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Anon went to the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoO >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoO >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread

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Anon is Dr Doofenshmirtz | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)21:41:54 No.872640148 >be me >unfathomably rich scientist >invent new military grade machine >try to use it to rule over a county >weird ass teal duck bursts into 75 KB PNG lab gRrrRrrRrr >h-------- the duck knows kung fu >the little f----- destroys my multimillion dollar machine Curse you perry the platypus
: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)21:41:54 No.872640148 >be me >unfathomably rich scientist >invent new military grade machine >try to use it to rule over a county >weird ass teal duck bursts into 75 KB PNG lab gRrrRrrRrr >h-------- the duck knows kung fu >the little f----- destroys my multimillion dollar machine Curse you perry the platypus

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Anon has something to say about the half time show | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)20:46:03 No.872637242 >be me, eminem >at superbowl halftime show >look around "w-- theres only black people up here" >even all the dancers are black or mixed >mfw I'm not black enough to say the n- word but I'm black enough to be the only white person on stage 167 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)20:47:22 No.872637310 I knew 4chan had something to say about this kek
: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)20:46:03 No.872637242 >be me, eminem >at superbowl halftime show >look around "w-- theres only black people up here" >even all the dancers are black or mixed >mfw I'm not black enough to say the n- word but I'm black enough to be the only white person on stage 167 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)20:47:22 No.872637310 I knew 4chan had something to say about this kek

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The apple dosent fall far from the tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/20(Sat)21:02:27 No.56535266 >talking to my dad about my depression >explaining passive suicidality >"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming straight at me I probably wouldn't get out of the way" >his reply 93 KB JPG >his f------ reply >"oh that's how I've felt my whole life" >mfw
: Anonymous 02/01/20(Sat)21:02:27 No.56535266 >talking to my dad about my depression >explaining passive suicidality >"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming straight at me I probably wouldn't get out of the way" >his reply 93 KB JPG >his f------ reply >"oh that's how I've felt my whole life" >mfw

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Don't do it bros | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Fri)01:07:26 No.45172310 >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad 169 KB JPG >None is ever worse than a dad loosing his son There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Fri)01:07:26 No.45172310 >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad 169 KB JPG >None is ever worse than a dad loosing his son There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #

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Anon likes to look a man in the eye | /r/Greentext

>662901212 # >I like to look into a man's eyes when I kill him >Like, really close.
>662901212 # >I like to look into a man's eyes when I kill him >Like, really close.

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Anon is Living in 1984 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/22(Thu)02:16:38 No.67365517 >gf says if she catches me acting like a femboy bottom on twitter again she's gonna tell my parents 31 KB JPG 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/10/22(Thu)02:16:38 No.67365517 >gf says if she catches me acting like a femboy bottom on twitter again she's gonna tell my parents 31 KB JPG 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon Joins the Army | /r/Greentext

File: 1604478787327.png (62 KB, 657x527) >go to recruiter >ask if i can be a tank >no
File: 1604478787327.png (62 KB, 657x527) >go to recruiter >ask if i can be a tank >no

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Anon shares a life hack | /r/Greentext

Being legitimately attracted to BBWS is such a life hack. As long as I can remember , I've always just been more attracted to big girls. When I was a teenager I quickly found out they were abundant, and no one paid any attention to them, making them extremely easy to hook up with. The only downside was the social repercussions of others finding out. 399 KB JPG >huge t---/ass >they are everywhere >desperate for attention >put in extra effort to please >easy to f--- >unlimited p---- life hack
Being legitimately attracted to BBWS is such a life hack. As long as I can remember , I've always just been more attracted to big girls. When I was a teenager I quickly found out they were abundant, and no one paid any attention to them, making them extremely easy to hook up with. The only downside was the social repercussions of others finding out. 399 KB JPG >huge t---/ass >they are everywhere >desperate for attention >put in extra effort to please >easy to f--- >unlimited p---- life hack

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Anon discusses Doomguy’s mental health | /r/Greentext

05/31/16(Tue)17:53:36 No.339520563 How does Doomguy not have PTSD? 215 KR IPG : Anonymous 05/31/16(Tue)17:55:57 No.339520780 Not everyone gets PTSD from traumatic events. : Anonymous 05/31/16(Tue)17:56:52 No.339520879 Because he is the traumatic event.
05/31/16(Tue)17:53:36 No.339520563 How does Doomguy not have PTSD? 215 KR IPG : Anonymous 05/31/16(Tue)17:55:57 No.339520780 Not everyone gets PTSD from traumatic events. : Anonymous 05/31/16(Tue)17:56:52 No.339520879 Because he is the traumatic event.

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anon flys too close to the sun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP)_# The other dayI had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou
: Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:08:47 No.119155050 >>119151659 (OP)_# The other dayI had a dream that I could suck my own d--- but then I accidentally choked on it and died 64 KB JPG >>119155083 # >>119155341 # : Anonymou Anonymous 08/06/19(Tue)03:24:37 No.119155341 : Anonymou >119155050 # A modern Icarus : Anonymou

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Anon orange in the ti | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/23/20(Mon)13:52:45 No.134576054 >in Croatia with my parents >walking down the street >a croat woman is tending to some little tree in her garden >my dad approaches her near the fence and says with thick slavic accent >"ORANGE?" >she says "yes" 55 KB JPG >we walk away ORANGE? yes. ایرو نمزعج اورائج بن شابيرو مزعج أورائج
: Anonymous 11/23/20(Mon)13:52:45 No.134576054 >in Croatia with my parents >walking down the street >a croat woman is tending to some little tree in her garden >my dad approaches her near the fence and says with thick slavic accent >"ORANGE?" >she says "yes" 55 KB JPG >we walk away ORANGE? yes. ایرو نمزعج اورائج بن شابيرو مزعج أورائج

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Anon Plays a Game With Balloons... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ateH+IMA Confession Thread 02/08/22(Tue)18:40:04 No.360262889 When I was 9, my neighbor had a birthday party in her backyard complete with hired clown and tons of helium balloons. I gathered about 15 balloons and tied the strings together to make one rope. Then I tied that to the collar of her kitten and, with her and her parents screaming NO! and rushing towards me, I set it aloft. The balloons carried the cat straight up in the air and soon was just a dot in the sky. The father actually assaulted me; he punched me in the head and threw me on the floor. His wife had to hold him back. The girl was screaming and crying hysterically and I ran home. My own parents wanted to kill me and until the day they moved they never spoke to me or my family again. The cat was never recovered. I feel a great deal of shame for that one impulsive act that forever changed me and my parents. I'm sorry. 87 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: JQUUmmcj )L 02/08/22(Tue)18:41:31 No.360263063 : Anonymous (ID: hGwloc0z) E3 02/08/22(Tue)18:42:19 No.360263156 >>360262889 (OP) # based
: Anonymous (ID: ateH+IMA Confession Thread 02/08/22(Tue)18:40:04 No.360262889 When I was 9, my neighbor had a birthday party in her backyard complete with hired clown and tons of helium balloons. I gathered about 15 balloons and tied the strings together to make one rope. Then I tied that to the collar of her kitten and, with her and her parents screaming NO! and rushing towards me, I set it aloft. The balloons carried the cat straight up in the air and soon was just a dot in the sky. The father actually assaulted me; he punched me in the head and threw me on the floor. His wife had to hold him back. The girl was screaming and crying hysterically and I ran home. My own parents wanted to kill me and until the day they moved they never spoke to me or my family again. The cat was never recovered. I feel a great deal of shame for that one impulsive act that forever changed me and my parents. I'm sorry. 87 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: JQUUmmcj )L 02/08/22(Tue)18:41:31 No.360263063 : Anonymous (ID: hGwloc0z) E3 02/08/22(Tue)18:42:19 No.360263156 >>360262889 (OP) # based

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American Moment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/ 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTO 2XN5 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #
: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/ 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTO 2XN5 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #

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Anon questions cyclists. | /r/Greentext

File: D125D74C-C66D-4C36-AF8A-9(...).jpg (19 KB, 403x448) Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:32:43 No.65552351 >mum used to own a cafe in a small town in Australia >when I was in high school I used to help her out on weekends >had a bunch of cyclist f--- come in at 0600 every Saturday and Sunday morning after(?) or during(?) their ride >regular loud, annoying, pretentious f--- >one day one of them was taking to my mum about his new bike >spent thousands of dollars on it >talking about how it weighs next to nothing and he can do 100+ kilometres every morning with ease >great for fitness etc... >mum just says "I don't get it" >"what don't you get?" >"if you're doing it for fitness then why don't you get the heaviest, cheapest, p------------ bike that you have to slave away at to move rather than something that requires zero effort?" >"uhhh.... I guess so you can travel further" My mum isn't the smartest person but l've still never met a spandex lover who can answer that question. Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:37:30 No.65552385
File: D125D74C-C66D-4C36-AF8A-9(...).jpg (19 KB, 403x448) Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:32:43 No.65552351 >mum used to own a cafe in a small town in Australia >when I was in high school I used to help her out on weekends >had a bunch of cyclist f--- come in at 0600 every Saturday and Sunday morning after(?) or during(?) their ride >regular loud, annoying, pretentious f--- >one day one of them was taking to my mum about his new bike >spent thousands of dollars on it >talking about how it weighs next to nothing and he can do 100+ kilometres every morning with ease >great for fitness etc... >mum just says "I don't get it" >"what don't you get?" >"if you're doing it for fitness then why don't you get the heaviest, cheapest, p------------ bike that you have to slave away at to move rather than something that requires zero effort?" >"uhhh.... I guess so you can travel further" My mum isn't the smartest person but l've still never met a spandex lover who can answer that question. Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)05:37:30 No.65552385

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Anon has a hard life | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 717(Wed)T6:21:28 No.383720374 pxpu7r9p5w7z.jpg 45 KB JPG > Bought a new PS4 > Last ones fan was super loud > New super small slim one > Zero noise > mfw I can hear my parents fight now
Anonymous 717(Wed)T6:21:28 No.383720374 pxpu7r9p5w7z.jpg 45 KB JPG > Bought a new PS4 > Last ones fan was super loud > New super small slim one > Zero noise > mfw I can hear my parents fight now

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Anon just wants to sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)12:14:15 No.872614047 >1am >can't sleep because of retarded truckers down the street >wake up at 7am, sleep deprived >go to hardware store, buy some Jerry cans 181 KB JPG >fill them up with gas >go home and crack a couple eggs into each one >head to the front lines >give them to 4 separate truckers >sleep like a baby the following night with my earplugs It costs like $20 a pop to destroy the engine of a truck, I'm doing it again tomorrow
: Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)12:14:15 No.872614047 >1am >can't sleep because of retarded truckers down the street >wake up at 7am, sleep deprived >go to hardware store, buy some Jerry cans 181 KB JPG >fill them up with gas >go home and crack a couple eggs into each one >head to the front lines >give them to 4 separate truckers >sleep like a baby the following night with my earplugs It costs like $20 a pop to destroy the engine of a truck, I'm doing it again tomorrow

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anon lives in a society | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)01:10:24 No.583083516 > >583083806 File: 1629068484632.png (206 KB, 392x489) >see stupid post >come up with the perfect rebuttal >type the reply out >click post and see that I'm banned for racism
Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)01:10:24 No.583083516 > >583083806 File: 1629068484632.png (206 KB, 392x489) >see stupid post >come up with the perfect rebuttal >type the reply out >click post and see that I'm banned for racism

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Average gnu/linux user | /r/Greentext

>at resturant >over hear some guy say linux and not 'GNU/Linux' >enough is enough >go over to the poor lost soul >give him the 'its actually GNU/Linux' speech with such passion, it would bring stallman to tears 53 KB JPG >he leaves with his head down in shame >a waitress pulls down her pants and demands my seed right there on the spot >i deny her because i could never cheat on my waifu pillow I hate to do that to the poor lad. But we cant allow these hoolagins to get away with it anymore.
>at resturant >over hear some guy say linux and not 'GNU/Linux' >enough is enough >go over to the poor lost soul >give him the 'its actually GNU/Linux' speech with such passion, it would bring stallman to tears 53 KB JPG >he leaves with his head down in shame >a waitress pulls down her pants and demands my seed right there on the spot >i deny her because i could never cheat on my waifu pillow I hate to do that to the poor lad. But we cant allow these hoolagins to get away with it anymore.

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Idk if this has been posted before but its good | /r/Greentext


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