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Anon has to fart | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am
Anonymous 9 minutes ago 788931223 >be me >at work >work next to a place with a lot of mexicans, most don't speak English >have to fart >qt 3.14 latina chick walking by >think "she doesn't speak English so she won't understand my fart" >fart VERY LOUD >she looks at me in disgust >mfw I realize how f------ autistic I am

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please upvote i want coins | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/19(Tue)15:20:03 No.816422718 >be me in high school >on the back of the bus cause that's where funny s--- goes down >hear girl say she likes futurama >turn to her and say "bite my shiny metal ass!" >she laughs but proceeded to say "anon you know you'll never get a 217 KB JPG gf" as a comeback >mfw
: Anonymous 12/17/19(Tue)15:20:03 No.816422718 >be me in high school >on the back of the bus cause that's where funny s--- goes down >hear girl say she likes futurama >turn to her and say "bite my shiny metal ass!" >she laughs but proceeded to say "anon you know you'll never get a 217 KB JPG gf" as a comeback >mfw

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Anon hustles | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a Simple Man | /r/Greentext

File: uuwuwu.png (517 KB, 768x1024) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun) >'ate the FBI >'ate Chris 'Ansen >luv me discord kitten simple as
File: uuwuwu.png (517 KB, 768x1024) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun) >'ate the FBI >'ate Chris 'Ansen >luv me discord kitten simple as

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Anon is James Bond? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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Anon has a realization | /r/Greentext

Rio 1940s/50s: WEDD LIFE The funny thing is that people worry about some kind of dystopian future, without realizing that we're living in it. Imagine showing pictures or video of the modern world to someone in the 1950s. They'd be horrified.
Rio 1940s/50s: WEDD LIFE The funny thing is that people worry about some kind of dystopian future, without realizing that we're living in it. Imagine showing pictures or video of the modern world to someone in the 1950s. They'd be horrified.

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Story vibes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)11:57:36 No.62506129 Anyone got any good stories there parents told them about high school? I'll go first. >mom tells me about this asian kid in her school 243 KB JPG >he was a very quiet and nice kid, never hurt a fly >group of people always bully him >kid never talked or tried to fight back >they continued to bully the kid for weeks >one day they spit gum in his hair >kid gets up and leaves to use bathroom and to make a phone call >fast forward to after school >my mom and her brother are outside talking >kid is getting bullied >van pulls up and kid laughs >group of asian's get out of van >few have baseball bat's >start beating on the guys in the group as the girls scream >few girls try and stop the asians but they get bitch slapped or elbowed in the face >mom says that her and her brother just watched with there jaws dropped >guy bullies lay on floor while girls continue to scream and cry >van drives away with the group of asians >asian kid never got bullied >yakuza 1, bullies 0

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Anon's quest for love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)19:18:00 No.753951070 Did I just cuck myself? >went to store 1 hour before closing >gather my s--- and head to the checkout 278 KB JPG >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our non-existent weekend plans >payed and about head out >she says "you know, my shift is almost done" >me "alright! have a good weekend, bye!" Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)19:18:00 No.753951070 Did I just cuck myself? >went to store 1 hour before closing >gather my s--- and head to the checkout 278 KB JPG >cashier solid 7/10 >start casual conversation about assholes who come in 5 mintues before closing, and about our non-existent weekend plans >payed and about head out >she says "you know, my shift is almost done" >me "alright! have a good weekend, bye!" Pic unrelated

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Anon discovers the reality of war | /r/Greentext

>>363857356 >be russian soldier >drive $4m tank across border into radioactive wasteland >get stuck in mud >run out of gas >no supply chain and can't leave tank behind >blow tank up with $150k javelin >angry ukrainian farmer walks over and throws shoe at me >run off into woods >get r---- by bear >such is life
>>363857356 >be russian soldier >drive $4m tank across border into radioactive wasteland >get stuck in mud >run out of gas >no supply chain and can't leave tank behind >blow tank up with $150k javelin >angry ukrainian farmer walks over and throws shoe at me >run off into woods >get r---- by bear >such is life

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Anon sends a warning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LNTESS5L Message to Humanity 02/27/22(Sun)13:17:37 No.363916545 Further use of Thermonuclear weapons will warrant immediate intervention from the galactic federation of planets. All humans will be made to stand trial. 304 KB JPG This message has been made known to all humans : Anonymous (ID: /6Qx1vu) E 02/27/22(Sun)13:18:42 No.363916839 >>363916545 (OP)_# e--------- space n----- >>363920749 # >>363927183 # >>363932697 # >>363941879 # >>363943045 # >>363943921 # >>363949224 # >>363950122 # >>363951397 # >>363953148 #
: Anonymous (ID: LNTESS5L Message to Humanity 02/27/22(Sun)13:17:37 No.363916545 Further use of Thermonuclear weapons will warrant immediate intervention from the galactic federation of planets. All humans will be made to stand trial. 304 KB JPG This message has been made known to all humans : Anonymous (ID: /6Qx1vu) E 02/27/22(Sun)13:18:42 No.363916839 >>363916545 (OP)_# e--------- space n----- >>363920749 # >>363927183 # >>363932697 # >>363941879 # >>363943045 # >>363943921 # >>363949224 # >>363950122 # >>363951397 # >>363953148 #

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Earl of Sandwich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash
: Anonymous 08/27/21(Fri)21:13:07 No.65157997 >>65156362 >live in a bad part of town >work at a grocery store >always give hobos the food the store wants to throw out 52 KB JPG >on cold days, I make a big jug of coffee and hand it out to them >no one ever asks me for cash because they know l'm broke >am known as the "sandwich man" because I usually make sandwiches for them >last year, got mugged walking back home >5 seconds after being confronted I hear "AYO GET AWAY FROM THE SANDWICH MAN!" >4 or 5 homeless guys run to me from half a block away yelling at the mugger to get away from me despite him having a knife >he ran off after they came and they chased after him >follow and there was like 10 of them gathered around and he was pinned to the ground >one called the police and they arrested the guy >was told "if anyone f---- with you sandwich man, we got your back" >mfw I basically have a street gang by giving away day old sandwich meat and bread I am told to throw in the trash

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Anons humor is unappreciated | /r/Greentext

File: 1.jpg (41 KB, 590x548) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)10:05:43 No.873475092 Did I do something wrong, anons? >be me >be 15 >be a bit short >Parents tell me to hang from pull up bar >Tell them the only place l'm hanging from is a rope >I laugh >Parents angry because I made insensitive joke mfw I realize no one appreciates my sense of humor
File: 1.jpg (41 KB, 590x548) O Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)10:05:43 No.873475092 Did I do something wrong, anons? >be me >be 15 >be a bit short >Parents tell me to hang from pull up bar >Tell them the only place l'm hanging from is a rope >I laugh >Parents angry because I made insensitive joke mfw I realize no one appreciates my sense of humor

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Anon figures out the goal | /r/Greentext

>don't want Ukraine to join Nato >them joining nato would completely f--- up your geostrategic position >absolutely can't have Ukraine in Nato >try to use politics and diplomacy >can't win against nwo money and 23 KB JPG corrupt Ukrainian politics >start to lose grip on Ukraine in 2014 >relationship worsens completely after you grab that precious Krim >nato gets closer and closer to getting Ukraine in >so you play your last card >invade Ukraine >use your units in the most retarded way possible >no air support >no supplies >make your army laughing stock of the whole world >lose tons of soldiers >lose tons of equipment >no problem, that's army tradition anyway >eventually retreat without achieving any objective >Ukraine now believes it can beat Russia on its own >decides it doesn't even need nato anymore >proudly announces it will stay independent >other nato countries see what a laughing stock the Russian army is >lose any fear >nato desolves as no one fears Russia anymore and doesn't want mutt soldiers on its land >crisis prevented Putin is a f------ genius, poltards just can't understand 69D chess
>don't want Ukraine to join Nato >them joining nato would completely f--- up your geostrategic position >absolutely can't have Ukraine in Nato >try to use politics and diplomacy >can't win against nwo money and 23 KB JPG corrupt Ukrainian politics >start to lose grip on Ukraine in 2014 >relationship worsens completely after you grab that precious Krim >nato gets closer and closer to getting Ukraine in >so you play your last card >invade Ukraine >use your units in the most retarded way possible >no air support >no supplies >make your army laughing stock of the whole world >lose tons of soldiers >lose tons of equipment >no problem, that's army tradition anyway >eventually retreat without achieving any objective >Ukraine now believes it can beat Russia on its own >decides it doesn't even need nato anymore >proudly announces it will stay independent >other nato countries see what a laughing stock the Russian army is >lose any fear >nato desolves as no one fears Russia anymore and doesn't want mutt soldiers on its land >crisis prevented Putin is a f------ genius, poltards just can't understand 69D chess

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French anon has advice for Ukraine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YOBCPKOP)O 02/27/22(Sun)14:01:06 No.363881081 Why don't they just surrender? Seriously, it's not that hard to swallow your pride and survive >>363881540 # >>363883907 # >>363884051 # >>363884590 # >>363885521 # >>363886431 # >>363886978 # >>363887461 # >>363887822 # >>363888378 # >>363889055 # >>363889575 # >>363889920 # >>363890576 # >>363890827 # >>363891212 # >>363891982 # >>363892023 # >>363892992 # >>363893346 # >>363893582 # >>363893936 # >>363894267 # >>363894432 # >>363894977 # >>363895083 # >>363895086 # >>363895377 # >>363895837 # >>363895933 # >>363895974 # >>363895995 # >>363896210 # >>363896238 # >>363896876 # >>363897149 # >>363897160 # >>363897417 # >>363897455 # >>363897535 # >>363897682 # >>363897689 # >>363897784 # >>363897874 # >>363897969 # >>363898126 # >>363898341 # >>363898561 ## >>363898787 #
: Anonymous (ID: YOBCPKOP)O 02/27/22(Sun)14:01:06 No.363881081 Why don't they just surrender? Seriously, it's not that hard to swallow your pride and survive >>363881540 # >>363883907 # >>363884051 # >>363884590 # >>363885521 # >>363886431 # >>363886978 # >>363887461 # >>363887822 # >>363888378 # >>363889055 # >>363889575 # >>363889920 # >>363890576 # >>363890827 # >>363891212 # >>363891982 # >>363892023 # >>363892992 # >>363893346 # >>363893582 # >>363893936 # >>363894267 # >>363894432 # >>363894977 # >>363895083 # >>363895086 # >>363895377 # >>363895837 # >>363895933 # >>363895974 # >>363895995 # >>363896210 # >>363896238 # >>363896876 # >>363897149 # >>363897160 # >>363897417 # >>363897455 # >>363897535 # >>363897682 # >>363897689 # >>363897784 # >>363897874 # >>363897969 # >>363898126 # >>363898341 # >>363898561 ## >>363898787 #

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Anon got priorities | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)18:30:59 No.67592367 >world about to end >still virgin mfw 111 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)18:30:59 No.67592367 >world about to end >still virgin mfw 111 KB JPG

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Anon goes to the restroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)01:18:47 No.67134420 Story from today >Go to use restroom >Pick the urinal on the far left as it's the closest (there are 3 for context) >Soon after another guy comes, takes the far right urinal >Randomly a third guy comes in 27 KB JPG and exclaims "Ayooo, it's peepee time" >He approaches middle stall and says "mind if I squeeeeze in here?" Before doing so regardless >"How are we doing today, fellas?" >Start to awkwardly laugh, finish pissing and and got to wash my hands >He follows me, watches me wash my hands, then proceeds to not wash his and leave Did I meet a sigma male?
: Anonymous 01/25/22(Tue)01:18:47 No.67134420 Story from today >Go to use restroom >Pick the urinal on the far left as it's the closest (there are 3 for context) >Soon after another guy comes, takes the far right urinal >Randomly a third guy comes in 27 KB JPG and exclaims "Ayooo, it's peepee time" >He approaches middle stall and says "mind if I squeeeeze in here?" Before doing so regardless >"How are we doing today, fellas?" >Start to awkwardly laugh, finish pissing and and got to wash my hands >He follows me, watches me wash my hands, then proceeds to not wash his and leave Did I meet a sigma male?

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Anon is scared. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 2X0IVL25 )E 02/27/22(Sun)11:18:34 No.363842086 >we are barely minutes away from a total nuclear war and barely anyone talks about it 176 KB PNG Anonymous (ID: ki0Qc8Wx ) 02/27/22(Sun)11:29:50 No.363844767 >>363842086 (OP) Because nukes don't exist.
Anonymous (ID: 2X0IVL25 )E 02/27/22(Sun)11:18:34 No.363842086 >we are barely minutes away from a total nuclear war and barely anyone talks about it 176 KB PNG Anonymous (ID: ki0Qc8Wx ) 02/27/22(Sun)11:29:50 No.363844767 >>363842086 (OP) Because nukes don't exist.

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:02:46 No.67227363 >someone posts their overweight cat/dog on the internet >dozens of people crawl out of the woodwork to scold them for abusing their animal by letting it be fat 14 KB JPG >someone posts their overweight child on the internet >nobody says anything even though it is several orders of magnitude worse than letting a f------ cat be fat >if I say anything I get banned from wherever and people act like I am evil Why?
: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:02:46 No.67227363 >someone posts their overweight cat/dog on the internet >dozens of people crawl out of the woodwork to scold them for abusing their animal by letting it be fat 14 KB JPG >someone posts their overweight child on the internet >nobody says anything even though it is several orders of magnitude worse than letting a f------ cat be fat >if I say anything I get banned from wherever and people act like I am evil Why?

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Anon walks home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/22(Sat)17:50:42 No.873445442 the Covenant watching the UNSC Pelican >walk home from friends house deploy A 2001 >midway through I hear clicking behind Chevy Suburban me >can't see because it's dark >think it's someone with a dog >eventually see it's an old f--- with a cane and he's gaining fast >l start speed walking and he's still 667 KB JPG gaining slightly >li get in my house and he yells something I didn't really hear as I turn into my driveway >look out my window facing the street and he's looking in my window for a bit then walks on There's a 75% chance it's my grandfather with balance issues that I couldn't recognize in the dark but still is creepy as s--- considering my town is one of those small ones with a few pedophiles.
: Anonymous 02/26/22(Sat)17:50:42 No.873445442 the Covenant watching the UNSC Pelican >walk home from friends house deploy A 2001 >midway through I hear clicking behind Chevy Suburban me >can't see because it's dark >think it's someone with a dog >eventually see it's an old f--- with a cane and he's gaining fast >l start speed walking and he's still 667 KB JPG gaining slightly >li get in my house and he yells something I didn't really hear as I turn into my driveway >look out my window facing the street and he's looking in my window for a bit then walks on There's a 75% chance it's my grandfather with balance issues that I couldn't recognize in the dark but still is creepy as s--- considering my town is one of those small ones with a few pedophiles.

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Anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)14:33:53 No.67591305 1645353185626.jpg 164 KB JPG >make plans for something i wanted to do for years >one person can't come >two people >third person can only be for a short time >everything i wanted to go to is cancelled F--- this s---, can i just once have nice things
: Anonymous 02/27/22(Sun)14:33:53 No.67591305 1645353185626.jpg 164 KB JPG >make plans for something i wanted to do for years >one person can't come >two people >third person can only be for a short time >everything i wanted to go to is cancelled F--- this s---, can i just once have nice things

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