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Anon the joker | /r/Greentext


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Anon is miserable | /r/Greentext

>one chance at life >born in a rural area >ridiculous weather every day >hurricane winds >storms >snow 109 KB JPG >ice >freezing cold >extreme heat >house is old and s----- >nothing around for miles >no friends and nobody >literally 365 days out of the year the weather is complete dog s--- and miserable
>one chance at life >born in a rural area >ridiculous weather every day >hurricane winds >storms >snow 109 KB JPG >ice >freezing cold >extreme heat >house is old and s----- >nothing around for miles >no friends and nobody >literally 365 days out of the year the weather is complete dog s--- and miserable

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anon knows his rap music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/17/22(Sun)19:32:55 No.876454190 The most influential person in the entire world history. 1.09 MB PNG : Anonymous 04/17/22(Sun)19:35:56 No.876454335 he's one of those white rappers, aint he? >>876454547 #
: Anonymous 04/17/22(Sun)19:32:55 No.876454190 The most influential person in the entire world history. 1.09 MB PNG : Anonymous 04/17/22(Sun)19:35:56 No.876454335 he's one of those white rappers, aint he? >>876454547 #

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Anon helps a disabled girl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 9SIHOYM4) E3 04/10/17(Mon)10:51:30 No.120464418 >>120452929 # >see girl >qt >in wheelchair >lift is out of service >she looks a little perturbed >approach her >offer to carry her up the stairs >"oh that's very sweet of you but-" >reassure her of my strength >flex a little, just to get the message across >"but really-" >decide to be alpha >just f----- pick her up >doesn't say much >effortlessly carry her up the five flights of stairs >put her down >walk off with a slightly smug expression >she just sits there, unable to do anything without her wheelchair
Anonymous (ID: 9SIHOYM4) E3 04/10/17(Mon)10:51:30 No.120464418 >>120452929 # >see girl >qt >in wheelchair >lift is out of service >she looks a little perturbed >approach her >offer to carry her up the stairs >"oh that's very sweet of you but-" >reassure her of my strength >flex a little, just to get the message across >"but really-" >decide to be alpha >just f----- pick her up >doesn't say much >effortlessly carry her up the five flights of stairs >put her down >walk off with a slightly smug expression >she just sits there, unable to do anything without her wheelchair

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anon is a buddhist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/26/22(Sat)11:28:12 No.875140667 SHEEEEEEEEEEeeee ss.jpg 60 KB JPG >be me >family practices Buddhism >uncle was dying >told our family he had a vision of himself soaring in the sky and landing into a nest >whole family thinks it's a gift and he was shown his next life as a bird >he tells his wife he will come see her in his next life >at his wake a bird flew into one of the glass sliding doors >it f------ died >my whole family lost their s---
: Anonymous 03/26/22(Sat)11:28:12 No.875140667 SHEEEEEEEEEEeeee ss.jpg 60 KB JPG >be me >family practices Buddhism >uncle was dying >told our family he had a vision of himself soaring in the sky and landing into a nest >whole family thinks it's a gift and he was shown his next life as a bird >he tells his wife he will come see her in his next life >at his wake a bird flew into one of the glass sliding doors >it f------ died >my whole family lost their s---

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Anon is a dude | /r/Greentext

>be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG
>be brain >chilling in some dude's head >he fell asleep wait check this out >AYO WE'RE FALLING BRO >jumpscare.exe >Imao go back to sleep dumbass 52 KB JPG

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Anon chats with his coworkers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble

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Anon tells a high school anecdote | /r/Greentext

>>876615505 >Be me inna high school >17 years old, circa 2006 >Friends with a bunch of different groups >Protected some little anime club f--- from their bullies >They take their newfound freedom to far >Turns out they're Naruto running down the halls of the english building >Doing spin kicks off of walls and s--- >Running into people and knocking them over >Just generally being dickbags >Get asked to help by a couple cheerleader friends >Promise to help, I gave them their freedom to begin with >Observe them for a couple days >They always take the same route and jump off the wall at the same spot >Kinda cool looking, not gonna lie, well rehearsed >Still causing problems though >Go out to local grocery store >Obtain several bottles of sexual lubricant >Right before 5th period ends, go out to hall and apply lubricant liberally to wall >Get caught by vice principal while slathering astroglide on a laminated wood wall >WAT.jpg >He knows I am up to something but the absurdity of what he is witnessing causes his brain to short circuit >l promise him it will be magical and to just let it happen >l wipe my lubed up hand on his baby blue shirt as I push him to an out of the way corner to watch >He keeps eyeing me and the wall, unsure of how this all fits together >The bell rings >ltsShowtime.gif >Students pour out into the hallway >Two little 5'2" cretins come sprinting out, arms straight back, weaving in and out of the other teens >The vice principal immediately knows they're the targets, looks straight at me with furious knowledge >He still doesn't understand the lubed wall >The Narutards finally reach the wall for their well rehearsed double spin kick >They leap in unison >Their feet touch the wall in unison >They fail to gain purchase in unison >They faceplant against the wall in unison >The entire hallways erupts in laughter >Vice principal covers his mouth to hide his laughter and takes off >They never did that s--- again
>>876615505 >Be me inna high school >17 years old, circa 2006 >Friends with a bunch of different groups >Protected some little anime club f--- from their bullies >They take their newfound freedom to far >Turns out they're Naruto running down the halls of the english building >Doing spin kicks off of walls and s--- >Running into people and knocking them over >Just generally being dickbags >Get asked to help by a couple cheerleader friends >Promise to help, I gave them their freedom to begin with >Observe them for a couple days >They always take the same route and jump off the wall at the same spot >Kinda cool looking, not gonna lie, well rehearsed >Still causing problems though >Go out to local grocery store >Obtain several bottles of sexual lubricant >Right before 5th period ends, go out to hall and apply lubricant liberally to wall >Get caught by vice principal while slathering astroglide on a laminated wood wall >WAT.jpg >He knows I am up to something but the absurdity of what he is witnessing causes his brain to short circuit >l promise him it will be magical and to just let it happen >l wipe my lubed up hand on his baby blue shirt as I push him to an out of the way corner to watch >He keeps eyeing me and the wall, unsure of how this all fits together >The bell rings >ltsShowtime.gif >Students pour out into the hallway >Two little 5'2" cretins come sprinting out, arms straight back, weaving in and out of the other teens >The vice principal immediately knows they're the targets, looks straight at me with furious knowledge >He still doesn't understand the lubed wall >The Narutards finally reach the wall for their well rehearsed double spin kick >They leap in unison >Their feet touch the wall in unison >They fail to gain purchase in unison >They faceplant against the wall in unison >The entire hallways erupts in laughter >Vice principal covers his mouth to hide his laughter and takes off >They never did that s--- again

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Femanon loses her bf | /r/Greentext

File: 1491622216885.jpg (45 KB, 478x572) O Anonymous 04/03/18(Tue)15:47:36 No.764796496 >be me >24yo femanon >need to take a s--- >go to the bathroom >push out a massive thick STIFF s--- 75% of the way >pull it back in >push it back out 3/4 of the way >pull it back in >repeat several times >like i'm getting f----- by a qt boy >then accidentally push too much >my qt bf falls into the toilet >shed a tear as i flush him 12 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. >> Anonymous 04/03/18(Tue)15:58:39 No.764797525 >>764796496 (OP) Well, thats enough Internet for today
File: 1491622216885.jpg (45 KB, 478x572) O Anonymous 04/03/18(Tue)15:47:36 No.764796496 >be me >24yo femanon >need to take a s--- >go to the bathroom >push out a massive thick STIFF s--- 75% of the way >pull it back in >push it back out 3/4 of the way >pull it back in >repeat several times >like i'm getting f----- by a qt boy >then accidentally push too much >my qt bf falls into the toilet >shed a tear as i flush him 12 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. >> Anonymous 04/03/18(Tue)15:58:39 No.764797525 >>764796496 (OP) Well, thats enough Internet for today

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Anon loves Spongebob. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)07:49:11 No.68295546 >Be me >25 >Browse netflix for a good hour looking for something decent to watch >end up watching spongebob for the 10th time 651 KB PNG Every single time
Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)07:49:11 No.68295546 >Be me >25 >Browse netflix for a good hour looking for something decent to watch >end up watching spongebob for the 10th time 651 KB PNG Every single time

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Anon buys a game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)22:16:50 No.876604568 >be me >10 years old >looking for some new video games to play >see this one game called "Naughty Bear" >ask my dad to get it for me 101 KB JPG >he buys it and I start playing >It's about a teddy bear named Naughty who wasn't invited to go on vacation with all the others bears >Naughty Bear decides to hunt down all of the mean bears >Run around stabbing, bludgeoning, and shooting teddy bears >curb stomp them, shove em into lawnmowers, feed them to sharks, blow them up, shove telephones down their throats, attack them with sharp objects and see them cough up stuffing as they try to run away >dad walks in and sees me brutally murdering cute little stuffed animals while they scream and hide >he walks away >l keep playing and finding new inventive ways to kill Those bears were dipshits. Naughty Bear didn't get invited to one of their birthday parties and he still went to give them a present, only to get laughed at and told to go away. They came to his house to bring him a cake only to shove it in his face and laugh at him some more. I enjoyed killing those bears
: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)22:16:50 No.876604568 >be me >10 years old >looking for some new video games to play >see this one game called "Naughty Bear" >ask my dad to get it for me 101 KB JPG >he buys it and I start playing >It's about a teddy bear named Naughty who wasn't invited to go on vacation with all the others bears >Naughty Bear decides to hunt down all of the mean bears >Run around stabbing, bludgeoning, and shooting teddy bears >curb stomp them, shove em into lawnmowers, feed them to sharks, blow them up, shove telephones down their throats, attack them with sharp objects and see them cough up stuffing as they try to run away >dad walks in and sees me brutally murdering cute little stuffed animals while they scream and hide >he walks away >l keep playing and finding new inventive ways to kill Those bears were dipshits. Naughty Bear didn't get invited to one of their birthday parties and he still went to give them a present, only to get laughed at and told to go away. They came to his house to bring him a cake only to shove it in his face and laugh at him some more. I enjoyed killing those bears

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Anon is in a loving relationship | /r/Greentext

>be me >find trap p--- because of this dumb site >download a gay hookup app to find one and get the urge off me >match with a short femme nerd >doesn't crossdress but girly as all hell 21 KB JPG >closeenough.jpeg >hookup two separate times >starts coming over for tv and games sometimes without sex >randomly brings food over from his s----- wageslave gig >asks to be my roommate so he can finally move out of his parents' house >we've become great buds and regularly have sex >mfw i'm in a loving gay relationship
>be me >find trap p--- because of this dumb site >download a gay hookup app to find one and get the urge off me >match with a short femme nerd >doesn't crossdress but girly as all hell 21 KB JPG >closeenough.jpeg >hookup two separate times >starts coming over for tv and games sometimes without sex >randomly brings food over from his s----- wageslave gig >asks to be my roommate so he can finally move out of his parents' house >we've become great buds and regularly have sex >mfw i'm in a loving gay relationship

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Anon is an engineer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/14/22(Thu)13:18:15 No.14395105 >get engineering degree >start looking for job >all I can find is a 50k position in IT you guys lied to me 340 KB PNG
Anonymous 04/14/22(Thu)13:18:15 No.14395105 >get engineering degree >start looking for job >all I can find is a 50k position in IT you guys lied to me 340 KB PNG

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Manlets are doomed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)07:55:59 No.68292161 if being a manlet is such a disability than explain this lanklets 1.05 MB PNG : Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)08:41:12 No.68292572 >>68292161 (OP) # >multimillionaire >pretty much 10/10 in everything besides height >basically the number 1 actor at the time >ends up gets divorced anyways What does this prove?
: Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)07:55:59 No.68292161 if being a manlet is such a disability than explain this lanklets 1.05 MB PNG : Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)08:41:12 No.68292572 >>68292161 (OP) # >multimillionaire >pretty much 10/10 in everything besides height >basically the number 1 actor at the time >ends up gets divorced anyways What does this prove?

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modern classic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/22/15(Mon)22:23:43 No.623416640 >buy Helium >around 100 balloon >gun >attach balloons filled with helium to gun >shoot yourself >let the gun fly away >no one will ever know Thank me later
Anonymous 06/22/15(Mon)22:23:43 No.623416640 >buy Helium >around 100 balloon >gun >attach balloons filled with helium to gun >shoot yourself >let the gun fly away >no one will ever know Thank me later

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anon is hard. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/19(Tue)20:27:45 No.20899450 >be me >18m >have gf for first time >epic.png >be yesterday >chillin & cuddlin 7 KB JPG >think it's weird how she keeps resting her leg on my member >tell her yeah girls like to feel it rise >w--.jpeg >thatsgayasfyuck.gif >realize that she's more comfortable with the existance of my d--- than I am so that's pretty neet
Anonymous 05/14/19(Tue)20:27:45 No.20899450 >be me >18m >have gf for first time >epic.png >be yesterday >chillin & cuddlin 7 KB JPG >think it's weird how she keeps resting her leg on my member >tell her yeah girls like to feel it rise >w--.jpeg >thatsgayasfyuck.gif >realize that she's more comfortable with the existance of my d--- than I am so that's pretty neet

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Anon is a sysadmin | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)22:17:05 No.86587537 >be sysadmin >apply for a job >hr asks for github portfolio W-- even am i supposed to have on my github 7 KB JPG
Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)22:17:05 No.86587537 >be sysadmin >apply for a job >hr asks for github portfolio W-- even am i supposed to have on my github 7 KB JPG

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It's all on perspective | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/17(Thu)07:26:51 No.746469601 Thinking of buying some 12 year old scotch. Does it live up to the hype? 368 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/28/17(Thu)07:29:56 No.746469898 >>746469601 (OP) # let her buy her own scotch you p-------- >>746469943 # >>746470233 # >>746470276 # >>746474489 #
: Anonymous 09/28/17(Thu)07:26:51 No.746469601 Thinking of buying some 12 year old scotch. Does it live up to the hype? 368 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/28/17(Thu)07:29:56 No.746469898 >>746469601 (OP) # let her buy her own scotch you p-------- >>746469943 # >>746470233 # >>746470276 # >>746474489 #

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Anon admires Newton | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)19:36:03 No.68288662 >if you push something, it will move woah, he really was the greatest 30 KB JPG 17 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)19:36:03 No.68288662 >if you push something, it will move woah, he really was the greatest 30 KB JPG 17 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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anon attempts drive thru flirting | /r/Greentext


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