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Anon reads his life’s terms and conditions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)16:57:07 No.860215884 >Read 314 pages of terms and conditions >Clicked 'disagree' 1.09 MB GIF
: Anonymous 08/02/21 (Mon)16:57:07 No.860215884 >Read 314 pages of terms and conditions >Clicked 'disagree' 1.09 MB GIF

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Anon makes his dad happy :) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)20:24:10 No.64167936 >be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job >heavily depressed >go to stay with my dad for a while >my parents are split up >realise I don't have any money for 144 KB PNG cigarettes >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money >dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday >start working on Monday through to Friday >probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad >he gives me the money and starts talking >"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can ever imagine" I didn't buy the cigarettes I haven't smoked in about a year Thanks dad
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)20:24:10 No.64167936 >be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job >heavily depressed >go to stay with my dad for a while >my parents are split up >realise I don't have any money for 144 KB PNG cigarettes >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money >dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday >start working on Monday through to Friday >probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad >he gives me the money and starts talking >"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can ever imagine" I didn't buy the cigarettes I haven't smoked in about a year Thanks dad

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Anon Takes A Walk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: USYS8J46) 03/02/22(Wed)14:53:19 No.364700127 >walk 10 feet into Ukrainian territory >stop >refuse to elaborate 462 KB PNG 18 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: USYS8J46) 03/02/22(Wed)14:53:19 No.364700127 >walk 10 feet into Ukrainian territory >stop >refuse to elaborate 462 KB PNG 18 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon thinks of a cool gamer tag | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)16:08:57 No.873686677 >watch Predator for the first time when I was 10 >think the predator is badass >get Xbox live >think of cool gamer tag >XxTheChildPredatorxx >nobody adds my friend requests >haven't the slightest clue why 255 KB JPG The fear I must have invoked in the hearts of parents when I sent their kids friend requests was probably astounding
: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)16:08:57 No.873686677 >watch Predator for the first time when I was 10 >think the predator is badass >get Xbox live >think of cool gamer tag >XxTheChildPredatorxx >nobody adds my friend requests >haven't the slightest clue why 255 KB JPG The fear I must have invoked in the hearts of parents when I sent their kids friend requests was probably astounding

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Anon wants to change his name | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG >>52772696 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman
: Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG >>52772696 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman

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Anon gets a bonsai tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is Lonly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/20(Tue)20:01:23 No.9231307 >make thread >no one replies >pull out my phone and reply to my thread 31 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/20(Tue)20:04:06 No.9231311 totally man haha good thread dude >>9231316 #
: Anonymous 11/24/20(Tue)20:01:23 No.9231307 >make thread >no one replies >pull out my phone and reply to my thread 31 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/20(Tue)20:04:06 No.9231311 totally man haha good thread dude >>9231316 #

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Anon asks a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)14:58:30 No.65765485 >ask black guy if were allowed to bench in the squat rack? >he shrugs and says "idk I see other people doing it" >automatically say "monkey see monkey do" >he looks like he's about to hit me then 10 KB JPG walks off Im so retarded h--------
: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)14:58:30 No.65765485 >ask black guy if were allowed to bench in the squat rack? >he shrugs and says "idk I see other people doing it" >automatically say "monkey see monkey do" >he looks like he's about to hit me then 10 KB JPG walks off Im so retarded h--------

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Anon needs to be culled from the gene pool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:03:22 No.49347279 >be me >fat neet >no gf obviously >have a oneitis type crush >would literally do anything to get her 20 KB JPG >start dieting and exercising >stop jerking off dry, instead buy fleshlight and lube >feelsgoodman >start really liking the fleshlight >decide to give it a name >the same name as my oneitis >decide to tell it to her as a compliment >get blocked : Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:05:39 No.49347304 >>49347279 (OP) # >decide to tell it to her as a compliment 31 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:03:22 No.49347279 >be me >fat neet >no gf obviously >have a oneitis type crush >would literally do anything to get her 20 KB JPG >start dieting and exercising >stop jerking off dry, instead buy fleshlight and lube >feelsgoodman >start really liking the fleshlight >decide to give it a name >the same name as my oneitis >decide to tell it to her as a compliment >get blocked : Anonymous 11/18/18(Sun)07:05:39 No.49347304 >>49347279 (OP) # >decide to tell it to her as a compliment 31 KB JPG

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Anon Is a Diferent Case | /r/Greentext


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Anon jerks off | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)07:50:25 No.67623345 >Be Me >Be Younger >Be Somewhat Retarded >Be EFL, but don't understand the euphemism "Jerking Off" >Somehow think that it just means wasting time and not doing anything productive. >Use the phrase constantly for years. 10 KB JPG Friends: "Hey Anon, what are you doing this weekend?" >l dunno, just jerking off I guess Teachers: "Hey Anon, why didn't you finish your assignment?" >Sorry I spent all last night jerking off. Stacy: "Are you going to the dance Anon?" >Naw, I will probably just stay home and j-------. Siblings: "Help with the chores Anon!" >No! Just leave me alone to j------- Coach: "You gained some weight in the off season Anon." >Ya, sorry, to much jerking off. Grandmother: "Did you like spending the week with us Anon." >It was great Grandma, but I think I jerked off to much Boss: "You gonna finish everything this sprint?" >Ya if I can keep from jerking off. The list goes on and on but ... >No one corrects me >No one challenges me >No one disciplines me >Most are unsure how to react >Turn 30, cold boot understanding.exe >Learn soon after that I am generally known as the j------- guy. What the f---? How did all the normies let me do this for years? In retrospect maybe it was kind of a life hack with how much it put everyone off balance while I was totally oblivious. But overall, probably not a great trade off for always being known as the j------- guy.
: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)07:50:25 No.67623345 >Be Me >Be Younger >Be Somewhat Retarded >Be EFL, but don't understand the euphemism "Jerking Off" >Somehow think that it just means wasting time and not doing anything productive. >Use the phrase constantly for years. 10 KB JPG Friends: "Hey Anon, what are you doing this weekend?" >l dunno, just jerking off I guess Teachers: "Hey Anon, why didn't you finish your assignment?" >Sorry I spent all last night jerking off. Stacy: "Are you going to the dance Anon?" >Naw, I will probably just stay home and j-------. Siblings: "Help with the chores Anon!" >No! Just leave me alone to j------- Coach: "You gained some weight in the off season Anon." >Ya, sorry, to much jerking off. Grandmother: "Did you like spending the week with us Anon." >It was great Grandma, but I think I jerked off to much Boss: "You gonna finish everything this sprint?" >Ya if I can keep from jerking off. The list goes on and on but ... >No one corrects me >No one challenges me >No one disciplines me >Most are unsure how to react >Turn 30, cold boot understanding.exe >Learn soon after that I am generally known as the j------- guy. What the f---? How did all the normies let me do this for years? In retrospect maybe it was kind of a life hack with how much it put everyone off balance while I was totally oblivious. But overall, probably not a great trade off for always being known as the j------- guy.

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tfw you know anon will never have a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a decent face. 84 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a decent face. 84 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw

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anon goes to the movies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/19(Thu)22:02:50 No.790268566 >be me at the movies after a pretty s--- day (that dragon ball super broly movie btw) >random guy sits beside me since there's nowhere for his whole family to sit together 36 KB JPG >he's loaded with snacks >"hey anon do you want some of this popcorn and snacks? i'm not gonna be able to eat all of it" (i take that s--- obviously i'm a fatass) >anytime i ran out of popcorn he always gave me more since he had refills, even when the movie was over he asked if i wanted anymore thanks random movie guy
: Anonymous 01/17/19(Thu)22:02:50 No.790268566 >be me at the movies after a pretty s--- day (that dragon ball super broly movie btw) >random guy sits beside me since there's nowhere for his whole family to sit together 36 KB JPG >he's loaded with snacks >"hey anon do you want some of this popcorn and snacks? i'm not gonna be able to eat all of it" (i take that s--- obviously i'm a fatass) >anytime i ran out of popcorn he always gave me more since he had refills, even when the movie was over he asked if i wanted anymore thanks random movie guy

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Vodka Rats | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: H8//+tY8 ) 03/02/22(Wed)06:18:52 No.364615125 >russians are smashing their apple products to "own" the americans Imao, vodka rats really are retarded beyond belief. 2.8 MB WEBM 257 Replies / 40 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: H8//+tY8 ) 03/02/22(Wed)06:18:52 No.364615125 >russians are smashing their apple products to "own" the americans Imao, vodka rats really are retarded beyond belief. 2.8 MB WEBM 257 Replies / 40 Images View Thread

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Anon Invites Everyone To Brazil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YKQJqam7 Come to Brazil 03/02/22(Wed)07:44:26 No.364626038 >Are you a Russian/Belarussian who wants to flee your country? >Are you an Ukrainan refugee who thinks that Russia will send an all-out attack in Europe? >Are you an European/American who fears nuclear Armageddon and wants 27 KB PNG to stay away? So, come to Brazil. After next Sunday we will officially start our tourist low season. >Brazil doesn't belong to NATO. >Although we condemned Russia invasion in Ukraine at UN, Bonoro explictly said we are "neutral", which means that we are not the target for Russian nukes. >Even if Russia adopts Samson option, you will have at least two hours to flee if they use hypersonic missles. 184 Replies / 36 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: YKQJqam7 Come to Brazil 03/02/22(Wed)07:44:26 No.364626038 >Are you a Russian/Belarussian who wants to flee your country? >Are you an Ukrainan refugee who thinks that Russia will send an all-out attack in Europe? >Are you an European/American who fears nuclear Armageddon and wants 27 KB PNG to stay away? So, come to Brazil. After next Sunday we will officially start our tourist low season. >Brazil doesn't belong to NATO. >Although we condemned Russia invasion in Ukraine at UN, Bonoro explictly said we are "neutral", which means that we are not the target for Russian nukes. >Even if Russia adopts Samson option, you will have at least two hours to flee if they use hypersonic missles. 184 Replies / 36 Images View Thread

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Anon gets a haircut. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)10:04:07 No.67627411 >ask the hairdresser for a classic comb over >l get the zoomer haircut 6 KB JPG Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)10:13:17 No.67627479 OP be straight bussin fr fr no cap, and that's 100
Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)10:04:07 No.67627411 >ask the hairdresser for a classic comb over >l get the zoomer haircut 6 KB JPG Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)10:13:17 No.67627479 OP be straight bussin fr fr no cap, and that's 100

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288 days until avatar 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 02/27/22(Sun)20:37:56 No.164495364 Avatar 2 Entertainment Avatar_2_3-2000.jpg 420 KB JPG >finally close to see Avatar 2 >Putin is preparing for nuclear war Why can't he wait!??? I wanted to watch Avatar 2...and Dune 2
: Anonymous E 02/27/22(Sun)20:37:56 No.164495364 Avatar 2 Entertainment Avatar_2_3-2000.jpg 420 KB JPG >finally close to see Avatar 2 >Putin is preparing for nuclear war Why can't he wait!??? I wanted to watch Avatar 2...and Dune 2

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Anon considers their life choices. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)04:30:34 No.873652583 >Knew a woman who was a high end prostitute >She would make a bank in one state and move to a different state and start all over again >She has been all over the country doing 120 KB JPG this >Eventually she invested all of her income in real estate >Now, she lives off her rental income and has a net-worth in millions View Thread
: Anonymous 03/02/22(Wed)04:30:34 No.873652583 >Knew a woman who was a high end prostitute >She would make a bank in one state and move to a different state and start all over again >She has been all over the country doing 120 KB JPG this >Eventually she invested all of her income in real estate >Now, she lives off her rental income and has a net-worth in millions View Thread

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Anon likes a girl | /r/Greentext


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Anon tried to escape Ukraine | /r/Greentext

> Be me > Ukrainian refugee > Attempting to flee for my life as the tanks advance on Kyiv. > Drive for hundreds of miles > Finally see it, on the horizon.. > Poland > Phewimsafe.pierogi > Suddenly, hear a loud PHWOOSH behind me > Turn around to see a fiery cloud mushrooming > Pedal to the metal, push my Lada to 140mph trying to get across to Poland now, it's so close > Suddenly, a wave of heat and light washes over me > Whitenoise.borscht > Don't know how long l'm out > Open my eyes, I'm in the woods, did I make it through?? > Hey. You. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Goddamnit Todd Howard.
> Be me > Ukrainian refugee > Attempting to flee for my life as the tanks advance on Kyiv. > Drive for hundreds of miles > Finally see it, on the horizon.. > Poland > Phewimsafe.pierogi > Suddenly, hear a loud PHWOOSH behind me > Turn around to see a fiery cloud mushrooming > Pedal to the metal, push my Lada to 140mph trying to get across to Poland now, it's so close > Suddenly, a wave of heat and light washes over me > Whitenoise.borscht > Don't know how long l'm out > Open my eyes, I'm in the woods, did I make it through?? > Hey. You. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Goddamnit Todd Howard.

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