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Anon discovers the meaning of lifting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/21(Sat)20:27:48 No.63759172 >be me >get yelled at repeatedly by my 2nd grade teacher >grow up to be a massive dude >get stronger at the gym >see the teacher out in public again 247 KB PNG >she's all nice to me >l yell and berate the s--- out of her and she runs away scared shitless This is why I Ilift
: Anonymous 10/02/21(Sat)20:27:48 No.63759172 >be me >get yelled at repeatedly by my 2nd grade teacher >grow up to be a massive dude >get stronger at the gym >see the teacher out in public again 247 KB PNG >she's all nice to me >l yell and berate the s--- out of her and she runs away scared shitless This is why I Ilift

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>americans btfo lulAnon lays it out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (kLJMCmBt 12/14/21(Tue)14:30:40 No.352130638 Forbes @Forbes · Dec 13 F #BREAKING: Biden won't extend student loan relief trib.al/JY7YJBF 2.3К t 18.2K 4K 1632888583859.png 450 KB PNG >I will forgive $50k in student loans >no wait, I'll forgive $10k in student loans >okay maybe not that, but i'll extend the loan pause Trump implemented >okay its been long enough, go back to paying off your debt, buckos
: Anonymous (ID: (kLJMCmBt 12/14/21(Tue)14:30:40 No.352130638 Forbes @Forbes · Dec 13 F #BREAKING: Biden won't extend student loan relief trib.al/JY7YJBF 2.3К t 18.2K 4K 1632888583859.png 450 KB PNG >I will forgive $50k in student loans >no wait, I'll forgive $10k in student loans >okay maybe not that, but i'll extend the loan pause Trump implemented >okay its been long enough, go back to paying off your debt, buckos

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Anon thinks he is the main Character | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:13:33 No.149822348 >21 seasons in >main character still has no girlfriend, motivation, or interests besides video games >stays in his room all day shitposting on a basket weaving 126 KB JPG forum What the f--- were the directors thinking?
: Anonymous 04/20/21(Tue)21:13:33 No.149822348 >21 seasons in >main character still has no girlfriend, motivation, or interests besides video games >stays in his room all day shitposting on a basket weaving 126 KB JPG forum What the f--- were the directors thinking?

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Anon buys a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)15:29:02 No.875009996 > Be me. > Depressed. > Buys a betta fish impulsively. > Puts betta fish in my room. > Cute as f--- betta. > Fish comes to my hand when feeding. > I learn that bettas need to sleep at night. > Stops stying up until late so betta can 11 KB JPG sleep. > Get's healthier and happier cause whenever sad looks at fish and goes "heh, pretty fish". > Completely convinced that my fish is quirky and unique. > Decides to buy a bigger aquarium for him after one year. > Buys another betta fish on the pet store because the other one is also pretty. > Puts the second aquarium next to the first one, far enough so they can't see each other. > Both bettas start swimming synchronized. > What in the f------ matrix.EXE > Takes one f------ whole minute for the matrix o fix the bug. > Guess my fish is not that unique.
: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)15:29:02 No.875009996 > Be me. > Depressed. > Buys a betta fish impulsively. > Puts betta fish in my room. > Cute as f--- betta. > Fish comes to my hand when feeding. > I learn that bettas need to sleep at night. > Stops stying up until late so betta can 11 KB JPG sleep. > Get's healthier and happier cause whenever sad looks at fish and goes "heh, pretty fish". > Completely convinced that my fish is quirky and unique. > Decides to buy a bigger aquarium for him after one year. > Buys another betta fish on the pet store because the other one is also pretty. > Puts the second aquarium next to the first one, far enough so they can't see each other. > Both bettas start swimming synchronized. > What in the f------ matrix.EXE > Takes one f------ whole minute for the matrix o fix the bug. > Guess my fish is not that unique.

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Anon lives with a roommate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)12:21:24 No.875004568 >be me >18 >lives with roommate >22 year old brony who got kicked out when his parents found a body pillow >coomer who ignores his real life friends to play with dudes he met on twitch or discord >l convince him to start working out with 31 KB JPG me and get him out of his room >we head to the gym and this is the first time he's worked out sense high school gym class > it does fine, he's skinny and keeps a high metabolism so other than some endurance and zero ability to heavy lift it all goes well >we now go every other day and bought some food designed for bulk workout diets > I wake up earlier than normal to help him make breakfast with the new meal planning >l've never woken up this early sense I work night shift at my job >he is 100% naked and standing in the kitchen >Mfw he tries to hide his d--- with the box granola bars
: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)12:21:24 No.875004568 >be me >18 >lives with roommate >22 year old brony who got kicked out when his parents found a body pillow >coomer who ignores his real life friends to play with dudes he met on twitch or discord >l convince him to start working out with 31 KB JPG me and get him out of his room >we head to the gym and this is the first time he's worked out sense high school gym class > it does fine, he's skinny and keeps a high metabolism so other than some endurance and zero ability to heavy lift it all goes well >we now go every other day and bought some food designed for bulk workout diets > I wake up earlier than normal to help him make breakfast with the new meal planning >l've never woken up this early sense I work night shift at my job >he is 100% naked and standing in the kitchen >Mfw he tries to hide his d--- with the box granola bars

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anon misses clue | /r/Greentext

This is my story, /fit/. >in college class >have to do project that requires me to go to Navy SEAL museum ~20 miles away 49 KB JPG >decide to bring grandpa because he's cool and he wanted to donate an old ammo box >go to front desk >cute clerk is standing there >ask for curator >older guy walks out and my grandpa fills out some paperwork >make small talk with grill, I'm not charming but I made her laugh once or twice >tell curator about my project >he gives me enough information to do a project on >tell him I need someone from the museum to call my professor as proof as I was there >clerk says she could give me her personal number and she could call the professor >decline and say it would look better coming from the curator >for the entire ride home, my grandpa stares at me like pic related >drop him off >think about why he stared at me like that >realize what I've done
This is my story, /fit/. >in college class >have to do project that requires me to go to Navy SEAL museum ~20 miles away 49 KB JPG >decide to bring grandpa because he's cool and he wanted to donate an old ammo box >go to front desk >cute clerk is standing there >ask for curator >older guy walks out and my grandpa fills out some paperwork >make small talk with grill, I'm not charming but I made her laugh once or twice >tell curator about my project >he gives me enough information to do a project on >tell him I need someone from the museum to call my professor as proof as I was there >clerk says she could give me her personal number and she could call the professor >decline and say it would look better coming from the curator >for the entire ride home, my grandpa stares at me like pic related >drop him off >think about why he stared at me like that >realize what I've done

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)16:30:14 No.159019347 the last airbender.png 356 KB PNG >Show up in film industry when nobody was asking for you >Become highest grossing film of all time >Promise a million sequels and deliver zero >Leave >Show up a decade later just to cuck Marvel out of getting highest grossing movie >Leave again >Nobody remembers a single line of dialogue
: Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)16:30:14 No.159019347 the last airbender.png 356 KB PNG >Show up in film industry when nobody was asking for you >Become highest grossing film of all time >Promise a million sequels and deliver zero >Leave >Show up a decade later just to cuck Marvel out of getting highest grossing movie >Leave again >Nobody remembers a single line of dialogue

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Anon is daddy’s little girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)23:56:55 No.874990350 >be me >replaying GTA 5 at the moment >play mission called daddy's little girl >suddenly Instagram group chat erupted with screenshots of my profile saying “playing GTAV- Grand Theft Aito V Daddys Little Girl eat kids O 35,852 Invite Join 216 KB JPG daddy's little girl" >now my group chat is named daddy's little girl I'm f----- aren't i?
: Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)23:56:55 No.874990350 >be me >replaying GTA 5 at the moment >play mission called daddy's little girl >suddenly Instagram group chat erupted with screenshots of my profile saying “playing GTAV- Grand Theft Aito V Daddys Little Girl eat kids O 35,852 Invite Join 216 KB JPG daddy's little girl" >now my group chat is named daddy's little girl I'm f----- aren't i?

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Anon listens to Green Day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)11:48:12 No.67912724 >le depressed me 2005 >walking around the school during class hours through the empty halls listening to green day >"My shadow's the only one who walks beside me" 558 KB PNG >"I walk alone" >unironically tear up God, I was so f------ cringe but I was just a dumb kid so I guess it's forgivable. >>67912803 #
: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)11:48:12 No.67912724 >le depressed me 2005 >walking around the school during class hours through the empty halls listening to green day >"My shadow's the only one who walks beside me" 558 KB PNG >"I walk alone" >unironically tear up God, I was so f------ cringe but I was just a dumb kid so I guess it's forgivable. >>67912803 #

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Anon has no friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)11:10:59 No.875002737 2135648451.jpg 74 KB JPG >Be me >Lonely guy >Heard that having a pet can lower the likelihood of blowing your brains out >Building only allows cats >Start reading and watching videos about cats >Seem pretty cool >Go to Humane Society >Meet this really awesome cat named Jupiter >Read his bio online >Has been at shelter for 2 years because he's afraid of people and always runs and hides when people come to adopt cats >But he came right up to me >Rubbed up against my leg, let me pet him. >l picked him up and he was purring like crazy >Held him like a baby >The staff are literally crying, they've never seen him be so calm and friendly >Obviously I need to take this cat home >Ask them what the adoption process is like >Tell me there's a home visit, they need approval from my landlord, etc. >Give me an application to fill out. >"List the names and phone numbers of two non-blood relatives for references" >Ask what that is. >Tell me that it's just for character references >"Just put down a couple of your friends" she tells me >Not thinking, I blurt out, "But I don't have any friends." >Gives me a weird look >"You must have acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, someone who knows you." >Can't think of anyone who would vouch for me >But know a ton of people who would say I'm a bad person just to f--- with me >Tell her I don't know of anyone >She takes the application from me >"Maybe you're not the kind of person who should be adopting then." >Was about to protest, but why? She's right. >"Tell Jupiter l'm sorry," I say as I leave. >Decide I will never look at the humane society website again. >Tell myself that five seconds after I left, a nice, happy, well- adjusted person came in and adopted Jupiter and gave him a great home. >That's the story I'm going with in my head.
: Anonymous 03/24/22(Thu)11:10:59 No.875002737 2135648451.jpg 74 KB JPG >Be me >Lonely guy >Heard that having a pet can lower the likelihood of blowing your brains out >Building only allows cats >Start reading and watching videos about cats >Seem pretty cool >Go to Humane Society >Meet this really awesome cat named Jupiter >Read his bio online >Has been at shelter for 2 years because he's afraid of people and always runs and hides when people come to adopt cats >But he came right up to me >Rubbed up against my leg, let me pet him. >l picked him up and he was purring like crazy >Held him like a baby >The staff are literally crying, they've never seen him be so calm and friendly >Obviously I need to take this cat home >Ask them what the adoption process is like >Tell me there's a home visit, they need approval from my landlord, etc. >Give me an application to fill out. >"List the names and phone numbers of two non-blood relatives for references" >Ask what that is. >Tell me that it's just for character references >"Just put down a couple of your friends" she tells me >Not thinking, I blurt out, "But I don't have any friends." >Gives me a weird look >"You must have acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, someone who knows you." >Can't think of anyone who would vouch for me >But know a ton of people who would say I'm a bad person just to f--- with me >Tell her I don't know of anyone >She takes the application from me >"Maybe you're not the kind of person who should be adopting then." >Was about to protest, but why? She's right. >"Tell Jupiter l'm sorry," I say as I leave. >Decide I will never look at the humane society website again. >Tell myself that five seconds after I left, a nice, happy, well- adjusted person came in and adopted Jupiter and gave him a great home. >That's the story I'm going with in my head.

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Anon's definitely normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/18(Fri)14:39:13 No.44822902 >out with my friend >sitting on a bench >be talking >people throwing us weird glances >think it's because of the obscene topics 283 KB PNG >dont care >keep talking >suddenly one old dude comes up to me >"Excuse me, Sir, but who are you talking to" I wish I was kidding. I've already made an appointment with a psychiatrist. 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/20/18(Fri)14:39:13 No.44822902 >out with my friend >sitting on a bench >be talking >people throwing us weird glances >think it's because of the obscene topics 283 KB PNG >dont care >keep talking >suddenly one old dude comes up to me >"Excuse me, Sir, but who are you talking to" I wish I was kidding. I've already made an appointment with a psychiatrist. 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon does martial arts | /r/Greentext

>be me >get work save enough for martial arts training get life back on track >train with woman with dark hair blue eyes militaristic personality >After class have a conversation >Few months go by eventually comes over to my place >Sees half finished monster can >"Breaking the nocturnal habit anon?" >Admits to used having similar life style >First time seeing the personality not there as before >"Anon you have to eat a bowl of eggs" >Confused >Shadows crawl from the walls with boiled eggs in their hands as she fades into those shadow things >"Eat the eggs anon" >Wake up from alarm >Mfw still a neet Not even my type why does my subconscious do this s--- to me
>be me >get work save enough for martial arts training get life back on track >train with woman with dark hair blue eyes militaristic personality >After class have a conversation >Few months go by eventually comes over to my place >Sees half finished monster can >"Breaking the nocturnal habit anon?" >Admits to used having similar life style >First time seeing the personality not there as before >"Anon you have to eat a bowl of eggs" >Confused >Shadows crawl from the walls with boiled eggs in their hands as she fades into those shadow things >"Eat the eggs anon" >Wake up from alarm >Mfw still a neet Not even my type why does my subconscious do this s--- to me

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Anon’s parents are cucks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend 11 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend 11 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon goes to the local pool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)22:42:39 No.67904328 >be me >at the local public pool >chilling in the large jacuzzi with some grannies >a fit guy and his gf comes in >he just dives into it >a few old ladies leave 572 KB PNG >he talks to his girl >"Would be a shame if someone take a piss in here, huh?" >she laughs >now everyone leave the jacuzzi >I'm so stunned by this behavior I don't move >after 3 minutes he leaves saying he's bored Is it the closest encounter I've had with a sigma male? >>67904610 #
: Anonymous 03/23/22(Wed)22:42:39 No.67904328 >be me >at the local public pool >chilling in the large jacuzzi with some grannies >a fit guy and his gf comes in >he just dives into it >a few old ladies leave 572 KB PNG >he talks to his girl >"Would be a shame if someone take a piss in here, huh?" >she laughs >now everyone leave the jacuzzi >I'm so stunned by this behavior I don't move >after 3 minutes he leaves saying he's bored Is it the closest encounter I've had with a sigma male? >>67904610 #

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Anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

>My political beliefs? Depends on who lI'm trolling
>My political beliefs? Depends on who lI'm trolling

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Anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/20(Mon)19:46:16 No.60244419 >Be me >16 >Having a part time job at a local supermarket >Emo girl pulls up to the check out I'm at with a normal load of groceries 1024 KB JPG >Notice the cuts on her arm >Get my scanner gun and scan her arm >Manager sees this and I immediately get fired
: Anonymous 09/28/20(Mon)19:46:16 No.60244419 >Be me >16 >Having a part time job at a local supermarket >Emo girl pulls up to the check out I'm at with a normal load of groceries 1024 KB JPG >Notice the cuts on her arm >Get my scanner gun and scan her arm >Manager sees this and I immediately get fired

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Anon farts | /r/Greentext

You think you f------ no embarrassing? Bring it on. >be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.
You think you f------ no embarrassing? Bring it on. >be about 9-10 years old >little cousin is sleeping in bed. (He's at my house.) >think it'd be funny to fart on his head. >pull down my pants and lower my ass over his face >fart >realize it isn't a fart >liquid s--- pours out of my ass onto his face >he waked up, snorting my s--- up his nose >he vomits EVERYWHERE >i flee the scene like some scat version of The Phantom of the Opera >He runs downstairs crying and gagging >hear mum scream >hide under bed >still s------- myself under the bed. In small quirts >mfw mum found me.

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You will never be a monk, anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/07/22(Mon)01:46:23 No.31198339 >be buddhist monk >sit still for a couple days >people think it's impressive I could do that, but unfortunately I have a f------ job and can't afford to sit around all day >>31201120 # >>31201406 #
: Anonymous 03/07/22(Mon)01:46:23 No.31198339 >be buddhist monk >sit still for a couple days >people think it's impressive I could do that, but unfortunately I have a f------ job and can't afford to sit around all day >>31201120 # >>31201406 #

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Team #nofap. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/18(Wed)22:07:41 No.46243068 >get home from school >mom says she got something for me in the backyard >go in backyard >airsoft guns are neatly placed on a table 70 KB JPG >paper targets are spread out throughout the backyard >mom says we can practice shooting in yard >some time later mom tells me to check on the targets to see how well I did >check on targets, notice that there's something behind it >find one of my p--- magazines behind paper target >check the targets, each target had one of my p--- magazines behind it >mom takes the airsoft guns away and makes me throw away my shot up p--- magazines 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/20/18(Wed)22:07:41 No.46243068 >get home from school >mom says she got something for me in the backyard >go in backyard >airsoft guns are neatly placed on a table 70 KB JPG >paper targets are spread out throughout the backyard >mom says we can practice shooting in yard >some time later mom tells me to check on the targets to see how well I did >check on targets, notice that there's something behind it >find one of my p--- magazines behind paper target >check the targets, each target had one of my p--- magazines behind it >mom takes the airsoft guns away and makes me throw away my shot up p--- magazines 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon calls out brother | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 767715027 43 min. ago My step brother is a fat cringy neckbeard, i'm bored as f--- right now so heres some cringe. >Few years ago, both in high school >We make our own anime forum to f--- around with >We get a few members >One "girl" starts posting on our forum >Says shes super in love with step brother >In forum chat, they both are having cyber sex in front of everyone >He didn't realize that i'm an admin and can see IP's 78.1 kB JPG >He was literally logging in as both the girl and himself and was essentially having cyber sex with himself
Anonymous | 767715027 43 min. ago My step brother is a fat cringy neckbeard, i'm bored as f--- right now so heres some cringe. >Few years ago, both in high school >We make our own anime forum to f--- around with >We get a few members >One "girl" starts posting on our forum >Says shes super in love with step brother >In forum chat, they both are having cyber sex in front of everyone >He didn't realize that i'm an admin and can see IP's 78.1 kB JPG >He was literally logging in as both the girl and himself and was essentially having cyber sex with himself

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