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Canadian is Basically better version of america | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Wz+crcd+ 04/17/19(Wed)05:40:40 No.7873168 >legal drinking/smoking/gambling age is 18 >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons >all police departments have required civilian oversight 21 KB JPG Is this the true land of the free? 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: Wz+crcd+ 04/17/19(Wed)05:40:40 No.7873168 >legal drinking/smoking/gambling age is 18 >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons >all police departments have required civilian oversight 21 KB JPG Is this the true land of the free? 7 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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anons dad is a asshole | /r/Greentext


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Anon is in a dark movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:39:25 No.874856366 I can't stop acting like I'm in a dark movie. >Cousin talks to me >Eventually asks me the question "what did you 69 KB JPG lose?" >Whisper "Everything" with a dead stare >Meet this one chick >We talk >She tells me a joke >I whisper "That's funny" with a dead stare and no emotion : Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:58:59 No.874857421 The movie must be Rain Man because you're autistic. >>874857470 # >>874857927 #
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:39:25 No.874856366 I can't stop acting like I'm in a dark movie. >Cousin talks to me >Eventually asks me the question "what did you 69 KB JPG lose?" >Whisper "Everything" with a dead stare >Meet this one chick >We talk >She tells me a joke >I whisper "That's funny" with a dead stare and no emotion : Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:58:59 No.874857421 The movie must be Rain Man because you're autistic. >>874857470 # >>874857927 #

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biggest brain | /r/Greentext

58873B35-8DFO-40A4-9601-DCB806DCAD5B.jpg 32 KB JPG > be me > went out with qt3.14 once >I think she considered it as date > she is really shy and me aswell > we didn't even hold hands but we still write to each other on IG > told her that I am going to friend's birthday party and I will drink there > write her at 3AM “I woult f-- you hard af" > "anon you are just drunk" > "maibee bat I woult do it anyvay" > "anon wanna come to my place tommorow we can watch movie" > mfw I wasnt drunk > mfw I didnt go to a birthday party > mfw It worked > mfw I wrote it with bad gramatic to look it as I am drunk af Ok anons my brain is just superior. Like how can I be this intelligent it shouldn't even be possible
58873B35-8DFO-40A4-9601-DCB806DCAD5B.jpg 32 KB JPG > be me > went out with qt3.14 once >I think she considered it as date > she is really shy and me aswell > we didn't even hold hands but we still write to each other on IG > told her that I am going to friend's birthday party and I will drink there > write her at 3AM “I woult f-- you hard af" > "anon you are just drunk" > "maibee bat I woult do it anyvay" > "anon wanna come to my place tommorow we can watch movie" > mfw I wasnt drunk > mfw I didnt go to a birthday party > mfw It worked > mfw I wrote it with bad gramatic to look it as I am drunk af Ok anons my brain is just superior. Like how can I be this intelligent it shouldn't even be possible

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Anon is a glutton | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?
: Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?

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anon likes to cause problems on purpose | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/03/11(Mon)03:18 No.82949026 File :1294042721340.jpg-(29 KB, 303x293, 1293692004334 jpg) >go to friends house >he has a humidifier >pour two liter of rootbeer into it >leave
Anonymous 01/03/11(Mon)03:18 No.82949026 File :1294042721340.jpg-(29 KB, 303x293, 1293692004334 jpg) >go to friends house >he has a humidifier >pour two liter of rootbeer into it >leave

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Anon jacks off | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 48906634 36 min. ago >be me >be 15 >hear that only 14yo girls say oof >say oof >im basically a girl now >j------- >say oof again which means that im a guy again since the two oofs cancel each other out 123.2 kB JPG >basically got jacked off by a girl >basically had sex See ya later virgins REPLY Anonymous | 48906721 28 min. ago >be 15 Thanks for letting me know right at the beginning that this was trash
Anonymous | 48906634 36 min. ago >be me >be 15 >hear that only 14yo girls say oof >say oof >im basically a girl now >j------- >say oof again which means that im a guy again since the two oofs cancel each other out 123.2 kB JPG >basically got jacked off by a girl >basically had sex See ya later virgins REPLY Anonymous | 48906721 28 min. ago >be 15 Thanks for letting me know right at the beginning that this was trash

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Anon lives in fear of what is to come | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)21:00:38 No.874813248 f998e1097afca2d480b11f9859e832e3.jpg 69 KB JPG Guys I need help >this man shows up to my door >says he is the milk police >somehow knows I have skim milk in my fridge >he has a warrant and two gallons of two percent milk What do I do anons?
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)21:00:38 No.874813248 f998e1097afca2d480b11f9859e832e3.jpg 69 KB JPG Guys I need help >this man shows up to my door >says he is the milk police >somehow knows I have skim milk in my fridge >he has a warrant and two gallons of two percent milk What do I do anons?

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anon gets mistaken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:47:25 No.789729414 >be me >on computer when phone notification pops up >snapchat >Youve been added to a group chat with 12 others "drinks at mine" 61 KB JPG >girl is a 10/10 that used to talk to me about half a year ago >know no one in the group chat >try to look up her name but it dosent appear in my friends list >look her username up exactly >been blocked > person with same first same as me but different last name gets added to groupchat >leave out of embarassment why me : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:50:59 No.789729670 >>789729414 (OP) # You should have just posted something like "lol no thx" before leaving to look a little less defeated. But oh well, Anon, mistakes happen. Get on with your life, there are bigger problems to face.
: Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:47:25 No.789729414 >be me >on computer when phone notification pops up >snapchat >Youve been added to a group chat with 12 others "drinks at mine" 61 KB JPG >girl is a 10/10 that used to talk to me about half a year ago >know no one in the group chat >try to look up her name but it dosent appear in my friends list >look her username up exactly >been blocked > person with same first same as me but different last name gets added to groupchat >leave out of embarassment why me : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:50:59 No.789729670 >>789729414 (OP) # You should have just posted something like "lol no thx" before leaving to look a little less defeated. But oh well, Anon, mistakes happen. Get on with your life, there are bigger problems to face.

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Anon has screentime | /r/Greentext

>be me >be 12 >playing minecraft >the software my mom and dad put on the computer is going to kick me off in 30 minutes 258 KB PNG >mom and dad are fighting >the timer is running out >they're still fighting >l'm not having any fun >l need to have fun now l'm running out of time >mom and dad are still fighting >I need to have fun NOW BEFORE IT RUNS OUT OF TIME >10 MINUTES LEFT ON THE TIMER >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >5 MINUTES LEFT >l'M NOT DONE YET I DIDNT HAVE ANY FUN TODAY >l'M NOT READY TO GET OFF >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >THE TIMER FINISHES >IT KICKS ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT >I DONT KNOW THE ADMIN PASSWORD >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >sit in room alone >i can hear mom and dad fighting upstairs >cry because l'm not allowed more time on the computer >tomorrow is Monday >l can't play computer on school days >mom and dad are still fighting >cry
>be me >be 12 >playing minecraft >the software my mom and dad put on the computer is going to kick me off in 30 minutes 258 KB PNG >mom and dad are fighting >the timer is running out >they're still fighting >l'm not having any fun >l need to have fun now l'm running out of time >mom and dad are still fighting >I need to have fun NOW BEFORE IT RUNS OUT OF TIME >10 MINUTES LEFT ON THE TIMER >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >5 MINUTES LEFT >l'M NOT DONE YET I DIDNT HAVE ANY FUN TODAY >l'M NOT READY TO GET OFF >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >THE TIMER FINISHES >IT KICKS ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT >I DONT KNOW THE ADMIN PASSWORD >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >sit in room alone >i can hear mom and dad fighting upstairs >cry because l'm not allowed more time on the computer >tomorrow is Monday >l can't play computer on school days >mom and dad are still fighting >cry

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Anon has an excuse. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:13:06 No.67876604 > 5'7 > literally autistic > raised by an abusive single mom > one of the most successful artists alive 45 KB JPG What's your excuse /r9k/? Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:15:03 No.67876634 I am not a rap god
Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:13:06 No.67876604 > 5'7 > literally autistic > raised by an abusive single mom > one of the most successful artists alive 45 KB JPG What's your excuse /r9k/? Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:15:03 No.67876634 I am not a rap god

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Anon glitches the matrix | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)23:01:54 No.874844894 >Food ordering website displays incorrect information about a meal >Says it comes with an item it doesn't >I know it doesn't, but the website doesn't know that I know that item 24 KB JPG doesn't come with the meal >Order meal, intending to get a refund for the "missing item" >Food arrives, as expected it's missing one of the items in the description >Message websites support >15 minutes later I am given a full refund >Basically free food Should I feel bad for doing this? I don't feel bad to be honest, plus I'm low on cash so free food is great
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)23:01:54 No.874844894 >Food ordering website displays incorrect information about a meal >Says it comes with an item it doesn't >I know it doesn't, but the website doesn't know that I know that item 24 KB JPG doesn't come with the meal >Order meal, intending to get a refund for the "missing item" >Food arrives, as expected it's missing one of the items in the description >Message websites support >15 minutes later I am given a full refund >Basically free food Should I feel bad for doing this? I don't feel bad to be honest, plus I'm low on cash so free food is great

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Anon wants to fake retardation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore
: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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Apple bros is shaking right now | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:13:35 No.86129942 Home > News Big surprise, Apple's new M1 Ultra isn't actually faster than an RTX 3090 By Alan Dexter published 2 days ago Benchmarks show Apple may have been over-eager with the M1 Ultra's performance. COMMENTS www (Image credit: Apple) 237 KB PNG A-Applechads??? Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:19:09 No.86129987 >>86129942 (OP) >Big surprise
Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:13:35 No.86129942 Home > News Big surprise, Apple's new M1 Ultra isn't actually faster than an RTX 3090 By Alan Dexter published 2 days ago Benchmarks show Apple may have been over-eager with the M1 Ultra's performance. COMMENTS www (Image credit: Apple) 237 KB PNG A-Applechads??? Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:19:09 No.86129987 >>86129942 (OP) >Big surprise

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Anon wants candy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)13:16:30 No.874837966 >be me >go to university >see a girl doing the fist bump and giving people candy >fist bumps me but gives me a piece of paper instead >she says call me 39 KB JPG >eat the piece of paper in front of her >no mfw I just wanted to eat candy
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)13:16:30 No.874837966 >be me >go to university >see a girl doing the fist bump and giving people candy >fist bumps me but gives me a piece of paper instead >she says call me 39 KB JPG >eat the piece of paper in front of her >no mfw I just wanted to eat candy

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Anon something something Brooklyn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw
: Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw

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Anon learns geography | /r/Greentext

File: russia jpg (22 KB, 266x183) ESTONIA Riga LATVIA BALTIC SEA LITHUANIA KALININGRAD Kaliningrad RUSSIA Vilnius BEL Russia Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)20.37 13 No.4320982 [Reply] I How could such a small country defeat Napoleon and Hitler? I don't get it.
File: russia jpg (22 KB, 266x183) ESTONIA Riga LATVIA BALTIC SEA LITHUANIA KALININGRAD Kaliningrad RUSSIA Vilnius BEL Russia Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)20.37 13 No.4320982 [Reply] I How could such a small country defeat Napoleon and Hitler? I don't get it.

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Tinder date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/17(Mon)06:20:58 No.750195751 >be me >24yo femanon >meet guy off tinder >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >he suggests we go to mcdonalds >wants to meet at 1:30pm sharp 334 KB PNG >i show up at 1:30 and he says hi >he's in his mcdonalds uniform eating a big mac meal >"i get a free medium meal on my break, so how are you?" >i order a big mac meal and we chat >at 1:50, he says he wants to show me something cool out back >we go out back and he starts kissing me >we have sex >"s--- anon, i needed that. i'm going on a date-date tonight with this hot black girl and i dont wanna nut in her too soon" >at 1:58, he clocks back in and i go home >mfw
: Anonymous 11/06/17(Mon)06:20:58 No.750195751 >be me >24yo femanon >meet guy off tinder >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >he suggests we go to mcdonalds >wants to meet at 1:30pm sharp 334 KB PNG >i show up at 1:30 and he says hi >he's in his mcdonalds uniform eating a big mac meal >"i get a free medium meal on my break, so how are you?" >i order a big mac meal and we chat >at 1:50, he says he wants to show me something cool out back >we go out back and he starts kissing me >we have sex >"s--- anon, i needed that. i'm going on a date-date tonight with this hot black girl and i dont wanna nut in her too soon" >at 1:58, he clocks back in and i go home >mfw

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Anon has an obsessive mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:22:20 No.60581964 >21 years of my mom taking me to doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me >keeps hinting to doctors that I have autism >keeps trying to show me movies and books with autistic people in them to get me to understand that 24 KB JPG I'm autistic >sends me to a school for autists and learning disabilities >doctor diagnoses me with PTSD >mom gets diagnosed with autism Anyone else know this feel? : Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:24:04 No.60581979 >>60581964 >ah the ol switcheroo nice plot twist
: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:22:20 No.60581964 >21 years of my mom taking me to doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me >keeps hinting to doctors that I have autism >keeps trying to show me movies and books with autistic people in them to get me to understand that 24 KB JPG I'm autistic >sends me to a school for autists and learning disabilities >doctor diagnoses me with PTSD >mom gets diagnosed with autism Anyone else know this feel? : Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:24:04 No.60581979 >>60581964 >ah the ol switcheroo nice plot twist

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anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

>be me >order chinese food >qt 3.14 works there dark brown hair b------- petite build great ass >go to pick up food >she rings up my order and hands it to me 17 KB JPG >wishlcouldfuckyourbrainsout.mov >say thank you and leave >get home and start eating food >notice long ass dark brown hair in food >eat the hair anyways >basically had a girl inside me >later virgins
>be me >order chinese food >qt 3.14 works there dark brown hair b------- petite build great ass >go to pick up food >she rings up my order and hands it to me 17 KB JPG >wishlcouldfuckyourbrainsout.mov >say thank you and leave >get home and start eating food >notice long ass dark brown hair in food >eat the hair anyways >basically had a girl inside me >later virgins

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