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Anon makes British pizza | /r/Greentext


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Anon is as straight as a bent pipe. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/21(Fri)10:38:01 No.868758070 >took a t----- out for a hookup to have a fun greentext for /b/ >meet up, had to stop for gas rq >end up bullshitting around inside of a corner store burger king 72 KB JPG >turns out we've both been missing some xmas shopping >bum around various plazas and department stores >check out a christmas festival at night >the festive lights are highlighting her smile in a way that makes me think l'd never seen real happiness in a person before this moment >take her home >didn't even f--- >get a text making sure that I made it home okay >nobody's ever f------ done that for me before You f------ turned me in to a f-----
: Anonymous 12/17/21(Fri)10:38:01 No.868758070 >took a t----- out for a hookup to have a fun greentext for /b/ >meet up, had to stop for gas rq >end up bullshitting around inside of a corner store burger king 72 KB JPG >turns out we've both been missing some xmas shopping >bum around various plazas and department stores >check out a christmas festival at night >the festive lights are highlighting her smile in a way that makes me think l'd never seen real happiness in a person before this moment >take her home >didn't even f--- >get a text making sure that I made it home okay >nobody's ever f------ done that for me before You f------ turned me in to a f-----

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Anon is a manlet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tall men are taking ALL the fu(...) 04/22/22(Fri)07:26:24 No.68321034 >be on random Internet forum >see thread asking people to describe their crush at work >for literally EVERY F------ GUY the woman mentions he is tall 39 KB PNG I HATE THIS F------ WORLD. I HATE IT SO MUCH. WHY ARE WOMEN SO UNIMAGINITIVE
: Anonymous Tall men are taking ALL the fu(...) 04/22/22(Fri)07:26:24 No.68321034 >be on random Internet forum >see thread asking people to describe their crush at work >for literally EVERY F------ GUY the woman mentions he is tall 39 KB PNG I HATE THIS F------ WORLD. I HATE IT SO MUCH. WHY ARE WOMEN SO UNIMAGINITIVE

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Anon has a very good job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/20(Sun)17:09:22 No.60423731 >my job is taking care of retards >this one retard is pretty chill >told by other staff he's aggressive but ive never seen it >big issue we're working on with him is hygiene and not making messes >tard eats an apple whole and machine gun fires seeds all over the living room 4 KB JPG >calmly tell him "Remember what we said about appropriate behavior man? Let's not make a mess of apple seeds okay buddy?" >he stares at me for a good 5 seconds then punches himself hard as f--- at his head >tard f------ sucker punched himself >tell him to not do that >punches himself in the skull again >we're told to not get physical with the tards unless they present a threat to others >now whenever he sees me he socks himself in the head >get paid 10/hr for this
: Anonymous 10/11/20(Sun)17:09:22 No.60423731 >my job is taking care of retards >this one retard is pretty chill >told by other staff he's aggressive but ive never seen it >big issue we're working on with him is hygiene and not making messes >tard eats an apple whole and machine gun fires seeds all over the living room 4 KB JPG >calmly tell him "Remember what we said about appropriate behavior man? Let's not make a mess of apple seeds okay buddy?" >he stares at me for a good 5 seconds then punches himself hard as f--- at his head >tard f------ sucker punched himself >tell him to not do that >punches himself in the skull again >we're told to not get physical with the tards unless they present a threat to others >now whenever he sees me he socks himself in the head >get paid 10/hr for this

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Anon helps man find his dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/18(Sun)00:00:01 No.47882933 >be me, 8 at the time >playing in front lawn >dude comes up with a van >dressed in trenchcoat and wearing dark glasses >"hey kid, wanna help me find my dog?" 196 KB GIF >not knowing better say, "sure!" >he takes my hand and leads me to his van >driving around for a little bit >stops >gets out >back of van opens, a dog leaps inside >oh boy!" >"okay, thanks for the help, want to go home now?" >"yeah!" >takes me home >telling parents about my adventure >dad rapes me View Thread
: Anonymous 09/02/18(Sun)00:00:01 No.47882933 >be me, 8 at the time >playing in front lawn >dude comes up with a van >dressed in trenchcoat and wearing dark glasses >"hey kid, wanna help me find my dog?" 196 KB GIF >not knowing better say, "sure!" >he takes my hand and leads me to his van >driving around for a little bit >stops >gets out >back of van opens, a dog leaps inside >oh boy!" >"okay, thanks for the help, want to go home now?" >"yeah!" >takes me home >telling parents about my adventure >dad rapes me View Thread

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Anon feels like a movie character | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:39:25 No.874856366 I can't stop acting like I'm in a dark movie. >Cousin talks to me >Eventually asks me the question "what did you lose?" 69 KB JPG >Whisper "Everything" with a dead stare >Meet this one chick >We talk >She tells me a joke >I whisper "That's funny" with a dead stare and no emotion : Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:58:59 No.874857421 The movie must be Rain Man because you're autistic. >>874857470 # >>874857927 #
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:39:25 No.874856366 I can't stop acting like I'm in a dark movie. >Cousin talks to me >Eventually asks me the question "what did you lose?" 69 KB JPG >Whisper "Everything" with a dead stare >Meet this one chick >We talk >She tells me a joke >I whisper "That's funny" with a dead stare and no emotion : Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:58:59 No.874857421 The movie must be Rain Man because you're autistic. >>874857470 # >>874857927 #

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Anon knows math | /r/Greentext

File: Milkor-MGL-AV140-01.jpg (77 KB, 1068x708) Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)17:40:13 No.53151111 > >>53151142 >>53151153 >>53151256 >>53151262 >>53151343 >>53151460 >>53151684 >grenade launcher + thermal scope I've solved urban combat. You're welcome. >> Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)17:41:18 No.53151125 ► >>53151139 >>53151145 >>53151150 >>53151169 >>53151225 >>53151277 >>53151382 >>53151437 >>53151656 Yeah but 1 kilogram of grenades weighs like 15 kilograms.
File: Milkor-MGL-AV140-01.jpg (77 KB, 1068x708) Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)17:40:13 No.53151111 > >>53151142 >>53151153 >>53151256 >>53151262 >>53151343 >>53151460 >>53151684 >grenade launcher + thermal scope I've solved urban combat. You're welcome. >> Anonymous 04/20/22(Wed)17:41:18 No.53151125 ► >>53151139 >>53151145 >>53151150 >>53151169 >>53151225 >>53151277 >>53151382 >>53151437 >>53151656 Yeah but 1 kilogram of grenades weighs like 15 kilograms.

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Anon gives random kid a fetish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/18(Mon)07:07:10 No.100049780 >be girl >middle school, early 2000s >walking to class >see some short kid getting Ishoved into the locker >tiny little hispanic kid and his two goons are harrassing this kid for lunch money >is this real life >take the little hispanic kid and put him in a chicken hold >tell him if he touches this kid again l'll beat his face into the locker so hard his parents wont be able to recognize him >he calls his goons off, runs away >short kid follows me around for the rest of the school year, carrying my books and taking care of my tamogotchi and letting me use his head as an armrest a couple years ago I looked him up on facebook and found he publicly joined a "muscle girl appreciation" group. >>100049844 # >>100049852 # >>100049860 # >>100050028 #
: Anonymous 04/23/18(Mon)07:07:10 No.100049780 >be girl >middle school, early 2000s >walking to class >see some short kid getting Ishoved into the locker >tiny little hispanic kid and his two goons are harrassing this kid for lunch money >is this real life >take the little hispanic kid and put him in a chicken hold >tell him if he touches this kid again l'll beat his face into the locker so hard his parents wont be able to recognize him >he calls his goons off, runs away >short kid follows me around for the rest of the school year, carrying my books and taking care of my tamogotchi and letting me use his head as an armrest a couple years ago I looked him up on facebook and found he publicly joined a "muscle girl appreciation" group. >>100049844 # >>100049852 # >>100049860 # >>100050028 #

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Anon hates Spotify | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/05/22(Tue)18:39:45 No.86370025 v >>86369961 (OP) >search for certain music track >only find is a playlist with the name of the track >the track is not in it >alternatively, it's a remix/remake absolutely f------ useless
Anonymous 04/05/22(Tue)18:39:45 No.86370025 v >>86369961 (OP) >search for certain music track >only find is a playlist with the name of the track >the track is not in it >alternatively, it's a remix/remake absolutely f------ useless

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Don't do it bros | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Fri)01:07:26 No.45172310 >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad 169 KB JPG >None is ever worse than a dad loosing his son There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Fri)01:07:26 No.45172310 >Be paramedic >Seen dozens of suicides in the last 8 years >The reactions of the loved ones are always bad 169 KB JPG >None is ever worse than a dad loosing his son There is not a thing in this world that is more depressing sounding than a man sobbing while clutching his sons lifeless body. I remember one who killed himself by shotgun slug after he came back from Iraq. There was nothing left of him, and his father got home just as we were getting ready to leave. I couldn't let him see, so I stood there and just didn't let him through. He went downstairs to the basement and clutched his sons old baseball glove, rocking back and forth, just saying "papas here, buddy, papas here." Don't do it anons. >>45172699 #

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[Ever]green text!! | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/26/16(Sat)14:28:16 No.81111025 File: 1445005074276 png (87 KB, 235x243) >>81111083 >see Who Framed Roger Rabbit >immediately want to f--- Jessica Rabbit >see Space Jam >immediately want to f--- Lola >see Zootopia F------ FURRY AGENDA THEY'VE HAD THIS PLANNED FOR 3 DECADES
O Anonymous 03/26/16(Sat)14:28:16 No.81111025 File: 1445005074276 png (87 KB, 235x243) >>81111083 >see Who Framed Roger Rabbit >immediately want to f--- Jessica Rabbit >see Space Jam >immediately want to f--- Lola >see Zootopia F------ FURRY AGENDA THEY'VE HAD THIS PLANNED FOR 3 DECADES

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/30/22(Wed)12:31:26 No.66124466 File: 1635029537010.jpg (204 KB, 1280x720) >>66123026 >work at mall 950 SEALE AMPHNIDUS READY GRO >Indian guy works at cell phone shop across the atrium >Always just greeted with a nod >start telling him "Good morning sir :)" >he gets a huge smile and says it back >new daily routine >Indian guy starts giving me phone accessories and boxed lunches "for my good friend" International relations have never been so easy :)
Anonymous 03/30/22(Wed)12:31:26 No.66124466 File: 1635029537010.jpg (204 KB, 1280x720) >>66123026 >work at mall 950 SEALE AMPHNIDUS READY GRO >Indian guy works at cell phone shop across the atrium >Always just greeted with a nod >start telling him "Good morning sir :)" >he gets a huge smile and says it back >new daily routine >Indian guy starts giving me phone accessories and boxed lunches "for my good friend" International relations have never been so easy :)

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Anon doesn't like coffee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)11:09:21 No.68311627 >drink brown liquid >brown liquid shoots out my ass Why does coffee even exist? 340 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)11:09:21 No.68311627 >drink brown liquid >brown liquid shoots out my ass Why does coffee even exist? 340 KB JPG

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Anon carried by his anxiety | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/22/22(Fri)01:06:57 No.68316653 >rewatching a lot of old sam hyde content recently >decide to pull a stunt in a similar way >know this 1 jewish cute girl in my uni 394 KB PNG >decide to approach her and say something like: "I just heard about the holocaust, that s--- sucks man. Props to you and other holocaust survivors." >approach her yesterday and ask her if she's jewish >"y-yeah, i am" >immediately do a 180 and start walking away without saying anything else. >hear her say "o-ok" from a distance. at least i saved myself in the last moment
: Anonymous 04/22/22(Fri)01:06:57 No.68316653 >rewatching a lot of old sam hyde content recently >decide to pull a stunt in a similar way >know this 1 jewish cute girl in my uni 394 KB PNG >decide to approach her and say something like: "I just heard about the holocaust, that s--- sucks man. Props to you and other holocaust survivors." >approach her yesterday and ask her if she's jewish >"y-yeah, i am" >immediately do a 180 and start walking away without saying anything else. >hear her say "o-ok" from a distance. at least i saved myself in the last moment

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Anon takes antihistamines | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)19:39:13 No.68313357 jake-gyllenhaal-nightcraler-1024x683-1.jpg 36 KB JPG >Be me >Allergic >Take antihistamine >Mfw this s--- turns me into a straight up psychopath >Stop having feels for women >Stop having compassion >Insanely focused >Require less sleep, felt satisfied with like 4 hours >Work all day long >Boss complains that I won't leave work >Start building a relationship with the CEO so I can ultimately take my managers job >Start laying devious plans on a daily basis >Stop taking anti histamines >Return to normal >What the f---?
: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)19:39:13 No.68313357 jake-gyllenhaal-nightcraler-1024x683-1.jpg 36 KB JPG >Be me >Allergic >Take antihistamine >Mfw this s--- turns me into a straight up psychopath >Stop having feels for women >Stop having compassion >Insanely focused >Require less sleep, felt satisfied with like 4 hours >Work all day long >Boss complains that I won't leave work >Start building a relationship with the CEO so I can ultimately take my managers job >Start laying devious plans on a daily basis >Stop taking anti histamines >Return to normal >What the f---?

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Anon gets likes on YouTube | /r/Greentext

>Be me >My comment on a YouTube video gets over 8 thousand likes >Don't edit it to add about how grateful I am for all the likes like a f----- 7 KB JPG 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread | Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)23:36:02 No.876698032 >>876697838 (OP) # based 98 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)23:41:09 No.876698324 >>876697838 (OP) # What did you post that got 8 thousand likes? My comments are incredible and they only get a handful. >>876699002 # : Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)23:53:00 No.876699002 >>876698324 # Like if you're watching this in 2022
>Be me >My comment on a YouTube video gets over 8 thousand likes >Don't edit it to add about how grateful I am for all the likes like a f----- 7 KB JPG 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread | Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)23:36:02 No.876698032 >>876697838 (OP) # based 98 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)23:41:09 No.876698324 >>876697838 (OP) # What did you post that got 8 thousand likes? My comments are incredible and they only get a handful. >>876699002 # : Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)23:53:00 No.876699002 >>876698324 # Like if you're watching this in 2022

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Anon’s words of wisdom for today | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)13:07:13 No.68312959 >be coomer >have breeding/impreg fetish >bust a massive load in my extremely fertile gf at the time while her p---- clamps down on me and she leglocks me >best feeling of my f------ life >post-nut clarity hits 159 KB JPG >fantasy's over, reality sets in >realize what I've done >19 year old retard at the time, no way I could support a wife and kid >she starts talking about baby names and wedding arrangements >so anxious I could barely sleep for a week >she finally gets her period >pic rel Fellow coomers, especially youngfags out there, please don't allow your d--- to make decisions for you. You'll end up getting TOPPED raw by a pozzed t----- you met on grindr, or worse. I got lucky. 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)13:07:13 No.68312959 >be coomer >have breeding/impreg fetish >bust a massive load in my extremely fertile gf at the time while her p---- clamps down on me and she leglocks me >best feeling of my f------ life >post-nut clarity hits 159 KB JPG >fantasy's over, reality sets in >realize what I've done >19 year old retard at the time, no way I could support a wife and kid >she starts talking about baby names and wedding arrangements >so anxious I could barely sleep for a week >she finally gets her period >pic rel Fellow coomers, especially youngfags out there, please don't allow your d--- to make decisions for you. You'll end up getting TOPPED raw by a pozzed t----- you met on grindr, or worse. I got lucky. 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon is Mexican | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)14:34:35 No.876694683 >be me >Mexican >depressed and suicidal, but don't want my death to look like a suicide >realize that elections are happening soon and get an idea >enter the race on a strong anti- crime platform, and say that I will pass laws to combat organized crime and drug trafficking in 60 KB JPG Mexico >a few days later, a nice cartel man knocks on my door and shoots me in the head Thank you cartel man
: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)14:34:35 No.876694683 >be me >Mexican >depressed and suicidal, but don't want my death to look like a suicide >realize that elections are happening soon and get an idea >enter the race on a strong anti- crime platform, and say that I will pass laws to combat organized crime and drug trafficking in 60 KB JPG Mexico >a few days later, a nice cartel man knocks on my door and shoots me in the head Thank you cartel man

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Anon's are devious. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)14:03:57 No.67453051 >instructions say cook from frozen >cook from chilled instead 13 KB JPG Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)14:06:47 No.67453085 >>67453051 (OP) >cashier tells me to have a nice day >tell her I will >don't
Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)14:03:57 No.67453051 >instructions say cook from frozen >cook from chilled instead 13 KB JPG Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)14:06:47 No.67453085 >>67453051 (OP) >cashier tells me to have a nice day >tell her I will >don't

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anon misses trump | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)10:05:59 No.876683232 Trump Smill.png 918 KB PNG >gas was cheap >inflation was low >globe was peaceful >borders were closed >wages were increasing >tweets were mean miss him yet? : Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)10:09:02 No.876683352 >>876683232 (OP) # >lies
: Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)10:05:59 No.876683232 Trump Smill.png 918 KB PNG >gas was cheap >inflation was low >globe was peaceful >borders were closed >wages were increasing >tweets were mean miss him yet? : Anonymous 04/21/22(Thu)10:09:02 No.876683352 >>876683232 (OP) # >lies

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