 22 min temu >born too late to explore the world. >born too early to have genetically engineered catgirl gf it really /B/ that way sometimes. 31,9 kB JPG 1 REPLY 1 IMAGE REPLY Anonymous | 784015041 18 min temu >>784014849 (OP) >born just at the right time to shipost on /b/ 30,0 kB JPG
Anonymous | 784014849 22 min temu >born too late to explore the world. >born too early to have genetically engineered catgirl gf it really /B/ that way sometimes. 31,9 kB JPG 1 REPLY 1 IMAGE REPLY Anonymous | 784015041 18 min temu >>784014849 (OP) >born just at the right time to shipost on /b/ 30,0 kB JPG

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Anon loves science | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)14:36:16 No.2904482 >dad is shaving >'don't touch it anon, it is sharp, you will cut your finger >dad leaves >is it true? must test hypothesis. >climb onto counter, test razor with finger >cut finger, ow f--- >hypothesis confirmed >one must suffer in pursuit of science
Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)14:36:16 No.2904482 >dad is shaving >'don't touch it anon, it is sharp, you will cut your finger >dad leaves >is it true? must test hypothesis. >climb onto counter, test razor with finger >cut finger, ow f--- >hypothesis confirmed >one must suffer in pursuit of science

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Anon is dating a half asian girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/15/16(Sat)22:51:13 No.707973951 I'm dating a half asian girl her mom is korean and her dad is also korean her legs were ripped off in a car accident >>707974093 # >>707974306 #
: Anonymous 10/15/16(Sat)22:51:13 No.707973951 I'm dating a half asian girl her mom is korean and her dad is also korean her legs were ripped off in a car accident >>707974093 # >>707974306 #

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Anon is Perv-Autist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49093368 3 hr. ago >got caught stealing my little sister's panties >mom won't let me out of my room >says she'll call the police if I come out for anything other than food or the bathroom 86.3 kB PNG 23 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 49093394 3 hr. ago •.. Degenerates like you should be hanged or executed by firing squad. Kill yourself 4 REPLIES
Anonymous | 49093368 3 hr. ago >got caught stealing my little sister's panties >mom won't let me out of my room >says she'll call the police if I come out for anything other than food or the bathroom 86.3 kB PNG 23 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 49093394 3 hr. ago •.. Degenerates like you should be hanged or executed by firing squad. Kill yourself 4 REPLIES

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Anon and the birthday surprise | /r/Greentext

No.49112458 18 minutes ago vip-mitsey-21.jpg JPG 1.7 MiB 2448x3264 >be me >Be going to rich banker friends wife's suprise birthday party >Everyone is hiding in the dark downstairs including their dog mitsey >She comes home and she's upstairs for a while >All of a sudden we all here "Mitsey where are you Mitsey?" >Bitch comes running down the stairs butt ass naked with peanut butter on her snatch for the dog to lick off >We only realize it after the light turns on and we yell suprise >Tfw she disappears the next day >Tfw no one heard from her again >Tfw she probably killed herself
No.49112458 18 minutes ago vip-mitsey-21.jpg JPG 1.7 MiB 2448x3264 >be me >Be going to rich banker friends wife's suprise birthday party >Everyone is hiding in the dark downstairs including their dog mitsey >She comes home and she's upstairs for a while >All of a sudden we all here "Mitsey where are you Mitsey?" >Bitch comes running down the stairs butt ass naked with peanut butter on her snatch for the dog to lick off >We only realize it after the light turns on and we yell suprise >Tfw she disappears the next day >Tfw no one heard from her again >Tfw she probably killed herself

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Anon has Anxiety | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/19(Fri)16:45:16 No.796199748 >have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week >anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal symptoms >mfw its anxiety 161 KB PNG 10 Replies / 1 lImage View Thread
: Anonymous 03/29/19(Fri)16:45:16 No.796199748 >have severe anxiety >sick of it >try cutting out caffeine for a week >anxiety worse >look up caffeine withdrawal symptoms >mfw its anxiety 161 KB PNG 10 Replies / 1 lImage View Thread

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Anon is in denial. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/06/22(Sun)23:07:13 No.67313279 Why does Transgender p--- make me f------ explode whenever i c--. Normal p--- does not do that to me besides foot fetish stuff. INCOMPREHENSIBLE MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR WRETCHED SOUL The only time i ever actually c-- that is to feet. Im not gay or into d---- but the fact that i see a girl with a d--- something 42 KB JPG that isnt supposed to be makes me go monkey mode. Any explanation? questioning my sexuallity is not a real answer i had sex with men before and i did not like it i also dont find men attractive. : Anonymous 02/06/22(Sun)23:18:14 No.67313382 >>67313279 (OP) # Level 1 what the f---- > Transgender p--- Level 2 > foot fetish 8 KB JPG LEVEL 3 > I had sex with men before
: Anonymous 02/06/22(Sun)23:07:13 No.67313279 Why does Transgender p--- make me f------ explode whenever i c--. Normal p--- does not do that to me besides foot fetish stuff. INCOMPREHENSIBLE MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR WRETCHED SOUL The only time i ever actually c-- that is to feet. Im not gay or into d---- but the fact that i see a girl with a d--- something 42 KB JPG that isnt supposed to be makes me go monkey mode. Any explanation? questioning my sexuallity is not a real answer i had sex with men before and i did not like it i also dont find men attractive. : Anonymous 02/06/22(Sun)23:18:14 No.67313382 >>67313279 (OP) # Level 1 what the f---- > Transgender p--- Level 2 > foot fetish 8 KB JPG LEVEL 3 > I had sex with men before

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