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Anon has a midlife crisis | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)02:23:49 No.876844435 >35 years old >don't have a single friend >work a dead end job i hate >family disowned me >cannot find joy in anything is it over? 8 KB JPG Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)02:28:04 No.876844605 >>876844435 (OP) it can always get worse, hang in there
Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)02:23:49 No.876844435 >35 years old >don't have a single friend >work a dead end job i hate >family disowned me >cannot find joy in anything is it over? 8 KB JPG Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)02:28:04 No.876844605 >>876844435 (OP) it can always get worse, hang in there

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Anon is an angel | /r/Greentext

Story time >Be me >Two years ago >Driving home from work because not neet 99 KB JPG >Want to get home quick because amazon said my new Sonic game was delivered >Everything going fine until car in front of me gets sideswiped, goes into median and rolls several times >l pull over and run over to her >Old woman inside >Alive but hurt >l open the door and pull her out >She's barely conscious but I check her out and she's not bleeding and probably not gonna die >Other people get out of their cars and come over >l want to play sonic so I leave her with them and go home Fast forward to two weeks ago >Be visiting super religious Grandparents >They've got some weird tv show on where they interview people who've seen angels >One woman comes on >Mfw it's the woman I helped out of the car >Mfw she tells the story of a handsome angel who pulled her out of a car after a bad accident and then disappeared >Mfw l'm an angel >Mfw a girl called me handsome
Story time >Be me >Two years ago >Driving home from work because not neet 99 KB JPG >Want to get home quick because amazon said my new Sonic game was delivered >Everything going fine until car in front of me gets sideswiped, goes into median and rolls several times >l pull over and run over to her >Old woman inside >Alive but hurt >l open the door and pull her out >She's barely conscious but I check her out and she's not bleeding and probably not gonna die >Other people get out of their cars and come over >l want to play sonic so I leave her with them and go home Fast forward to two weeks ago >Be visiting super religious Grandparents >They've got some weird tv show on where they interview people who've seen angels >One woman comes on >Mfw it's the woman I helped out of the car >Mfw she tells the story of a handsome angel who pulled her out of a car after a bad accident and then disappeared >Mfw l'm an angel >Mfw a girl called me handsome

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Anon gets played. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)08:47:44 No.68352191 >with qt3.14 asian virgin gf for over a year, never have sex >get dumped over text the first day of my family vacation abroad >immediately brags about f------ other people, how she was in a "hormonal ass-f------ stage" >she tells me "even if I got back together with you, l'd NEVER have sex with you!" 669 KB PNG >fast forward a few years >get barrage of emails and messages from her, saying she wants her best friend back (me) >she says she's diving back into the depths for the keys she threw away >says she's grateful to have been able to live life knowing she got to treasure someone the way she did me >says she doesn't know how to quit hoping for something between us >says that she never thought she'd be "in this situation this late in the game" >finally cave after stream of constant messages from her, have a few calls with her on Discord >"Sorry anon, my partner says I can't talk to you anymore" Are all women succubus c----?
Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)08:47:44 No.68352191 >with qt3.14 asian virgin gf for over a year, never have sex >get dumped over text the first day of my family vacation abroad >immediately brags about f------ other people, how she was in a "hormonal ass-f------ stage" >she tells me "even if I got back together with you, l'd NEVER have sex with you!" 669 KB PNG >fast forward a few years >get barrage of emails and messages from her, saying she wants her best friend back (me) >she says she's diving back into the depths for the keys she threw away >says she's grateful to have been able to live life knowing she got to treasure someone the way she did me >says she doesn't know how to quit hoping for something between us >says that she never thought she'd be "in this situation this late in the game" >finally cave after stream of constant messages from her, have a few calls with her on Discord >"Sorry anon, my partner says I can't talk to you anymore" Are all women succubus c----?

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Anon in class | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)06:49:04 No.875305328 >be me >4th grade >old ass teacher lady is teaching >kid next to me won't stfu >he's got like ADHD on crack >teacher: "Please be quiet." x20 >kid is still talking and getting louder >teacher is getting visibly red, but still 57 KB JPG being semi polite. >kids starts dancing in his chair and singing some song at the top of his lungs. >teacher snaps >she grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him. >she's starts screaming: " DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" >She repeats that like 3 times, shaking him pretty hard. >other kids start crying. >ADHD kid is white as a sheet. >teacher goes back to teaching like nothing happened. >next day we have substitute >next 2 weeks parents, counselors, principal, vice principal, and superintendent are interviewing kids about what happened. >never see teacher again. >12 years later >ADHD kid is convicted of murder and on the run fram the law.
Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue)06:49:04 No.875305328 >be me >4th grade >old ass teacher lady is teaching >kid next to me won't stfu >he's got like ADHD on crack >teacher: "Please be quiet." x20 >kid is still talking and getting louder >teacher is getting visibly red, but still 57 KB JPG being semi polite. >kids starts dancing in his chair and singing some song at the top of his lungs. >teacher snaps >she grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him. >she's starts screaming: " DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" >She repeats that like 3 times, shaking him pretty hard. >other kids start crying. >ADHD kid is white as a sheet. >teacher goes back to teaching like nothing happened. >next day we have substitute >next 2 weeks parents, counselors, principal, vice principal, and superintendent are interviewing kids about what happened. >never see teacher again. >12 years later >ADHD kid is convicted of murder and on the run fram the law.

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Anon makes a horrid discovery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)11:09:07 No.17743832 >Went on a trip outside Texas for first time >Parents lied and peanuts in Coke isn't actually normal 41 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)11:10:46 No.17743838 weeop inn Cawe 580 KB PNG >>17744518 # >>17744534 #
: Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)11:09:07 No.17743832 >Went on a trip outside Texas for first time >Parents lied and peanuts in Coke isn't actually normal 41 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)11:10:46 No.17743838 weeop inn Cawe 580 KB PNG >>17744518 # >>17744534 #

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Anon can't get pretzels | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)04:59:53 No.68350567 The only real tragedy of Covid is that all the grocery stores stopped being 24/7 and now I can't get pretzels at 3AM 15 KB PNG
Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)04:59:53 No.68350567 The only real tragedy of Covid is that all the grocery stores stopped being 24/7 and now I can't get pretzels at 3AM 15 KB PNG

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Anon is a magician. | /r/Greentext


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Anon's timing is delicious | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/15/15(Thu)12:03:10 No.592811867 >>592811133 # nah, I got cheated on and took back the engagement ring in front of her family last Easter in the middle of dinner, reminded her that "her ring" was a promise to not suck off her ex boyfriends and told her to get accustomed to her parents house because she's moving back there with them at the end of the month. Wiped my mouth with my napkin, thanked everyone for a wonderful dinner and left while she was screaming, her mother was crying, and her father stared straight ahead still chewing. You just gotta time it right. >>592812016 # >>592812021 # >>592812096 # >>592812098 # >>592812224 # >>592812302 # >>592812415 # >>592812937 # >>592815448 #
Anonymous 01/15/15(Thu)12:03:10 No.592811867 >>592811133 # nah, I got cheated on and took back the engagement ring in front of her family last Easter in the middle of dinner, reminded her that "her ring" was a promise to not suck off her ex boyfriends and told her to get accustomed to her parents house because she's moving back there with them at the end of the month. Wiped my mouth with my napkin, thanked everyone for a wonderful dinner and left while she was screaming, her mother was crying, and her father stared straight ahead still chewing. You just gotta time it right. >>592812016 # >>592812021 # >>592812096 # >>592812098 # >>592812224 # >>592812302 # >>592812415 # >>592812937 # >>592815448 #

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anon is michael jackson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)01:38:05 No.65173071 >be michael jackson >succesful singer since childhood >normal person during his early years >be late 80s >taste the forbidden fruit 16 KB JPG >decide you like it and dedicate your whole life to being a mega p--- >hang out with kids, have sleepovers with them, make your house the embodiment of a free candy van >start turning white What did he mean by this?
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)01:38:05 No.65173071 >be michael jackson >succesful singer since childhood >normal person during his early years >be late 80s >taste the forbidden fruit 16 KB JPG >decide you like it and dedicate your whole life to being a mega p--- >hang out with kids, have sleepovers with them, make your house the embodiment of a free candy van >start turning white What did he mean by this?

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Anon works as a tailor. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: XMscJk1K ) E F--- 01/09/18(Tue)18:53:19 No.15616299 >be me >Dad is a tailor cuz family business >me and brother work in tailor shop as teens >l go to college to become a marine biologist 86 KB JPG >brother becomes tailor with Dad >back from college, major in econ, minor in marine bio >unemployed.oof >Dad wants me to work at tailor shop >tell my dad that l'll help him on busy days while I search for a better paying job >busy day >dad calls me in >fuckton of gays getting suits fitted for a gay wedding >they all want rainbow stitched to their breast pocket >look in back of store for multicolored thread >I can only find this faux leather sinewy s--- that works decently as stitching >one of the f--- is vegan "Is that made on real leather? Because I don't want any cows on my breast" "No sir, this thread is fake and gay"
: Anonymous (ID: XMscJk1K ) E F--- 01/09/18(Tue)18:53:19 No.15616299 >be me >Dad is a tailor cuz family business >me and brother work in tailor shop as teens >l go to college to become a marine biologist 86 KB JPG >brother becomes tailor with Dad >back from college, major in econ, minor in marine bio >unemployed.oof >Dad wants me to work at tailor shop >tell my dad that l'll help him on busy days while I search for a better paying job >busy day >dad calls me in >fuckton of gays getting suits fitted for a gay wedding >they all want rainbow stitched to their breast pocket >look in back of store for multicolored thread >I can only find this faux leather sinewy s--- that works decently as stitching >one of the f--- is vegan "Is that made on real leather? Because I don't want any cows on my breast" "No sir, this thread is fake and gay"

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Anon quits multiplayer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)04:48:59 No.596748630 >dude is better than me in the game >try to kill him >he destroys me >get really upset >try again >get destroyed >go for a third time >he starts toying with me 62 KB JPG >goes for the knife >still ends up killing me >types "pest" in the chat I think l'li go back to singleplayer, bros. Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)04:49:59 No.596748680 oh s--- youre on /v/ too? it was fun destroying u retard u should uninstall
Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)04:48:59 No.596748630 >dude is better than me in the game >try to kill him >he destroys me >get really upset >try again >get destroyed >go for a third time >he starts toying with me 62 KB JPG >goes for the knife >still ends up killing me >types "pest" in the chat I think l'li go back to singleplayer, bros. Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)04:49:59 No.596748680 oh s--- youre on /v/ too? it was fun destroying u retard u should uninstall

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Anon sends a video | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:38:16 No.699741454 >>699735884 (OP) # >get iPhone 5s >play with slow motion video >wanted to see my d--- hit something in slow motion. >hit erect d--- on dresser >watched replay >f------ sweet >thought gf would like to see. >video doesn't send in slow motion >normal paced video of me beating the f--- out of my dresser with my c---. >gf thinks I'm a psycho. >breaks up with me. >If it wasn't so funny, I would have cared. >>699741592 # >>699741696 # >>699741789 # >>699741902 # >>699741980 #
: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:38:16 No.699741454 >>699735884 (OP) # >get iPhone 5s >play with slow motion video >wanted to see my d--- hit something in slow motion. >hit erect d--- on dresser >watched replay >f------ sweet >thought gf would like to see. >video doesn't send in slow motion >normal paced video of me beating the f--- out of my dresser with my c---. >gf thinks I'm a psycho. >breaks up with me. >If it wasn't so funny, I would have cared. >>699741592 # >>699741696 # >>699741789 # >>699741902 # >>699741980 #

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Anon is going to jail | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age
Anonymous 11/10/13(Sun)21:40:01 No.515425318 > been chatting with cute 14 year old girl > really flirty and sexy 61 KB JPG > now she tells me she's an undercover cop > how f------ cool is that for someone her age

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Anon chats with his coworkers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)06:13:44 No.66100333 >be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual partners they've had >despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire life 21 KB JPG >so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge >one coworker: "escorts don't count, silly." everyone snickers >me (taking slight offense): "your cousins don't count either, cheryl" >for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble

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anon is addicted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)04:27:56 No.65818129 >There's people in this world that can get off to like bikini pics and don't have to watch Japanese business women kick a guy in the nuts to get off 16 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)04:27:56 No.65818129 >There's people in this world that can get off to like bikini pics and don't have to watch Japanese business women kick a guy in the nuts to get off 16 KB JPG

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Anon had a phase | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 44050343 2 hr. ago >tfw i went through a cowboy phase >become obsessed with movies like The Searchers, Unforgiven and True Grit >actually wore a cowboy hat and a long leather trench coat to high school >would chew a tooth pick and tip my hat at girls >see people from school years later in the street. 17.9 kB PNG >they say "Howdy partner!" before bursting into laughter What was I thinking? 16 REPLIES 7 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 44050343 2 hr. ago >tfw i went through a cowboy phase >become obsessed with movies like The Searchers, Unforgiven and True Grit >actually wore a cowboy hat and a long leather trench coat to high school >would chew a tooth pick and tip my hat at girls >see people from school years later in the street. 17.9 kB PNG >they say "Howdy partner!" before bursting into laughter What was I thinking? 16 REPLIES 7 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon can't cook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous kitchen fuckups 02/16/20(Sun)19:30:39 No.1366586' >making pasta >cook the sauce >mix pasta into sauce >go to eat it >i forget to put any salt in its so f------ bland. is this salvageable? also post kitchen fuckups 153 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)19:31:39 No.13665873 Yes, put salt on it. >13665891 # >13665916 # >13666575 # >>13670427 # : Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)19:34:30 No.13665891 >>13665873 # would that work >>13665893 # >>13666575 # >13670427 # : Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)19:35:32 No.13665893 >>13665891 # Yes.
: Anonymous kitchen fuckups 02/16/20(Sun)19:30:39 No.1366586' >making pasta >cook the sauce >mix pasta into sauce >go to eat it >i forget to put any salt in its so f------ bland. is this salvageable? also post kitchen fuckups 153 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)19:31:39 No.13665873 Yes, put salt on it. >13665891 # >13665916 # >13666575 # >>13670427 # : Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)19:34:30 No.13665891 >>13665873 # would that work >>13665893 # >>13666575 # >13670427 # : Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)19:35:32 No.13665893 >>13665891 # Yes.

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Anon checks a homie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)02:02:38 No.876823154 >Walk into gym >Jiggles fat guys rolls >Refuses to elaborate >Leaves 33 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/24/22(Sun)02:02:38 No.876823154 >Walk into gym >Jiggles fat guys rolls >Refuses to elaborate >Leaves 33 KB JPG

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Anon forgot. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)22:51:13 No.68347881 >go in public >see guys that are uglier than me with girlfriends >see guys that are more out of shape than me with girlfriends >see guys that worse dressed than me with girlfriends >even see guys that are shorter 75 KB JPG than me with girlfriends Is "self improvement" pointless? I just feel like I'm cursed to be alone forever, even though I have a lot going for me I sill can't seem to attract a woman, even though inferior men seem to have no problem doing so Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)23:02:16 No.68347884 >>68347881 (OP). You forgot the part of self improvement where you work on your personality.
Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)22:51:13 No.68347881 >go in public >see guys that are uglier than me with girlfriends >see guys that are more out of shape than me with girlfriends >see guys that worse dressed than me with girlfriends >even see guys that are shorter 75 KB JPG than me with girlfriends Is "self improvement" pointless? I just feel like I'm cursed to be alone forever, even though I have a lot going for me I sill can't seem to attract a woman, even though inferior men seem to have no problem doing so Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)23:02:16 No.68347884 >>68347881 (OP). You forgot the part of self improvement where you work on your personality.

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Autisti/k/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)07:07:05 No.53192886 PACO-5 maxresdefault[1].jpg 58 KB JPG What is the most autistic /k/ thing you do? >set microwave for 30s >yell "THIRTY SECONDS!" like it's a landing craft about to shore on D-Day
: Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)07:07:05 No.53192886 PACO-5 maxresdefault[1].jpg 58 KB JPG What is the most autistic /k/ thing you do? >set microwave for 30s >yell "THIRTY SECONDS!" like it's a landing craft about to shore on D-Day

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