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Anon lives in fear of what is to come | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)21:00:38 No.874813248 f998e1097afca2d480b11f9859e832e3.jpg 69 KB JPG Guys I need help >this man shows up to my door >says he is the milk police >somehow knows I have skim milk in my fridge >he has a warrant and two gallons of two percent milk What do I do anons?
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)21:00:38 No.874813248 f998e1097afca2d480b11f9859e832e3.jpg 69 KB JPG Guys I need help >this man shows up to my door >says he is the milk police >somehow knows I have skim milk in my fridge >he has a warrant and two gallons of two percent milk What do I do anons?

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anon gets mistaken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:47:25 No.789729414 >be me >on computer when phone notification pops up >snapchat >Youve been added to a group chat with 12 others "drinks at mine" 61 KB JPG >girl is a 10/10 that used to talk to me about half a year ago >know no one in the group chat >try to look up her name but it dosent appear in my friends list >look her username up exactly >been blocked > person with same first same as me but different last name gets added to groupchat >leave out of embarassment why me : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:50:59 No.789729670 >>789729414 (OP) # You should have just posted something like "lol no thx" before leaving to look a little less defeated. But oh well, Anon, mistakes happen. Get on with your life, there are bigger problems to face.
: Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:47:25 No.789729414 >be me >on computer when phone notification pops up >snapchat >Youve been added to a group chat with 12 others "drinks at mine" 61 KB JPG >girl is a 10/10 that used to talk to me about half a year ago >know no one in the group chat >try to look up her name but it dosent appear in my friends list >look her username up exactly >been blocked > person with same first same as me but different last name gets added to groupchat >leave out of embarassment why me : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:50:59 No.789729670 >>789729414 (OP) # You should have just posted something like "lol no thx" before leaving to look a little less defeated. But oh well, Anon, mistakes happen. Get on with your life, there are bigger problems to face.

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Anon has screentime | /r/Greentext

>be me >be 12 >playing minecraft >the software my mom and dad put on the computer is going to kick me off in 30 minutes 258 KB PNG >mom and dad are fighting >the timer is running out >they're still fighting >l'm not having any fun >l need to have fun now l'm running out of time >mom and dad are still fighting >I need to have fun NOW BEFORE IT RUNS OUT OF TIME >10 MINUTES LEFT ON THE TIMER >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >5 MINUTES LEFT >l'M NOT DONE YET I DIDNT HAVE ANY FUN TODAY >l'M NOT READY TO GET OFF >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >THE TIMER FINISHES >IT KICKS ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT >I DONT KNOW THE ADMIN PASSWORD >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >sit in room alone >i can hear mom and dad fighting upstairs >cry because l'm not allowed more time on the computer >tomorrow is Monday >l can't play computer on school days >mom and dad are still fighting >cry
>be me >be 12 >playing minecraft >the software my mom and dad put on the computer is going to kick me off in 30 minutes 258 KB PNG >mom and dad are fighting >the timer is running out >they're still fighting >l'm not having any fun >l need to have fun now l'm running out of time >mom and dad are still fighting >I need to have fun NOW BEFORE IT RUNS OUT OF TIME >10 MINUTES LEFT ON THE TIMER >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >5 MINUTES LEFT >l'M NOT DONE YET I DIDNT HAVE ANY FUN TODAY >l'M NOT READY TO GET OFF >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >THE TIMER FINISHES >IT KICKS ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT >I DONT KNOW THE ADMIN PASSWORD >MOM AND DAD ARE STILL FIGHTING >sit in room alone >i can hear mom and dad fighting upstairs >cry because l'm not allowed more time on the computer >tomorrow is Monday >l can't play computer on school days >mom and dad are still fighting >cry

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Anon has an excuse. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:13:06 No.67876604 > 5'7 > literally autistic > raised by an abusive single mom > one of the most successful artists alive 45 KB JPG What's your excuse /r9k/? Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:15:03 No.67876634 I am not a rap god
Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:13:06 No.67876604 > 5'7 > literally autistic > raised by an abusive single mom > one of the most successful artists alive 45 KB JPG What's your excuse /r9k/? Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)16:15:03 No.67876634 I am not a rap god

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Anon glitches the matrix | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)23:01:54 No.874844894 >Food ordering website displays incorrect information about a meal >Says it comes with an item it doesn't >I know it doesn't, but the website doesn't know that I know that item 24 KB JPG doesn't come with the meal >Order meal, intending to get a refund for the "missing item" >Food arrives, as expected it's missing one of the items in the description >Message websites support >15 minutes later I am given a full refund >Basically free food Should I feel bad for doing this? I don't feel bad to be honest, plus I'm low on cash so free food is great
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)23:01:54 No.874844894 >Food ordering website displays incorrect information about a meal >Says it comes with an item it doesn't >I know it doesn't, but the website doesn't know that I know that item 24 KB JPG doesn't come with the meal >Order meal, intending to get a refund for the "missing item" >Food arrives, as expected it's missing one of the items in the description >Message websites support >15 minutes later I am given a full refund >Basically free food Should I feel bad for doing this? I don't feel bad to be honest, plus I'm low on cash so free food is great

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Anon wants to fake retardation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore
: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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Apple bros is shaking right now | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:13:35 No.86129942 Home > News Big surprise, Apple's new M1 Ultra isn't actually faster than an RTX 3090 By Alan Dexter published 2 days ago Benchmarks show Apple may have been over-eager with the M1 Ultra's performance. COMMENTS www (Image credit: Apple) 237 KB PNG A-Applechads??? Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:19:09 No.86129987 >>86129942 (OP) >Big surprise
Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:13:35 No.86129942 Home > News Big surprise, Apple's new M1 Ultra isn't actually faster than an RTX 3090 By Alan Dexter published 2 days ago Benchmarks show Apple may have been over-eager with the M1 Ultra's performance. COMMENTS www (Image credit: Apple) 237 KB PNG A-Applechads??? Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)10:19:09 No.86129987 >>86129942 (OP) >Big surprise

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Anon wants candy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)13:16:30 No.874837966 >be me >go to university >see a girl doing the fist bump and giving people candy >fist bumps me but gives me a piece of paper instead >she says call me 39 KB JPG >eat the piece of paper in front of her >no mfw I just wanted to eat candy
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)13:16:30 No.874837966 >be me >go to university >see a girl doing the fist bump and giving people candy >fist bumps me but gives me a piece of paper instead >she says call me 39 KB JPG >eat the piece of paper in front of her >no mfw I just wanted to eat candy

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Anon something something Brooklyn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw
: Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No.683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn >new to the city >feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw

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Anon learns geography | /r/Greentext

File: russia jpg (22 KB, 266x183) ESTONIA Riga LATVIA BALTIC SEA LITHUANIA KALININGRAD Kaliningrad RUSSIA Vilnius BEL Russia Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)20.37 13 No.4320982 [Reply] I How could such a small country defeat Napoleon and Hitler? I don't get it.
File: russia jpg (22 KB, 266x183) ESTONIA Riga LATVIA BALTIC SEA LITHUANIA KALININGRAD Kaliningrad RUSSIA Vilnius BEL Russia Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)20.37 13 No.4320982 [Reply] I How could such a small country defeat Napoleon and Hitler? I don't get it.

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Tinder date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/06/17(Mon)06:20:58 No.750195751 >be me >24yo femanon >meet guy off tinder >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >he suggests we go to mcdonalds >wants to meet at 1:30pm sharp 334 KB PNG >i show up at 1:30 and he says hi >he's in his mcdonalds uniform eating a big mac meal >"i get a free medium meal on my break, so how are you?" >i order a big mac meal and we chat >at 1:50, he says he wants to show me something cool out back >we go out back and he starts kissing me >we have sex >"s--- anon, i needed that. i'm going on a date-date tonight with this hot black girl and i dont wanna nut in her too soon" >at 1:58, he clocks back in and i go home >mfw
: Anonymous 11/06/17(Mon)06:20:58 No.750195751 >be me >24yo femanon >meet guy off tinder >he's super cute >possiblebf.jpeg >he suggests we go to mcdonalds >wants to meet at 1:30pm sharp 334 KB PNG >i show up at 1:30 and he says hi >he's in his mcdonalds uniform eating a big mac meal >"i get a free medium meal on my break, so how are you?" >i order a big mac meal and we chat >at 1:50, he says he wants to show me something cool out back >we go out back and he starts kissing me >we have sex >"s--- anon, i needed that. i'm going on a date-date tonight with this hot black girl and i dont wanna nut in her too soon" >at 1:58, he clocks back in and i go home >mfw

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Anon has an obsessive mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:22:20 No.60581964 >21 years of my mom taking me to doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me >keeps hinting to doctors that I have autism >keeps trying to show me movies and books with autistic people in them to get me to understand that 24 KB JPG I'm autistic >sends me to a school for autists and learning disabilities >doctor diagnoses me with PTSD >mom gets diagnosed with autism Anyone else know this feel? : Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:24:04 No.60581979 >>60581964 >ah the ol switcheroo nice plot twist
: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:22:20 No.60581964 >21 years of my mom taking me to doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me >keeps hinting to doctors that I have autism >keeps trying to show me movies and books with autistic people in them to get me to understand that 24 KB JPG I'm autistic >sends me to a school for autists and learning disabilities >doctor diagnoses me with PTSD >mom gets diagnosed with autism Anyone else know this feel? : Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)12:24:04 No.60581979 >>60581964 >ah the ol switcheroo nice plot twist

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anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

>be me >order chinese food >qt 3.14 works there dark brown hair b------- petite build great ass >go to pick up food >she rings up my order and hands it to me 17 KB JPG >wishlcouldfuckyourbrainsout.mov >say thank you and leave >get home and start eating food >notice long ass dark brown hair in food >eat the hair anyways >basically had a girl inside me >later virgins
>be me >order chinese food >qt 3.14 works there dark brown hair b------- petite build great ass >go to pick up food >she rings up my order and hands it to me 17 KB JPG >wishlcouldfuckyourbrainsout.mov >say thank you and leave >get home and start eating food >notice long ass dark brown hair in food >eat the hair anyways >basically had a girl inside me >later virgins

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)13:08:36 No.64158138 >be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/15/21(Tue)13:08:36 No.64158138 >be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG

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Every soul has it's dark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)10:12:18 No.67873822 >be me >talking about Elden Ring the other day, mention it's a new franchise by a company that made a game series I used to play but I wasn't 100% sold on the new one yet >fast forward today >gf tells me she wants to buy a video 144 KB JPG game >weird, my gf hates video games >opens up microsoft store and shows me Elden Ring >roll my eyes >"yeah I saw this game on TikTok, it looks really cool" >yeah, you know this game is really hard right? and you don't play video games... >"it can't be that bad..." >it's going to be pretty rough, you should try to play Dark Souls first to get a feel for it and see if you like that style of game >she starts throwing a tantrum about how men are controlling and she just wants to enjoy the story >try and calmly explain that she won't be able to enjoy the story if she cannot progress through the game >she is literally freaking the f--- out >"YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY IT FIRST" >I literally do not give a s--- about this game but if you're going to play it I might as well go ahead and buy it, yeah >"NO, YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY IT FIRST" do women not understand the concept of "difficulty" and wasting money or am I missing something what did I do wrong here f------
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)10:12:18 No.67873822 >be me >talking about Elden Ring the other day, mention it's a new franchise by a company that made a game series I used to play but I wasn't 100% sold on the new one yet >fast forward today >gf tells me she wants to buy a video 144 KB JPG game >weird, my gf hates video games >opens up microsoft store and shows me Elden Ring >roll my eyes >"yeah I saw this game on TikTok, it looks really cool" >yeah, you know this game is really hard right? and you don't play video games... >"it can't be that bad..." >it's going to be pretty rough, you should try to play Dark Souls first to get a feel for it and see if you like that style of game >she starts throwing a tantrum about how men are controlling and she just wants to enjoy the story >try and calmly explain that she won't be able to enjoy the story if she cannot progress through the game >she is literally freaking the f--- out >"YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY IT FIRST" >I literally do not give a s--- about this game but if you're going to play it I might as well go ahead and buy it, yeah >"NO, YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY IT FIRST" do women not understand the concept of "difficulty" and wasting money or am I missing something what did I do wrong here f------

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Anon becomes parts of Netflix documentary | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" >mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:31:06 No.47665705 so dont be fat you fat idiot
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:29:11 No.47665686 074e7c5b-329e-49d7-b555-91929a374b37.jpg 57 KB JPG >be me >Watching Netflix health documentary >"haha fat people" >They're filming fatties in the street >"hey, I have that shirt" >"hey, I have those cargo shorts" >"hey, I know that building" >mfw 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)01:31:06 No.47665705 so dont be fat you fat idiot

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The legendary comebacks of fatticus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/22(Thu)08:12:05 No.65941068 uhoh.png 546 KB PNG >watch Spartacus with my gf >now she keeps grabbing my belly and saying things like >"You won't be a god of the arena with these rolls!" >"I don't think Gannicus ate chocolate for dinner" >"If you were in Spartacus you'd be called Fattiatus' >keeps sending me links to 'gladiator diet' and 'gladiator workout' etc >tried sexy talking to her like in Spartacus to turn her on >took off her bra and said "Pleasant Milk for Noble Asher" >she got creeped out and said 'it doesn't work when you do it'
: Anonymous 03/17/22(Thu)08:12:05 No.65941068 uhoh.png 546 KB PNG >watch Spartacus with my gf >now she keeps grabbing my belly and saying things like >"You won't be a god of the arena with these rolls!" >"I don't think Gannicus ate chocolate for dinner" >"If you were in Spartacus you'd be called Fattiatus' >keeps sending me links to 'gladiator diet' and 'gladiator workout' etc >tried sexy talking to her like in Spartacus to turn her on >took off her bra and said "Pleasant Milk for Noble Asher" >she got creeped out and said 'it doesn't work when you do it'

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Anon wants to be a woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)22:44:39 No.67863690 >want to be a woman >don't want to be trans >decide to try taking female hormones so that I can see if it makes me feel better or worse just as a test >no plan to ever stop presenting as a guy 190 KB JPG >was supposed to only take them for a week >today marks two years I think I f----- up bros. I've got boobs now.
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)22:44:39 No.67863690 >want to be a woman >don't want to be trans >decide to try taking female hormones so that I can see if it makes me feel better or worse just as a test >no plan to ever stop presenting as a guy 190 KB JPG >was supposed to only take them for a week >today marks two years I think I f----- up bros. I've got boobs now.

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i didn’t see this on here so | /r/Greentext


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Anon doesn't like lolis | /r/Greentext

File: 77fda5d37d960c7cb2ae3f604(...).jpg (47 KB, 620x675) O Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)14:11:23 No.874827708 [Reply] >Sees loli thread >"OMG DISGUSTING WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THESE PICS I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!" >Spams over 20 of my 40000 terabyte folder of old man scat p--- on the thread >"That'll show them!"
File: 77fda5d37d960c7cb2ae3f604(...).jpg (47 KB, 620x675) O Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)14:11:23 No.874827708 [Reply] >Sees loli thread >"OMG DISGUSTING WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THESE PICS I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!" >Spams over 20 of my 40000 terabyte folder of old man scat p--- on the thread >"That'll show them!"

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