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Anon smokes with doug. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)20:34:50 No.788782642 Story time >be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke weed 20 KB JPG >420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?" >"I become a baked potato" >good on ya dougie, f------ champion.
: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)20:34:50 No.788782642 Story time >be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke weed 20 KB JPG >420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?" >"I become a baked potato" >good on ya dougie, f------ champion.

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You WILL be happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)18:10:47 No.164024249 DiscussingFilm F @DiscussingFilm Disney has announced 'STORYLIVING", their own residential neighborhoods that will allow fans to “look for new ways to make Disney a bigger part of their lives." 1:32 PM Feb 16, 2022 Twitter for iPhone file.png 586 KB PNG >You WILL live in the Disney TM Pod TM >You WILL eat the Disney TM Bug TM >You WILL own nothing >You WILL be happy
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)18:10:47 No.164024249 DiscussingFilm F @DiscussingFilm Disney has announced 'STORYLIVING", their own residential neighborhoods that will allow fans to “look for new ways to make Disney a bigger part of their lives." 1:32 PM Feb 16, 2022 Twitter for iPhone file.png 586 KB PNG >You WILL live in the Disney TM Pod TM >You WILL eat the Disney TM Bug TM >You WILL own nothing >You WILL be happy

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Anon discovers toxic relationships. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:42:27 No.873641357 >older brother lost his cushy job because of covid >he and his girlfriend agreed to rent his old bedroom at my parent's place for $300 a month >As soon as they move in s--- goes sideways because they're both hard-core alcoholics who 442 KB PNG spend every single second of their free time getting hammered >have to fall asleep listening to them screaming at each other breaking random s--- in my brother's bedroom > every f------ night of their drunken b------- ends with them having sex so loudly I swear to God the windows rattle like there's an earthquake I don't f------ get it. She tried to run him over with her car and broke his arm and in return he punched her so hard in the face he knocked out three of her teeth but every f------ night it sounds like a f------ p---- on the other side of our shared bedroom wall.
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:42:27 No.873641357 >older brother lost his cushy job because of covid >he and his girlfriend agreed to rent his old bedroom at my parent's place for $300 a month >As soon as they move in s--- goes sideways because they're both hard-core alcoholics who 442 KB PNG spend every single second of their free time getting hammered >have to fall asleep listening to them screaming at each other breaking random s--- in my brother's bedroom > every f------ night of their drunken b------- ends with them having sex so loudly I swear to God the windows rattle like there's an earthquake I don't f------ get it. She tried to run him over with her car and broke his arm and in return he punched her so hard in the face he knocked out three of her teeth but every f------ night it sounds like a f------ p---- on the other side of our shared bedroom wall.

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anon is real and gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)19:57:41 No.873630467 >be me >faggotron 9000 >ready to consume some hot boypussy >go on grinder >get matched with some hot twink >we decide to meet up >we actually have things in common 12 KB PNG besides sex >become friends >finally decide to have sex >pull down his pants >no d--- >wtfnodick.png >pull down boxers >its a p---- >mfw i touched a women i am a gay man and i did more then half you f------ out there, i touched a f------ woman
Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)19:57:41 No.873630467 >be me >faggotron 9000 >ready to consume some hot boypussy >go on grinder >get matched with some hot twink >we decide to meet up >we actually have things in common 12 KB PNG besides sex >become friends >finally decide to have sex >pull down his pants >no d--- >wtfnodick.png >pull down boxers >its a p---- >mfw i touched a women i am a gay man and i did more then half you f------ out there, i touched a f------ woman

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Anon gets arrested | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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Anon needs to touch grass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)16:45:05 No.873595563 Imagine if pokemon were a real thing bro I would R--- so many humanoid pokemons on f------ god bro l'd start with kirlias first cuz they look like underage girls and that s--- turns me ROCK HARD y'know what I'm saying? yeah yeah you know what I'm saying >:) 533 KB JPG >:) >:) we out here r----- pokemon n----
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)16:45:05 No.873595563 Imagine if pokemon were a real thing bro I would R--- so many humanoid pokemons on f------ god bro l'd start with kirlias first cuz they look like underage girls and that s--- turns me ROCK HARD y'know what I'm saying? yeah yeah you know what I'm saying >:) 533 KB JPG >:) >:) we out here r----- pokemon n----

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Anons a naughty devil | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: 5LNU3RNK ) 06/22/19(Sat)10:34:49 No.217104587 >>217101455 (OP) # >neighbor puts house up for sale >grow out grass and throw trash on the lawn >buy a s----- car, leave it on blocks in the driveway 81 KB JPG >buy neighbor's house for a steal >cut grass, clean up trash, scrap car >sell neighbor's house >mfw 40% profit
:Anonymous (ID: 5LNU3RNK ) 06/22/19(Sat)10:34:49 No.217104587 >>217101455 (OP) # >neighbor puts house up for sale >grow out grass and throw trash on the lawn >buy a s----- car, leave it on blocks in the driveway 81 KB JPG >buy neighbor's house for a steal >cut grass, clean up trash, scrap car >sell neighbor's house >mfw 40% profit

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Anon discusses the santicty of marriage. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)12:17:54 No.873608370 >>873607281 # >be female >marry some schmuck who makes more money than you >he pays for all your expenses >you don't even have to work >he's not pulling his weight in the bedroom though >start seeing your younger boytoy during the day while your husband's at the office >husband takes care of your financial needs, boyfriend takes care of your sexual needs. As it should be. >husband finds out, divorces you because for some reason he can't take into account your happiness, the selfish f--- >take half his s--- and half his salary until you remarry >cruise through a sea of d---- for a few more years until you find the next idiot with a decent paycheck >rinse and repeat >spend literally your entire life as a parasite doing whatever the f--- you want with no consequences There's really no downside to acting this way for women. The system is set up to enable their sociopathy.
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)12:17:54 No.873608370 >>873607281 # >be female >marry some schmuck who makes more money than you >he pays for all your expenses >you don't even have to work >he's not pulling his weight in the bedroom though >start seeing your younger boytoy during the day while your husband's at the office >husband takes care of your financial needs, boyfriend takes care of your sexual needs. As it should be. >husband finds out, divorces you because for some reason he can't take into account your happiness, the selfish f--- >take half his s--- and half his salary until you remarry >cruise through a sea of d---- for a few more years until you find the next idiot with a decent paycheck >rinse and repeat >spend literally your entire life as a parasite doing whatever the f--- you want with no consequences There's really no downside to acting this way for women. The system is set up to enable their sociopathy.

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Anon is a true chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:06:09 No.67618439 >be me >leaving outdoor mall in car >windows down cus no AC and its hot as f--- >listening to xenoblade chronicles 2 soundtrack 185 KB PNG >flock of roasties walk past my car and look in at me like im some sort of creature because i'm listening to music thats not the same repeated melody about swallowing gallons of c-- and getting high >put on sunglasses from cupholder >turn music up >drive away i feel like a retard and a chad at the same time
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)23:06:09 No.67618439 >be me >leaving outdoor mall in car >windows down cus no AC and its hot as f--- >listening to xenoblade chronicles 2 soundtrack 185 KB PNG >flock of roasties walk past my car and look in at me like im some sort of creature because i'm listening to music thats not the same repeated melody about swallowing gallons of c-- and getting high >put on sunglasses from cupholder >turn music up >drive away i feel like a retard and a chad at the same time

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Anon has a book | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ZJX2nTtm 04/14/18(Sat)22:57:31 No.168168339 >>168168266 (OP) # If you tap your copy of Mein Kampf with your penis and say, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," it becomes a map highlighting all the Jews and partisans in your area. >>168169019 # >>168169094 # >>168169146 # >>168176132 # >>168177854 #
: Anonymous (ID: ZJX2nTtm 04/14/18(Sat)22:57:31 No.168168339 >>168168266 (OP) # If you tap your copy of Mein Kampf with your penis and say, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," it becomes a map highlighting all the Jews and partisans in your area. >>168169019 # >>168169094 # >>168169146 # >>168176132 # >>168177854 #

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Anon gets two birds stoned at once | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town

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Hank’s Influence | /r/Greentext

>back in high school >group of kids do nothing but talk like hank hill >imagine a dozen f------ hank hills >have some anti drug rally >guy starts saying some reasons kids get lured into drugs >kid raises hand and says "why do drugs when you can just mow a lawn" >group praises him by saying "taste the meat not the heat" >guy legitimately has no idea what to reply, "next question"s it
>back in high school >group of kids do nothing but talk like hank hill >imagine a dozen f------ hank hills >have some anti drug rally >guy starts saying some reasons kids get lured into drugs >kid raises hand and says "why do drugs when you can just mow a lawn" >group praises him by saying "taste the meat not the heat" >guy legitimately has no idea what to reply, "next question"s it

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Anon is fake and gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Just got topped ama 01/29/22(Sat)16:01:59 No.67201672 >Straight >Downloaded grindr out of curiosity >40 messages in 5 minutes >guys all want pics of my ass >l finally send one with shorts on >Guy invites me over >I lay down on the bed and get 346 KB JPG topped >He says he will be gentle >Hes not Honestly I already regret it. My ass is sore and I have red handprints Never fall for the meme guys.
: Anonymous Just got topped ama 01/29/22(Sat)16:01:59 No.67201672 >Straight >Downloaded grindr out of curiosity >40 messages in 5 minutes >guys all want pics of my ass >l finally send one with shorts on >Guy invites me over >I lay down on the bed and get 346 KB JPG topped >He says he will be gentle >Hes not Honestly I already regret it. My ass is sore and I have red handprints Never fall for the meme guys.

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Anon on the biggest cope. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:55:30 No.67615267 >money doesnt buy happiness does there exist a bigger cope than this? 13 KB JPG Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:56:05 No.67615270 >>67615267 (OP) It really doesn't, you can't buy female affection. Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:56:18 No.67615274 >>67615270 >you can't buy female affection. anon... 208 KB JPG
Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:55:30 No.67615267 >money doesnt buy happiness does there exist a bigger cope than this? 13 KB JPG Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:56:05 No.67615270 >>67615267 (OP) It really doesn't, you can't buy female affection. Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:56:18 No.67615274 >>67615270 >you can't buy female affection. anon... 208 KB JPG

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Anon has a great cousin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/08/18(Sat)23:56:44 No.49733868 >be me >beta suicidal virgin >go to uni >pretty miserable and not a lot of friends >most people know that i am 99 KB PNG depressed >get a text from a cousin >he tells me not to kill myself >w--.jpg >"did you also become on of those f--- who tell me not to cuz of no reasons?" >"no anon i have great plans. We gonna live together, get hella bitchez, play lots of vidya and have a f------ mansion." >mfw it is the best thing i have ever heard in my life >mfw someone wants me in their life >mfw it has been a week since that text but i am still happy Thank you, cousin 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 12/08/18(Sat)23:56:44 No.49733868 >be me >beta suicidal virgin >go to uni >pretty miserable and not a lot of friends >most people know that i am 99 KB PNG depressed >get a text from a cousin >he tells me not to kill myself >w--.jpg >"did you also become on of those f--- who tell me not to cuz of no reasons?" >"no anon i have great plans. We gonna live together, get hella bitchez, play lots of vidya and have a f------ mansion." >mfw it is the best thing i have ever heard in my life >mfw someone wants me in their life >mfw it has been a week since that text but i am still happy Thank you, cousin 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon goes on a date with a real qt 3.14 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: VpsQfP9F ) E 06/20/19(Thu)07:16:45 No.216880530 >date is going well >politics gets brought up >don't want to scare her >spout the most normie, bluepilled, centrist opinions I can think of >nothing even remotely 4 KB JPG close to right of center >"Oh god, you're not an alt-righter, are you?"
: Anonymous (ID: VpsQfP9F ) E 06/20/19(Thu)07:16:45 No.216880530 >date is going well >politics gets brought up >don't want to scare her >spout the most normie, bluepilled, centrist opinions I can think of >nothing even remotely 4 KB JPG close to right of center >"Oh god, you're not an alt-righter, are you?"

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Anon rolls tide. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:39:48 No.873601966 >be me >drunk at annual family picnic thing >me and my female cousin are sharing a bottle >accidentally brush up on her b------- >she laughs and shoves them in my face >l pretend to bite her nipple >"do it, I dare you" >she moans as I do it >my d--- becomes diamonds >she "accidentally" brushes the back of her hand on it >stokes my c--- through pants while I play with her t--- >slide my hand up her thigh and stole her clit through her pants >she grinds on my hand and keeps stoking me >I c-- buckets >she c--- hard and collapses next to me >"well that was less weird than I thought, our secret" >never speaks of it again
: Anonymous 03/01/22(Tue)09:39:48 No.873601966 >be me >drunk at annual family picnic thing >me and my female cousin are sharing a bottle >accidentally brush up on her b------- >she laughs and shoves them in my face >l pretend to bite her nipple >"do it, I dare you" >she moans as I do it >my d--- becomes diamonds >she "accidentally" brushes the back of her hand on it >stokes my c--- through pants while I play with her t--- >slide my hand up her thigh and stole her clit through her pants >she grinds on my hand and keeps stoking me >I c-- buckets >she c--- hard and collapses next to me >"well that was less weird than I thought, our secret" >never speaks of it again

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 02/01/18(Thu)12:56:35 No.94008428 File: feelstooreal.gif (263 KB, 319x255) >>94004782 (OP) >watch movie with parents >Father tells his son that he loves him >look to my dad >"Don't get any stupid f------ ideas" >0-okay
U Anonymous 02/01/18(Thu)12:56:35 No.94008428 File: feelstooreal.gif (263 KB, 319x255) >>94004782 (OP) >watch movie with parents >Father tells his son that he loves him >look to my dad >"Don't get any stupid f------ ideas" >0-okay

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Anon trys meth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)02:46:20 No.791658710 >be me >post true greentext about jacking off into my sisters panties >gets on reddit >sister is redditfag >shows me the story 25 KB PNG >fake laugh and spaghetti all over the floor >make up excuse about violent diarrhea before leaving >return all stolen panties >mfw this makes it on reddit to0 hi emma
: Anonymous 02/03/19(Sun)02:46:20 No.791658710 >be me >post true greentext about jacking off into my sisters panties >gets on reddit >sister is redditfag >shows me the story 25 KB PNG >fake laugh and spaghetti all over the floor >make up excuse about violent diarrhea before leaving >return all stolen panties >mfw this makes it on reddit to0 hi emma

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Anon is an expert in tomfoolery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)18:49:22 No.67247464 >get a call from random number >"Greetings, am I speaking to mister anon?" >"Yes" >"We would like to inform you about a new offer for your mobile plan" etc etc >wait until they finish 16 KB JPG >"I'm sorry I couldn't quite hear you" >they are forced to repeat it >do this for about 4 times >finally say "Sorry, I am not interested." >hang up
Anonymous 02/01/22(Tue)18:49:22 No.67247464 >get a call from random number >"Greetings, am I speaking to mister anon?" >"Yes" >"We would like to inform you about a new offer for your mobile plan" etc etc >wait until they finish 16 KB JPG >"I'm sorry I couldn't quite hear you" >they are forced to repeat it >do this for about 4 times >finally say "Sorry, I am not interested." >hang up

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