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Anon needs dating advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:34:48 No.873658473 > Hot 9/10 at soup kitchen I volunteer at >She's honestly one of the most pure people I've ever met >Laughs at my pathetic jokes, gives me vending machine snacks > Unironically the nicest girl ever 26 KB JPG How can I make this literal angel fall in love with me anons 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:36:24 No.873658519 Pour hot soup on her and s--- in her face you a------ : Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:37:46 No.873658557 >>873658473 (OP) # Just keep being yourself, it seems to be working anon. Why on gods green earth would you come to /b/ for advice about how to make girls LIKE you?
: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:34:48 No.873658473 > Hot 9/10 at soup kitchen I volunteer at >She's honestly one of the most pure people I've ever met >Laughs at my pathetic jokes, gives me vending machine snacks > Unironically the nicest girl ever 26 KB JPG How can I make this literal angel fall in love with me anons 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:36:24 No.873658519 Pour hot soup on her and s--- in her face you a------ : Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)08:37:46 No.873658557 >>873658473 (OP) # Just keep being yourself, it seems to be working anon. Why on gods green earth would you come to /b/ for advice about how to make girls LIKE you?

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Anon do the math | /r/Greentext

File : 1314299699.jpg-(10 KB, 233x215, 1302288966439.jpg) O Anonymous 08/25/11(Thu)15:14 No.53842383 0 It's 1 pm and I want to fap what do /a/? > O Anonymous 08/25/11(Thu)15:15 No.53842410 00 File1314299757.jpg-(43 KB, 410x424, 1282862189085.jpg) >>53842383 do it TIME TO FAP 28 replies later >>53843118 >You are incorrect in believing America has enough nukes to take down 90% of Chinas population >they have enough to take out 100% of the land mass many times over. WRONG YOU DUMB S---. LEARN THE DESTRUCTIVE RADIUS OF AN ATOMIC BOMB BEFORE YOU CLICK ON THAT F------ SUBMIT BUTTON THE AVERAGE YIELD OF A NUCLEAR BOMB IN THE CURRENT U.S ARSENAL IS ROUGHLY 300 KILOTONS A 300 kiloTON DETONATION WOULD CREATE A FIREBALL WITH A RADIUS OF 3.5 MILES WHICH IS ABOUT 5.6 KILOMETERS THIS GIVES US A DESTRUCTION AREA OF 98.5 KILOMETERS SQUARED THE U.S CURRENTLY OWNS 5113 NUCLEAR WARHEADS WHICH MEANS A TOTAL DESTRUCTIVE AREA, IF WARHEAD DETONATIONS DID NOT OVERLAP AT ALL, OF 5113 x 98.5 = ABOUT 500000 SQUARED KILOMETERS. WHICH IS HALF A MILLION. CHINA HAS A LAND SIZE OF ABOUT 9.3 MILLION SQUARED KILOMETERS. THE TOTAL U.S ARSENAL CAN THEREFORE ONLY DESTROY 0.5/9.3 = LESS THAN 5.4% LEARN 2 F------ MATHS F----- GB2/GRADE SCHOOL [I NOT OWNED [JOWNED [X] F------ OWNED [X] TOLD LIKE A BITCH O Anonymous 08/25/11(Thu)15:45 No.53843509 00 File1314301558. ipg-(35 KB, 493x387, 1304524579269.jpg) Op here I'm fapping and... WHAT THE F--- IS HAPPENING IN THIS THREAD? Preload images (12) Expand images L Reply 28 replies, 2 sages lal
File : 1314299699.jpg-(10 KB, 233x215, 1302288966439.jpg) O Anonymous 08/25/11(Thu)15:14 No.53842383 0 It's 1 pm and I want to fap what do /a/? > O Anonymous 08/25/11(Thu)15:15 No.53842410 00 File1314299757.jpg-(43 KB, 410x424, 1282862189085.jpg) >>53842383 do it TIME TO FAP 28 replies later >>53843118 >You are incorrect in believing America has enough nukes to take down 90% of Chinas population >they have enough to take out 100% of the land mass many times over. WRONG YOU DUMB S---. LEARN THE DESTRUCTIVE RADIUS OF AN ATOMIC BOMB BEFORE YOU CLICK ON THAT F------ SUBMIT BUTTON THE AVERAGE YIELD OF A NUCLEAR BOMB IN THE CURRENT U.S ARSENAL IS ROUGHLY 300 KILOTONS A 300 kiloTON DETONATION WOULD CREATE A FIREBALL WITH A RADIUS OF 3.5 MILES WHICH IS ABOUT 5.6 KILOMETERS THIS GIVES US A DESTRUCTION AREA OF 98.5 KILOMETERS SQUARED THE U.S CURRENTLY OWNS 5113 NUCLEAR WARHEADS WHICH MEANS A TOTAL DESTRUCTIVE AREA, IF WARHEAD DETONATIONS DID NOT OVERLAP AT ALL, OF 5113 x 98.5 = ABOUT 500000 SQUARED KILOMETERS. WHICH IS HALF A MILLION. CHINA HAS A LAND SIZE OF ABOUT 9.3 MILLION SQUARED KILOMETERS. THE TOTAL U.S ARSENAL CAN THEREFORE ONLY DESTROY 0.5/9.3 = LESS THAN 5.4% LEARN 2 F------ MATHS F----- GB2/GRADE SCHOOL [I NOT OWNED [JOWNED [X] F------ OWNED [X] TOLD LIKE A BITCH O Anonymous 08/25/11(Thu)15:45 No.53843509 00 File1314301558. ipg-(35 KB, 493x387, 1304524579269.jpg) Op here I'm fapping and... WHAT THE F--- IS HAPPENING IN THIS THREAD? Preload images (12) Expand images L Reply 28 replies, 2 sages lal

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Do Anons have brains | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)13:08:36 No.64158138 >be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)13:08:36 No.64158138 >be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG

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Anon has a dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:56:03 No.67620346 i'm genuinely not attracted to asian women, but i keep having dreams where i f--- them what is happening 132 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:56:03 No.67620346 i'm genuinely not attracted to asian women, but i keep having dreams where i f--- them what is happening 132 KB JPG

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Anon stands with Ukraine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)00:47:54 No.873644472 >Be me >Strong leader >Good to my people >Treat my family well >Lead my nation with bravery and courage 6 KB JPG >Looked up to by the citizens of my country >Skilled in combat >Willing to die for my country >Be Volodymyr Zelenskyy >Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)00:47:54 No.873644472 >Be me >Strong leader >Good to my people >Treat my family well >Lead my nation with bravery and courage 6 KB JPG >Looked up to by the citizens of my country >Skilled in combat >Willing to die for my country >Be Volodymyr Zelenskyy >Pic unrelated

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anon has an addiction | /r/Greentext

File: 1F6159F2-0472-42C3-B62A-F(...).jpg (360 KB, 1600x2260) Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)14:36:52 No.67625193 [Reply] >tell myself i won't j------- today >c-- 3 times in 25 minutes
File: 1F6159F2-0472-42C3-B62A-F(...).jpg (360 KB, 1600x2260) Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)14:36:52 No.67625193 [Reply] >tell myself i won't j------- today >c-- 3 times in 25 minutes

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Anon is a mailman | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 06/18/19(Tue)22:42:45 No.802596335 File: 3ef.jpg (32 KB, 500x333) >start as mailman/data entry >climb my way through the ranks >become CEO >lay everyone off >sell the company >mfw
U Anonymous 06/18/19(Tue)22:42:45 No.802596335 File: 3ef.jpg (32 KB, 500x333) >start as mailman/data entry >climb my way through the ranks >become CEO >lay everyone off >sell the company >mfw

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Anon Wakes Up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)15:19:16 No.870735033 >Australia had a rabbit plague in the mid 1800s >They tried a variety of methods to get rid of them >Eventually they got desperate, and switched to the unconventional 13 KB GIF >They made fake rabbits that were more attractive than the real rabbits >The ones attracted to the fake rabbits didn't breed and the population was thus reduced >Tfw they're doing it with people now >Tfw I figured out why Anime girls exist The scary part is from what l've seen, it's working.
: Anonymous 01/15/22(Sat)15:19:16 No.870735033 >Australia had a rabbit plague in the mid 1800s >They tried a variety of methods to get rid of them >Eventually they got desperate, and switched to the unconventional 13 KB GIF >They made fake rabbits that were more attractive than the real rabbits >The ones attracted to the fake rabbits didn't breed and the population was thus reduced >Tfw they're doing it with people now >Tfw I figured out why Anime girls exist The scary part is from what l've seen, it's working.

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Anon smokes with doug. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)20:34:50 No.788782642 Story time >be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke weed 20 KB JPG >420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?" >"I become a baked potato" >good on ya dougie, f------ champion.
: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)20:34:50 No.788782642 Story time >be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke weed 20 KB JPG >420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?" >"I become a baked potato" >good on ya dougie, f------ champion.

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You WILL be happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)18:10:47 No.164024249 DiscussingFilm F @DiscussingFilm Disney has announced 'STORYLIVING", their own residential neighborhoods that will allow fans to “look for new ways to make Disney a bigger part of their lives." 1:32 PM Feb 16, 2022 Twitter for iPhone file.png 586 KB PNG >You WILL live in the Disney TM Pod TM >You WILL eat the Disney TM Bug TM >You WILL own nothing >You WILL be happy
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)18:10:47 No.164024249 DiscussingFilm F @DiscussingFilm Disney has announced 'STORYLIVING", their own residential neighborhoods that will allow fans to “look for new ways to make Disney a bigger part of their lives." 1:32 PM Feb 16, 2022 Twitter for iPhone file.png 586 KB PNG >You WILL live in the Disney TM Pod TM >You WILL eat the Disney TM Bug TM >You WILL own nothing >You WILL be happy

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Anon discovers toxic relationships. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:42:27 No.873641357 >older brother lost his cushy job because of covid >he and his girlfriend agreed to rent his old bedroom at my parent's place for $300 a month >As soon as they move in s--- goes sideways because they're both hard-core alcoholics who 442 KB PNG spend every single second of their free time getting hammered >have to fall asleep listening to them screaming at each other breaking random s--- in my brother's bedroom > every f------ night of their drunken b------- ends with them having sex so loudly I swear to God the windows rattle like there's an earthquake I don't f------ get it. She tried to run him over with her car and broke his arm and in return he punched her so hard in the face he knocked out three of her teeth but every f------ night it sounds like a f------ p---- on the other side of our shared bedroom wall.
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:42:27 No.873641357 >older brother lost his cushy job because of covid >he and his girlfriend agreed to rent his old bedroom at my parent's place for $300 a month >As soon as they move in s--- goes sideways because they're both hard-core alcoholics who 442 KB PNG spend every single second of their free time getting hammered >have to fall asleep listening to them screaming at each other breaking random s--- in my brother's bedroom > every f------ night of their drunken b------- ends with them having sex so loudly I swear to God the windows rattle like there's an earthquake I don't f------ get it. She tried to run him over with her car and broke his arm and in return he punched her so hard in the face he knocked out three of her teeth but every f------ night it sounds like a f------ p---- on the other side of our shared bedroom wall.

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anon is real and gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)19:57:41 No.873630467 >be me >faggotron 9000 >ready to consume some hot boypussy >go on grinder >get matched with some hot twink >we decide to meet up >we actually have things in common 12 KB PNG besides sex >become friends >finally decide to have sex >pull down his pants >no d--- >wtfnodick.png >pull down boxers >its a p---- >mfw i touched a women i am a gay man and i did more then half you f------ out there, i touched a f------ woman
Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)19:57:41 No.873630467 >be me >faggotron 9000 >ready to consume some hot boypussy >go on grinder >get matched with some hot twink >we decide to meet up >we actually have things in common 12 KB PNG besides sex >become friends >finally decide to have sex >pull down his pants >no d--- >wtfnodick.png >pull down boxers >its a p---- >mfw i touched a women i am a gay man and i did more then half you f------ out there, i touched a f------ woman

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Anon gets arrested | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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Anon needs to touch grass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)16:45:05 No.873595563 Imagine if pokemon were a real thing bro I would R--- so many humanoid pokemons on f------ god bro l'd start with kirlias first cuz they look like underage girls and that s--- turns me ROCK HARD y'know what I'm saying? yeah yeah you know what I'm saying >:) 533 KB JPG >:) >:) we out here r----- pokemon n----
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)16:45:05 No.873595563 Imagine if pokemon were a real thing bro I would R--- so many humanoid pokemons on f------ god bro l'd start with kirlias first cuz they look like underage girls and that s--- turns me ROCK HARD y'know what I'm saying? yeah yeah you know what I'm saying >:) 533 KB JPG >:) >:) we out here r----- pokemon n----

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Anons a naughty devil | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: 5LNU3RNK ) 06/22/19(Sat)10:34:49 No.217104587 >>217101455 (OP) # >neighbor puts house up for sale >grow out grass and throw trash on the lawn >buy a s----- car, leave it on blocks in the driveway 81 KB JPG >buy neighbor's house for a steal >cut grass, clean up trash, scrap car >sell neighbor's house >mfw 40% profit
:Anonymous (ID: 5LNU3RNK ) 06/22/19(Sat)10:34:49 No.217104587 >>217101455 (OP) # >neighbor puts house up for sale >grow out grass and throw trash on the lawn >buy a s----- car, leave it on blocks in the driveway 81 KB JPG >buy neighbor's house for a steal >cut grass, clean up trash, scrap car >sell neighbor's house >mfw 40% profit

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Anon discusses the santicty of marriage. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)12:17:54 No.873608370 >>873607281 # >be female >marry some schmuck who makes more money than you >he pays for all your expenses >you don't even have to work >he's not pulling his weight in the bedroom though >start seeing your younger boytoy during the day while your husband's at the office >husband takes care of your financial needs, boyfriend takes care of your sexual needs. As it should be. >husband finds out, divorces you because for some reason he can't take into account your happiness, the selfish f--- >take half his s--- and half his salary until you remarry >cruise through a sea of d---- for a few more years until you find the next idiot with a decent paycheck >rinse and repeat >spend literally your entire life as a parasite doing whatever the f--- you want with no consequences There's really no downside to acting this way for women. The system is set up to enable their sociopathy.
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)12:17:54 No.873608370 >>873607281 # >be female >marry some schmuck who makes more money than you >he pays for all your expenses >you don't even have to work >he's not pulling his weight in the bedroom though >start seeing your younger boytoy during the day while your husband's at the office >husband takes care of your financial needs, boyfriend takes care of your sexual needs. As it should be. >husband finds out, divorces you because for some reason he can't take into account your happiness, the selfish f--- >take half his s--- and half his salary until you remarry >cruise through a sea of d---- for a few more years until you find the next idiot with a decent paycheck >rinse and repeat >spend literally your entire life as a parasite doing whatever the f--- you want with no consequences There's really no downside to acting this way for women. The system is set up to enable their sociopathy.

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Anon is a true chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:06:09 No.67618439 >be me >leaving outdoor mall in car >windows down cus no AC and its hot as f--- >listening to xenoblade chronicles 2 soundtrack 185 KB PNG >flock of roasties walk past my car and look in at me like im some sort of creature because i'm listening to music thats not the same repeated melody about swallowing gallons of c-- and getting high >put on sunglasses from cupholder >turn music up >drive away i feel like a retard and a chad at the same time
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:06:09 No.67618439 >be me >leaving outdoor mall in car >windows down cus no AC and its hot as f--- >listening to xenoblade chronicles 2 soundtrack 185 KB PNG >flock of roasties walk past my car and look in at me like im some sort of creature because i'm listening to music thats not the same repeated melody about swallowing gallons of c-- and getting high >put on sunglasses from cupholder >turn music up >drive away i feel like a retard and a chad at the same time

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Anon has a book | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ZJX2nTtm 04/14/18(Sat)22:57:31 No.168168339 >>168168266 (OP) # If you tap your copy of Mein Kampf with your penis and say, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," it becomes a map highlighting all the Jews and partisans in your area. >>168169019 # >>168169094 # >>168169146 # >>168176132 # >>168177854 #
: Anonymous (ID: ZJX2nTtm 04/14/18(Sat)22:57:31 No.168168339 >>168168266 (OP) # If you tap your copy of Mein Kampf with your penis and say, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," it becomes a map highlighting all the Jews and partisans in your area. >>168169019 # >>168169094 # >>168169146 # >>168176132 # >>168177854 #

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Anon gets two birds stoned at once | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town

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Hank’s Influence | /r/Greentext

>back in high school >group of kids do nothing but talk like hank hill >imagine a dozen f------ hank hills >have some anti drug rally >guy starts saying some reasons kids get lured into drugs >kid raises hand and says "why do drugs when you can just mow a lawn" >group praises him by saying "taste the meat not the heat" >guy legitimately has no idea what to reply, "next question"s it
>back in high school >group of kids do nothing but talk like hank hill >imagine a dozen f------ hank hills >have some anti drug rally >guy starts saying some reasons kids get lured into drugs >kid raises hand and says "why do drugs when you can just mow a lawn" >group praises him by saying "taste the meat not the heat" >guy legitimately has no idea what to reply, "next question"s it

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