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Anon meets an older kid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/19(Tue)09:02:28 No.790057917 >be me >8 y/o >on bus home >really damn hungry >see much older kid (15) behind me open his hot dog >always been scared of older kids >hunger.mpg is using too much maybe the real rare epes were the Inends we found along the way 12 KB JPG memory >"hey, can I please have a small bite?" >he turns to face me >doesn't utter a word, just smiles and hands me the whole hotdog >i grab it and sit back in my seat >happiest little f--- in the bus >22 now and I still regret not thanking that blessed soul Wherever you are, I hope you have a happy life my bro.
: Anonymous 01/15/19(Tue)09:02:28 No.790057917 >be me >8 y/o >on bus home >really damn hungry >see much older kid (15) behind me open his hot dog >always been scared of older kids >hunger.mpg is using too much maybe the real rare epes were the Inends we found along the way 12 KB JPG memory >"hey, can I please have a small bite?" >he turns to face me >doesn't utter a word, just smiles and hands me the whole hotdog >i grab it and sit back in my seat >happiest little f--- in the bus >22 now and I still regret not thanking that blessed soul Wherever you are, I hope you have a happy life my bro.

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Anon makes up a sorry for r/AITA | /r/Greentext

File: redditor.png (10 KB, 211x239) O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)12:25:32 No.876201934 [Reply] >>876202150 What the f--- is wrong with people on reddit >be me >writing fake story on reddit.com/amitheasshole >act as a girl >tell them about fight with bf >they tell me he is the a------ >wait 1 month >tell exactly the same story but with swapped genders >80% tell me l'm the a------ h-------- they are all coomers Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)12:28:47 No.876202012 100% of redditors have not seen the sun in months >> O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)12:34:27 No.876202150 >>876201934 (OP) # > go on 4chan > make one good post and 4 posts where people called you a retarded f----- > who cares, it's anonymous > go on Reddit > smoke pack of cigarettes while carefully watching which kinds of posts get good reactions > basically a pointless thing like playing no money Roulette > step outside the line and get banned
File: redditor.png (10 KB, 211x239) O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)12:25:32 No.876201934 [Reply] >>876202150 What the f--- is wrong with people on reddit >be me >writing fake story on reddit.com/amitheasshole >act as a girl >tell them about fight with bf >they tell me he is the a------ >wait 1 month >tell exactly the same story but with swapped genders >80% tell me l'm the a------ h-------- they are all coomers Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)12:28:47 No.876202012 100% of redditors have not seen the sun in months >> O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)12:34:27 No.876202150 >>876201934 (OP) # > go on 4chan > make one good post and 4 posts where people called you a retarded f----- > who cares, it's anonymous > go on Reddit > smoke pack of cigarettes while carefully watching which kinds of posts get good reactions > basically a pointless thing like playing no money Roulette > step outside the line and get banned

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Anon is a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)07:57:24 No.66322532 What is a man? What am I suposed to do as a man? 29 KB JPG 5090
: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)07:57:24 No.66322532 What is a man? What am I suposed to do as a man? 29 KB JPG 5090

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anon doesn't understand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/08/21(Mon)15:40:33 No.158877665 OC >there are people who give money to Twitch streamers unironically creeps me out. 6 KB JPG >>158878000 #
: Anonymous 11/08/21(Mon)15:40:33 No.158877665 OC >there are people who give money to Twitch streamers unironically creeps me out. 6 KB JPG >>158878000 #

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Anon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

8h · 54619337 JPG· 494KB · (900 × 900) 1 Reply >Everyone says there's time and not to worry about it >Have heard this for 3 years and am no closer to losing my virginity >Literally do not know the name of 1 single girl my age >Have no f------ clue where to even start in changing this Setting a course for wizardhood
8h · 54619337 JPG· 494KB · (900 × 900) 1 Reply >Everyone says there's time and not to worry about it >Have heard this for 3 years and am no closer to losing my virginity >Literally do not know the name of 1 single girl my age >Have no f------ clue where to even start in changing this Setting a course for wizardhood

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Anon has allergies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)06:18:27 No.68198502 I survived a benadryl overdose today. I was having really bad alergies so I took some kids liquid benadryl, and I took what I thought was an adult dose. In reality it was way too much I felt like I was going into a coma, couldn't sleep,could barely move, and kept spasming 73 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)06:47:30 No.68198690 >>68198502 (OP) # what dose did you take? Most I've had was 6oomg with like 150g of alcohol.
: Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)06:18:27 No.68198502 I survived a benadryl overdose today. I was having really bad alergies so I took some kids liquid benadryl, and I took what I thought was an adult dose. In reality it was way too much I felt like I was going into a coma, couldn't sleep,could barely move, and kept spasming 73 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)06:47:30 No.68198690 >>68198502 (OP) # what dose did you take? Most I've had was 6oomg with like 150g of alcohol.

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Anon joins shitpost group | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"
: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"

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Anon meets a Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!

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Anon understand limits | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The Stick of Sex 04/12/22(Tue)22:26:20 No.68193959 >Be me >16, year 11 physics >Physics teacher is pretty odd, he's about 30, extremely tall >He likes doing 'stretches' with the girls in my grade, very hands on kind of guy 5 KB JPG >One day he's teaching us about limits >"This, everyone, is the stick of sex" >We all look up at the stick of sex >"The length of the stick corresponds to how much love you can feel for someone else" >"Each time you have sex with a different person, the amount of love you can feel halfs" >"As you see, even after the second or third partner, your capacity for love is significantly reduced" >"Of course, you never actually lose the capacity to love, it just becomes so small that it's not even noticeable" This lesson has stuck with me for a long time. Not only did he eloquently explain the concept of a limit, but he also btfo every roastie in my class and taught me a valuable life lesson. Thank you based purity-pilled repressed-fomo-fantasies physics teacher.
: Anonymous The Stick of Sex 04/12/22(Tue)22:26:20 No.68193959 >Be me >16, year 11 physics >Physics teacher is pretty odd, he's about 30, extremely tall >He likes doing 'stretches' with the girls in my grade, very hands on kind of guy 5 KB JPG >One day he's teaching us about limits >"This, everyone, is the stick of sex" >We all look up at the stick of sex >"The length of the stick corresponds to how much love you can feel for someone else" >"Each time you have sex with a different person, the amount of love you can feel halfs" >"As you see, even after the second or third partner, your capacity for love is significantly reduced" >"Of course, you never actually lose the capacity to love, it just becomes so small that it's not even noticeable" This lesson has stuck with me for a long time. Not only did he eloquently explain the concept of a limit, but he also btfo every roastie in my class and taught me a valuable life lesson. Thank you based purity-pilled repressed-fomo-fantasies physics teacher.

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Anon can't time travel | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a decent human... | /r/Greentext

>>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 >sister 17 WOOSH VOUHAVE Smol pener >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #
>>772251055 (OP) # >be 15 >sister 17 WOOSH VOUHAVE Smol pener >walks out of bathroom after shower 40 KB JPG >towel hanging very loose around her body. >tell her to fasten her towel before it falls off >she nods and fastens it before walking away >i go shower and forget about it >because im not some sick degenerate like you f----. >>772251744 #

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False flag attack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)18:18:02 No.66039722 >be me >was supposed to go to 6 flags with my friends today >bought everyone tickets >get dressed up, and do my hair up and have been keeping my skincare routine up so i have a 74 KB JPG clear face >finally get to wear my nice clothes beyond playing dress up in the mirror >and finally can wear my hair jewelry outside >today is the day >wake up to a cancellation text signed: everyone >disappointed but oh well eat a chicken sandwich and go workout in my homegym >in between sets i see a pic posted in the discord of all of them at six flags >play crab game and delete my discord im honestly hella sad rn i genuinely dont even know why they couldnt just be honest
: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)18:18:02 No.66039722 >be me >was supposed to go to 6 flags with my friends today >bought everyone tickets >get dressed up, and do my hair up and have been keeping my skincare routine up so i have a 74 KB JPG clear face >finally get to wear my nice clothes beyond playing dress up in the mirror >and finally can wear my hair jewelry outside >today is the day >wake up to a cancellation text signed: everyone >disappointed but oh well eat a chicken sandwich and go workout in my homegym >in between sets i see a pic posted in the discord of all of them at six flags >play crab game and delete my discord im honestly hella sad rn i genuinely dont even know why they couldnt just be honest

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Anon gets a fedora | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21 (Fri)22:52:19 No.146519365 >Grandfather gifted me an old fedora >lt looked so f------ cool >Decide to try it out and it fits perfectly >l even take it out in public >That train of thought of neckbeard 2 MB PNG fedora starts kicking in >F-----.mp4 >Think i'll get humiliated here >Instead everybody started calling me James Bond >Some friends now have nicknamed me James Bond >Tfw
: Anonymous 02/12/21 (Fri)22:52:19 No.146519365 >Grandfather gifted me an old fedora >lt looked so f------ cool >Decide to try it out and it fits perfectly >l even take it out in public >That train of thought of neckbeard 2 MB PNG fedora starts kicking in >F-----.mp4 >Think i'll get humiliated here >Instead everybody started calling me James Bond >Some friends now have nicknamed me James Bond >Tfw

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Anon is bad at golf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)17:17:03 No.876142504 >Be me >Just started playing golf and accidentally kills a duck on the driving range >2 months in, playing on the course >Subconsciously aims for the duck that is sitting on the green 23 KB JPG >Kills the duck sitting on the green >mfw
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)17:17:03 No.876142504 >Be me >Just started playing golf and accidentally kills a duck on the driving range >2 months in, playing on the course >Subconsciously aims for the duck that is sitting on the green 23 KB JPG >Kills the duck sitting on the green >mfw

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Anon is friends with Elon Musk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)13:30:38 No.820823558 You come home from a crappy day of work. You unlock your door, only to see Elon standing in your living room. There's a large cardboard box next to him. >"Hey, Anon-kun. Sometimes life is full of hardships. You're a good friend, so I 155 KB JPG thought you should have this. Enjoy, buddy." He walks to you and briefly places his hand on your shoulder before taking his leave. There's a noise heard coming from inside the box. >"Nyan?"
: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)13:30:38 No.820823558 You come home from a crappy day of work. You unlock your door, only to see Elon standing in your living room. There's a large cardboard box next to him. >"Hey, Anon-kun. Sometimes life is full of hardships. You're a good friend, so I 155 KB JPG thought you should have this. Enjoy, buddy." He walks to you and briefly places his hand on your shoulder before taking his leave. There's a noise heard coming from inside the box. >"Nyan?"

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anon is crazy | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:35:15 No.129933704 >>129933755 >>12 >>129939377>>129939555 >>129940060 File: batman.jpg (37 KB, 600x450) >be bruce wayne >parents get shot >become wimpy emo kid >disappear for two years >comes back f------ jacked >when he comes back the batman starts hitting gotham immediately >batman has literally never been seen with bruce wayne are you not seeing any sort of connection? O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:37:47 No.129933755 >>129934361 >>129933704 take your meds schizo
O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:35:15 No.129933704 >>129933755 >>12 >>129939377>>129939555 >>129940060 File: batman.jpg (37 KB, 600x450) >be bruce wayne >parents get shot >become wimpy emo kid >disappear for two years >comes back f------ jacked >when he comes back the batman starts hitting gotham immediately >batman has literally never been seen with bruce wayne are you not seeing any sort of connection? O Anonymous 04/13/22(Wed)01:37:47 No.129933755 >>129934361 >>129933704 take your meds schizo

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Anon doesn't think it's funny anymore | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)19:42:22 No.67795384 >Be kid >Use to laugh at media depictions of fat loser guys that live with their parents and spend all day on the internet >10 years later >Become that exact same person I'm not laughing anymore. 61 KB PNG 9 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/15/22(Tue)19:42:22 No.67795384 >Be kid >Use to laugh at media depictions of fat loser guys that live with their parents and spend all day on the internet >10 years later >Become that exact same person I'm not laughing anymore. 61 KB PNG 9 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon tries posting on a subreddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)21:48:37 No.876190604 >be me >Redditor >go on a subreddit called r/interestingasfuck >decide to post a picture of the last Mughal Emperor from the 1860's, saying in the title he was the only one of them to ever be photographed ever in the 35 KB JPG history of the world Mods take it down for not being interesting >ok then. Later I post a pic of a pair of conjoined twins from the late 1800's who made a living as freak show performers Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a video of a robot making noodles on a street corner Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a pic of a f------ astronaut in space floating hundreds of feet away from his shuttle while maneuvering across the cosmos with an early jet pack s------- Mods take it down for not being interesting what the f--- do these mods find interesting then? They could see their infant son take his first steps and talk for the first time in his life immediately after and they'd just say, "so what? I already do both of those things on a daily basis." If you thought Asian parents were hard to impress, then imagine what it would be like living with these guys as your parents
: Anonymous 04/12/22(Tue)21:48:37 No.876190604 >be me >Redditor >go on a subreddit called r/interestingasfuck >decide to post a picture of the last Mughal Emperor from the 1860's, saying in the title he was the only one of them to ever be photographed ever in the 35 KB JPG history of the world Mods take it down for not being interesting >ok then. Later I post a pic of a pair of conjoined twins from the late 1800's who made a living as freak show performers Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a video of a robot making noodles on a street corner Mods take it down for not being interesting >post a pic of a f------ astronaut in space floating hundreds of feet away from his shuttle while maneuvering across the cosmos with an early jet pack s------- Mods take it down for not being interesting what the f--- do these mods find interesting then? They could see their infant son take his first steps and talk for the first time in his life immediately after and they'd just say, "so what? I already do both of those things on a daily basis." If you thought Asian parents were hard to impress, then imagine what it would be like living with these guys as your parents

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Bamboozled, eh? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)01:58:13 No.787483512 >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >l thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lusting after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >I Just wanted to f--- her brains out >l think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >l was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him
: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)01:58:13 No.787483512 >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born >Growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister is a hottie >Accidentally found a video that she made of herself >l thought she was so f------ beautiful that I watched it twice >Would have watched it a lot more, but crazy s--- went down and I had to leave home >At this point, totally lusting after my sister >She was also having bad trouble with the law >Actually in custody when I left home >Friend and I go to pick her up >I Just wanted to f--- her brains out >l think she had feelings for me too >Kissed me when we picked her up >Definitely WAS NOT a sisterly kiss >Friend told me he wants to get with my sister >jealous.jpg >Not much happened between me and my sister for a while >At this point, we were all wanted and moving around a lot >Serious sexual tension between my friend and sister >l get hurt badly and almost die >While in recover, sister gives me another not sisterly kiss >We spend some time apart >l get really religious, try not to think of her that way >l was totally over her >We go sailing a year later (nothing romantic) >She's in the hottest f------ bikini ever >All those feelings come back >She ends up with my friend from before >After all this, we were at a party >Sister and I were outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that Darth Vader is our father and I have to go face him

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Anon finds a reason to live | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)19:26:15 No.864396347 hqdefault.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me. >Continue to live
: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)19:26:15 No.864396347 hqdefault.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me. >Continue to live

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