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Why nobody talks about this | /r/Greentext

R: 80 / I: 8 How the f--- did Hitler get away with having a sidekick named Himmler, that's like Luigi and Waluigi-tier b-------.
R: 80 / I: 8 How the f--- did Hitler get away with having a sidekick named Himmler, that's like Luigi and Waluigi-tier b-------.

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Anon gets terminal cancer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 749949132 2 min. ago >Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i >we make a list of kinky s--- we want to do in our life. >last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer >family and gf devastated >remember list >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on 22.8 kB JPG the list >gf wants to have sex in the sewers >mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway >sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me c-- in her >s--- was cash >moral of the story is >f--- the police >coming straight from the underground
Anonymous | 749949132 2 min. ago >Be me, 25 >gf works w/ the police force, so do i >we make a list of kinky s--- we want to do in our life. >last week at check up get told I have terminal cancer >family and gf devastated >remember list >tell gf we should do the top kinky thing on 22.8 kB JPG the list >gf wants to have sex in the sewers >mfw >whatever, only 3 months to live anyway >sneak out at night >go to sewers >have sex >lets me c-- in her >s--- was cash >moral of the story is >f--- the police >coming straight from the underground

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Anon is not repeating mistakes | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:30:36 No.49047 >Have a whole week to do an assignment >Wait until the last 4 hours >have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't enough to do it >have to try 58 KB PNG >do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment >wait until the last 2 hours
E Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:30:36 No.49047 >Have a whole week to do an assignment >Wait until the last 4 hours >have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't enough to do it >have to try 58 KB PNG >do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment >wait until the last 2 hours

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Anon takes an L | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous namelet thread 10/27/21(Wed)00:11:46 No.65912566 >born with a twin >parents wanted to give us similar names >twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from >and they named me f------ LAROLD 83 KB PNG
: Anonymous namelet thread 10/27/21(Wed)00:11:46 No.65912566 >born with a twin >parents wanted to give us similar names >twin was named logan >parents had a wide selection of L names to choose from >and they named me f------ LAROLD 83 KB PNG

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Tfw no money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)09:25:54 No.63176471 >open steam library >scroll down >scroll up >scroll down again >sigh, close steam 134 KB PNG every f------ time
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)09:25:54 No.63176471 >open steam library >scroll down >scroll up >scroll down again >sigh, close steam 134 KB PNG every f------ time

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Anon don’t like books | /r/Greentext

>have somewhat stable social circle in uni >get along with this one grill >she gives me a book for christmas that she thinks I would 82 KB JPG like >for some reason never open it >weeks go by, she keeps asking about the book >quickly look up plot summary on wiki so that I can pretend l'm reading it >she's visibly annoyed and angry, says "you probably never even opened it" >insist that I read it, our relationship slowly deteriorates >we get our degrees and don't stay in touch >fast forward six years >find book while cleaning my apartment >decide to read it >find a little romantic note inside about how much ! mean to her etc >mfw book is pretty boring
>have somewhat stable social circle in uni >get along with this one grill >she gives me a book for christmas that she thinks I would 82 KB JPG like >for some reason never open it >weeks go by, she keeps asking about the book >quickly look up plot summary on wiki so that I can pretend l'm reading it >she's visibly annoyed and angry, says "you probably never even opened it" >insist that I read it, our relationship slowly deteriorates >we get our degrees and don't stay in touch >fast forward six years >find book while cleaning my apartment >decide to read it >find a little romantic note inside about how much ! mean to her etc >mfw book is pretty boring

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Anon makes it through another day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >feel anxious all day 04/16/22(Sat)09:18:57 No.68239621 >decide to treat myself to some snacks at 1AM >go to 7-11 >get a monster, cheetos and taquitos >bring snacks home and eat them while watching 40k lore on youtube >immediately feel grounded, safe and 303 КВ PNG secure thank you corn syrup, salt and carbs, for calming the tempest in my mind. I have made it through another day.
: Anonymous >feel anxious all day 04/16/22(Sat)09:18:57 No.68239621 >decide to treat myself to some snacks at 1AM >go to 7-11 >get a monster, cheetos and taquitos >bring snacks home and eat them while watching 40k lore on youtube >immediately feel grounded, safe and 303 КВ PNG secure thank you corn syrup, salt and carbs, for calming the tempest in my mind. I have made it through another day.

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Anon works at the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)21:07:22 No.3086720 >been volunteering at the zoo >chatting with keeper about animals >mentions that they let the chimps watch movies in winter when they keep them inside >turns out they love watching 73 KB GIF planet of the apes over and over >they also caught one of the chimps making a weapon should I be worried?
: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)21:07:22 No.3086720 >been volunteering at the zoo >chatting with keeper about animals >mentions that they let the chimps watch movies in winter when they keep them inside >turns out they love watching 73 KB GIF planet of the apes over and over >they also caught one of the chimps making a weapon should I be worried?

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Anon discovers women | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/16/22(Sat)04:24:41 No.68240156 Just found out women are real. Bros how can i cope 19 KB JPG
Anonymous 04/16/22(Sat)04:24:41 No.68240156 Just found out women are real. Bros how can i cope 19 KB JPG

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Anon hates false advertising | /r/Greentext

File: 1648687347683.jpg (5 KB, 250x187) Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)03:43:05 No.86284406 >>86284428 >>86284589 >>86284605 >>86284634 >>86284639 >>86284956 >>86287913 >>86287940 >>86288066 >>86289339 >>86289875 >buy wireless device >look inside >wires
File: 1648687347683.jpg (5 KB, 250x187) Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)03:43:05 No.86284406 >>86284428 >>86284589 >>86284605 >>86284634 >>86284639 >>86284956 >>86287913 >>86287940 >>86288066 >>86289339 >>86289875 >buy wireless device >look inside >wires

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Reddit lied to Anon | /r/Greentext

File: fe7.jpg (42 KB, 640x590) Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)11:20:24 No.876332943 > be me > redditor > browse r/greentext frequently > go to /b/ > realize this place isn't full of funny wholesome greentexts > what the f--- is wrong with you people
File: fe7.jpg (42 KB, 640x590) Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)11:20:24 No.876332943 > be me > redditor > browse r/greentext frequently > go to /b/ > realize this place isn't full of funny wholesome greentexts > what the f--- is wrong with you people

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Anon makes fun of Americans | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I I 04/15/22(Fri)07:45:19 No.163052594 >Americans leave a TIP (of their benis) the very moment they're born You couldn't make this s--- up if you tried, it's like some kind of cosmic poetry dn 193 KB PNG : Anonymous A 04/15/22(Fri)07:51:17 No.163052759 >>163052594 (OP) # Not funny. >>163052823 #
: Anonymous I I 04/15/22(Fri)07:45:19 No.163052594 >Americans leave a TIP (of their benis) the very moment they're born You couldn't make this s--- up if you tried, it's like some kind of cosmic poetry dn 193 KB PNG : Anonymous A 04/15/22(Fri)07:51:17 No.163052759 >>163052594 (OP) # Not funny. >>163052823 #

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Anon's in trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble

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Reddit when | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)11:08:49 No.876330037 >be American leftist >commonly compare opposing political parties and their leaders to pic related >also be leftists 9 KB JPG >see an entire nation of Jews (Israel) >scream about how much you want to kill them dead and how evil they are because they unjustly take things from the native people >... >pic demonstrated The retardation levels are reaching peak irony
: Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)11:08:49 No.876330037 >be American leftist >commonly compare opposing political parties and their leaders to pic related >also be leftists 9 KB JPG >see an entire nation of Jews (Israel) >scream about how much you want to kill them dead and how evil they are because they unjustly take things from the native people >... >pic demonstrated The retardation levels are reaching peak irony

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Anon builds back better | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)02:34:21 No.874073031 CRYING >be me, average american >sitting on my couch watching tv >billionaire kicks in my door >l am frozen with patriotic awe TEARS OF JOY >slaps my bud light out of my hand >f---- my wife on the couch next to me 24 KB JPG >wipes his d--- on the curtains >l manage to squeak out "thank you for your service" >he towers over me like a titan of industry >pisses on my face while screaming "TRICKLE DOWN" >I clap and tip him 20% >he twists my n------ while asking if l'm “a union man" >tell him proudly that I'm a rugged individualist like him >he seems pleased >breaks a window to create more jobs and flies away truly this is the greatest country in the world
: Anonymous 03/09/22(Wed)02:34:21 No.874073031 CRYING >be me, average american >sitting on my couch watching tv >billionaire kicks in my door >l am frozen with patriotic awe TEARS OF JOY >slaps my bud light out of my hand >f---- my wife on the couch next to me 24 KB JPG >wipes his d--- on the curtains >l manage to squeak out "thank you for your service" >he towers over me like a titan of industry >pisses on my face while screaming "TRICKLE DOWN" >I clap and tip him 20% >he twists my n------ while asking if l'm “a union man" >tell him proudly that I'm a rugged individualist like him >he seems pleased >breaks a window to create more jobs and flies away truly this is the greatest country in the world

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Anon is embarrassed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/16/22(Sat)03:17:06 No.68239606 >embarrassing memory surfaces >start saying random s--- out loud to drown it out Anyone else? 558 KB PNG
Anonymous 04/16/22(Sat)03:17:06 No.68239606 >embarrassing memory surfaces >start saying random s--- out loud to drown it out Anyone else? 558 KB PNG

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Anon obviously didn't kill 9000 ukrainians | /r/Greentext


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Panty raid | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a hard time saving | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)11:32:48 No.68229431 >be me >smooth talker in high school >usually can get a girl into a bedroom at parties >can't ever get hard >must have erectile dysfunction >get nicknamed "floppy d----" >nickname gets passed around 27 KB JPG high school >people call me "flop" for short, even teachers who don't know the origin >nickname stays with me through college >years later, still have anxiety over my lack of boners >get office job >use Word and Excel all day >always have to hit the save icon when I'm done with a document >think about my floppy disk every time I hit save How do I get over erectile dysfunction? Boner pills don't do s--- for me.
: Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)11:32:48 No.68229431 >be me >smooth talker in high school >usually can get a girl into a bedroom at parties >can't ever get hard >must have erectile dysfunction >get nicknamed "floppy d----" >nickname gets passed around 27 KB JPG high school >people call me "flop" for short, even teachers who don't know the origin >nickname stays with me through college >years later, still have anxiety over my lack of boners >get office job >use Word and Excel all day >always have to hit the save icon when I'm done with a document >think about my floppy disk every time I hit save How do I get over erectile dysfunction? Boner pills don't do s--- for me.

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Anon talks about the Huns | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)19:51:49 No.876358658 >be the Huns >suddenly show up in Europe in the 4th Century >kill and enslave absolutely everything in sight >kick the s--- out of the Eastern 149 KB JPG Roman Empire and basically destroy the Western half >some Romans thought you were f------ devils that arrived straight from Hell >your leader Attila was straight up called "The Scourge of God" >seemingly vanish off the face of the Earth after 100 years of nonstop killing >leave behind virtually no written records or archaeological traces of your existence fast forward to the 21st Century >hardly anything is known about your language, religion, or culture, and historians don't even know for sure where the hell you even came from
: Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)19:51:49 No.876358658 >be the Huns >suddenly show up in Europe in the 4th Century >kill and enslave absolutely everything in sight >kick the s--- out of the Eastern 149 KB JPG Roman Empire and basically destroy the Western half >some Romans thought you were f------ devils that arrived straight from Hell >your leader Attila was straight up called "The Scourge of God" >seemingly vanish off the face of the Earth after 100 years of nonstop killing >leave behind virtually no written records or archaeological traces of your existence fast forward to the 21st Century >hardly anything is known about your language, religion, or culture, and historians don't even know for sure where the hell you even came from

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