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Anon opens up (and gets made fun of) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)10:12:28 No.874207462 >gf says i should open up >not bottle up my feelings anymore >ever since we started dating she noticed that i have trust issues especially with women >gf asks me why >think "eh why not, lots of men are 206 KB JPG opening up" >tell her about how my older female cousin molested me when i was 10, did it on and off until i was 13. >gf pretended to listen >pretended to care >she didnt offer any consolation, only listened with a blank stare >not saying anything until long after i was done talking >mfw she only wanted to hear this to make fun of me for it >mfw she brought it up at her friends wedding we went to together >mfw she only wanted me to open up so she had something to talk about at a party She was a c---, but surely not all women are like this, just her right?
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)10:12:28 No.874207462 >gf says i should open up >not bottle up my feelings anymore >ever since we started dating she noticed that i have trust issues especially with women >gf asks me why >think "eh why not, lots of men are 206 KB JPG opening up" >tell her about how my older female cousin molested me when i was 10, did it on and off until i was 13. >gf pretended to listen >pretended to care >she didnt offer any consolation, only listened with a blank stare >not saying anything until long after i was done talking >mfw she only wanted to hear this to make fun of me for it >mfw she brought it up at her friends wedding we went to together >mfw she only wanted me to open up so she had something to talk about at a party She was a c---, but surely not all women are like this, just her right?

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Anon goes on Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)09:48:21 No.874197641 >be me >depressed >gonna get fired soon and threw my 15 year career down the drain >cant sleep because mind racing >each night pretend in my head I'm on Joe rogan >think of interesting subjects to 6 KB JPG discuss with joe >he listens and enjoys talking to me >he's the only one who does >fall asleep. It's like this every f------ night now, what tf is going on with me.
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)09:48:21 No.874197641 >be me >depressed >gonna get fired soon and threw my 15 year career down the drain >cant sleep because mind racing >each night pretend in my head I'm on Joe rogan >think of interesting subjects to 6 KB JPG discuss with joe >he listens and enjoys talking to me >he's the only one who does >fall asleep. It's like this every f------ night now, what tf is going on with me.

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Anon can't piss far | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)01:30:31 No.65863886 >be me GET HUGE >7 years old just moved to new neighbourhood >start hanging with local kids >meet this one kid Gavin who had a weird beatles haircut and piggy eyes >says he can piss further than anyone >whatever.png 43 KB JPG >few days later find myself pissing in a bush by a wall next to Gavin >The f----- pisses right over the wall without splashing the top >The wall is 8ft high >look at Gavin in awe & disbelief >smugGavin.jpg I'm 24 now and I'm still impressed by what I seen that day. How do I make pissing strength gains like Gavin? My stream is weak and feminine. I doubt I could even piss into my own mouth while standing up. 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)01:30:31 No.65863886 >be me GET HUGE >7 years old just moved to new neighbourhood >start hanging with local kids >meet this one kid Gavin who had a weird beatles haircut and piggy eyes >says he can piss further than anyone >whatever.png 43 KB JPG >few days later find myself pissing in a bush by a wall next to Gavin >The f----- pisses right over the wall without splashing the top >The wall is 8ft high >look at Gavin in awe & disbelief >smugGavin.jpg I'm 24 now and I'm still impressed by what I seen that day. How do I make pissing strength gains like Gavin? My stream is weak and feminine. I doubt I could even piss into my own mouth while standing up. 2 Replies View Thread

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Remember moms best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:31:01 No.46671113 >be me >sad and depressed >mom comes over >she makes pancakes Thanks mom, i love you 7 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:33:39 No.46671147 >be me >loser working dead end job barely enough to pay rent >no friends, dont talk to co workers >depressed >mom comes over every week to cook several days worth of food and restock groceries >cleans my place >never asks for anything Reminder to love your mom.
: Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:31:01 No.46671113 >be me >sad and depressed >mom comes over >she makes pancakes Thanks mom, i love you 7 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 07/09/18(Mon)14:33:39 No.46671147 >be me >loser working dead end job barely enough to pay rent >no friends, dont talk to co workers >depressed >mom comes over every week to cook several days worth of food and restock groceries >cleans my place >never asks for anything Reminder to love your mom.

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Anon is a loving person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:26:19 No.67737719 >charismatic >witty >use this to my advantage and sometimes I just grab one of my female friends and hug her just to feel her t--- 23 KB PNG >then quickly throw a joke here and there to make it seem I'm just happy >now they're happy and smiling >get away with groping them by doing this every time >girls just assume I'm a really happy and loving person >l'm actually extremely suicidal and constantly imagine myself r----- them and making them choke with my c--- Anyone else tried this before? 2 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:48:59 No.67737904
: Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:26:19 No.67737719 >charismatic >witty >use this to my advantage and sometimes I just grab one of my female friends and hug her just to feel her t--- 23 KB PNG >then quickly throw a joke here and there to make it seem I'm just happy >now they're happy and smiling >get away with groping them by doing this every time >girls just assume I'm a really happy and loving person >l'm actually extremely suicidal and constantly imagine myself r----- them and making them choke with my c--- Anyone else tried this before? 2 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/22(Fri)12:48:59 No.67737904

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Anon is sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:31:39 No.777406632 >you will never own a real train 207 KB JPG : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:34:04 No.777406758 yeah that is kind of sad. trains are cool. : Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)16:40:18 No.777407058 248 KB JPG

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Anon is 15 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are
: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are

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Anon is tech support | /r/Greentext

File: 1533077036598.png (609 KB, 496x455) Anonymous 07/31/18(Tue)20:52:36 No.775907340 ITT: Tech support hell >Be me >First week working at new tech repair place >Guy brings in 2015 macbook >Says it just stopped working >Ask him if he spilled anything on it >He gets really p----- and says no >Pays up front cost and leaves >Open up the computer >holymotherfuck.dmg >The smell is so bad co worker asked if a rat died in it >Turn on the fume extractor and look closer at the mobo >looks fine >look near the airvent >lts f------ covered in c-- >l actually throw up >Call customer and tell him it's irreparable and apologize >He tells me to go f--- myself and hangs up >Comes in the next day >Give him back the macbook and his down payment >Three days later I get called into bosses office >He show me a one star yelp review from the guy that brought in the cumbook >Boss asks what happend >Show him the pictures of the macbook >He nearly gets sick >He calls the customer and asks him for his side >He said I was the one that cumed on his mobo
File: 1533077036598.png (609 KB, 496x455) Anonymous 07/31/18(Tue)20:52:36 No.775907340 ITT: Tech support hell >Be me >First week working at new tech repair place >Guy brings in 2015 macbook >Says it just stopped working >Ask him if he spilled anything on it >He gets really p----- and says no >Pays up front cost and leaves >Open up the computer >holymotherfuck.dmg >The smell is so bad co worker asked if a rat died in it >Turn on the fume extractor and look closer at the mobo >looks fine >look near the airvent >lts f------ covered in c-- >l actually throw up >Call customer and tell him it's irreparable and apologize >He tells me to go f--- myself and hangs up >Comes in the next day >Give him back the macbook and his down payment >Three days later I get called into bosses office >He show me a one star yelp review from the guy that brought in the cumbook >Boss asks what happend >Show him the pictures of the macbook >He nearly gets sick >He calls the customer and asks him for his side >He said I was the one that cumed on his mobo

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Anon's peepee is soft | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)18:54:36 No.49217992 >be me >give up in losing virginity the natural way >hire prostitute >this is it, boys >she kisses me first 764 KB PNG >she starts to pull down my pants >no boner >too shy to get hard >just my soft one inch button d--- >she looks like she was holding back a smirk. I might of just imagined this >l apologise immediatley "sorry, I usually have no problems with this" >she starts playing with my one inch wonder to try get it to grow >5 minutes of her playing with my d--- and stripping for me still can't get it up >say l'll try >start playing with it to get hard >she's sitting their watching me play with my micro d--- in a panic >can't get it up no matter what >start to get frustrated and humilated >unironically break down in tears >she looks at me like I'm the saddest most pathetic thing in the world >she lets me just spoon with her for the hour >get a boner as soon as she's gone I couldn't do it, boys. I tried my best. : Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)19:08:45 No.49218137 >>49217992 (OP) # Did you get a discount? >>49218180 #
: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)18:54:36 No.49217992 >be me >give up in losing virginity the natural way >hire prostitute >this is it, boys >she kisses me first 764 KB PNG >she starts to pull down my pants >no boner >too shy to get hard >just my soft one inch button d--- >she looks like she was holding back a smirk. I might of just imagined this >l apologise immediatley "sorry, I usually have no problems with this" >she starts playing with my one inch wonder to try get it to grow >5 minutes of her playing with my d--- and stripping for me still can't get it up >say l'll try >start playing with it to get hard >she's sitting their watching me play with my micro d--- in a panic >can't get it up no matter what >start to get frustrated and humilated >unironically break down in tears >she looks at me like I'm the saddest most pathetic thing in the world >she lets me just spoon with her for the hour >get a boner as soon as she's gone I couldn't do it, boys. I tried my best. : Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)19:08:45 No.49218137 >>49217992 (OP) # Did you get a discount? >>49218180 #

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#BlackLivesMatterAnon gets a new gaming buddy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. 3 KB JPG >l heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man
: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. 3 KB JPG >l heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man

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Anon dislikes Titanic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this a great love story 70 KB JPG Why are women like this?
: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this a great love story 70 KB JPG Why are women like this?

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Birthday boy loves cake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/20(Thu)05:18:00 No.58910319 >be me, 380 pound bouncing baby boy >stumble out of bed at 3 in the afternoon >look in mirror at naked morbidly obese body, no clean underwear = no clothes for me today = no leaving my room today >waddle across a maze of piss bottles and s--- 27 KB JPG jugs to get to my computer >play vidya nonstop as the sun dips over the horizon, pausing only to munch on leftover chicken tendies in my mini fridge >scream at camping f------ at the top of my lungs. It's been years since mom gave up on asking me to stop yelling profanity at my computer >also been years since she's given up on telling me to get a job, go back to college, go on a diet, etc >it's midnight >hear knock on my door, mom mumbles something >can smell the alcohol in her breath from all the way over here >as her footsteps stumble away, I search floor for a pair of undies with the least amount of s--- stains and c-- crust >open the door, see a cake lying on the floor >"HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY ANON" >take cake inside, start munching on it >hear a muffled gunshot from mom's room >mfw this cake is delicious af
: Anonymous 07/02/20(Thu)05:18:00 No.58910319 >be me, 380 pound bouncing baby boy >stumble out of bed at 3 in the afternoon >look in mirror at naked morbidly obese body, no clean underwear = no clothes for me today = no leaving my room today >waddle across a maze of piss bottles and s--- 27 KB JPG jugs to get to my computer >play vidya nonstop as the sun dips over the horizon, pausing only to munch on leftover chicken tendies in my mini fridge >scream at camping f------ at the top of my lungs. It's been years since mom gave up on asking me to stop yelling profanity at my computer >also been years since she's given up on telling me to get a job, go back to college, go on a diet, etc >it's midnight >hear knock on my door, mom mumbles something >can smell the alcohol in her breath from all the way over here >as her footsteps stumble away, I search floor for a pair of undies with the least amount of s--- stains and c-- crust >open the door, see a cake lying on the floor >"HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY ANON" >take cake inside, start munching on it >hear a muffled gunshot from mom's room >mfw this cake is delicious af

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Anon plays Skyrim with mods | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 490220562 10 órával ezelőtt >>490219614 >have a coomer skyrim fully modded out to fulfill my degenerate fantasies >younger cousin sees the icon on my desktop and wants to play >sure h-haha go get a chair while I start up the game >start up mod organizer 2 and quickly change profiles so he can play a vanilla game >watch over him play like a f------ eagle for any sign of not so vanilla-friendly things 129,1 kB PNG I'm glad modders think of everything but goddamn I nearly had a heart attack
Anonymous 490220562 10 órával ezelőtt >>490219614 >have a coomer skyrim fully modded out to fulfill my degenerate fantasies >younger cousin sees the icon on my desktop and wants to play >sure h-haha go get a chair while I start up the game >start up mod organizer 2 and quickly change profiles so he can play a vanilla game >watch over him play like a f------ eagle for any sign of not so vanilla-friendly things 129,1 kB PNG I'm glad modders think of everything but goddamn I nearly had a heart attack

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> thought i had to eat the whole thing | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:11:53 No.8771033 >two weeks ago >make thread asking how to eat these >today >Can't stop eating these Why did you uncage this demon 2.79 MB JPG 18 Replies /1 Image View Thread Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:13:07 No.8771037 >asking how to eat sunflower seeds are you more stupid than a bird
Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:11:53 No.8771033 >two weeks ago >make thread asking how to eat these >today >Can't stop eating these Why did you uncage this demon 2.79 MB JPG 18 Replies /1 Image View Thread Anonymous 04/04/17(Tue)19:13:07 No.8771037 >asking how to eat sunflower seeds are you more stupid than a bird

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Anon needed to piss | /r/Greentext

No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MiB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >It's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw ...
No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MiB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >It's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw ...

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Anon does some shitposting | /r/Greentext


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"based meds" | /r/Greentext


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Anon does not watch movies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/22(Tue)12:26:02 No.164846763 D84D9F6D-79A1-48DE-B19C-0805A2610B08.jpg 22 KB JPG The fact that he's been memed to the point of being recognized by zoomers who have never seen the movie as the sigma male grindset rich guy instead of a serial killer is utterly poetic
: Anonymous 03/08/22(Tue)12:26:02 No.164846763 D84D9F6D-79A1-48DE-B19C-0805A2610B08.jpg 22 KB JPG The fact that he's been memed to the point of being recognized by zoomers who have never seen the movie as the sigma male grindset rich guy instead of a serial killer is utterly poetic

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Anon is mega boosted | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous (ID: kj424e09 Is it illegal for me to lie ab(...) 07/28/21(Wed)20:55:02 No.3319138E >have a bit of autistic tendencies my doctors say. >l'll get stressed about Corona virus for no reason, out of the blue a whole lot I don't know why. >go to the Walgreens or clinic and ask to get the vaccine. >on the form they make you check the box that you 117 KB JPG haven't had the Corona virus shot more then twice or more than once every 2 weeks. >if you give the wrong answer they won't give you the shot. I've had 31 shots in the last 6 months, sometimes up to 3 a week. Can I get in legal trouble for lying on these forms?
:Anonymous (ID: kj424e09 Is it illegal for me to lie ab(...) 07/28/21(Wed)20:55:02 No.3319138E >have a bit of autistic tendencies my doctors say. >l'll get stressed about Corona virus for no reason, out of the blue a whole lot I don't know why. >go to the Walgreens or clinic and ask to get the vaccine. >on the form they make you check the box that you 117 KB JPG haven't had the Corona virus shot more then twice or more than once every 2 weeks. >if you give the wrong answer they won't give you the shot. I've had 31 shots in the last 6 months, sometimes up to 3 a week. Can I get in legal trouble for lying on these forms?

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Anon likes sweet feet | /r/Greentext


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