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Anon farts | /r/Greentext

You think you f------ no embarrassing? Bring it on. >be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.
You think you f------ no embarrassing? Bring it on. >be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.

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You will never be a monk, anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/07/22(Mon)01:46:23 No.31198339 >be buddhist monk >sit still for a couple days >people think it's impressive I could do that, but unfortunately I have a f------ job and can't afford to sit around all day >>31201120 # >>31201406 #
: Anonymous 03/07/22(Mon)01:46:23 No.31198339 >be buddhist monk >sit still for a couple days >people think it's impressive I could do that, but unfortunately I have a f------ job and can't afford to sit around all day >>31201120 # >>31201406 #

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Team #nofap. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/18(Wed)22:07:41 No.46243068 >get home from school >mom says she got something for me in the backyard >go in backyard >airsoft guns are neatly placed on a table 70 KB JPG >paper targets are spread out throughout the backyard >mom says we can practice shooting in yard >some time later mom tells me to check on the targets to see how well I did >check on targets, notice that there's something behind it >find one of my p--- magazines behind paper target >check the targets, each target had one of my p--- magazines behind it >mom takes the airsoft guns away and makes me throw away my shot up p--- magazines 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/20/18(Wed)22:07:41 No.46243068 >get home from school >mom says she got something for me in the backyard >go in backyard >airsoft guns are neatly placed on a table 70 KB JPG >paper targets are spread out throughout the backyard >mom says we can practice shooting in yard >some time later mom tells me to check on the targets to see how well I did >check on targets, notice that there's something behind it >find one of my p--- magazines behind paper target >check the targets, each target had one of my p--- magazines behind it >mom takes the airsoft guns away and makes me throw away my shot up p--- magazines 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon calls out brother | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 767715027 43 min. ago My step brother is a fat cringy neckbeard, i'm bored as f--- right now so heres some cringe. >Few years ago, both in high school >We make our own anime forum to f--- around with >We get a few members >One "girl" starts posting on our forum >Says shes super in love with step brother >In forum chat, they both are having cyber sex in front of everyone >He didn't realize that i'm an admin and can see IP's 78.1 kB JPG >He was literally logging in as both the girl and himself and was essentially having cyber sex with himself
Anonymous | 767715027 43 min. ago My step brother is a fat cringy neckbeard, i'm bored as f--- right now so heres some cringe. >Few years ago, both in high school >We make our own anime forum to f--- around with >We get a few members >One "girl" starts posting on our forum >Says shes super in love with step brother >In forum chat, they both are having cyber sex in front of everyone >He didn't realize that i'm an admin and can see IP's 78.1 kB JPG >He was literally logging in as both the girl and himself and was essentially having cyber sex with himself

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Unlucky Anon | /r/Greentext

>get a match on tinder >see who it is >some cute girl >'ll give it 5 minutes until she unmatches >it was actually 10 minutes until she unmatched 33 KB JPG
>get a match on tinder >see who it is >some cute girl >'ll give it 5 minutes until she unmatches >it was actually 10 minutes until she unmatched 33 KB JPG

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pervert My sister caught me.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/03/16(Sat)17:08:18 No.702431120 >My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert >Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating >So she calls me a pervert 404 KB JPG again?!? >There is no justice in the world... : Anonymous 09/03/16(Sat)17:15:16 No.702431870 Pervert.
: Anonymous 09/03/16(Sat)17:08:18 No.702431120 >My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert >Just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating >So she calls me a pervert 404 KB JPG again?!? >There is no justice in the world... : Anonymous 09/03/16(Sat)17:15:16 No.702431870 Pervert.

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Anon lives in the future | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes 83 KB PNG because they found a way to reproduce without us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown
Anonymous (ID: boi8mKM9 ) 04/25/14(Fri)14:11:39 No.543818057 > Be year 2040, women rule the world > Rihanna is their leader > Be stuck in concentration camp for men > Rihanna killing all the dudes 83 KB PNG because they found a way to reproduce without us > Group of us overpower gaurdesses > Be running > Get surrounded > standoff.PNG > all of a sudden a masked hero appears, with his schlong flapping in the wind > beats up all the women > sets all the dudes free > much wow, many thanks > takes mask off > mfw it was Chris Brown

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anon criticizes the writing in japanese games | /r/Greentext

>japanese game >trying to give the main female character a flaw >"DUDE WHAT IF SHE'S LIKE REALLY BAD AT COOKING LMAO?"
>japanese game >trying to give the main female character a flaw >"DUDE WHAT IF SHE'S LIKE REALLY BAD AT COOKING LMAO?"

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kekpacito neiborino | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/31/15(Thu)23:28:36 No.660650487 Please spread this to save someone from being injured. Some fascists in Germany have placed stickers saying "No Chance For Islam" on lampposts and when you try to remove it, the razor stuck behind it slices up your hand. CRANG CANG KINE CHANCE image jpg 114 KB JPG >>660650773 # >>660651378 # Anonymous : Anonymou 12/31/15(Thu)23:34:40 No.660651378 >>6606501 >>660650487 # All stuffed w German engineering never ceases to amaze me >>660650679 #
: Anonymous 12/31/15(Thu)23:28:36 No.660650487 Please spread this to save someone from being injured. Some fascists in Germany have placed stickers saying "No Chance For Islam" on lampposts and when you try to remove it, the razor stuck behind it slices up your hand. CRANG CANG KINE CHANCE image jpg 114 KB JPG >>660650773 # >>660651378 # Anonymous : Anonymou 12/31/15(Thu)23:34:40 No.660651378 >>6606501 >>660650487 # All stuffed w German engineering never ceases to amaze me >>660650679 #

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Anon goes to the bathroom | /r/Greentext

ENE 62E4F734-0798-4196-961F-A52FD18283A1.png 63 KB PNG >go to public bathroom >see occupied stall >start shaking the door relentlessly
ENE 62E4F734-0798-4196-961F-A52FD18283A1.png 63 KB PNG >go to public bathroom >see occupied stall >start shaking the door relentlessly

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Anon can smell the hippies. | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot 2022-01-25 133927.jpg (100 KB, 513x488) O Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)20:39:05 No.874962857 >be me, rocksolid 9/10 sperg >can't have any conversation without pointing out little flaws of spelling, use of words or other things >usually dialouge dies off rather quickly, and people start to avoid me >did that for several years, couldn't figure out why people don't like me, since im correct >ffw to one week ago >big sister drags me to an alternative music festival in the greens >lots of smelly hippies >trippy music echoing everyhwere >probably all of them do drugs >despise them instantly >however, im following my big sis to not get lost in the crowd, also anxious af >sit down in a circle of people around a little bonfire, air smells funny, probably weed >people all talk with each other >try to get into conversation as well >whenever I start correcting them, they simply swap to another conversation >this happens several times in a short time >get deadly annoyed since im clearly superior >sister gives me a bowl with some drink in it >"Are you thirsty anon? drink up." >Drink that stuff, its sweet and i like it >feel very weird all of a sudden >get literally kicked out of my body, everything goes dark >see all sorts of scary stuff, faces, monsters, eyes, incomprehensible patterns >see myself from the outside >start talking to myself >im talking back to myself >I notice im a huge a------ >get into an argument with myself >after a short exchange, go away from myself, can't stand it >wake up at home >no memory whatsoever of what happened after the drink >go down to have breakfast with parents >start noticing stuff I never did before, nuances of their voice, hidden layers of facial expression >suddenly can follow a conversation without the urge to barge in and make it about me thanks smelly hippies, whatever you served me
File: Screenshot 2022-01-25 133927.jpg (100 KB, 513x488) O Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)20:39:05 No.874962857 >be me, rocksolid 9/10 sperg >can't have any conversation without pointing out little flaws of spelling, use of words or other things >usually dialouge dies off rather quickly, and people start to avoid me >did that for several years, couldn't figure out why people don't like me, since im correct >ffw to one week ago >big sister drags me to an alternative music festival in the greens >lots of smelly hippies >trippy music echoing everyhwere >probably all of them do drugs >despise them instantly >however, im following my big sis to not get lost in the crowd, also anxious af >sit down in a circle of people around a little bonfire, air smells funny, probably weed >people all talk with each other >try to get into conversation as well >whenever I start correcting them, they simply swap to another conversation >this happens several times in a short time >get deadly annoyed since im clearly superior >sister gives me a bowl with some drink in it >"Are you thirsty anon? drink up." >Drink that stuff, its sweet and i like it >feel very weird all of a sudden >get literally kicked out of my body, everything goes dark >see all sorts of scary stuff, faces, monsters, eyes, incomprehensible patterns >see myself from the outside >start talking to myself >im talking back to myself >I notice im a huge a------ >get into an argument with myself >after a short exchange, go away from myself, can't stand it >wake up at home >no memory whatsoever of what happened after the drink >go down to have breakfast with parents >start noticing stuff I never did before, nuances of their voice, hidden layers of facial expression >suddenly can follow a conversation without the urge to barge in and make it about me thanks smelly hippies, whatever you served me

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Anon saves a life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)17:26:22 No.857517553 >WE SAVED HIM! Yes! We did it team! We can keep him alive for decades! Sure he has no legs, no penis, no bottom half at all in fact, he'll never do anything sexual again. He'll never have children. He has no right arm, has to eject bodily waste into a bag for the rest of his life, can't work a job ever again, can't do anything physical ever again, will have a very difficult time playing video games or operating a computer, he will need a care taker for the rest of his life, will be a drain on society, a 170 KB JPG depressing burden on his family, and will ptobably begin to mentally deteriorate and suffer once reality sets in that this will be the rest of his life until he dies, but that's okay, because we saved him. If this happened to an animal like a dog or a cat we'd put the animal down to end its suffering out of the kindness of our hearts, but not here, here, we saved him and he can live and live and live and if he ever tries to commit suicide we will easily put him on 24/7 Suicide watch to ensure he can live out his life to the fullest! We can keep him alive to suffer for decades! We are heroes. 82 Replies / 23 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/23/21(Wed)17:26:22 No.857517553 >WE SAVED HIM! Yes! We did it team! We can keep him alive for decades! Sure he has no legs, no penis, no bottom half at all in fact, he'll never do anything sexual again. He'll never have children. He has no right arm, has to eject bodily waste into a bag for the rest of his life, can't work a job ever again, can't do anything physical ever again, will have a very difficult time playing video games or operating a computer, he will need a care taker for the rest of his life, will be a drain on society, a 170 KB JPG depressing burden on his family, and will ptobably begin to mentally deteriorate and suffer once reality sets in that this will be the rest of his life until he dies, but that's okay, because we saved him. If this happened to an animal like a dog or a cat we'd put the animal down to end its suffering out of the kindness of our hearts, but not here, here, we saved him and he can live and live and live and if he ever tries to commit suicide we will easily put him on 24/7 Suicide watch to ensure he can live out his life to the fullest! We can keep him alive to suffer for decades! We are heroes. 82 Replies / 23 Images View Thread

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Anon’s have spoken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)10:29:51 No.789716987 >ls a gamer >Helps working class people >Seems like a genuinely nice person to be around >Doesn't take corp. money 6 KB JPG >Sexy as hell what's not to like about our progressive gamer queen? : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)10:31:27 No.789717088 she's a jew >>789717298 #
: Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)10:29:51 No.789716987 >ls a gamer >Helps working class people >Seems like a genuinely nice person to be around >Doesn't take corp. money 6 KB JPG >Sexy as hell what's not to like about our progressive gamer queen? : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)10:31:27 No.789717088 she's a jew >>789717298 #

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Anon sharts every morning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/27/21(Mon)17:50:17 No.66734510 >Be wage cuck >Have IBS >Every morning have really bad gas >Have boss that never helps with work and is always late >Go onto his office every morning 168 KB PNG before he come into work >Make it look like l'm just taking out the trash Gotta cover my tracks >Unleash my assholes death breath in his office every morning >MFW my boss is convinced he has a sewage leak in his office It's the small things in life that keep you going 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 12/27/21(Mon)17:50:17 No.66734510 >Be wage cuck >Have IBS >Every morning have really bad gas >Have boss that never helps with work and is always late >Go onto his office every morning 168 KB PNG before he come into work >Make it look like l'm just taking out the trash Gotta cover my tracks >Unleash my assholes death breath in his office every morning >MFW my boss is convinced he has a sewage leak in his office It's the small things in life that keep you going 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has special interests | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/22(Mon)20:48:07 No.873552449 pain.jpg 84 KB JPG >be me >one chance at life >only attracted to femboys >born in the Middle East to a broke family I am God's punching bag
: Anonymous 02/28/22(Mon)20:48:07 No.873552449 pain.jpg 84 KB JPG >be me >one chance at life >only attracted to femboys >born in the Middle East to a broke family I am God's punching bag

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Anon earns 90 bucks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)00:28:52 No.872764423 > be me > male, 20 > got asked to catsit > owners are japanese immigrants. They're polite, respectful, good people > owners will be out for 2 days > 346 KB JPG > they say theres no problem sleeping in their house if I want to > suspicious.rar > they show me the "cat" > It is their daughter > female, 22 or 23 years old, idk > she is a furry > cat ears, cat tail, meowing, walking on all fours most of the time. She wears knee pads and gloves, to avoid dirt > "f--- this, I'm out" they insist > they will pay me $90 > "ok" > they leave > me and her are alone now > she is staring at me, on the ground. She purrs, and slowly tilts her head > I try to communicate > she meows back > Jesus Christ... > 1st day > she lies on the couch on her back and stares at me >I caress her belly > she purrs > we both watch TV >I order sushi, oddly enough. She eats like a normal person, on a table, using hashi > she also uses the bathroom like a normal person > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy, though > "hey, kitty, want more caressing?" > she nods, and purrs > later, I slept on the couch > 2nd day > the girl wakes me up using her nails > "normal" day overall > me and her sat on the porch, waiting for her parents to come back >I sit on the rocking chair > she sits on the ground, like a cat > a little bird lands near her > cats usually eat birds >I was positive that she wouldn't do that > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy either >I scare the bird away, and the mf leaves > she seems thankful. I pat her head, she kind of grew on me > Her parents seemed immensely thankful for what I did > I kind of liked this whole experience > and earned 90 bucks
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)00:28:52 No.872764423 > be me > male, 20 > got asked to catsit > owners are japanese immigrants. They're polite, respectful, good people > owners will be out for 2 days > 346 KB JPG > they say theres no problem sleeping in their house if I want to > suspicious.rar > they show me the "cat" > It is their daughter > female, 22 or 23 years old, idk > she is a furry > cat ears, cat tail, meowing, walking on all fours most of the time. She wears knee pads and gloves, to avoid dirt > "f--- this, I'm out" they insist > they will pay me $90 > "ok" > they leave > me and her are alone now > she is staring at me, on the ground. She purrs, and slowly tilts her head > I try to communicate > she meows back > Jesus Christ... > 1st day > she lies on the couch on her back and stares at me >I caress her belly > she purrs > we both watch TV >I order sushi, oddly enough. She eats like a normal person, on a table, using hashi > she also uses the bathroom like a normal person > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy, though > "hey, kitty, want more caressing?" > she nods, and purrs > later, I slept on the couch > 2nd day > the girl wakes me up using her nails > "normal" day overall > me and her sat on the porch, waiting for her parents to come back >I sit on the rocking chair > she sits on the ground, like a cat > a little bird lands near her > cats usually eat birds >I was positive that she wouldn't do that > I didn't want to spoil her fantasy either >I scare the bird away, and the mf leaves > she seems thankful. I pat her head, she kind of grew on me > Her parents seemed immensely thankful for what I did > I kind of liked this whole experience > and earned 90 bucks

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Anon doesn't like fire alarms | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: akOL1waq 03/23/22(Wed)01:53:30 No.368686930 Fire alarms are an invasion of people's free will, I F------ HATE FIRE ALARMS. It should be an individual's choice whether or not to have to listen to that stupid loud beeping. Big fire alarm wants you to believe it's for your safety but in reality they have the government in their pocket. They have made it mandatory for fire alarms to be installed in buildings, free country my ass. People should be allowed to have their own personal fire alarms, of course. But they should only be set off when someone wants to hear it, not when the government approves of it. Whenever I enter a building I always take the batteries out of the fire alarms and resell them to 28 KB JPG overseas companies to put in kids toys.
: Anonymous (ID: akOL1waq 03/23/22(Wed)01:53:30 No.368686930 Fire alarms are an invasion of people's free will, I F------ HATE FIRE ALARMS. It should be an individual's choice whether or not to have to listen to that stupid loud beeping. Big fire alarm wants you to believe it's for your safety but in reality they have the government in their pocket. They have made it mandatory for fire alarms to be installed in buildings, free country my ass. People should be allowed to have their own personal fire alarms, of course. But they should only be set off when someone wants to hear it, not when the government approves of it. Whenever I enter a building I always take the batteries out of the fire alarms and resell them to 28 KB JPG overseas companies to put in kids toys.

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Anon is a piece of shit addict | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: VIJV7OVX) 08/10/12(Fri)04:38:18 No.417880891 OKEY 4CHIN IT IS TIME FOR MYSTERY BOX FIRST CLOO0000O IS SOMETHING PURPLE Anonymous (ID: ZlyMIX+1) 08/10/12(Frij04:39:00 No.417880994 LEAN O Anonymous (ID: VFJV70VX) 08/10/12(Fri)04:40:03 No.417881145 File: 1344588003682. png-(72 KB, 255x240, 1344140308703.png) >>417880994 ITS NOT F------ LEAN YOU P------------ ADDICT SESANE STREET
Anonymous (ID: VIJV7OVX) 08/10/12(Fri)04:38:18 No.417880891 OKEY 4CHIN IT IS TIME FOR MYSTERY BOX FIRST CLOO0000O IS SOMETHING PURPLE Anonymous (ID: ZlyMIX+1) 08/10/12(Frij04:39:00 No.417880994 LEAN O Anonymous (ID: VFJV70VX) 08/10/12(Fri)04:40:03 No.417881145 File: 1344588003682. png-(72 KB, 255x240, 1344140308703.png) >>417880994 ITS NOT F------ LEAN YOU P------------ ADDICT SESANE STREET

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Anon had a weed phase | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)15:02:24 No.847604122 >be me end of high school >be in weed phase MILLIONAIRE >come to class high af >red af eyes reeking of weed >everyone looks at me and teacher asks if i smoked weed 64 KB JPG >too high to think of what to say >"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it" >teacher looks at me worried >i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself >end up in a hospital >got suspended for being drunk in class
: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)15:02:24 No.847604122 >be me end of high school >be in weed phase MILLIONAIRE >come to class high af >red af eyes reeking of weed >everyone looks at me and teacher asks if i smoked weed 64 KB JPG >too high to think of what to say >"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it" >teacher looks at me worried >i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself >end up in a hospital >got suspended for being drunk in class

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Anon took the birdpill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)07:09:31 No.874944460 >be me >sad >go to pet store because I like to play with the birds and secretly feed a sick one treats >get there >see sick bird, too sick to give 67 KB PNG treats >tear up, ask how much for the Sick cockatiel and his friend budgie >pay about 500 bucks >when I bring them to the vet I found out that their cages are too small and the cockatiel is actually bound to lay an egg >later, make nest for bird, she lays egg a week after >happy >one day scrolling Facebook, see 2 ads, one for a Sun Conure and another Green Budgie >they got lost >l offer to rescue >2 weeks later, get the birds and 3 massive cages >they love me >happy Why haven't you taken the birdpill /b/ros?
: Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)07:09:31 No.874944460 >be me >sad >go to pet store because I like to play with the birds and secretly feed a sick one treats >get there >see sick bird, too sick to give 67 KB PNG treats >tear up, ask how much for the Sick cockatiel and his friend budgie >pay about 500 bucks >when I bring them to the vet I found out that their cages are too small and the cockatiel is actually bound to lay an egg >later, make nest for bird, she lays egg a week after >happy >one day scrolling Facebook, see 2 ads, one for a Sun Conure and another Green Budgie >they got lost >l offer to rescue >2 weeks later, get the birds and 3 massive cages >they love me >happy Why haven't you taken the birdpill /b/ros?

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