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Anon thinking of some guy working potato chip factory | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)20:24:17 No.875886350 The thought of some guy making an honest living working at a potato chip factory is so amusing to me >the guy just watches potatoes get turned into chips and puts all of them into bags that get put into 40 KB JPG trucks, that later put the bags into stores >he just gets paid to do all of this >he could be having a rough day and someone could just say, "what's the matter dude? Got a chip on your shoulder? Did you just get LAY'd off?" This is just really fun to think about to me for some reason
: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)20:24:17 No.875886350 The thought of some guy making an honest living working at a potato chip factory is so amusing to me >the guy just watches potatoes get turned into chips and puts all of them into bags that get put into 40 KB JPG trucks, that later put the bags into stores >he just gets paid to do all of this >he could be having a rough day and someone could just say, "what's the matter dude? Got a chip on your shoulder? Did you just get LAY'd off?" This is just really fun to think about to me for some reason

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Anon larps as Carl Johnson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My Special Powers 05/03/22(Tue)14:00:02 No.68473610 Gompton > Be me > Need new tunes to cruise around to > idea.jpg > Open GTA SA Wiki > Look for the section about radio stations > Start downloading all songs as MP3S, tagging them with their station as the album 10 KB JPG > Even put the stations logos as their album cover > Hours wasted
: Anonymous My Special Powers 05/03/22(Tue)14:00:02 No.68473610 Gompton > Be me > Need new tunes to cruise around to > idea.jpg > Open GTA SA Wiki > Look for the section about radio stations > Start downloading all songs as MP3S, tagging them with their station as the album 10 KB JPG > Even put the stations logos as their album cover > Hours wasted

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Anon questions Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

> "Help, help! Cedric Diggory has been killed! Yes, Cedric Diggory, my main rival as Hogwarts Champion and object of Cho Chang's affection, has been killed in the maze! Voldemort did it! He's been dead for thirteen years, but he's back, and he killed Cedric! Don't ask how, no one ask how! There were no witnesses, please do not look for any! The other two Champions in the maze were cursed with Imperio! Don't bother fetching your Veritaserum, professor Snape, I believe it's all been stolen. I am so upset right now! Has anyone seen Cho? When do I get the prize money?" 42 KB JPG
> "Help, help! Cedric Diggory has been killed! Yes, Cedric Diggory, my main rival as Hogwarts Champion and object of Cho Chang's affection, has been killed in the maze! Voldemort did it! He's been dead for thirteen years, but he's back, and he killed Cedric! Don't ask how, no one ask how! There were no witnesses, please do not look for any! The other two Champions in the maze were cursed with Imperio! Don't bother fetching your Veritaserum, professor Snape, I believe it's all been stolen. I am so upset right now! Has anyone seen Cho? When do I get the prize money?" 42 KB JPG

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Anon is gifted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Feels You Will Never Know 09/13/21(Mon)19:02:27 No.65365296 >Bought a pack of condoms from Target >They were too small when I tried them on >Had to go back and buy the Large size box instead 58 KB JPG The joy from seeing the look on the qt cashier's face and how she turned red cannot be described in words
: Anonymous Feels You Will Never Know 09/13/21(Mon)19:02:27 No.65365296 >Bought a pack of condoms from Target >They were too small when I tried them on >Had to go back and buy the Large size box instead 58 KB JPG The joy from seeing the look on the qt cashier's face and how she turned red cannot be described in words

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Anon has an itchy toe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)00:15:53 No.877465648 >Be me >Side of my left toe is seriously itchy >Keep scratching it but it just gets worse >Really annoying >Get a razor blade 18 KB JPG >Cut about a square inch of skin from where it was itchy >The pain overrides the itchiness It's bleeding heavily now, am I retarded/a schizo or does everyone do this?
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)00:15:53 No.877465648 >Be me >Side of my left toe is seriously itchy >Keep scratching it but it just gets worse >Really annoying >Get a razor blade 18 KB JPG >Cut about a square inch of skin from where it was itchy >The pain overrides the itchiness It's bleeding heavily now, am I retarded/a schizo or does everyone do this?

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Anon weeds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:01:34 No.877453871 >Start smoking weed >Get caught >Parents obviously disapprove >Obviously keep doing it >Few arguments >Mom stops caring >l can convince her to eat a brownie I made for her 40 KB JPG >Shestarts approving Veri gud
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:01:34 No.877453871 >Start smoking weed >Get caught >Parents obviously disapprove >Obviously keep doing it >Few arguments >Mom stops caring >l can convince her to eat a brownie I made for her 40 KB JPG >Shestarts approving Veri gud

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anon is self conscious | /r/Greentext

File: 2EDE62B0-28BC-4B79-9513-0(...).png (42 KB, 600x727) O Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)10:51:47 No.877438293 [Reply] >>877438994 >>877438485 >>877438539 > be me > 20yo kissless virgin > went to club > random 7/10 qt3.14 started throwing herself at me >I bought her drink and we kissed >I got contact so I wrote her the next day > she is incredibly nice to me, calling me "honey" > "No problem that you are a virgin honey, I will teach you" > mfw she is obsessed with me, writting me 24/7 > mfw she told me that I can do anything I want with her Ok anons so. Ehm. I am 100% sure she is not a man but can't she just be paid? I am a f------ loser what the f--- is wrong with her is she blind? I am so disapointed. What should I do? I am rly nervous
File: 2EDE62B0-28BC-4B79-9513-0(...).png (42 KB, 600x727) O Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)10:51:47 No.877438293 [Reply] >>877438994 >>877438485 >>877438539 > be me > 20yo kissless virgin > went to club > random 7/10 qt3.14 started throwing herself at me >I bought her drink and we kissed >I got contact so I wrote her the next day > she is incredibly nice to me, calling me "honey" > "No problem that you are a virgin honey, I will teach you" > mfw she is obsessed with me, writting me 24/7 > mfw she told me that I can do anything I want with her Ok anons so. Ehm. I am 100% sure she is not a man but can't she just be paid? I am a f------ loser what the f--- is wrong with her is she blind? I am so disapointed. What should I do? I am rly nervous

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Most helpful advice on 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)02:14:49 No.68481520 >be me, 19 >gets called cute, funny, smart >both my roommates are women >they wonder why I never had a gf >never felt ready the idea of a relationship seems kinda daunting desu. anyone here 41 KB JPG with advice? : Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)02:16:54 No.68481538 >>68481520 (OP)# idk man but i pooped myself a little today and i think you should know about it
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)02:14:49 No.68481520 >be me, 19 >gets called cute, funny, smart >both my roommates are women >they wonder why I never had a gf >never felt ready the idea of a relationship seems kinda daunting desu. anyone here 41 KB JPG with advice? : Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)02:16:54 No.68481538 >>68481520 (OP)# idk man but i pooped myself a little today and i think you should know about it

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Anon strikes back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:20:18 No.877454947 >be me >have an extremely jealous gf >tells me she is going clubbing >says maybe some guys will approach >reply with "you mean like thos girl that always approach me?" >she loses her s--- 66 KB JPG >flips out >kek
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:20:18 No.877454947 >be me >have an extremely jealous gf >tells me she is going clubbing >says maybe some guys will approach >reply with "you mean like thos girl that always approach me?" >she loses her s--- 66 KB JPG >flips out >kek

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Anon is eating fries | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >l say "yup" >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" 90 KB PNG >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >l say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.
: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >l say "yup" >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" 90 KB PNG >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >l say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.

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Anon doesn't know. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:11:33 No.68475402 >gf on business trip to Atlanta >got the house to myself, packed on snacks and fridge loaded with craft beer Finally, some time alone for Elden Ring. 76 KB JPG Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:17:25 No.68475485 >>68475402 (OP) >business trip That what she told you? Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)12:08:08 No.68476066 >>68475402 (OP) >>gf on business trip to Atlanta >he doesn't know... Start saving anon. And pray your state didn't ban abortions
Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:11:33 No.68475402 >gf on business trip to Atlanta >got the house to myself, packed on snacks and fridge loaded with craft beer Finally, some time alone for Elden Ring. 76 KB JPG Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:17:25 No.68475485 >>68475402 (OP) >business trip That what she told you? Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)12:08:08 No.68476066 >>68475402 (OP) >>gf on business trip to Atlanta >he doesn't know... Start saving anon. And pray your state didn't ban abortions

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Anon likes Bring Me the Horizon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 2 minutes ago 68477534 >doing bench presses >Get trapped under bar during last rep >Yell "HEY SIRI PLAY CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART" >hold weight as I wait for the chorus >Scream along with the song as I do the final rep and save myself https://youtu.be/rg64DKU--88 1 REPLY
Anonymous 2 minutes ago 68477534 >doing bench presses >Get trapped under bar during last rep >Yell "HEY SIRI PLAY CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART" >hold weight as I wait for the chorus >Scream along with the song as I do the final rep and save myself https://youtu.be/rg64DKU--88 1 REPLY

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Anon has basically everything he could ever need | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)16:05:48 No.849094561 >be me >20 years old >good job >financially independent >solid grades in engineering school >9/10 20 year old gf who lets me f--- whenever I want 51 KB JPG >been lifting for 2 years, muscular.jpg >great gaming setup >nice car >my own place >have basically everything I could ever need and want >still want to kill myself >think about ways I could make my death look accidental everywhere I go Is that what adult life is like, anons?
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)16:05:48 No.849094561 >be me >20 years old >good job >financially independent >solid grades in engineering school >9/10 20 year old gf who lets me f--- whenever I want 51 KB JPG >been lifting for 2 years, muscular.jpg >great gaming setup >nice car >my own place >have basically everything I could ever need and want >still want to kill myself >think about ways I could make my death look accidental everywhere I go Is that what adult life is like, anons?

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Anon has long hair | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)04:26:54 No.876539631 >be me, tall guy with long hair >in mall yesterday with girl >it's our third date and she's pretty hot >she wants to try on bikinis and see what I think >f--- yeah 29 KB JPG >go into shop and start walking to the changing room area after she grabs a few sets >employee lady stops me and says it's women only >roll my eyes >girl says I identify as a woman sarcastically >employee doesn't pick up on the joke and starts groveling in apologies >tell her it's NOT okay and we proceed to changing room >employee feels bad and gives girl discount on our way out while almost in tears
: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)04:26:54 No.876539631 >be me, tall guy with long hair >in mall yesterday with girl >it's our third date and she's pretty hot >she wants to try on bikinis and see what I think >f--- yeah 29 KB JPG >go into shop and start walking to the changing room area after she grabs a few sets >employee lady stops me and says it's women only >roll my eyes >girl says I identify as a woman sarcastically >employee doesn't pick up on the joke and starts groveling in apologies >tell her it's NOT okay and we proceed to changing room >employee feels bad and gives girl discount on our way out while almost in tears

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Anons get revenge on a crazy neighbor lady | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)16:42:45 No.68465064 Retarded s--- you did as a kid and got away with thread >late afternoon in early summer 1999 or 2000 >group of 4 friends hanging out near one friend's house >his name is Jay >riding our bikes on the nice sidewalks and 253 KB JPG sloped curbs >crazy 50+ish neighbor lady that lives 2 houses down sees us >screams and threatens to call the cops for riding our bikes >yells at us and scares us for 10 min and then speeds away >she has done this to Jay many times before apparently >Jay's mom offers to take all of us to pizza hut in 20 minutes >we're excited out of our minds because we're 10 >one friend, Brandon, announces he has to take a dump before we go >I have an idea >l tell Brandon to take a s--- in the crazy lady's house >he nervously laughs and says no way, but we hear the curiosity in his voice >we all decide Brandon must do it, and offer to help him in his mission >we lean our bikes against Jay's house and sneak over through the back yards >the back door is unlocked >we literally walk into this crazy lady's empty home and laugh outside the bathroom as we hear Brandon's turds splashing into the toilet >we find pretzel rods in her kitchen and shove them into the turd until it looks like a british naval mine >we stop and appreciate our work while laughing to the point our ribs feel bruised and our eyes have sparkling spots in our vision >as we leave through the kitchen, one kid, Derek, stops and shoots a couple of squirts of pee into her fridge >we run full speed out the back door laughing hysterically >get back to Jay's yard literally the millisecond his mom begins opening the door, car keys in hand >we eat pizza and have fun, laughing about it for hours >there's a cop car at her house when we get back, probably around 9:00 now >mfw they were probably forced to stare down at a bobbing pretzel-studded turd while she told them an insane theory >the police never talk to or told neighbors about the incident >we still laugh at pictures of naval mines and pretzels to this day
Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)16:42:45 No.68465064 Retarded s--- you did as a kid and got away with thread >late afternoon in early summer 1999 or 2000 >group of 4 friends hanging out near one friend's house >his name is Jay >riding our bikes on the nice sidewalks and 253 KB JPG sloped curbs >crazy 50+ish neighbor lady that lives 2 houses down sees us >screams and threatens to call the cops for riding our bikes >yells at us and scares us for 10 min and then speeds away >she has done this to Jay many times before apparently >Jay's mom offers to take all of us to pizza hut in 20 minutes >we're excited out of our minds because we're 10 >one friend, Brandon, announces he has to take a dump before we go >I have an idea >l tell Brandon to take a s--- in the crazy lady's house >he nervously laughs and says no way, but we hear the curiosity in his voice >we all decide Brandon must do it, and offer to help him in his mission >we lean our bikes against Jay's house and sneak over through the back yards >the back door is unlocked >we literally walk into this crazy lady's empty home and laugh outside the bathroom as we hear Brandon's turds splashing into the toilet >we find pretzel rods in her kitchen and shove them into the turd until it looks like a british naval mine >we stop and appreciate our work while laughing to the point our ribs feel bruised and our eyes have sparkling spots in our vision >as we leave through the kitchen, one kid, Derek, stops and shoots a couple of squirts of pee into her fridge >we run full speed out the back door laughing hysterically >get back to Jay's yard literally the millisecond his mom begins opening the door, car keys in hand >we eat pizza and have fun, laughing about it for hours >there's a cop car at her house when we get back, probably around 9:00 now >mfw they were probably forced to stare down at a bobbing pretzel-studded turd while she told them an insane theory >the police never talk to or told neighbors about the incident >we still laugh at pictures of naval mines and pretzels to this day

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Anon makes cyberpunk propaganda | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: OZ7VHXTP) Cyberpunk 05/03/22(Tue)17:34:15 No.375844354 PLAY You'll own motihing 0: Rnd y8iPfi 9 happy you 00 PhotoFunia-1651573080.jpg| 417 KB JPG >Be me >Live in 2022 >Live in Bangkok >Watch the original Blade Runner on VHS while drinking Chang and smoking cheap Chinese cigarettes >Lightbulbabovehead.jpg >This looks familiar >"Hmm, I'm going to make some cyberpunk Imao" >Download footage of the 2022 lockdown in Shanghai, 2019 riots in Hong Kong, and miscellaneous WEF/CCP related dystopian s--- >Mute original sound >Add 80s VHS filter and max out certain hues known to evoke an 80s vibe >Add captions with a low key anti-WEF/CCP narrative >Add vaporwave soundtrack >Post it on Reddit >Tfw normies fall for my cyberpunk propaganda >Trollface.jpg
: Anonymous (ID: OZ7VHXTP) Cyberpunk 05/03/22(Tue)17:34:15 No.375844354 PLAY You'll own motihing 0: Rnd y8iPfi 9 happy you 00 PhotoFunia-1651573080.jpg| 417 KB JPG >Be me >Live in 2022 >Live in Bangkok >Watch the original Blade Runner on VHS while drinking Chang and smoking cheap Chinese cigarettes >Lightbulbabovehead.jpg >This looks familiar >"Hmm, I'm going to make some cyberpunk Imao" >Download footage of the 2022 lockdown in Shanghai, 2019 riots in Hong Kong, and miscellaneous WEF/CCP related dystopian s--- >Mute original sound >Add 80s VHS filter and max out certain hues known to evoke an 80s vibe >Add captions with a low key anti-WEF/CCP narrative >Add vaporwave soundtrack >Post it on Reddit >Tfw normies fall for my cyberpunk propaganda >Trollface.jpg

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Anon makes Pasta | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)22:42:17 No.17788143 >be me >throwing a dinner party for family and friends >decide to make homemade pasta, tomato sauce and meatballs so that 1.26 MB PNG everyone's happy >serve the meal, and like half of the table starts bitching and moaning about how its “too tangy" and "spicy" despite the fact that I didn't put any chili pepper in it at all and the ingredients are just the basic tomato, basil and salt you'd find in tomato sauce. >l end up throwing some Ragu into a pan and serving that with the pasta instead What the f--- is wrong with these people? I make you a fresh and simple home-cooked meal and all you do is bitch about it? even went out of my way to pick a dish that wouldn't offend your man/womanchild asses. That's the last time I try to entertain these f----.
: Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)22:42:17 No.17788143 >be me >throwing a dinner party for family and friends >decide to make homemade pasta, tomato sauce and meatballs so that 1.26 MB PNG everyone's happy >serve the meal, and like half of the table starts bitching and moaning about how its “too tangy" and "spicy" despite the fact that I didn't put any chili pepper in it at all and the ingredients are just the basic tomato, basil and salt you'd find in tomato sauce. >l end up throwing some Ragu into a pan and serving that with the pasta instead What the f--- is wrong with these people? I make you a fresh and simple home-cooked meal and all you do is bitch about it? even went out of my way to pick a dish that wouldn't offend your man/womanchild asses. That's the last time I try to entertain these f----.

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Anon has Autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 05/03/22(Tue)09:23:20 No.167453651 >have a girl over to my place to watch a movie >decide to watch the dark crystal telling her I loved it as a kid >it's a kids movie but also nostalgic so I feel like it's fine >imitate the skeksis throughout the movie saying "MMMMM!" in my best skeksis voice because it's funny and 741 KB JPG nostalgic for me >she goes home and hasn't responded to any texts since What did I do wrong bros?
: Anonymous E 05/03/22(Tue)09:23:20 No.167453651 >have a girl over to my place to watch a movie >decide to watch the dark crystal telling her I loved it as a kid >it's a kids movie but also nostalgic so I feel like it's fine >imitate the skeksis throughout the movie saying "MMMMM!" in my best skeksis voice because it's funny and 741 KB JPG nostalgic for me >she goes home and hasn't responded to any texts since What did I do wrong bros?

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Anon hangs out in a group | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)14:02:27 No.68473631 >be me 8 years ago >be 16 >hanging out with a group of 3 other students that I considered to be my friends I really wanna kill mysell. >they are really close to each other >they start arguing about some school issues we were facing 416 KB PNG >one says "we four are friends and we should take care of each other" >the other replies "we're 4?" >one of them tries to akwardly point at me so the other guy would include me in what he had just said Those were the closest people to me and this incident made me realize that l'm not welcome anywhere.
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)14:02:27 No.68473631 >be me 8 years ago >be 16 >hanging out with a group of 3 other students that I considered to be my friends I really wanna kill mysell. >they are really close to each other >they start arguing about some school issues we were facing 416 KB PNG >one says "we four are friends and we should take care of each other" >the other replies "we're 4?" >one of them tries to akwardly point at me so the other guy would include me in what he had just said Those were the closest people to me and this incident made me realize that l'm not welcome anywhere.

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Anon has something to think about | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)09:11:01 No.877423271 >be me >visit reddit >go to r/ukraine >see people praising azov battalion >aren't redditfags pro left? >w--.exe 14 KB JPG >comment that they use neo-nazi symbols >get downvoted to oblivion, my comment gets removed and I get temporarily banned >mfw >pic related
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)09:11:01 No.877423271 >be me >visit reddit >go to r/ukraine >see people praising azov battalion >aren't redditfags pro left? >w--.exe 14 KB JPG >comment that they use neo-nazi symbols >get downvoted to oblivion, my comment gets removed and I get temporarily banned >mfw >pic related

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