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Anon isn't a rapist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class
: Anonymous Tent In School grounds 01/10/19(Thu)10:38:22 No.503453 >Be Me >14 years old >During the break in our school my friend asks me to follow him to the woods near the school >Still within the school grounds sc i follow him >We walk for there and it takes us 90 KB GIF few minutes >We group up with every other guy from our class >l ask my friend what's going on >He says its a secret and asks me not to tell anyone >We "group of 7 guys" walk in the woods >There's a tent in the small opening of the forest >Friend opens the zipper on the tent >One girl from our class is the waiting for us >Everyone else except me go in the tent and start fondling her >l ask my friend what's going on >He just replies and says this is normal and they've done it to every girl from our class

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Anon plays with a hampster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/04/19(Thu)12:21:05 No.796629827 > be me The One Man'sstory of PTSD > be 11 years old > read about prostate stimulation on the internet > don't realize its gay s--- > read about hampstering > don't realize you need a tube > steal little sisters hampster, put on desk next to 221 KB GIF kleenex and lotion > p---.mpg > grab hampster and make attempt > thing struggles and dies > My 11 year old self I thought it was submitting > get it partway in > anus clenches > crunch > sharp pain > panic > my dads face when I show him the dead hampster hanging halfway out my ass > my dads face when we don't speak on the way to the emergency room > my dads face when we barely speak for the next 10 years living in the same house 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon goes through airport security | /r/Greentext

File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe
File: 1388964866137.jpg-(330 KB, 993x755, bueno.jpg) Anonymous 01/05/14(Sun)17:34:26 UTC-6 No.525318071 BUENO >Be me 16 >At London Airport >Going through Customs to get back to Murica >Bag goes through security >ВЕЕР ВЕЕР >Pushed into manual inspection line >Wait 20 minutes for british fatass to finish checking other backs AAPRATTIEEEEEEE Gets to mine >F------ drops it >Picks it back up. "Oh no m8, no snowglobes allowed" >Picked up a $40 snowglobe for my gf back home >Hatch an idea >"You dropped my bag, can you check to make sure everything else is okay?" >"Yeah fine, sorry about that" >Pulls out my tablet, which has been cracked for 2 years >"WHAT THẺ F--- YOU BROKE MY F------ TÁBLET" >"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOGMOMG I'm so sorry!" >Goes and fills out paperwork for damage >Tablet also out of battery >"S--- won't turn on" >"F--- m8, how much did it cost?" >"500" >MFW she writes 500 pounds, not 500 dollars >MFW it was a $200 Nook Color >MFW I get $820 in the mail Don't f--- with my snowglobe

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Anon is rekt again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/22(Sat)10:18:03 No.67752905 At a club >been chatting up this girl >we talk for an hour or so at the bar >thankfully music wasn't that loud >decide to make a move >"Anon, I will go downstairs to WC" 11 KB JPG >ok >10min have passed, she hasn't come back >go downstairs, sit at a table >l see her coming out of the WC with some dude. She is tucking in her blouse >looks exhausted >walks by me completely ignoring me Rekt again 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/12/22(Sat)10:18:03 No.67752905 At a club >been chatting up this girl >we talk for an hour or so at the bar >thankfully music wasn't that loud >decide to make a move >"Anon, I will go downstairs to WC" 11 KB JPG >ok >10min have passed, she hasn't come back >go downstairs, sit at a table >l see her coming out of the WC with some dude. She is tucking in her blouse >looks exhausted >walks by me completely ignoring me Rekt again 4 Replies View Thread

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Anon is a gay pedo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:24:13 No.874429103 >be me, degenerate coomer >meet a girl at work >for some reason she likes me >take her out to dinner >take a walk in the park afterwards >she kisses me >mfw I now have to retrain myself to get boners for normal human women 8 KB JPG after months of daily shota threads and t----- p---
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:24:13 No.874429103 >be me, degenerate coomer >meet a girl at work >for some reason she likes me >take her out to dinner >take a walk in the park afterwards >she kisses me >mfw I now have to retrain myself to get boners for normal human women 8 KB JPG after months of daily shota threads and t----- p---

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Anon is Indian | /r/Greentext

>be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth
>be indian >wake up to screams of women being gang r---- >pray to blue two-headed rhino god >no shower so bathe in the Ganges >almost choke on child's spinal column >ride on roof of victorian train to the call centre >"hello this is hank from computer company we need to ask you a few-" *click* >creepily hit on western women on facebook during breaktime >walking home >need to take a s--- for the 35th time that day >squat over a dying orphan who happened to be in the way >wipe anus with hand >eat rice from a giant communal bowl >use hands like a chimp >time for bed >crawl up in a pile of straw with, pray to 5 armed lobster-woman god for allowing me to live in the greatest country on earth

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anon eliminates climate change | /r/Greentext

>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as
>luv me chips >luv me crisps >'ate climate change >simple as

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Anon switches teams when the game gets hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:50:42 No.874455849 >be me >no luck online dating >download grinder >inbox is flooded in 2 hours time 46 messages >find a cute femboy Saues 76 KB JPG >end up chatting for a bit and am invited to hangout >never dated a guy but what the hell >go on a pretty nice date, dudes always complementing me which I've never had on a date >he's actually trying to impress me, get to know me etc >l feel beyond flattered >end up back at his place >super clean, spotless and organized >actually lives on his own in a nice house in the suburbs >end up watching Borat and having a great time >we did end up kissing and sleeping together and it was honestly amazing >been together for 5 months now and I couldn't be happier >no drama, no periods, full sex life, adventures, and he spends money on me buying me gifts, clothes, even got me a new Xbox when my Xbox one crapped out >l've never been treated this way by any female ever >l don't think I will ever go back >gay is the way Anons >pic isn't him the only one I could find that looks similar
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)23:50:42 No.874455849 >be me >no luck online dating >download grinder >inbox is flooded in 2 hours time 46 messages >find a cute femboy Saues 76 KB JPG >end up chatting for a bit and am invited to hangout >never dated a guy but what the hell >go on a pretty nice date, dudes always complementing me which I've never had on a date >he's actually trying to impress me, get to know me etc >l feel beyond flattered >end up back at his place >super clean, spotless and organized >actually lives on his own in a nice house in the suburbs >end up watching Borat and having a great time >we did end up kissing and sleeping together and it was honestly amazing >been together for 5 months now and I couldn't be happier >no drama, no periods, full sex life, adventures, and he spends money on me buying me gifts, clothes, even got me a new Xbox when my Xbox one crapped out >l've never been treated this way by any female ever >l don't think I will ever go back >gay is the way Anons >pic isn't him the only one I could find that looks similar

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Anon meets whale | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke
O Anonymous 01/06/14(Mon)02:47:34 UTC-7 No.525433702 >Wendy's >Working drive-thru >Woman in fatty chair comes through >She pays and gets her food >Her hover round dies in the drive-thru >She can't move, can't get up to move it >Literally stuck and unable to move >Some guy gets out of his car to push her out of the way >Chair won't budge >She gets pissy >Yells at the guy to get into his car and bump her with his car to move her >He says no >End up calling 911 >10 minutes later >They move her and ask why she didn't go inside. Dangerous to use a scooter in a drive-thru >"The door doesn't accommodate my size." >She ordered a triple Baconator >Diet Coke

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Anon has a curse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)11:03:53 No.789891996 images.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >18, 6', good looking male >Loads of girls like me >But everytime I end up in bed with someone there is a problem >Every girl is scared by my c--- >Mfw I'm a virgin because of big c--- >30 minutes ago >Decide to pay an escort to finally have sex >Escort see c--- >Says c--- is too big >Get money back >Still Virgin >Mfw
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)11:03:53 No.789891996 images.jpg 6 KB JPG >be me >18, 6', good looking male >Loads of girls like me >But everytime I end up in bed with someone there is a problem >Every girl is scared by my c--- >Mfw I'm a virgin because of big c--- >30 minutes ago >Decide to pay an escort to finally have sex >Escort see c--- >Says c--- is too big >Get money back >Still Virgin >Mfw

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Fortnite Bad >:| | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)13:15:05 No.454850861 >just a rip off of other games that released years prior. >gets worse with every update >people only play it so they can collect s----- cosmetics >it's playerbase consists of s----- toxic players FORTNITE 483 KB JPG >barely has a story and relies on its obnoxious fans to make one for them >slowly dying off and the devs are desperately trying to keep it relevant God I f------ hate overwatch. Any other points missed? >pic unrelated.
: Anonymous 03/17/19(Sun)13:15:05 No.454850861 >just a rip off of other games that released years prior. >gets worse with every update >people only play it so they can collect s----- cosmetics >it's playerbase consists of s----- toxic players FORTNITE 483 KB JPG >barely has a story and relies on its obnoxious fans to make one for them >slowly dying off and the devs are desperately trying to keep it relevant God I f------ hate overwatch. Any other points missed? >pic unrelated.

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Anon is transphobic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)15:07:54 No.796027787 >have a dream that my brother is a man again >wake up >check facebook >he's still a goddamn ugly ass t----- i just want my brother back 72 KB JPG 152 Replies / 17 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/27/19(Wed)15:07:54 No.796027787 >have a dream that my brother is a man again >wake up >check facebook >he's still a goddamn ugly ass t----- i just want my brother back 72 KB JPG 152 Replies / 17 Images View Thread

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anon knows someone that knows someone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)15:55:17 No.874427546 >be me >Admin of a little discord server >Have this friend >Unturnedplayer.3gp >He brings a guy he met on unturned to the server >l say "send cp" as a internal joke between us 2 KB PNG >Mfw he says "i actually have, you want some" >Later get a 13GB mega folder on your dms >It actually is This happened 2 times already, w-- happens with unturned players?
: Anonymous 03/14/22(Mon)15:55:17 No.874427546 >be me >Admin of a little discord server >Have this friend >Unturnedplayer.3gp >He brings a guy he met on unturned to the server >l say "send cp" as a internal joke between us 2 KB PNG >Mfw he says "i actually have, you want some" >Later get a 13GB mega folder on your dms >It actually is This happened 2 times already, w-- happens with unturned players?

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Anon gets some ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times
: Anonymous 10/26/17(Thu)09:05:16 No.40672881 Totally OP, I did the same. >Asked mom that I wanted to f--- a girl >She said, you can f--- me, but only in the ass. >Start f------ mom. >Decide to rub her clit >Find a d--- >Turns out it was a prank by my dad. I won't fall for the same trick 3 times

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not green but still | /r/Greentext

dqv7qdxijg341.jpg 77 KB JPG How would history change if there was a giant disembodied hand that zooms around the planet and crushes one random person with its index finger every day? It's called The Hand and it's always slightly faster than you.
dqv7qdxijg341.jpg 77 KB JPG How would history change if there was a giant disembodied hand that zooms around the planet and crushes one random person with its index finger every day? It's called The Hand and it's always slightly faster than you.

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Anon is a dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: VlgsSTuk ) . schlop schlop schlop schlop 03/10/22(Thu)19:04:09 No.366469914 schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop 48 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous (ID: brnxfcqe ) 03/10/22(Thu)19:05:06 No.366470069 Good f------ post anon. fpbp
: Anonymous (ID: VlgsSTuk ) . schlop schlop schlop schlop 03/10/22(Thu)19:04:09 No.366469914 schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop schlop 48 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous (ID: brnxfcqe ) 03/10/22(Thu)19:05:06 No.366470069 Good f------ post anon. fpbp

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Anon was depressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded
: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded

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Anon is strong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/13/22(Sun)15:49:12 No.65899951 Has your muscle gain help you with women? ITALIA 94 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/13/22(Sun)15:50:19 No.65899962 >>65899951 (OP) # Nah I was already strong enough to defeat all women before I started lifting. >>65899967 # >>65900036 # >>65900229 #
: Anonymous 03/13/22(Sun)15:49:12 No.65899951 Has your muscle gain help you with women? ITALIA 94 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/13/22(Sun)15:50:19 No.65899962 >>65899951 (OP) # Nah I was already strong enough to defeat all women before I started lifting. >>65899967 # >>65900036 # >>65900229 #

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Anon tried to die | /r/Greentext

> be me > learn that success rate for suicide by cutting one's wrists is only about 2% > NotOnMyWatch.jpeg > decide to make multiple deep cuts on my wrists on both arms > actually do it > blood everywhere > everything goes black > wake up in hospital > alive >i failed to kms > mfw
> be me > learn that success rate for suicide by cutting one's wrists is only about 2% > NotOnMyWatch.jpeg > decide to make multiple deep cuts on my wrists on both arms > actually do it > blood everywhere > everything goes black > wake up in hospital > alive >i failed to kms > mfw

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/13/22(Sun)12:38:46 No.165052605 >>165053732 >»165053801 File: Coffee instant.jpg (5 KB, 208x242) >Watching movie >Main character looks directly at me >States my full name, date of birth, credit card and social security COFFEE INSTANT numbers >Reaches through the screen and takes a handful of my popcorn >Movie goes on as if nothing happened
Anonymous 03/13/22(Sun)12:38:46 No.165052605 >>165053732 >»165053801 File: Coffee instant.jpg (5 KB, 208x242) >Watching movie >Main character looks directly at me >States my full name, date of birth, credit card and social security COFFEE INSTANT numbers >Reaches through the screen and takes a handful of my popcorn >Movie goes on as if nothing happened

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