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Anon strikes back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:20:18 No.877454947 >be me >have an extremely jealous gf >tells me she is going clubbing >says maybe some guys will approach >reply with "you mean like thos girl that always approach me?" >she loses her s--- 66 KB JPG >flips out >kek
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:20:18 No.877454947 >be me >have an extremely jealous gf >tells me she is going clubbing >says maybe some guys will approach >reply with "you mean like thos girl that always approach me?" >she loses her s--- 66 KB JPG >flips out >kek

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Anon is eating fries | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >l say "yup" >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" 90 KB PNG >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >l say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.
: Anonymous 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >l say "yup" >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" 90 KB PNG >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >l say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.

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Anon doesn't know. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:11:33 No.68475402 >gf on business trip to Atlanta >got the house to myself, packed on snacks and fridge loaded with craft beer Finally, some time alone for Elden Ring. 76 KB JPG Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:17:25 No.68475485 >>68475402 (OP) >business trip That what she told you? Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)12:08:08 No.68476066 >>68475402 (OP) >>gf on business trip to Atlanta >he doesn't know... Start saving anon. And pray your state didn't ban abortions
Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:11:33 No.68475402 >gf on business trip to Atlanta >got the house to myself, packed on snacks and fridge loaded with craft beer Finally, some time alone for Elden Ring. 76 KB JPG Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)11:17:25 No.68475485 >>68475402 (OP) >business trip That what she told you? Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)12:08:08 No.68476066 >>68475402 (OP) >>gf on business trip to Atlanta >he doesn't know... Start saving anon. And pray your state didn't ban abortions

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Anon likes Bring Me the Horizon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 2 minutes ago 68477534 >doing bench presses >Get trapped under bar during last rep >Yell "HEY SIRI PLAY CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART" >hold weight as I wait for the chorus >Scream along with the song as I do the final rep and save myself https://youtu.be/rg64DKU--88 1 REPLY
Anonymous 2 minutes ago 68477534 >doing bench presses >Get trapped under bar during last rep >Yell "HEY SIRI PLAY CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART" >hold weight as I wait for the chorus >Scream along with the song as I do the final rep and save myself https://youtu.be/rg64DKU--88 1 REPLY

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Anon has basically everything he could ever need | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)16:05:48 No.849094561 >be me >20 years old >good job >financially independent >solid grades in engineering school >9/10 20 year old gf who lets me f--- whenever I want 51 KB JPG >been lifting for 2 years, muscular.jpg >great gaming setup >nice car >my own place >have basically everything I could ever need and want >still want to kill myself >think about ways I could make my death look accidental everywhere I go Is that what adult life is like, anons?
: Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)16:05:48 No.849094561 >be me >20 years old >good job >financially independent >solid grades in engineering school >9/10 20 year old gf who lets me f--- whenever I want 51 KB JPG >been lifting for 2 years, muscular.jpg >great gaming setup >nice car >my own place >have basically everything I could ever need and want >still want to kill myself >think about ways I could make my death look accidental everywhere I go Is that what adult life is like, anons?

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Anon has long hair | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)04:26:54 No.876539631 >be me, tall guy with long hair >in mall yesterday with girl >it's our third date and she's pretty hot >she wants to try on bikinis and see what I think >f--- yeah 29 KB JPG >go into shop and start walking to the changing room area after she grabs a few sets >employee lady stops me and says it's women only >roll my eyes >girl says I identify as a woman sarcastically >employee doesn't pick up on the joke and starts groveling in apologies >tell her it's NOT okay and we proceed to changing room >employee feels bad and gives girl discount on our way out while almost in tears
: Anonymous 04/19/22(Tue)04:26:54 No.876539631 >be me, tall guy with long hair >in mall yesterday with girl >it's our third date and she's pretty hot >she wants to try on bikinis and see what I think >f--- yeah 29 KB JPG >go into shop and start walking to the changing room area after she grabs a few sets >employee lady stops me and says it's women only >roll my eyes >girl says I identify as a woman sarcastically >employee doesn't pick up on the joke and starts groveling in apologies >tell her it's NOT okay and we proceed to changing room >employee feels bad and gives girl discount on our way out while almost in tears

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Anons get revenge on a crazy neighbor lady | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)16:42:45 No.68465064 Retarded s--- you did as a kid and got away with thread >late afternoon in early summer 1999 or 2000 >group of 4 friends hanging out near one friend's house >his name is Jay >riding our bikes on the nice sidewalks and 253 KB JPG sloped curbs >crazy 50+ish neighbor lady that lives 2 houses down sees us >screams and threatens to call the cops for riding our bikes >yells at us and scares us for 10 min and then speeds away >she has done this to Jay many times before apparently >Jay's mom offers to take all of us to pizza hut in 20 minutes >we're excited out of our minds because we're 10 >one friend, Brandon, announces he has to take a dump before we go >I have an idea >l tell Brandon to take a s--- in the crazy lady's house >he nervously laughs and says no way, but we hear the curiosity in his voice >we all decide Brandon must do it, and offer to help him in his mission >we lean our bikes against Jay's house and sneak over through the back yards >the back door is unlocked >we literally walk into this crazy lady's empty home and laugh outside the bathroom as we hear Brandon's turds splashing into the toilet >we find pretzel rods in her kitchen and shove them into the turd until it looks like a british naval mine >we stop and appreciate our work while laughing to the point our ribs feel bruised and our eyes have sparkling spots in our vision >as we leave through the kitchen, one kid, Derek, stops and shoots a couple of squirts of pee into her fridge >we run full speed out the back door laughing hysterically >get back to Jay's yard literally the millisecond his mom begins opening the door, car keys in hand >we eat pizza and have fun, laughing about it for hours >there's a cop car at her house when we get back, probably around 9:00 now >mfw they were probably forced to stare down at a bobbing pretzel-studded turd while she told them an insane theory >the police never talk to or told neighbors about the incident >we still laugh at pictures of naval mines and pretzels to this day
Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)16:42:45 No.68465064 Retarded s--- you did as a kid and got away with thread >late afternoon in early summer 1999 or 2000 >group of 4 friends hanging out near one friend's house >his name is Jay >riding our bikes on the nice sidewalks and 253 KB JPG sloped curbs >crazy 50+ish neighbor lady that lives 2 houses down sees us >screams and threatens to call the cops for riding our bikes >yells at us and scares us for 10 min and then speeds away >she has done this to Jay many times before apparently >Jay's mom offers to take all of us to pizza hut in 20 minutes >we're excited out of our minds because we're 10 >one friend, Brandon, announces he has to take a dump before we go >I have an idea >l tell Brandon to take a s--- in the crazy lady's house >he nervously laughs and says no way, but we hear the curiosity in his voice >we all decide Brandon must do it, and offer to help him in his mission >we lean our bikes against Jay's house and sneak over through the back yards >the back door is unlocked >we literally walk into this crazy lady's empty home and laugh outside the bathroom as we hear Brandon's turds splashing into the toilet >we find pretzel rods in her kitchen and shove them into the turd until it looks like a british naval mine >we stop and appreciate our work while laughing to the point our ribs feel bruised and our eyes have sparkling spots in our vision >as we leave through the kitchen, one kid, Derek, stops and shoots a couple of squirts of pee into her fridge >we run full speed out the back door laughing hysterically >get back to Jay's yard literally the millisecond his mom begins opening the door, car keys in hand >we eat pizza and have fun, laughing about it for hours >there's a cop car at her house when we get back, probably around 9:00 now >mfw they were probably forced to stare down at a bobbing pretzel-studded turd while she told them an insane theory >the police never talk to or told neighbors about the incident >we still laugh at pictures of naval mines and pretzels to this day

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Anon makes cyberpunk propaganda | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: OZ7VHXTP) Cyberpunk 05/03/22(Tue)17:34:15 No.375844354 PLAY You'll own motihing 0: Rnd y8iPfi 9 happy you 00 PhotoFunia-1651573080.jpg| 417 KB JPG >Be me >Live in 2022 >Live in Bangkok >Watch the original Blade Runner on VHS while drinking Chang and smoking cheap Chinese cigarettes >Lightbulbabovehead.jpg >This looks familiar >"Hmm, I'm going to make some cyberpunk Imao" >Download footage of the 2022 lockdown in Shanghai, 2019 riots in Hong Kong, and miscellaneous WEF/CCP related dystopian s--- >Mute original sound >Add 80s VHS filter and max out certain hues known to evoke an 80s vibe >Add captions with a low key anti-WEF/CCP narrative >Add vaporwave soundtrack >Post it on Reddit >Tfw normies fall for my cyberpunk propaganda >Trollface.jpg
: Anonymous (ID: OZ7VHXTP) Cyberpunk 05/03/22(Tue)17:34:15 No.375844354 PLAY You'll own motihing 0: Rnd y8iPfi 9 happy you 00 PhotoFunia-1651573080.jpg| 417 KB JPG >Be me >Live in 2022 >Live in Bangkok >Watch the original Blade Runner on VHS while drinking Chang and smoking cheap Chinese cigarettes >Lightbulbabovehead.jpg >This looks familiar >"Hmm, I'm going to make some cyberpunk Imao" >Download footage of the 2022 lockdown in Shanghai, 2019 riots in Hong Kong, and miscellaneous WEF/CCP related dystopian s--- >Mute original sound >Add 80s VHS filter and max out certain hues known to evoke an 80s vibe >Add captions with a low key anti-WEF/CCP narrative >Add vaporwave soundtrack >Post it on Reddit >Tfw normies fall for my cyberpunk propaganda >Trollface.jpg

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Anon makes Pasta | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)22:42:17 No.17788143 >be me >throwing a dinner party for family and friends >decide to make homemade pasta, tomato sauce and meatballs so that 1.26 MB PNG everyone's happy >serve the meal, and like half of the table starts bitching and moaning about how its “too tangy" and "spicy" despite the fact that I didn't put any chili pepper in it at all and the ingredients are just the basic tomato, basil and salt you'd find in tomato sauce. >l end up throwing some Ragu into a pan and serving that with the pasta instead What the f--- is wrong with these people? I make you a fresh and simple home-cooked meal and all you do is bitch about it? even went out of my way to pick a dish that wouldn't offend your man/womanchild asses. That's the last time I try to entertain these f----.
: Anonymous 05/02/22(Mon)22:42:17 No.17788143 >be me >throwing a dinner party for family and friends >decide to make homemade pasta, tomato sauce and meatballs so that 1.26 MB PNG everyone's happy >serve the meal, and like half of the table starts bitching and moaning about how its “too tangy" and "spicy" despite the fact that I didn't put any chili pepper in it at all and the ingredients are just the basic tomato, basil and salt you'd find in tomato sauce. >l end up throwing some Ragu into a pan and serving that with the pasta instead What the f--- is wrong with these people? I make you a fresh and simple home-cooked meal and all you do is bitch about it? even went out of my way to pick a dish that wouldn't offend your man/womanchild asses. That's the last time I try to entertain these f----.

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Anon has Autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 05/03/22(Tue)09:23:20 No.167453651 >have a girl over to my place to watch a movie >decide to watch the dark crystal telling her I loved it as a kid >it's a kids movie but also nostalgic so I feel like it's fine >imitate the skeksis throughout the movie saying "MMMMM!" in my best skeksis voice because it's funny and 741 KB JPG nostalgic for me >she goes home and hasn't responded to any texts since What did I do wrong bros?
: Anonymous E 05/03/22(Tue)09:23:20 No.167453651 >have a girl over to my place to watch a movie >decide to watch the dark crystal telling her I loved it as a kid >it's a kids movie but also nostalgic so I feel like it's fine >imitate the skeksis throughout the movie saying "MMMMM!" in my best skeksis voice because it's funny and 741 KB JPG nostalgic for me >she goes home and hasn't responded to any texts since What did I do wrong bros?

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Anon hangs out in a group | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)14:02:27 No.68473631 >be me 8 years ago >be 16 >hanging out with a group of 3 other students that I considered to be my friends I really wanna kill mysell. >they are really close to each other >they start arguing about some school issues we were facing 416 KB PNG >one says "we four are friends and we should take care of each other" >the other replies "we're 4?" >one of them tries to akwardly point at me so the other guy would include me in what he had just said Those were the closest people to me and this incident made me realize that l'm not welcome anywhere.
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)14:02:27 No.68473631 >be me 8 years ago >be 16 >hanging out with a group of 3 other students that I considered to be my friends I really wanna kill mysell. >they are really close to each other >they start arguing about some school issues we were facing 416 KB PNG >one says "we four are friends and we should take care of each other" >the other replies "we're 4?" >one of them tries to akwardly point at me so the other guy would include me in what he had just said Those were the closest people to me and this incident made me realize that l'm not welcome anywhere.

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Anon has something to think about | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)09:11:01 No.877423271 >be me >visit reddit >go to r/ukraine >see people praising azov battalion >aren't redditfags pro left? >w--.exe 14 KB JPG >comment that they use neo-nazi symbols >get downvoted to oblivion, my comment gets removed and I get temporarily banned >mfw >pic related
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)09:11:01 No.877423271 >be me >visit reddit >go to r/ukraine >see people praising azov battalion >aren't redditfags pro left? >w--.exe 14 KB JPG >comment that they use neo-nazi symbols >get downvoted to oblivion, my comment gets removed and I get temporarily banned >mfw >pic related

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Anon ran out of banana. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous [*] 02/28/22(Mon)19:22:55 N0.14599946 125 KB PNG WHAT DO YOU MEAN TROOP MORALE IS LOW? GIVE THEM BANANAS!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE RAN OUT OF BANANAS????
Anonymous [*] 02/28/22(Mon)19:22:55 N0.14599946 125 KB PNG WHAT DO YOU MEAN TROOP MORALE IS LOW? GIVE THEM BANANAS!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE RAN OUT OF BANANAS????

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Anon gets a harem | /r/Greentext

04/23/22(Sat)14:29:51 No.68341642 Anonymous University Harem >Be accepted at Uni >File form for student residency >See "for the purpose of placing you, please check your gender:" >Male >Female >Non-binary >Check female, even tho that's not 37 KB PNG true >Apply for the female dorm >Get accepted >Be the only guy in the women's dorm >basically got my own personal harem >it's that simple
04/23/22(Sat)14:29:51 No.68341642 Anonymous University Harem >Be accepted at Uni >File form for student residency >See "for the purpose of placing you, please check your gender:" >Male >Female >Non-binary >Check female, even tho that's not 37 KB PNG true >Apply for the female dorm >Get accepted >Be the only guy in the women's dorm >basically got my own personal harem >it's that simple

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anon takes a shit | /r/Greentext

15m (5/2 21:18) · 877385836 O Re · 0 Img · JPG 18KB · (399 × 399) PICCADILLY CIRCUS WI >12 >at beach >have to s--- >don't want to use disgusting bathroom >go in the water >take a huge s--- >swim back to shore >walk up to family "Anon, why did you just take a s---?" >they know
15m (5/2 21:18) · 877385836 O Re · 0 Img · JPG 18KB · (399 × 399) PICCADILLY CIRCUS WI >12 >at beach >have to s--- >don't want to use disgusting bathroom >go in the water >take a huge s--- >swim back to shore >walk up to family "Anon, why did you just take a s---?" >they know

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Anon finds some blood | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my 384 KB PNG finger in the blood then put it in my mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #
: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my 384 KB PNG finger in the blood then put it in my mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #

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Anon finally figures it out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)18:17:58 No.877433688 >be me >189 cm (6ft2 for amerifags) >not very jacket but fairly excercised >have friends and among them an 8/10 grill i met in highschool >be very close >watched her switch 3 boyfriends over 27 KB JPG the years >always get treated better than most of them (example: many times when i sit next to her she puts my hand on her thigh) >all those boyfriends have complained to her about me but she never changed anything >realise that im the guy she tells you not to worry about >mfw
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)18:17:58 No.877433688 >be me >189 cm (6ft2 for amerifags) >not very jacket but fairly excercised >have friends and among them an 8/10 grill i met in highschool >be very close >watched her switch 3 boyfriends over 27 KB JPG the years >always get treated better than most of them (example: many times when i sit next to her she puts my hand on her thigh) >all those boyfriends have complained to her about me but she never changed anything >realise that im the guy she tells you not to worry about >mfw

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King of the hill | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/03/21(Fri)07:38:35 No.63332073 >>63331811 >be me >trying to set PR around some 5-ish k lap around where I live >running like a madman >but I might have overdone the pace >last uphill section coming up >cannot keep up, knees weak, arms spaghetty >halfway up the hill is a mother with her toddler coming down >decide that once I'm past them, l'll stop and walk the rest of the way up >don't wanna show signs of weak legs to complete strangers. As one does. >as I'm trying to jellyleg my way up past them, toddfer notices me >"Go, go, go!" The lil' fella shouts at me >engage overdrive >increase tempo and blast up the rest of the hill >my legs substained by the cheers of toddler >complete the run home to make it PR Thanks lil fren
O Anonymous 09/03/21(Fri)07:38:35 No.63332073 >>63331811 >be me >trying to set PR around some 5-ish k lap around where I live >running like a madman >but I might have overdone the pace >last uphill section coming up >cannot keep up, knees weak, arms spaghetty >halfway up the hill is a mother with her toddler coming down >decide that once I'm past them, l'll stop and walk the rest of the way up >don't wanna show signs of weak legs to complete strangers. As one does. >as I'm trying to jellyleg my way up past them, toddfer notices me >"Go, go, go!" The lil' fella shouts at me >engage overdrive >increase tempo and blast up the rest of the hill >my legs substained by the cheers of toddler >complete the run home to make it PR Thanks lil fren

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Anon wants to commit die | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21 (Mon)19:26:15 No.864396347 hqdefault.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me. >Continue to live
: Anonymous 10/04/21 (Mon)19:26:15 No.864396347 hqdefault.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me >thinking of killing myself >realise if I kill myself then nikado avocado will have outlived me. >Continue to live

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Anon is a Pedo | /r/Greentext

File: 3gnqzq.png (185 KB, 600x600) I'm a disgusting p------------ that doesn't deserve to exist Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)05:13:48 No.68469585 [Reply] >>68469943 >>68470898 >be me >13 >Have a happy childhood, loving parents, lots of friends >enter puberty >have first crush on a girl my age >so far, nothing out of the ordinary. Normal teen developing sexuality >don't have feelings for girls over my age but assume it will appear as I get older >2 years pass. So far, things are normal >but then start to notice that the girls l'm attracted to aren't aging with me >worse, they seem to get younger >immediately a worrying thought pops up in my head >"Am I a P--------?" >instantly, I push that thought away >"Pedophiles are the lowest sects of society, I do not want to be part of that group" >hope it's just a phase and that I will somehow find adults sexy over time >a year pass >2 years pass >3 years pass >about to f------ graduate High School and I still can't find adults sexy >by this point there was no denying >l begin to panic >l do everything I can to make myself normal >try to j------- to adult p---, both straight and gay >still nothing >l even dated a woman, hoping this would make me normal >doesn't work out and we eventually break up >as a last desperate attempt, I google "how to cure p---------" >results say it cannot be cured, that it's hard-wired into the brain >start becoming heavily depressed >attempt suicide multiple times >people notice my depression and ask me what's wrong >what the f--- do I tell them >go to a psychiatrist, tell him I want to chemically castrate myself >don't give a s--- if it'll give me Man Boobs, better that being a p*do >tells me he can't do that because it's too risky >l'm 23 now >still can't find girl my age attractive >can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore My hope is that l'll die from something so that l'll walk up to God and beat the ever living s--- out of him for making me like this. 9 replies and 4 images omitted. Click here to view.
File: 3gnqzq.png (185 KB, 600x600) I'm a disgusting p------------ that doesn't deserve to exist Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)05:13:48 No.68469585 [Reply] >>68469943 >>68470898 >be me >13 >Have a happy childhood, loving parents, lots of friends >enter puberty >have first crush on a girl my age >so far, nothing out of the ordinary. Normal teen developing sexuality >don't have feelings for girls over my age but assume it will appear as I get older >2 years pass. So far, things are normal >but then start to notice that the girls l'm attracted to aren't aging with me >worse, they seem to get younger >immediately a worrying thought pops up in my head >"Am I a P--------?" >instantly, I push that thought away >"Pedophiles are the lowest sects of society, I do not want to be part of that group" >hope it's just a phase and that I will somehow find adults sexy over time >a year pass >2 years pass >3 years pass >about to f------ graduate High School and I still can't find adults sexy >by this point there was no denying >l begin to panic >l do everything I can to make myself normal >try to j------- to adult p---, both straight and gay >still nothing >l even dated a woman, hoping this would make me normal >doesn't work out and we eventually break up >as a last desperate attempt, I google "how to cure p---------" >results say it cannot be cured, that it's hard-wired into the brain >start becoming heavily depressed >attempt suicide multiple times >people notice my depression and ask me what's wrong >what the f--- do I tell them >go to a psychiatrist, tell him I want to chemically castrate myself >don't give a s--- if it'll give me Man Boobs, better that being a p*do >tells me he can't do that because it's too risky >l'm 23 now >still can't find girl my age attractive >can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore My hope is that l'll die from something so that l'll walk up to God and beat the ever living s--- out of him for making me like this. 9 replies and 4 images omitted. Click here to view.

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