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Anon likes weed | /r/Greentext

04/29/22(Fri)12:47:50 No.877184485 If you knew weed was being used to mind control you. Would you stop using? 04/29/22(Fri)12:49:36 No.877184565 04/29/22 (Fri) 12:50:20 No.877184601 04/29/22(Fri) 12:51:03 No.877184634 : Anonymous Marijuana 49 KB JPG : Anonymous >>877184717 # : Anonymous >>877184717 # : Anonymous >>877184485 (OP) # Yeah but it isn't so f--- off
04/29/22(Fri)12:47:50 No.877184485 If you knew weed was being used to mind control you. Would you stop using? 04/29/22(Fri)12:49:36 No.877184565 04/29/22 (Fri) 12:50:20 No.877184601 04/29/22(Fri) 12:51:03 No.877184634 : Anonymous Marijuana 49 KB JPG : Anonymous >>877184717 # : Anonymous >>877184717 # : Anonymous >>877184485 (OP) # Yeah but it isn't so f--- off

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Anon understands capitalism | /r/Greentext

04/30/22(Sat)01:55:41 No.877199058 >>877193048 (OP) # >Go to work >Get your own place >Try to be a functioning member of society : Anonymous 200 KB PNG >Have less money than when you were unemployed
04/30/22(Sat)01:55:41 No.877199058 >>877193048 (OP) # >Go to work >Get your own place >Try to be a functioning member of society : Anonymous 200 KB PNG >Have less money than when you were unemployed

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The perfect man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/21 (Mon)18:44:32 No.62544328 >5 dozen eggs every morning Does this actually work? 831 KB GIF : Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)18:47:48 No.62544353 >>62544328 (OP) # No, not only is it far too much cholesterol, but the very idea that Gaston would have been able to access that many eggs is patently ridiculous. There is simply no way that a hunter -even a fairly successful one - living in pre-Industrial France would have been able to cost-effectively purchase that many eggs. Hell, even buying five dozen eggs a single time would have been difficult. There were no large-scale coops capable of producing that level of output; most people owned a few chickens at the most, and eggs were laid in the "wild." I am not sure what Howard Ashman was thinking with this lyric, but it is responsible for grossly misinforming an entire generation about the availability of eggs in late-medieval France.
: Anonymous 07/12/21 (Mon)18:44:32 No.62544328 >5 dozen eggs every morning Does this actually work? 831 KB GIF : Anonymous 07/12/21(Mon)18:47:48 No.62544353 >>62544328 (OP) # No, not only is it far too much cholesterol, but the very idea that Gaston would have been able to access that many eggs is patently ridiculous. There is simply no way that a hunter -even a fairly successful one - living in pre-Industrial France would have been able to cost-effectively purchase that many eggs. Hell, even buying five dozen eggs a single time would have been difficult. There were no large-scale coops capable of producing that level of output; most people owned a few chickens at the most, and eggs were laid in the "wild." I am not sure what Howard Ashman was thinking with this lyric, but it is responsible for grossly misinforming an entire generation about the availability of eggs in late-medieval France.

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Anon is airheaded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 23 KB PNG >Bending over and everything >Get the perfect view This was intentional, r-right bros? 04/30/22(Sat)02:21:05 No.68426962 >Be me >Have gym crush >We always sneak peeks at each other and s--- >On leg machine earlier today >She comes over and gets on the machine right in front of me
: Anonymous 23 KB PNG >Bending over and everything >Get the perfect view This was intentional, r-right bros? 04/30/22(Sat)02:21:05 No.68426962 >Be me >Have gym crush >We always sneak peeks at each other and s--- >On leg machine earlier today >She comes over and gets on the machine right in front of me

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anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/22(Mon)18:11:42 No.870858186 I got a good one for y'all >be me >4th grade >new class so we're all introducing ourselves >Teacher says to think up an 16 KB PNG adjective that describes us and starts with the first letter of our name >hear my classmates think of stuff like "Strong Shawn" and "Kind Kelly" >can't think of anything >imfreakingout.png >it's my turn now >now or never >"uh..r-r-retarded richard" >whole class laughs >teachers gets mad and sends me to the principal >suspended for a week for ableist language >mfw when i return and the whole class likes me Being a retard has it's perks
: Anonymous 01/17/22(Mon)18:11:42 No.870858186 I got a good one for y'all >be me >4th grade >new class so we're all introducing ourselves >Teacher says to think up an 16 KB PNG adjective that describes us and starts with the first letter of our name >hear my classmates think of stuff like "Strong Shawn" and "Kind Kelly" >can't think of anything >imfreakingout.png >it's my turn now >now or never >"uh..r-r-retarded richard" >whole class laughs >teachers gets mad and sends me to the principal >suspended for a week for ableist language >mfw when i return and the whole class likes me Being a retard has it's perks

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Anon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

Settings Home 09/10/14(Wed) 20:17:30 No.568048234 Yo did I just f--- up? I'm 95% certain I did. >girl I know is nursing student >solid 9/10 >tells me she knows how to test for testicular cancer and can show me >tell her I learned in health class in high school and can do myself I'm pretty sure I'm a f------ idiot Board /b/ - Random Anonymous (ID: 86Cv+14z 38 KB JPG
Settings Home 09/10/14(Wed) 20:17:30 No.568048234 Yo did I just f--- up? I'm 95% certain I did. >girl I know is nursing student >solid 9/10 >tells me she knows how to test for testicular cancer and can show me >tell her I learned in health class in high school and can do myself I'm pretty sure I'm a f------ idiot Board /b/ - Random Anonymous (ID: 86Cv+14z 38 KB JPG

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Anon speaks the truth the | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 272 KB PNG 09/16/18(Sun)17:48:29 No.48171415 >Women can send you to jail for a decade and ruin your life and reputation >If she is caught out as a liar she will only get a year in prison
: Anonymous 272 KB PNG 09/16/18(Sun)17:48:29 No.48171415 >Women can send you to jail for a decade and ruin your life and reputation >If she is caught out as a liar she will only get a year in prison

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Sam Raimi's Spiderman was problematic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/25/22(Mon)12:44:48 No.167055488 1650841442360.jpg 80 KB JPG >That's a cute outfit, did your f----- husband make it for you after he finished molesting children and doing drugs. I hate gay people. I mean, it was kind of a harsh line.
Anonymous 04/25/22(Mon)12:44:48 No.167055488 1650841442360.jpg 80 KB JPG >That's a cute outfit, did your f----- husband make it for you after he finished molesting children and doing drugs. I hate gay people. I mean, it was kind of a harsh line.

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Anon goes for noodles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: nCNVXKgQ Want some noodles, anon? 04/30/22(Sat)03:09:52 No.375303717 >Hungry >Sees restaurant >Noodle shop absolutely covered with neon on the exterior >Neon green curtains >Weird font on the signage >Mmmh.exe 605 KB JPG >Enter >Gong goes off >All the waitresses and hostesses (unmasked) have qipaos on and asymmetrically cut, uniformly bleached hairstyles >The hostess at the door gives me the peace sign >Vaporwave music playing >Myonlyloverrrrrrrrrr.mp3 >Dirt cheap homemade wine on the menu >I order a pint glass of their fake, dry, and somewhat buttery tasting champagne >Actually tastes awesome >Waitress brings me a free chocolate cupcake as an appetizer (with the wrapper containing random orb-pondering vaguely politically incorrect quotes) >Absolutely legit >Waitress also hands me a some fake news to read >The paper (though written in English) is absolutely mired in weird slang and jargon that I can barely understand >I order some noodles >Udon noodles with minced deer meat (freshly hunted), garlic, chives, ginger, and a smattering of tomato puree, with basil on top >Noodles come literally in a Chinatown-style box that says "YUMMY SUMMER" on it (written in vaporwave font), of course, with metal chopsticks >10/10 would eat again >Hostess hands me a namecard with a QR code on it >Links to some weird vaporwavey website with some weird occult symbols on it >10% discount for paying with cash or a privacycoin >Pay >Walk out >Hostess at the door salutes me >What the f--- kind of culture does that place represent? >I want moar
: Anonymous (ID: nCNVXKgQ Want some noodles, anon? 04/30/22(Sat)03:09:52 No.375303717 >Hungry >Sees restaurant >Noodle shop absolutely covered with neon on the exterior >Neon green curtains >Weird font on the signage >Mmmh.exe 605 KB JPG >Enter >Gong goes off >All the waitresses and hostesses (unmasked) have qipaos on and asymmetrically cut, uniformly bleached hairstyles >The hostess at the door gives me the peace sign >Vaporwave music playing >Myonlyloverrrrrrrrrr.mp3 >Dirt cheap homemade wine on the menu >I order a pint glass of their fake, dry, and somewhat buttery tasting champagne >Actually tastes awesome >Waitress brings me a free chocolate cupcake as an appetizer (with the wrapper containing random orb-pondering vaguely politically incorrect quotes) >Absolutely legit >Waitress also hands me a some fake news to read >The paper (though written in English) is absolutely mired in weird slang and jargon that I can barely understand >I order some noodles >Udon noodles with minced deer meat (freshly hunted), garlic, chives, ginger, and a smattering of tomato puree, with basil on top >Noodles come literally in a Chinatown-style box that says "YUMMY SUMMER" on it (written in vaporwave font), of course, with metal chopsticks >10/10 would eat again >Hostess hands me a namecard with a QR code on it >Links to some weird vaporwavey website with some weird occult symbols on it >10% discount for paying with cash or a privacycoin >Pay >Walk out >Hostess at the door salutes me >What the f--- kind of culture does that place represent? >I want moar

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Anon is a calm individual | /r/Greentext

04/29/22 (Fri)17:56:32 No.877176063 : Anonymous >frying fries >power goes out >nice >takes me 30min to fix it cause retarded >ffw 2h fries still not fried 220 KB JPG >tfw fml no matter what I do with the fryer >it won't heat the oil >I will eventually stab homeless ppl at night
04/29/22 (Fri)17:56:32 No.877176063 : Anonymous >frying fries >power goes out >nice >takes me 30min to fix it cause retarded >ffw 2h fries still not fried 220 KB JPG >tfw fml no matter what I do with the fryer >it won't heat the oil >I will eventually stab homeless ppl at night

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Anon pitches an episode idea | /r/Greentext


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Anon goes to college | /r/Greentext

03/31/21 (Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 : Anonymous 77 KB JPG : Anonymous So it's been you at UVA m-----------?
03/31/21 (Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 : Anonymous 77 KB JPG : Anonymous So it's been you at UVA m-----------?

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anon barely did a push up | /r/Greentext

; Anonymous 02/22/18(Thu)16:49:15 No.44875069 >fap all around my neighborhood, in bushes, behind trees etc >get noticed several times >"Police are looking for a man aged 20-30, muscular build" 158 KB JPG >"muscular build" >tfw finally made it Tell me your success stories, bros
; Anonymous 02/22/18(Thu)16:49:15 No.44875069 >fap all around my neighborhood, in bushes, behind trees etc >get noticed several times >"Police are looking for a man aged 20-30, muscular build" 158 KB JPG >"muscular build" >tfw finally made it Tell me your success stories, bros

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anon is not lesbian | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/22/18(Thu)11:49:27 No.785528031 >20 minutes ago >mum asks me if i have a bf >politely tell her no >she spends 10 minutes telling me why and how I need a man 230 KB PNG >get annoyed >suddenly asks if I'm lesbian >tell her "no" >9 more minutes go by with the continued explanation of needing a man >if this were an anime I'd have steam shooting out my ears >can't take it anymore >blurt out I'm not a middle aged divorced woman who needs someone to feel complete! >she stares at me blankly >she starts to cry 24 Replies / 4 Images View Thread
Anonymous 11/22/18(Thu)11:49:27 No.785528031 >20 minutes ago >mum asks me if i have a bf >politely tell her no >she spends 10 minutes telling me why and how I need a man 230 KB PNG >get annoyed >suddenly asks if I'm lesbian >tell her "no" >9 more minutes go by with the continued explanation of needing a man >if this were an anime I'd have steam shooting out my ears >can't take it anymore >blurt out I'm not a middle aged divorced woman who needs someone to feel complete! >she stares at me blankly >she starts to cry 24 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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Anon meets dad | /r/Greentext

04/29/22(Fri)11:51:15 No.877178558 >mom is black >dad is white >be 4 years old >dad leaves >be 13 >dad's coming back 148 KB PNG >mom cleans up the house like never before >dresses up and puts on make up and everything >tells me to dress up nice >grandma and grandpa come over too >gonna have a dad, kind of excited but mostly scared >dad shows up >"heyy anon...wow thought you'd be a lot lighter skinned" >ummmm??? >mom tells me to go to the bedroom >couple of hours pass >dad leaves >never see him again W-- : Anonymous dafuq?
04/29/22(Fri)11:51:15 No.877178558 >mom is black >dad is white >be 4 years old >dad leaves >be 13 >dad's coming back 148 KB PNG >mom cleans up the house like never before >dresses up and puts on make up and everything >tells me to dress up nice >grandma and grandpa come over too >gonna have a dad, kind of excited but mostly scared >dad shows up >"heyy anon...wow thought you'd be a lot lighter skinned" >ummmm??? >mom tells me to go to the bedroom >couple of hours pass >dad leaves >never see him again W-- : Anonymous dafuq?

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Elon daddy | /r/Greentext

04/28/22(Thu)21:44:28 No.877150979 He owns the DMs of every politcian now. S---- about to get crazy View Thread : Anonymous 141 KB JPG 65 Replies / 6 Images
04/28/22(Thu)21:44:28 No.877150979 He owns the DMs of every politcian now. S---- about to get crazy View Thread : Anonymous 141 KB JPG 65 Replies / 6 Images

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Anon is insane | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 KB JPG honestly 04/29/22 (Fri)07:29:39 No.877169282 >be 12 year old me >whole school watching some pedestrian safety video >it starts showing a dummy getting hit by a car at different speeds in slow motion >i start laughing and can't stop >literally the only guy laughing Am I a maniac or something? It was pretty funny,
Anonymous 11 KB JPG honestly 04/29/22 (Fri)07:29:39 No.877169282 >be 12 year old me >whole school watching some pedestrian safety video >it starts showing a dummy getting hit by a car at different speeds in slow motion >i start laughing and can't stop >literally the only guy laughing Am I a maniac or something? It was pretty funny,

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anon likes a song | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 hours ago 6 REPLIES 110205595 >My favorite Nirvana song? Something In The Way >It was in The Batman and that s--- slaps
Anonymous 7 hours ago 6 REPLIES 110205595 >My favorite Nirvana song? Something In The Way >It was in The Batman and that s--- slaps

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Anon has a emotional rollercoaster | /r/Greentext

File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw
File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw

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Anon wants to marry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 KB JPG >cya later virgins I got fired but whatever 12/08/19(Sun)20:38:16 No.55714250 >be working cashier in retail >ringing up hot latina chick with the perfect ass >ask her if she needs a bag >quickly add in do you wanna marry me before she can reply >she says I do
: Anonymous 19 KB JPG >cya later virgins I got fired but whatever 12/08/19(Sun)20:38:16 No.55714250 >be working cashier in retail >ringing up hot latina chick with the perfect ass >ask her if she needs a bag >quickly add in do you wanna marry me before she can reply >she says I do

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