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anon writes a letter | /r/Greentext


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Anon is too sarcastic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)01:53:13 No.67975073 >everybody says im not funny >been trying to be funnier >adopt hyper sarcastic jokes that you can't distinguish from reality >stacy classmate calls and asks LET'S TAKE A BATH TOGETHER me what bathbomb should she use 107 KB JPG for her new bath >time to see the progress >jokingly say : the toaster and make sure its plugged in >she doesn't laugh at it and says "I've heard of that b4, time to try it" and then ends the call >pause for a minute and then call her immediately remembering she is the dumb one >she doesn't answer >next day at school her mom comes to announce her funeral >show up at the funeral for one final joke >tell her parents that she forgot to put the bread in the toaster >they kick me out At least the priest laughed
: Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)01:53:13 No.67975073 >everybody says im not funny >been trying to be funnier >adopt hyper sarcastic jokes that you can't distinguish from reality >stacy classmate calls and asks LET'S TAKE A BATH TOGETHER me what bathbomb should she use 107 KB JPG for her new bath >time to see the progress >jokingly say : the toaster and make sure its plugged in >she doesn't laugh at it and says "I've heard of that b4, time to try it" and then ends the call >pause for a minute and then call her immediately remembering she is the dumb one >she doesn't answer >next day at school her mom comes to announce her funeral >show up at the funeral for one final joke >tell her parents that she forgot to put the bread in the toaster >they kick me out At least the priest laughed

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Anon on Chris Rock | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)21:40:53 No.67976907 Is Chris Rock based? >manlet >low inhib >s---- on a woman >gets bitch slapped and takes it like nothing 252 KB JPG Will is a cuck and Jada is human garbage. The only reason people are on Will's side is because he's tall. 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)21:40:53 No.67976907 Is Chris Rock based? >manlet >low inhib >s---- on a woman >gets bitch slapped and takes it like nothing 252 KB JPG Will is a cuck and Jada is human garbage. The only reason people are on Will's side is because he's tall. 3 Replies View Thread

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choose one | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Pick ONE only 03/29/22(Tue)07:25:31 No.67975454 +2 inch taller +2 inch longer d--- +2 inch larger d--- +2 inch larger (frame of body) +2 inch bigger and larger hands +2 inch bigger and larger feet +2 inch bigger larger arms 32 KB JPG +2 inch bigger larger legs +2 lower octaves (voice) +2 inch larger bigger neck - permanent white skin - permanent tanned skin - permanent black skin green eyes - blue eyes - remove 75% of fat of love handles, gut, belly without loose skin - full head of hair - full thick beard $50,000 USD One night with the woman of your choice 37 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)09:26:10 No.67976757 >>67975454 (OP) # I weigh like 350 pounds, that 75% of fat would make my life astronomically better. : Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)09:28:00 No.67976776 >>67975454 (OP) # $50k easily. I've accepted that I'm unattractive so just give me money. : Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)09:28:10 No.67976777 >>67975454 (OP) # 50k obviously
: Anonymous Pick ONE only 03/29/22(Tue)07:25:31 No.67975454 +2 inch taller +2 inch longer d--- +2 inch larger d--- +2 inch larger (frame of body) +2 inch bigger and larger hands +2 inch bigger and larger feet +2 inch bigger larger arms 32 KB JPG +2 inch bigger larger legs +2 lower octaves (voice) +2 inch larger bigger neck - permanent white skin - permanent tanned skin - permanent black skin green eyes - blue eyes - remove 75% of fat of love handles, gut, belly without loose skin - full head of hair - full thick beard $50,000 USD One night with the woman of your choice 37 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)09:26:10 No.67976757 >>67975454 (OP) # I weigh like 350 pounds, that 75% of fat would make my life astronomically better. : Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)09:28:00 No.67976776 >>67975454 (OP) # $50k easily. I've accepted that I'm unattractive so just give me money. : Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)09:28:10 No.67976777 >>67975454 (OP) # 50k obviously

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Anon has a based boyfriend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)09:26:36 No.428174 ► File: 1648295047553.jpg (20 KB, 587x451) >be me >Ukraine invasion starts >boyfriend starts using social media to stay updated > notifications on >constant updates >news on 24/7 >boyfriend starts sending zelensky memes and videos >talks about going to Ukraine one day >gets me out of bed on a weekend to watch servant of the people on Netflix >boyfriend is more interested in zelensky than me >mfw cucked by zelensky
Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)09:26:36 No.428174 ► File: 1648295047553.jpg (20 KB, 587x451) >be me >Ukraine invasion starts >boyfriend starts using social media to stay updated > notifications on >constant updates >news on 24/7 >boyfriend starts sending zelensky memes and videos >talks about going to Ukraine one day >gets me out of bed on a weekend to watch servant of the people on Netflix >boyfriend is more interested in zelensky than me >mfw cucked by zelensky

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Anon surfs the web | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/03/20(Sat)02:04:06 No.60303431 >sun is rising >spend the last 8 hours mindlessly browsing the web >random youtube videos, refreshing the same sites 100 times without actually reading something or interacting with someone 267 KB PNG >mind goes blank for minutes at times I'm already dead
: Anonymous 10/03/20(Sat)02:04:06 No.60303431 >sun is rising >spend the last 8 hours mindlessly browsing the web >random youtube videos, refreshing the same sites 100 times without actually reading something or interacting with someone 267 KB PNG >mind goes blank for minutes at times I'm already dead

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Anon plays Dark Souls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)15:27:19 No.67969088 feels.png 1.87 MB PNG >tfw I dont enjoy anime anymore >tfw I only enjoy playing dark souls because I feel as if im battling the urge to not kill myself
: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)15:27:19 No.67969088 feels.png 1.87 MB PNG >tfw I dont enjoy anime anymore >tfw I only enjoy playing dark souls because I feel as if im battling the urge to not kill myself

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OP has an encounter with a biker gang. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)03:26:32 No.857172596 >be me, 7 >live in small desert town a few hours outside of Vegas >local diner is almost always swimming with scary looking bikers >family goes there often because poor >was always scared of the big bearded 243 KB JPG bikers >tried my best to keep my distance >one day at diner, just me and mom >mom leaves me alone to use bathroom >scared a f--- >feel massive hand grab my shoulder and nearly s--- myself Big bearded biker guy takes a seat at my table >"hey kid, I noticed you looked a little scared. Everything ok?" >nervously tell him I'm fine and that my mom is using the bathroom >we start talking about life and I start to loosen up >asks me about school and what I like to do for fun >find out him and his gang are part of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) >we talk for a little longer until my mom gets back >they chat a little and he walks off >as he's walking away he turns to me and says “stay in school buddy" and winks at me >never see him again Thank you for the amazing conversation all those years ago Lamar. Because of your kindness I realized that bikers aren't mean and I ended up graduating high school recently. Hope you're doing good sir.
: Anonymous 06/19/21(Sat)03:26:32 No.857172596 >be me, 7 >live in small desert town a few hours outside of Vegas >local diner is almost always swimming with scary looking bikers >family goes there often because poor >was always scared of the big bearded 243 KB JPG bikers >tried my best to keep my distance >one day at diner, just me and mom >mom leaves me alone to use bathroom >scared a f--- >feel massive hand grab my shoulder and nearly s--- myself Big bearded biker guy takes a seat at my table >"hey kid, I noticed you looked a little scared. Everything ok?" >nervously tell him I'm fine and that my mom is using the bathroom >we start talking about life and I start to loosen up >asks me about school and what I like to do for fun >find out him and his gang are part of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) >we talk for a little longer until my mom gets back >they chat a little and he walks off >as he's walking away he turns to me and says “stay in school buddy" and winks at me >never see him again Thank you for the amazing conversation all those years ago Lamar. Because of your kindness I realized that bikers aren't mean and I ended up graduating high school recently. Hope you're doing good sir.

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Anon tries to offer blackpills to the workers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Pgup2H6 03/25/19(Mon)20:15:58 No.207782114 DC8744CE-8D71-478B-8ECD-28667ABC6618.jpg 96 KB JPG I'm gonna walk into McDonald's with this hat on and convince some workers that the holocaust didn't happen. Wish me luck
: Anonymous (ID: Pgup2H6 03/25/19(Mon)20:15:58 No.207782114 DC8744CE-8D71-478B-8ECD-28667ABC6618.jpg 96 KB JPG I'm gonna walk into McDonald's with this hat on and convince some workers that the holocaust didn't happen. Wish me luck

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Anon gets a family | /r/Greentext

>be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >I swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >l had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.
>be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >I swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >l had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.

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Do french really? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/22(Sun)22:51:35 No.162011043 Maybe showering 3 times a week is not enough 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/27/22(Sun)22:52:31 No.162011092 >>162011043 (OP) # >French hygiene >>162011141 # >>162011641 #
: Anonymous 03/27/22(Sun)22:51:35 No.162011043 Maybe showering 3 times a week is not enough 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/27/22(Sun)22:52:31 No.162011092 >>162011043 (OP) # >French hygiene >>162011141 # >>162011641 #

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raccoons = women | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)14:47:25 No.129610489 is there any real difference between women and raccoons >steals your food >always lays on your spot on the sofa >produces a lot of annoying sounds >can be fairly cute that makes you want to hug it >gets fat once she gives birth to offsprings >natural instinct to wash things >loves cotton candy >friends thinks it's cool if you have one >tries to scrape your face off when it's angry I really dont see a difference
Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)14:47:25 No.129610489 is there any real difference between women and raccoons >steals your food >always lays on your spot on the sofa >produces a lot of annoying sounds >can be fairly cute that makes you want to hug it >gets fat once she gives birth to offsprings >natural instinct to wash things >loves cotton candy >friends thinks it's cool if you have one >tries to scrape your face off when it's angry I really dont see a difference

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murica fuck yeah | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/) O 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTOE2XN5 ) 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #
: Anonymous (ID: Z/6fH2x/) O 02/19/18(Mon)07:42:29 No.161082716 Alex went to school and got shot dead . How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? 26 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: WTOE2XN5 ) 02/19/18(Mon)07:45:05 No.161082898 >>161082716 (OP) # >How are you Americans going to stop this weird problem ? I'm pretty confident Alex won't be shot dead again, so I think we have this one covered. >>161083006 # >>161086083 # >>161086843 # >>161086991 #

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Titles are cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/19(Wed)17:41:25 No.791386068 How autistic am I /b/ ? >be 8 > sleep at grandmas >can never sleep because she puts plastic on the bed in case I piss myself >never piss myself 55 KB JPG >goes on for years > trouble in family never see her >13 years later > out of town for work stay at her place > go out with co workers and drink all night >come back to grandmas >no plastic fuckyea.jpg > sleep amazing > wake up covered in piss because I drank too much
: Anonymous 01/30/19(Wed)17:41:25 No.791386068 How autistic am I /b/ ? >be 8 > sleep at grandmas >can never sleep because she puts plastic on the bed in case I piss myself >never piss myself 55 KB JPG >goes on for years > trouble in family never see her >13 years later > out of town for work stay at her place > go out with co workers and drink all night >come back to grandmas >no plastic fuckyea.jpg > sleep amazing > wake up covered in piss because I drank too much

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B A S E DVery useful advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)18:58:16 No.858512914 >roommate asks me to drive him to his dealer >sure, I have nothing going on >get in, start the car, put on seatbelt >notice roommate doesn't have his 8 KB JPG seatbelt on >ask him to put it on >"Why? Aren't you a good driver?" >tell him it's my car andI want him to have his seatbelt on >"lol f--- you man just drive" >okay >get on the road, accelerate to 40mph >slam on the brakes >roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield >oh s---, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your f------ seatbelt on >he does >I turn the car around and drive us back home F------ f----- can walk to his dealer's now. Wear your seatbelts.
: Anonymous 07/06/21(Tue)18:58:16 No.858512914 >roommate asks me to drive him to his dealer >sure, I have nothing going on >get in, start the car, put on seatbelt >notice roommate doesn't have his 8 KB JPG seatbelt on >ask him to put it on >"Why? Aren't you a good driver?" >tell him it's my car andI want him to have his seatbelt on >"lol f--- you man just drive" >okay >get on the road, accelerate to 40mph >slam on the brakes >roommate flies out of his seat, his face hits the windshield >oh s---, sorry bro. Maybe you should put your f------ seatbelt on >he does >I turn the car around and drive us back home F------ f----- can walk to his dealer's now. Wear your seatbelts.

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Anon evolved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)18:57:23 No.870097154 >Some friends I played games with used to call me goblin due to my nose and small stature >didn't see them for about 3 years >started to workout since then >got really buff >saw them again yesterday >now they call me hobgoblin 22 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 01/06/22(Thu)18:57:23 No.870097154 >Some friends I played games with used to call me goblin due to my nose and small stature >didn't see them for about 3 years >started to workout since then >got really buff >saw them again yesterday >now they call me hobgoblin 22 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon goes to church | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)13:22:53 No.875242327 idiot story time >be me >4-5 years old >obsessed with mr. bean like 100% >i even got a f------ teddy >sunday church service 4 KB JPG >around easter time, so there is a lot of silent prayers >parents pray in silence >me don't know what to do >look around >everyone is praying >s---.jpg >look forward >statue of jesus on cross, looks ultra realistic >i get a idea >i take my teddy and point my other hand at that jesus statue >"VOOK TEDDI DER IZ JISUS ON D KROS! HI DAJD FOR AUR SINZ!" >some people laugh >mom & dad grab me and go home >dad yells his lungs out on me >i cry bc i don't understand >ffw 16 years later >sunday church service >a family with their daughter sit next to me >again silent prayer >little girl takes her barbie even tho her parents are telling her to leave the barbie >"JULIE, THAT'S JESUS" >mfw when I almost start crying bc of flashbacks >mfw I had to go home bc I was barely holding my laughter & tears in what the f--- was wrong with me?
: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)13:22:53 No.875242327 idiot story time >be me >4-5 years old >obsessed with mr. bean like 100% >i even got a f------ teddy >sunday church service 4 KB JPG >around easter time, so there is a lot of silent prayers >parents pray in silence >me don't know what to do >look around >everyone is praying >s---.jpg >look forward >statue of jesus on cross, looks ultra realistic >i get a idea >i take my teddy and point my other hand at that jesus statue >"VOOK TEDDI DER IZ JISUS ON D KROS! HI DAJD FOR AUR SINZ!" >some people laugh >mom & dad grab me and go home >dad yells his lungs out on me >i cry bc i don't understand >ffw 16 years later >sunday church service >a family with their daughter sit next to me >again silent prayer >little girl takes her barbie even tho her parents are telling her to leave the barbie >"JULIE, THAT'S JESUS" >mfw when I almost start crying bc of flashbacks >mfw I had to go home bc I was barely holding my laughter & tears in what the f--- was wrong with me?

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Anon makes a fren | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)21:38:17 No.3883316 >Moo at a cow >lt moos back We are friends 101 KB PNG
: Anonymous 08/02/21(Mon)21:38:17 No.3883316 >Moo at a cow >lt moos back We are friends 101 KB PNG

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Anon Got Jokes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)09:07:40 No.165724369 r.png 848 KB PNG >Looks like Will's marriage is open to anything but jokes!
: Anonymous 03/28/22(Mon)09:07:40 No.165724369 r.png 848 KB PNG >Looks like Will's marriage is open to anything but jokes!

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#BlackLivesMatterAnon gets a new gaming buddy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. 3 KB JPG >l heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man
: Anonymous 09/30/21(Thu)09:13:05 No.572761537 >Be playing vidya >Enter co op game >Black guy has joined >He's new to the game >Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room. >He's low on health >He doesn't know how to heal. 3 KB JPG >l heal him for him >"Thank you!" >"That's so nice" >Later in the game I get downed >"I'm coming my n----" >Comes to my rescue >"I got you bro" >Finish the mission >"Yo G you're ma real n----. Respect" Mfw feels good man

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