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Anon builds a collection | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)10:17:10 No.874215710 >be me >4th grade >bring 3 sharpners to school >friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners >bring 3 more sharpners the next day >friend gives me his sharpner to grow my collection 53 KB JPG >start collecting more and more sharpners >go to stationary every week to by more sharpners >collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month >start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner >english teacher asks for a sharpner >offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed >sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents >only allowed to bring 1 sharpner >idea.jpg >make a huge sharpner out of cardboard >dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint >display it on my table during the english period >get sent to the office fun days
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)10:17:10 No.874215710 >be me >4th grade >bring 3 sharpners to school >friend tells me thats a lot of sharpners >bring 3 more sharpners the next day >friend gives me his sharpner to grow my collection 53 KB JPG >start collecting more and more sharpners >go to stationary every week to by more sharpners >collect about 70 sharpners by the end of the month >start bringing a tiny bag to carry thoes sharpner >english teacher asks for a sharpner >offer her the bag thinking she'd be impressed >sees all my sharpners and writes a note to my parents >only allowed to bring 1 sharpner >idea.jpg >make a huge sharpner out of cardboard >dad helps me to color it with red and silver spray paint >display it on my table during the english period >get sent to the office fun days

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Anon plays Pokemon GO. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)14:49:41 No.67742123 > be me > smoking weed in bathtub > start up Pokemon Go as I never really deleted it from my phone > see a diglett > click on it and my camera turns on showing my body in the bath > suddenly pokemon go gives a 42 KB JPG disclaimer about innapropriate behaviour on the camera. ... does the CCP have my d--- pics guys...
Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)14:49:41 No.67742123 > be me > smoking weed in bathtub > start up Pokemon Go as I never really deleted it from my phone > see a diglett > click on it and my camera turns on showing my body in the bath > suddenly pokemon go gives a 42 KB JPG disclaimer about innapropriate behaviour on the camera. ... does the CCP have my d--- pics guys...

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Amber alert | /r/Greentext


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Anon meets a nice man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/22(Fri)00:41:07 No.872024174 >when I was 9 I went to Vegas >we were at a hotel I can't remember which one and getting on an elevator >l hear a burley voice ask to hold the door 14 KB JPG >my parents look like they've just seen a ghost >l look up >John f------ Goodman is standing there in a nice suit fairly tipsy >my parents are in awe same as me >I said "you're the guy from the Flintstones!" >he yells " oh boy are you right! yabadabadoo!" asks my dad to hold his cigar and picks me up >points down at my shirt and says "whats that?" and then flicks my nose >l was laughing and he chuckled and said "good kid you got here" >he put me down reaches in his pocket, pulls out a money clip and gave my parents a couple hundred dollars each and a cigar and said "you guys enjoy your trip huh?" >we walk out of the elevator and look back and he points a finger gun at me and clicks his tongue, waves goodbye to my parents >totally awesome dude 10/10 celebrity >l will never not be a fan
: Anonymous 02/04/22(Fri)00:41:07 No.872024174 >when I was 9 I went to Vegas >we were at a hotel I can't remember which one and getting on an elevator >l hear a burley voice ask to hold the door 14 KB JPG >my parents look like they've just seen a ghost >l look up >John f------ Goodman is standing there in a nice suit fairly tipsy >my parents are in awe same as me >I said "you're the guy from the Flintstones!" >he yells " oh boy are you right! yabadabadoo!" asks my dad to hold his cigar and picks me up >points down at my shirt and says "whats that?" and then flicks my nose >l was laughing and he chuckled and said "good kid you got here" >he put me down reaches in his pocket, pulls out a money clip and gave my parents a couple hundred dollars each and a cigar and said "you guys enjoy your trip huh?" >we walk out of the elevator and look back and he points a finger gun at me and clicks his tongue, waves goodbye to my parents >totally awesome dude 10/10 celebrity >l will never not be a fan

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Anon wants pancakes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21 (Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-..rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-..f- fresh n... n fruity.." Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?
: Anonymous 02/02/21 (Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-..rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-..f- fresh n... n fruity.." Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?

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anon is concerned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)21:02:29 No.49591017 >played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister >all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling >mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin 1.48 MB GIF her >>49591073 #
: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)21:02:29 No.49591017 >played Red Dead Redemption with autistic 8yo step-sister >all she did was walk around skinning animals and giggling >mfw she killed a prostitute and asked me why she couldn't skin 1.48 MB GIF her >>49591073 #

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Anon is unlucky. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)08:37:24 No.67738729 >micropenis >Horrible depression >Autistic >Now I'm f------ balding at 26 Why couldn't I have just been born normal? 23 KB JPG
Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)08:37:24 No.67738729 >micropenis >Horrible depression >Autistic >Now I'm f------ balding at 26 Why couldn't I have just been born normal? 23 KB JPG

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Anon has a guinea pig | /r/Greentext


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Anon opens up (and gets made fun of) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)10:12:28 No.874207462 >gf says i should open up >not bottle up my feelings anymore >ever since we started dating she noticed that i have trust issues especially with women >gf asks me why >think "eh why not, lots of men are 206 KB JPG opening up" >tell her about how my older female cousin molested me when i was 10, did it on and off until i was 13. >gf pretended to listen >pretended to care >she didnt offer any consolation, only listened with a blank stare >not saying anything until long after i was done talking >mfw she only wanted to hear this to make fun of me for it >mfw she brought it up at her friends wedding we went to together >mfw she only wanted me to open up so she had something to talk about at a party She was a c---, but surely not all women are like this, just her right?
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)10:12:28 No.874207462 >gf says i should open up >not bottle up my feelings anymore >ever since we started dating she noticed that i have trust issues especially with women >gf asks me why >think "eh why not, lots of men are 206 KB JPG opening up" >tell her about how my older female cousin molested me when i was 10, did it on and off until i was 13. >gf pretended to listen >pretended to care >she didnt offer any consolation, only listened with a blank stare >not saying anything until long after i was done talking >mfw she only wanted to hear this to make fun of me for it >mfw she brought it up at her friends wedding we went to together >mfw she only wanted me to open up so she had something to talk about at a party She was a c---, but surely not all women are like this, just her right?

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Anon goes on Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)09:48:21 No.874197641 >be me >depressed >gonna get fired soon and threw my 15 year career down the drain >cant sleep because mind racing >each night pretend in my head I'm on Joe rogan >think of interesting subjects to 6 KB JPG discuss with joe >he listens and enjoys talking to me >he's the only one who does >fall asleep. It's like this every f------ night now, what tf is going on with me.
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)09:48:21 No.874197641 >be me >depressed >gonna get fired soon and threw my 15 year career down the drain >cant sleep because mind racing >each night pretend in my head I'm on Joe rogan >think of interesting subjects to 6 KB JPG discuss with joe >he listens and enjoys talking to me >he's the only one who does >fall asleep. It's like this every f------ night now, what tf is going on with me.

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Anon can't piss far | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)01:30:31 No.65863886 >be me GET HUGE >7 years old just moved to new neighbourhood >start hanging with local kids >meet this one kid Gavin who had a weird beatles haircut and piggy eyes >says he can piss further than anyone >whatever.png 43 KB JPG >few days later find myself pissing in a bush by a wall next to Gavin >The f----- pisses right over the wall without splashing the top >The wall is 8ft high >look at Gavin in awe & disbelief >smugGavin.jpg I'm 24 now and I'm still impressed by what I seen that day. How do I make pissing strength gains like Gavin? My stream is weak and feminine. I doubt I could even piss into my own mouth while standing up. 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)01:30:31 No.65863886 >be me GET HUGE >7 years old just moved to new neighbourhood >start hanging with local kids >meet this one kid Gavin who had a weird beatles haircut and piggy eyes >says he can piss further than anyone >whatever.png 43 KB JPG >few days later find myself pissing in a bush by a wall next to Gavin >The f----- pisses right over the wall without splashing the top >The wall is 8ft high >look at Gavin in awe & disbelief >smugGavin.jpg I'm 24 now and I'm still impressed by what I seen that day. How do I make pissing strength gains like Gavin? My stream is weak and feminine. I doubt I could even piss into my own mouth while standing up. 2 Replies View Thread

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Remember moms best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:31:01 No.46671113 >be me >sad and depressed >mom comes over >she makes pancakes Thanks mom, i love you 7 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:33:39 No.46671147 >be me >loser working dead end job barely enough to pay rent >no friends, dont talk to co workers >depressed >mom comes over every week to cook several days worth of food and restock groceries >cleans my place >never asks for anything Reminder to love your mom.
: Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:31:01 No.46671113 >be me >sad and depressed >mom comes over >she makes pancakes Thanks mom, i love you 7 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:33:39 No.46671147 >be me >loser working dead end job barely enough to pay rent >no friends, dont talk to co workers >depressed >mom comes over every week to cook several days worth of food and restock groceries >cleans my place >never asks for anything Reminder to love your mom.

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Anon is a loving person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:26:19 No.67737719 >charismatic >witty >use this to my advantage and sometimes I just grab one of my female friends and hug her just to feel her t--- 23 KB PNG >then quickly throw a joke here and there to make it seem I'm just happy >now they're happy and smiling >get away with groping them by doing this every time >girls just assume I'm a really happy and loving person >l'm actually extremely suicidal and constantly imagine myself r----- them and making them choke with my c--- Anyone else tried this before? 2 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:48:59 No.67737904
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:26:19 No.67737719 >charismatic >witty >use this to my advantage and sometimes I just grab one of my female friends and hug her just to feel her t--- 23 KB PNG >then quickly throw a joke here and there to make it seem I'm just happy >now they're happy and smiling >get away with groping them by doing this every time >girls just assume I'm a really happy and loving person >l'm actually extremely suicidal and constantly imagine myself r----- them and making them choke with my c--- Anyone else tried this before? 2 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:48:59 No.67737904

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Anon is sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG

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Anon is 15 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are
: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are

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Anon is tech support | /r/Greentext

File: 1533077036598.png (609 KB, 496x455) Anonymous 07/31/18(Tue)20:52:36 No.775907340 ITT: Tech support hell >Be me >First week working at new tech repair place >Guy brings in 2015 macbook >Says it just stopped working >Ask him if he spilled anything on it >He gets really p----- and says no >Pays up front cost and leaves >Open up the computer >holymotherfuck.dmg >The smell is so bad co worker asked if a rat died in it >Turn on the fume extractor and look closer at the mobo >looks fine >look near the airvent >lts f------ covered in c-- >l actually throw up >Call customer and tell him it's irreparable and apologize >He tells me to go f--- myself and hangs up >Comes in the next day >Give him back the macbook and his down payment >Three days later I get called into bosses office >He show me a one star yelp review from the guy that brought in the cumbook >Boss asks what happend >Show him the pictures of the macbook >He nearly gets sick >He calls the customer and asks him for his side >He said I was the one that cumed on his mobo
File: 1533077036598.png (609 KB, 496x455) Anonymous 07/31/18(Tue)20:52:36 No.775907340 ITT: Tech support hell >Be me >First week working at new tech repair place >Guy brings in 2015 macbook >Says it just stopped working >Ask him if he spilled anything on it >He gets really p----- and says no >Pays up front cost and leaves >Open up the computer >holymotherfuck.dmg >The smell is so bad co worker asked if a rat died in it >Turn on the fume extractor and look closer at the mobo >looks fine >look near the airvent >lts f------ covered in c-- >l actually throw up >Call customer and tell him it's irreparable and apologize >He tells me to go f--- myself and hangs up >Comes in the next day >Give him back the macbook and his down payment >Three days later I get called into bosses office >He show me a one star yelp review from the guy that brought in the cumbook >Boss asks what happend >Show him the pictures of the macbook >He nearly gets sick >He calls the customer and asks him for his side >He said I was the one that cumed on his mobo

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Anon's peepee is soft | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)18:54:36 No.49217992 >be me >give up in losing virginity the natural way >hire prostitute >this is it, boys >she kisses me first 764 KB PNG >she starts to pull down my pants >no boner >too shy to get hard >just my soft one inch button d--- >she looks like she was holding back a smirk. I might of just imagined this >l apologise immediatley "sorry, I usually have no problems with this" >she starts playing with my one inch wonder to try get it to grow >5 minutes of her playing with my d--- and stripping for me still can't get it up >say l'll try >start playing with it to get hard >she's sitting their watching me play with my micro d--- in a panic >can't get it up no matter what >start to get frustrated and humilated >unironically break down in tears >she looks at me like I'm the saddest most pathetic thing in the world >she lets me just spoon with her for the hour >get a boner as soon as she's gone I couldn't do it, boys. I tried my best. : Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)19:08:45 No.49218137 >>49217992 (OP) # Did you get a discount? >>49218180 #
: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)18:54:36 No.49217992 >be me >give up in losing virginity the natural way >hire prostitute >this is it, boys >she kisses me first 764 KB PNG >she starts to pull down my pants >no boner >too shy to get hard >just my soft one inch button d--- >she looks like she was holding back a smirk. I might of just imagined this >l apologise immediatley "sorry, I usually have no problems with this" >she starts playing with my one inch wonder to try get it to grow >5 minutes of her playing with my d--- and stripping for me still can't get it up >say l'll try >start playing with it to get hard >she's sitting their watching me play with my micro d--- in a panic >can't get it up no matter what >start to get frustrated and humilated >unironically break down in tears >she looks at me like I'm the saddest most pathetic thing in the world >she lets me just spoon with her for the hour >get a boner as soon as she's gone I couldn't do it, boys. I tried my best. : Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)19:08:45 No.49218137 >>49217992 (OP) # Did you get a discount? >>49218180 #

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#BlackLivesMatterAnon gets a new gaming buddy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. 3 KB JPG >l heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man
: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. 3 KB JPG >l heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man

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Anon dislikes Titanic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this a great love story 70 KB JPG Why are women like this?
: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this a great love story 70 KB JPG Why are women like this?

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Birthday boy loves cake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/20(Thu)05:18:00 No.58910319 >be me, 380 pound bouncing baby boy >stumble out of bed at 3 in the afternoon >look in mirror at naked morbidly obese body, no clean underwear = no clothes for me today = no leaving my room today >waddle across a maze of piss bottles and s--- 27 KB JPG jugs to get to my computer >play vidya nonstop as the sun dips over the horizon, pausing only to munch on leftover chicken tendies in my mini fridge >scream at camping f------ at the top of my lungs. It's been years since mom gave up on asking me to stop yelling profanity at my computer >also been years since she's given up on telling me to get a job, go back to college, go on a diet, etc >it's midnight >hear knock on my door, mom mumbles something >can smell the alcohol in her breath from all the way over here >as her footsteps stumble away, I search floor for a pair of undies with the least amount of s--- stains and c-- crust >open the door, see a cake lying on the floor >"HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY ANON" >take cake inside, start munching on it >hear a muffled gunshot from mom's room >mfw this cake is delicious af
: Anonymous 07/02/20(Thu)05:18:00 No.58910319 >be me, 380 pound bouncing baby boy >stumble out of bed at 3 in the afternoon >look in mirror at naked morbidly obese body, no clean underwear = no clothes for me today = no leaving my room today >waddle across a maze of piss bottles and s--- 27 KB JPG jugs to get to my computer >play vidya nonstop as the sun dips over the horizon, pausing only to munch on leftover chicken tendies in my mini fridge >scream at camping f------ at the top of my lungs. It's been years since mom gave up on asking me to stop yelling profanity at my computer >also been years since she's given up on telling me to get a job, go back to college, go on a diet, etc >it's midnight >hear knock on my door, mom mumbles something >can smell the alcohol in her breath from all the way over here >as her footsteps stumble away, I search floor for a pair of undies with the least amount of s--- stains and c-- crust >open the door, see a cake lying on the floor >"HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY ANON" >take cake inside, start munching on it >hear a muffled gunshot from mom's room >mfw this cake is delicious af

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