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Anon goes for noodles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: nCNVXKgQ Want some noodles, anon? 04/30/22(Sat)03:09:52 No.375303717 >Hungry >Sees restaurant >Noodle shop absolutely covered with neon on the exterior >Neon green curtains >Weird font on the signage >Mmmh.exe 605 KB JPG >Enter >Gong goes off >All the waitresses and hostesses (unmasked) have qipaos on and asymmetrically cut, uniformly bleached hairstyles >The hostess at the door gives me the peace sign >Vaporwave music playing >Myonlyloverrrrrrrrrr.mp3 >Dirt cheap homemade wine on the menu >I order a pint glass of their fake, dry, and somewhat buttery tasting champagne >Actually tastes awesome >Waitress brings me a free chocolate cupcake as an appetizer (with the wrapper containing random orb-pondering vaguely politically incorrect quotes) >Absolutely legit >Waitress also hands me a some fake news to read >The paper (though written in English) is absolutely mired in weird slang and jargon that I can barely understand >I order some noodles >Udon noodles with minced deer meat (freshly hunted), garlic, chives, ginger, and a smattering of tomato puree, with basil on top >Noodles come literally in a Chinatown-style box that says "YUMMY SUMMER" on it (written in vaporwave font), of course, with metal chopsticks >10/10 would eat again >Hostess hands me a namecard with a QR code on it >Links to some weird vaporwavey website with some weird occult symbols on it >10% discount for paying with cash or a privacycoin >Pay >Walk out >Hostess at the door salutes me >What the f--- kind of culture does that place represent? >I want moar
: Anonymous (ID: nCNVXKgQ Want some noodles, anon? 04/30/22(Sat)03:09:52 No.375303717 >Hungry >Sees restaurant >Noodle shop absolutely covered with neon on the exterior >Neon green curtains >Weird font on the signage >Mmmh.exe 605 KB JPG >Enter >Gong goes off >All the waitresses and hostesses (unmasked) have qipaos on and asymmetrically cut, uniformly bleached hairstyles >The hostess at the door gives me the peace sign >Vaporwave music playing >Myonlyloverrrrrrrrrr.mp3 >Dirt cheap homemade wine on the menu >I order a pint glass of their fake, dry, and somewhat buttery tasting champagne >Actually tastes awesome >Waitress brings me a free chocolate cupcake as an appetizer (with the wrapper containing random orb-pondering vaguely politically incorrect quotes) >Absolutely legit >Waitress also hands me a some fake news to read >The paper (though written in English) is absolutely mired in weird slang and jargon that I can barely understand >I order some noodles >Udon noodles with minced deer meat (freshly hunted), garlic, chives, ginger, and a smattering of tomato puree, with basil on top >Noodles come literally in a Chinatown-style box that says "YUMMY SUMMER" on it (written in vaporwave font), of course, with metal chopsticks >10/10 would eat again >Hostess hands me a namecard with a QR code on it >Links to some weird vaporwavey website with some weird occult symbols on it >10% discount for paying with cash or a privacycoin >Pay >Walk out >Hostess at the door salutes me >What the f--- kind of culture does that place represent? >I want moar

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Anon is a calm individual | /r/Greentext

04/29/22 (Fri)17:56:32 No.877176063 : Anonymous >frying fries >power goes out >nice >takes me 30min to fix it cause retarded >ffw 2h fries still not fried 220 KB JPG >tfw fml no matter what I do with the fryer >it won't heat the oil >I will eventually stab homeless ppl at night
04/29/22 (Fri)17:56:32 No.877176063 : Anonymous >frying fries >power goes out >nice >takes me 30min to fix it cause retarded >ffw 2h fries still not fried 220 KB JPG >tfw fml no matter what I do with the fryer >it won't heat the oil >I will eventually stab homeless ppl at night

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Anon pitches an episode idea | /r/Greentext


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Anon goes to college | /r/Greentext

03/31/21 (Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 : Anonymous 77 KB JPG : Anonymous So it's been you at UVA m-----------?
03/31/21 (Wed)12:50:27 No.850975316 >Be me >Sophomore year in college >Periodically s--- in the top tank of toilets at fraternity and sorority houses during parties >Word spreading around campus about a "serial s------" 03/31/21(Wed)12:55:14 No.850975586 : Anonymous 77 KB JPG : Anonymous So it's been you at UVA m-----------?

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anon barely did a push up | /r/Greentext

; Anonymous 02/22/18(Thu)16:49:15 No.44875069 >fap all around my neighborhood, in bushes, behind trees etc >get noticed several times >"Police are looking for a man aged 20-30, muscular build" 158 KB JPG >"muscular build" >tfw finally made it Tell me your success stories, bros
; Anonymous 02/22/18(Thu)16:49:15 No.44875069 >fap all around my neighborhood, in bushes, behind trees etc >get noticed several times >"Police are looking for a man aged 20-30, muscular build" 158 KB JPG >"muscular build" >tfw finally made it Tell me your success stories, bros

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anon is not lesbian | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/22/18(Thu)11:49:27 No.785528031 >20 minutes ago >mum asks me if i have a bf >politely tell her no >she spends 10 minutes telling me why and how I need a man 230 KB PNG >get annoyed >suddenly asks if I'm lesbian >tell her "no" >9 more minutes go by with the continued explanation of needing a man >if this were an anime I'd have steam shooting out my ears >can't take it anymore >blurt out I'm not a middle aged divorced woman who needs someone to feel complete! >she stares at me blankly >she starts to cry 24 Replies / 4 Images View Thread
Anonymous 11/22/18(Thu)11:49:27 No.785528031 >20 minutes ago >mum asks me if i have a bf >politely tell her no >she spends 10 minutes telling me why and how I need a man 230 KB PNG >get annoyed >suddenly asks if I'm lesbian >tell her "no" >9 more minutes go by with the continued explanation of needing a man >if this were an anime I'd have steam shooting out my ears >can't take it anymore >blurt out I'm not a middle aged divorced woman who needs someone to feel complete! >she stares at me blankly >she starts to cry 24 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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Anon meets dad | /r/Greentext

04/29/22(Fri)11:51:15 No.877178558 >mom is black >dad is white >be 4 years old >dad leaves >be 13 >dad's coming back 148 KB PNG >mom cleans up the house like never before >dresses up and puts on make up and everything >tells me to dress up nice >grandma and grandpa come over too >gonna have a dad, kind of excited but mostly scared >dad shows up >"heyy anon...wow thought you'd be a lot lighter skinned" >ummmm??? >mom tells me to go to the bedroom >couple of hours pass >dad leaves >never see him again W-- : Anonymous dafuq?
04/29/22(Fri)11:51:15 No.877178558 >mom is black >dad is white >be 4 years old >dad leaves >be 13 >dad's coming back 148 KB PNG >mom cleans up the house like never before >dresses up and puts on make up and everything >tells me to dress up nice >grandma and grandpa come over too >gonna have a dad, kind of excited but mostly scared >dad shows up >"heyy anon...wow thought you'd be a lot lighter skinned" >ummmm??? >mom tells me to go to the bedroom >couple of hours pass >dad leaves >never see him again W-- : Anonymous dafuq?

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Elon daddy | /r/Greentext

04/28/22(Thu)21:44:28 No.877150979 He owns the DMs of every politcian now. S---- about to get crazy View Thread : Anonymous 141 KB JPG 65 Replies / 6 Images
04/28/22(Thu)21:44:28 No.877150979 He owns the DMs of every politcian now. S---- about to get crazy View Thread : Anonymous 141 KB JPG 65 Replies / 6 Images

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Anon is insane | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 KB JPG honestly 04/29/22 (Fri)07:29:39 No.877169282 >be 12 year old me >whole school watching some pedestrian safety video >it starts showing a dummy getting hit by a car at different speeds in slow motion >i start laughing and can't stop >literally the only guy laughing Am I a maniac or something? It was pretty funny,
Anonymous 11 KB JPG honestly 04/29/22 (Fri)07:29:39 No.877169282 >be 12 year old me >whole school watching some pedestrian safety video >it starts showing a dummy getting hit by a car at different speeds in slow motion >i start laughing and can't stop >literally the only guy laughing Am I a maniac or something? It was pretty funny,

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anon likes a song | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 hours ago 6 REPLIES 110205595 >My favorite Nirvana song? Something In The Way >It was in The Batman and that s--- slaps
Anonymous 7 hours ago 6 REPLIES 110205595 >My favorite Nirvana song? Something In The Way >It was in The Batman and that s--- slaps

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Anon has a emotional rollercoaster | /r/Greentext

File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw
File: 1352501900004.jpg-(130 KB, 650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >I'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw

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Anon wants to marry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 KB JPG >cya later virgins I got fired but whatever 12/08/19(Sun)20:38:16 No.55714250 >be working cashier in retail >ringing up hot latina chick with the perfect ass >ask her if she needs a bag >quickly add in do you wanna marry me before she can reply >she says I do
: Anonymous 19 KB JPG >cya later virgins I got fired but whatever 12/08/19(Sun)20:38:16 No.55714250 >be working cashier in retail >ringing up hot latina chick with the perfect ass >ask her if she needs a bag >quickly add in do you wanna marry me before she can reply >she says I do

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Anon took drugs | /r/Greentext

03/15/21 (Mon)07:54:08 No.62759582 : Anonymous >friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel f------ euphoric, literally nothing can stop me >zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if 213 KB JPG i wanted to >compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years >don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them easily >actually want to live my life, go out and have fun >don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future >drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self H--------, is this what life as a normie is actually like? Those first few minutes I felt like I was in paradise. Now I just know how much I was robbed of a happy existence.
03/15/21 (Mon)07:54:08 No.62759582 : Anonymous >friend sells me some adderall >take pill >feel f------ euphoric, literally nothing can stop me >zero social anxiety, i could tell my whole life story to a random person if 213 KB JPG i wanted to >compulsive behaviors almost disappear entirely for the first time in over 2 years >don't feel worried anymore, start realizing that all my problems are just temporary and i can fix them easily >actually want to live my life, go out and have fun >don't feel empty anymore, always thinking positive and for the future >drug starts to wear off after a few hours >go back to my normal suicidal self H--------, is this what life as a normie is actually like? Those first few minutes I felt like I was in paradise. Now I just know how much I was robbed of a happy existence.

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Anon speaks Polish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 62 KB JPG 05/03/21 (Mon)17:24:58 No.14 >Fall asleep on my keyboard >Poles in the thread agree with me
Anonymous 62 KB JPG 05/03/21 (Mon)17:24:58 No.14 >Fall asleep on my keyboard >Poles in the thread agree with me

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Anon is maliciously compliant. | /r/Greentext

I have a bot running 24/7 buying and selling for 0 target profit just to waste IRS manpower and money. I print and send the IRS all the documentation about my trades in paper form to stop them from automatizing the process with a computer program. 1.51 MB GIF I mix blank pages, double print, ghost print or mark/write in them just in case they have a way to scan and use some sort of recognition software. That way they have to look at thousands upon thousands of pages one by one and look and random scribblings and drawn d---- while doing their job. It's a whole pallet of papers with trades so I hire a guy to forklift that s--- and send it just in the offchance that having to deal with a pallet is troublesome for them. All the documents are numbered but I pack everything ***"*completely out of order"*" (as in the lower numbers always happen to be at the bottom of the pallet) in case the order of the trades is important. If order is important they now have to deal lift boxes and have them laying around before they can even start checking the numbers. My normal trades are also in those pages so they can't just ignore everything. This costs me thousands of dollars every year. I make sure to send the invoices of how much all the processes cost me on top of the pallet so that whoever is in charge of it knows I'm wasting the equivalent of two months of his waging in asinine s--- on top of his or her time.
I have a bot running 24/7 buying and selling for 0 target profit just to waste IRS manpower and money. I print and send the IRS all the documentation about my trades in paper form to stop them from automatizing the process with a computer program. 1.51 MB GIF I mix blank pages, double print, ghost print or mark/write in them just in case they have a way to scan and use some sort of recognition software. That way they have to look at thousands upon thousands of pages one by one and look and random scribblings and drawn d---- while doing their job. It's a whole pallet of papers with trades so I hire a guy to forklift that s--- and send it just in the offchance that having to deal with a pallet is troublesome for them. All the documents are numbered but I pack everything ***"*completely out of order"*" (as in the lower numbers always happen to be at the bottom of the pallet) in case the order of the trades is important. If order is important they now have to deal lift boxes and have them laying around before they can even start checking the numbers. My normal trades are also in those pages so they can't just ignore everything. This costs me thousands of dollars every year. I make sure to send the invoices of how much all the processes cost me on top of the pallet so that whoever is in charge of it knows I'm wasting the equivalent of two months of his waging in asinine s--- on top of his or her time.

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Anon loves kebab | /r/Greentext

04/29/22(Fri)17:32:59 No.877174970 : Anonymous >i go almost daily to buy kebab from the same place (close both to my house and my work place) >There is this underpaid and overworked arab guy that makes the kebab 145 KB JPG >I always tip 50% >He always packs my kebab with more meat than usual >He also knows how i like it, big and spicy with all the sauces and a diet pepsi >He gets verry happy when he sees me and he calls me ,,boss,, and ,,brother,, >Today i was sad af but the,,hello boss, the usual?" Made me feel better >Kebab heals people
04/29/22(Fri)17:32:59 No.877174970 : Anonymous >i go almost daily to buy kebab from the same place (close both to my house and my work place) >There is this underpaid and overworked arab guy that makes the kebab 145 KB JPG >I always tip 50% >He always packs my kebab with more meat than usual >He also knows how i like it, big and spicy with all the sauces and a diet pepsi >He gets verry happy when he sees me and he calls me ,,boss,, and ,,brother,, >Today i was sad af but the,,hello boss, the usual?" Made me feel better >Kebab heals people

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Anon has finally made it. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection 1,5 MB JPG >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 why haven't you r---- and killed her yet? 21 REPLIES leri ...
Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection 1,5 MB JPG >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 why haven't you r---- and killed her yet? 21 REPLIES leri ...

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Anon has doubts about christianity | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 31 KB JPG 03/09/21 (Tue)19:28:06 No.27883609 >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard View Thread Thanks? 94 Replies / 6 Images
Anonymous 31 KB JPG 03/09/21 (Tue)19:28:06 No.27883609 >Gave birth to himself to kill himself as a sacrifice himself in order to appease himself so that he would no longer have to throw us into a fiery pit for all eternity because he made us in a way that was not up to his own very high standard View Thread Thanks? 94 Replies / 6 Images

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Anons mom is an ikea shopper | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)23:55:01 No.160746508 >>160746560 >>160746574>>160746585 >>160746626 >>160746665 >>160746690 >>160746973 >>160747151 >>160747157 >>160747180 >>160747191 >>160747409 >>160747834>>160748133 >>160748146 >>160748160 >Mom is sad because IKEA is closing down in our city. She loved to shop there. Why is the west doing this to us?
Anonymous 03/03/22(Thu)23:55:01 No.160746508 >>160746560 >>160746574>>160746585 >>160746626 >>160746665 >>160746690 >>160746973 >>160747151 >>160747157 >>160747180 >>160747191 >>160747409 >>160747834>>160748133 >>160748146 >>160748160 >Mom is sad because IKEA is closing down in our city. She loved to shop there. Why is the west doing this to us?

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Anon and The cure for Hangover | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 807887615 750.8 kB PNG 5 REPLIES 2 IMAGES Anonymous 807887653 VapoRut 21 mins ago ... How the f--- do I get rid of a hangover quickly, /b/, hopefully something I can pick up at a Walgreens or Walmart or whatever. If said hangover doesn't vanish, how do I start and finish a ten page paper with a hangover 19 mins ago. >>807887615 (OP) Rub vapo-rub on your a------, I know it sounds weird but it works like 90% of the time. 46.1 kB JPG REPLY
Anonymous | 807887615 750.8 kB PNG 5 REPLIES 2 IMAGES Anonymous 807887653 VapoRut 21 mins ago ... How the f--- do I get rid of a hangover quickly, /b/, hopefully something I can pick up at a Walgreens or Walmart or whatever. If said hangover doesn't vanish, how do I start and finish a ten page paper with a hangover 19 mins ago. >>807887615 (OP) Rub vapo-rub on your a------, I know it sounds weird but it works like 90% of the time. 46.1 kB JPG REPLY

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